Chapter 24
BAILEY
“I told you that you’d hurt him. You’re sick, Bailey.
Look what you’ve done; he’s lying there tied up and the fire’s coming.
Why would you do that to him when you said you loved him?
Maybe you’re incapable of love … he’s going to die, and it’s all your fault.
” Hands curl around my wrists, holding me down.
“Are you ready for your punishment, little mouse?”
There’s a yell in the distance, drawing my attention away from Shane. Two warm hands wrap around my body, pulling me against a solid chest. I almost break the surface of consciousness. Heart racing, I try to shake whoever it is off, dragging myself to the edge of the bed.
Shane lied to you.
No, he didn't. He tried to make me better.
He tried to control you by fucking with your head.
He—he was trying to fix me.
You never needed fixing.
“Bailey, wake up!”
Everything starts to come back to me. The arms surrounding me are thick and strong, and the body that’s curved around my back and thighs is larger than mine.
I breathe in deeply, and I’m hit with a burst of amber and sandalwood.
Something familiar lingers beneath it, something fresh and a little salty.
I wonder if this is what it’s like to be held by the sea.
Slowly opening my eyes, I look down to see two hands pressed against my chest. Dark hairs on tanned forearms, and veins that fork up from the wrist. I focus on them and blow out a shaky breath.
“Shh, it’s fine. I think you had a nightmare.”
I cling to Teddy’s arms. “It wasn’t me? I didn’t hurt you?” I whisper, voice cracking.
He shifts closer, squeezing me tighter. “It wasn’t you. You didn’t hurt me, Bay.”
I’m struggling to process everything that Shane did to me. He lied to me for years and made me believe I was going crazy, just so he could …
“My head is fucked,” I mutter.
“I know, maybe you shouldn’t go to work today. Just take one more day—”
“No. I need to go to work so I can sort everything out for Jake,” I say, pushing his arms away so I can get out of bed.
I’m feeling restless all of a sudden, like I need to be moving …
need to be doing something. “I can’t sit in this house for another day, thinking about everything.
We should head back to Skye once I’m done.
” I look over at Teddy. He’s lying on his back with one knee up, rubbing his face.
“Fine,” he huffs, throwing the duvet off.
He gets up to gather his clothes, and I suck in a breath, choking on air as he bends down, presenting his arse to me.
Two perfectly firm globes stretch the cotton of his briefs.
My gaze trails over his body, from his broad back down to his thick thighs, then back up again.
He looks over his shoulder, and I quickly turn my back to him, my cheeks burning.
I quickly get dressed, then lead the way downstairs.
“I’ll be gone for a couple of hours,” I say as I pour hot water into my travel mug.
“I’m coming with you.”
“Why?”
“Because, Bailey.” He shoves his feet into his boots, then stands by the door, waiting.
I hate that my brain tries to trick me into thinking this is the same as when we were kids.
We were inseparable for the whole two years we had together; it was easy, and we were happy that way.
But this isn’t the same. This isn’t him wanting to be near me because he likes me.
I can see it in how he stands—rigid, tapping his fingers against his thumb.
He’s anxious about me … or for me. Maybe both.
Either way, I don’t like it. I’ve survived years without him.
I have methods to regulate myself; I have Noah, and I have a therapist. I don’t want him fussing over me like I’m breakable.
But then I think about how he held on to me while we were in bed, and that didn’t feel so bad.
It felt more familiar than anything else in the past two days, his body curled around mine, warm and strong.
I shake my head; there’s no point in thinking about him that way.
We’ll soon be heading back to Skye for the wedding, then I’ll come back to Cumbria and he’ll stay there.
“Come on then,” I say, giving in all too easily.
The headlights coming toward us become more and more infrequent the further into the Highlands we get. With the sun setting behind the Munros, shadows jump across the landscape, making my head spin. I try to close my eyes, but the motion of the car makes my stomach churn.
Shane comes to my side and places a hand on my ribs. “Just a little something to remind you of who will always be there for you, even when everyone else turns their back.”
“Pull over, please,” I beg, already opening the passenger door.
Teddy slams on the brakes, and the seatbelt pulling tight across my stomach is the final straw. One hand over my mouth, I unbuckle myself and jump out of the car, spilling the contents of my stomach over the tarmac. A hand touches me as I hunch over, and my spine jars as I flinch away from it.
“You okay?” Teddy asks, rubbing circles on my back.
I focus on the heat of his palm and count his fingers as they push into my skin. I nod, trying to stand upright again, but the blood rushes to my head, and I collapse to the side, right into Teddy. He catches me and lowers me back to the ground, then goes back to the car.
I close my eyes, unable to stop thinking about Shane.
The relief of knowing I hadn’t hurt Teddy was stripped away with the realisation that Shane had manipulated me.
The monster I thought lingered inside me turned out to be a monster I’d lived alongside for years, instead.
It didn’t matter that I’d been in therapy for the past five years, discussing how my mum hated me and my step father had raped me, when I’d never realised Shane was the catalyst for my trauma.
Teddy nudges my shoulder, handing me a bottle of mouthwash.
I take a swig, then spit it onto the ground.
He’s messed with my head too, Teddy. All that aggression and hostility he held because he thought I’d hurt him—replaced with this need to look after me—is giving me whiplash.
Two days alone with him is all it took to throw my world out of balance.
It’s like my mind is a ball of wool that’s been rolling around for years, tying itself into more and more knots.
I can’t even find the end to know where to begin untangling it.
It’s hard to believe Shane had tricked me into thinking I’d done all those bad things when I felt like I had.
It’s making me doubt everything I thought I knew about myself.
“I know it’s been a lot, the last two days. But when we get back to Skye, you’ll—you’ll at least have Noah there to help you,” Teddy says through clenched teeth.
I look up at him, noticing he’s scowling. “Do you not like Noah?”
“Why would I not like Noah?”
“I don’t know—that’s why I’m asking. It sounded like you didn’t like the idea of Noah helping me. Maybe I misunderstood—”
“Are you in a relationship with him?”
What?
“Noah’s my best friend.”
“I was also your best friend.”
“Excuse me,” I say, voice low and measured. “That’s completely different.”
“His things were in your bedroom—” He turns away sharply, growling to himself. “Never mind, it doesn’t matter.”
I watch, open mouthed, as he storms back to the car, slamming the door shut behind him.
Yes, it does matter. There’s never been anything but friendship with Noah—he’s like a brother to me. I push to my feet and get in the car.
“Sorry,” Teddy mutters as he starts the engine.
“It’s different because I fell in love with you,” I say bluntly. Teddy keeps his eyes on the road, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth.
“Noah and I both struggled with nightmares for years. When I moved in with him and Jake, I’d cry out in my sleep, and I’d wake up to find him in my bed.
He isn’t big on affection, but he didn’t like being alone when he slept, and I think he wanted to be close to me when I was going through that.
We still share a bed most nights; it’s not sexual at all. A little co-dependent, maybe …”
Teddy releases his lip, glancing at me, looking abashed. “I didn’t mean to be …” He sighs and rubs his face. “I have nightmares too, ever since that night—they come and go. Sometimes I can go a few months with none, and then I’ll have a whole week of no sleep where I’m scared to close my eyes.”
Guilt eats away at me. “Sorry,” I whisper, looking out the window.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. It was Shane.”
“If I hadn’t been determined to get to know you, then Shane never would have hurt you. It’s my fault that I stayed with you for so long.”
“It doesn’t matter whether you chose to stay with me or not. I would have kept chasing you because it’s what I wanted too, Bay. No one forced me to fall in love with you.”
Tears sting my eyes, and I wipe them on my sleeve.
“Are you still in contact with him?” Teddy asks.
“No. The night I ran away, he—he hurt me even though I hadn’t done anything wrong. I went home to get some money I’d hidden in my room, and Dean found me.” I keep staring out the window, finding it easier to say all of this without having to look at him. “He tied me to my bed and raped me.”
The car swerves violently, and I grip the door handle. My head whips around to look at Teddy, his mouth hangs open as he watches the road, knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel tightly. “Fuck,” he says, catching his breath.
“Don’t do that again.” I demand as I rub my chest.
I watch him swallow and glance over at me. “Go on.”
“Shane came into my room not long after. He said that I dumped you, then willingly fucked Dean for a-attention.”
I barely notice the car stopping as Teddy pulls over.
The tears are flowing freely down my cheeks, and my vision is too blurry to focus on anything.
“He said it’s a good thing I dumped you, because you wouldn’t want to know what I’d just done.
Then he tied me to the bed and injected me with something that put me to sleep.
” My chest heaves at the memory of it all.
How scared I was. How desperately I needed Teddy.
“I woke up and my back was messed up again. I managed to get out, and tried to find you, but you’d already gone. ”
The sound of his door opening makes me jump. Then he throws my door wide and leans over, unclipping my seatbelt, pulling me out of the car. He holds me tight as I break against him, hands fisting his jumper as he kisses my head.
“None of that was your fault, Bay. Your brother is sick, and your stepfather … you didn’t deserve any of that, and I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t realise what was going on.”
“I told them no, but they didn’t listen,” I sob with my face buried against Teddy’s neck.
“I know. Fuck, I know, Bay, but you’re safe here. They can’t get you, and I’m not going anywhere. I won't let you go again, I swear.”
Time slips by as we lean against the car wrapped in each other's arms. I pull away from him, sniffing. “It’s getting late. I just want to get back to yours.”
Once back on the road, I keep drifting in and out of sleep. I’m not sure how Teddy is staying awake, but the next time I look out the window, I can see we’re approaching the Skye Bridge. My phone vibrates, and I see a message from Noah.
Noah
Are you staying home another night or coming back here?
Me
We’re coming back to Skye. About an hour away.
Noah
In one piece?
Me
Yes, both in one piece. We’ve made up … I think
Noah
Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow then
Me
Why tomorrow?
Noah
I’ve been staying at Robbie’s
“What?” I say out loud.
“What?” Teddy asks immediately.
“Noah’s apparently been staying at Robbie’s.”
Teddy groans, and I go back to texting.
Me
Why are you at Robbie’s?
Noah
You and Jake abandoned me and I didn’t want to sleep in that cottage all on my own. Robbie invited me to his for some drinks, and let me stay over the last couple of nights.
“Apparently Jake has disappeared, and Noah didn’t want to be in the house on his own,” I tell Teddy. I don’t have the energy to message Jake and find out what he’s been up to for the past two days.
“So my house is currently unoccupied?” Teddy asks.
“I guess so …”
“Good.”