Chapter 25
THEO
My phone alarm pulls me from a deep sleep, and I throw my arm out to stop the damn thing. The room goes silent, but there’s no chance of me falling back asleep; all I can think about is Bailey.
I roll over to find him staring back at me, wide eyed. “Morning,” I say, voice rough from sleep.
“Morning,” he mutters.
It didn’t take any persuading for him to share a bed again last night. We got in at around eleven and were both so exhausted that we headed straight to my bed, passing out pretty much straight away.
The morning light drapes over Bailey, making his hair lighter and his freckles stand out. I realise I’ve missed this far too much. Even though he’s right here with me, it’s not the same as it used to be. There’s an ocean between us, and I have no idea how to navigate it.
“We have a wedding to get ready for,” I say, hating to end this moment, but time is against us. He nods, not saying a word or making any effort to move.
“Five minutes?” I say, and he nods again.
I reach out for him and he shuffles forwards until we’re chest to chest. Since the truth has come out, I’m struggling to keep my hands off him.
Feeling fiercely protective, just like I did when we were kids, I want to wrap him up in my arms and never let him go.
But I don’t deserve to be that for him. I left him when he needed me most.
“Teddy?” he says, nuzzling under my chin.
“Yeah?”
“Stop worrying, please.”
I huff and push my cheek against his soft hair. “I can’t help it.”
“I know.”
I let go of him reluctantly, getting up and pulling my suit bag from the wardrobe. Bailey does the same, then we take turns showering and getting dressed in jeans, so that we can change into our suits at the farmhouse later. Before I know it, we’re out the door and on our way.
Breakfast is in full swing by the time we get to the farmhouse. Gran greets us with a smile, pushing bowls of porridge into our hands, corralling us into the dining room.
“There’s my boy,” Ma stands up and rushes over, giving me only a second to put my bowl down before she wraps her arms around me. “We got here yesterday and then found out you were in Cumbria of all places.”
“Hey, Ma. There was something I needed to deal with,” I say, nodding to Bailey.
When she pulls away, she looks behind me and squints. “Bailey?” she gasps, pushing me to the side.
“Hey, Ellen,” he breathes.
Ma looks back at me, and I can see the hesitation in her eyes.
“It’s alright, we’ve made up.”
She barely waits a second before pulling Bailey into a tight hug, cooing over him, saying how long it’s been and how big he’s gotten.
I take a seat next to Da and leave them to it.
“This is a surprise,” he says.
Frowning, I drag my eyes away from Bailey. “You never told me he showed up the day I left.”
He coughs awkwardly, taking off his glasses and cleaning them on his jumper. “I didn’t say anything at the time because you left in such a hurry; I was worried something bad had happened between the two of you.”
Something bad did happen. Not that I’d ever tell him that.
“I heard that he ran away shortly after you left. No one knew where he’d gone, and his phone kept going through to voicemail when we tried to get hold of him.
Your mother tried to talk to his mum, but she said, ‘Good riddance,’ or something to that effect,” he mutters under his breath so Bailey can’t hear.
“When you never mentioned him again, I just—I didn’t think you’d want to know that he’d moved away. ”
Well, he’s right. If I had known Bailey moved north, my paranoia would have been much worse.
But then, if I’d stayed. If I’d confronted him about that night as soon as I’d got myself free, then maybe I would have—no.
Staying was never an option. Shane made sure the message got through.
If I didn’t leave, he wouldn’t have left me the option to free myself next time.
And I’m certain there would have been a next time.
It hurts, though, knowing I left Bailey with him.
“I never told you before, but when you left, your mother was heartbroken, Theo. Understandable, considering her eighteen-year-old son buggered off without even a goodbye. But it wasn’t just you she lost.” He nods to Bailey, and I turn to look at him, chest tightening.
Ma is cupping Bailey’s face so firmly that his freckled cheeks are smooshed.
“She loved him too, you know. We both did. So it was hard when he ran away. I told him he could stay with us, but he left anyway. Your Ma filed a missing person report. It took a while, but they did tell us he was safe and well. They just couldn’t tell us where he was.”
“Really?” I ask, feeling warm all of a sudden.
I never thought about the effect all this had on my parents.
I’d been scolded for leaving so suddenly by Ma, but I didn’t think about Bailey being taken from them as well—all because of Shane.
I grip my spoon so tight it hurts my fingers.
Bailey lifts his head, and our eyes meet.
I hold his stare and bury the anger enough that I’m able to give him a soft smile.
His lips turn up at the corners before he turns his attention back to Ma.
The way my chest aches for him, I realise all the feelings I’d buried are surfacing again.
For the first time in years, I’m feeling something.
I don’t just want things to be alright between us.
I want to get on my knees and beg for his forgiveness.
I want him to tell me everything will be alright.
And even though I don’t deserve it, I want him back.