Chapter 26
THEO
“Hey, Grumpy,” Isla calls out as I walk into my grandparents bedroom.
I can’t see her face through the veil of bright copper waves.
It takes a moment to realise she’s tilting her head, trying to plait her own hair, blindly shoving bobby pins in as she weaves it in and out. I sit on bed, watching her struggle.
Just a week ago I was desperate for the wedding to hurry up and be over so that Bailey would leave, but now I’m wishing for everything to slow down. After today, there’s nothing keeping him here, and I’m running out of time to make things right.
“Seriously, breathe louder, Theo. I almost forgot you were there.”
I frown at the sarcastic bitch. “Come here, let me do it for you,” I say, grabbing her hand to take the pins. “It’s painful watching you try to do it yourself.”
Isla huffs and pulls the rest of the bobby pins out, then shakes her hair out. I wiggle my finger in a circle at her. She turns her back to me, and I set about combing out the knots she made.
“You okay?” she asks.
I hum in response.
“Did you manage to sort things out with Bailey? You seem to be getting close again.”
“What? What makes you say that?” I mutter.
She sighs. “Really, Theo? There are no secrets on this farm. I know that Noah’s been shacking up with Robbie, and Jake has been staying with Luke.”
“He—what? Why’s Jake been staying with Luke?”
“I don’t know why. I just know that you and Bailey were all alone in your house last night.” She looks at me in the mirror, waiting for an answer. “So … did something happen?”
“You’re a nosey bitch, you know that.”
“Excuse me!” she splutters. “I was rooting for the two of you! I think I have the right to know how it’s going.”
“That’s really not helping your case,” I say, pushing a bobby pin into her hair, jabbing her in the head accidentally on purpose.
“Bloody hell, Theo!” she yells, rubbing the sore spot.
There’s a moment’s silence, and I gather my thoughts, wondering how much I can tell her. Nothing’s changed. I don’t want anyone knowing what happened to me, especially since telling Bailey felt like it hit a raw nerve.
“We became best friends shortly after I moved to Surrey,” I say.
“Feelings developed between us … naturally, I guess. I realised I liked him more than a friend, and that he felt the same way. He had a shitty home life; his mum hated him and drank a lot—” I swallow, realising now that his mother was the least of his problems. I struggle to get the next bit out.
“Something happened, and I blamed Bailey. I left him without warning. Ran away and never looked back. Then spent the last twelve years despising him.”
“That’s … a lot.”
“So when I saw him again the other week—”
“You thought you’d punch first, talk later, like the logical man you are.”
“Actually, my first thought was to kill him, so I’d say I was thinking somewhat logically when I clocked him in the jaw instead. Are you listening or judging?” I ask her.
“Always both,” she replies instantly.
I roll my eyes and continue. “We talked about everything when we were at his, and I realised that I’d been blaming him for something he didn’t do all these years.”
“Who did it then? Whatever this ‘it’ is.”
“He has a twin brother.”
She gasps and turns her head so quickly, I lose grip on the plait. “Isla, for fuck’s sake.”
“Sorry. But you said he has a twin. I didn’t know that—I don’t think Richard even knows that. What the hell?” She turns back again and stays still as I finish the plait. “And you’re not going to tell me what happened?”
“Nope.” Not yet, anyway. Maybe one day …
She lets it rest and looks at herself in the mirror. “Hey, you did a great job!”
“Yeah, well it’s hard to forget when you used to make me do it any time we sat down to watch cartoons.”
She huffs. “You say that like you hated it, when we both know it’s the only way you’d sit still long enough to watch the whole thing.”
She’s got me there.
“So where are you now?” she asks, turning to face me.
“What do you mean?”
“Do you still like him?”
The question drops between us, growing bigger and bigger until it sucks all the oxygen from the room.
I can’t explain how or why I still do. I haven’t felt this way in so long, but it feels easy with him.
Like I don’t have to get to know him, or learn to trust him again from scratch.
The ghost of all those feelings is still inside me.
As soon as I realised I was safe to be close to him again, the wall that I’d built to protect myself crumbled completely.
“Yeah,” I murmur, avoiding eye contact. “I still like him.”
I sit to the left of the aisle, next to my parents, watching Isla with her hand in Richard’s at the front of the church.
He’s sliding the ring onto her finger, and I try to pay attention but my eyes keep wandering to my right.
Bailey’s sitting just across the aisle from me, dressed in a fitted black suit, with his hair tied up into a neat bun, showing off his long, slender neck.
He turns and catches my eye, cheeks turning pink when he notices me staring.
He quickly looks back to Isla and Richard.
Reluctantly I do the same, tuning in just as they finish making their vows, then join everyone standing up, clapping and cheering as they leave the church.
Guests start spilling out into the aisle to follow them, and I let Bailey go first, my gaze sweeping down the length of his back to his arse, watching as it jiggles slightly in his tight trousers with every step he takes.
“What are you doing?” Rob appears out of nowhere, pressing himself right up against me, drawing my attention away from Bailey.
“I’m just walking.”
“Looked to me like you were checking out your ex-boyfriend’s arse,” he says quietly so only I can hear him.
“You shut up and mind your own business. What have you been doing with Noah?”
He grins at me and shrugs. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
No, actually I would not like to know. Robbie has fucked his way through this island and now he’s apparently determined to conquer England too.
When we get back to the farm, I’m dragged and pulled about as the photographer gets every pairing possible of the guests. My jaw is sore from smiling by the time we finish, and my stomach grumbles, demanding attention.
I head into the barn, finding my name card and sitting down at the table, waiting for the rest of the guests.
Bailey comes and sits next to me, and Ma takes her seat next to him, much to her delight.
She spends the entire meal chatting his ear off, asking him what he’s been up to since moving away from Surrey.
I sit quietly and listen to them talk easily with one another.
Bailey explains how Jake helped him by giving him a job and supporting him while he did a part-time degree in horticulture, and that when he finished, he and Noah spent a year travelling in South America.
Ma gasps when he tells her they did the Inca Trail in Peru.
He’s had a whole life without me. Memories we could have shared, ripped away, all because his brother wanted me as far away as possible.
The room fades away, and I only have eyes for Bailey.
Staring at his profile, I watch his lips curve up into a genuine smile when Ma tells him how adventurous he is compared to me.
At some point, my hand slips under the table and grabs his knee. He jumps at the contact and looks down at his lap, then up at me. I look away as I move my hand to his thigh and squeeze.
“You okay?” Ma asks him.
“Y-yes, sorry I missed the question.” He relaxes his thigh, and doesn’t push me away.
“I asked when you’re going back to Cumbria? I don’t think I’m quite ready to say goodbye.”
You and me both, Ma.
“We have one more week here, then unfortunately, it’s back to the grind.”
Isla’s Da stands up at the head table and taps a knife gently against his champagne glass, drawing our attention.
He starts off the speeches, but I quickly tune him out when I feel Bailey lay his hand over mine.
I spread my fingers wide, my breath catching in my throat when he doesn’t hesitate to slide his between them.
I can’t hear a thing. Can’t see anyone but him.
There’s just his hand in mine, and something too big for words pulsing between us.
Bailey stiffens, squeezing my hand a little tighter, snapping me out of my daze. When I focus on the head table again, I notice Richard’s in the middle of his speech.
“... I wish Mum could have met Isla.” He reaches down, and Isla grabs his hand, kissing the back of it.
Richard’s voice wavers slightly, and he smiles at his dad before continuing.
“And I wish that Jamie could have stood behind me with Noah as a groomsman. This has been the hardest yet happiest day of my life, and I believe that somehow they were here with us—”
I don’t hear the rest, because my attention is drawn to Noah.
He stands up suddenly and storms out of the barn.
Bailey untangles his hand from mine and slips out of his chair to rush after him.
I stare at the door, waiting for them to come back, but eventually the speeches are finished and the food is cleared away.
The band sets up on the stage, and the first dance is about to begin—there’s still no sign of Bailey.
“Theo?” Emmy tugs on my shirt as I dance with her little feet on my shoes. I haven’t seen my cousin Joy’s kid since she was a shy little three-year-old. Now she’s an eight-year-old with attitude, demanding dances from me—we’re already on our third.
“What’s up, Ems?” Looking down at her, I notice a frown wrinkling her forehead.
She looks to the right, and when I follow her line of sight, I realise she’s staring at Bailey.
I hadn’t noticed him coming back into the barn, but he’s there, dancing with Noah.
My chest tightens when Bailey grins at him, one hand on his hip.
I have to restrain myself from holding Emmy tighter as my whole body tenses.
“Why does … um, what’s his name?” she asks, pointing to Bailey. “That blonde man, he called you Teddy earlier, but your name is Theo.” She scowls as though Bailey has personally offended her by giving me a nickname she wasn’t privy to.
I chuckle at her indignation. “I’ve known him a very long time. He’s just always called me Teddy.” My head snaps back to him. Something clicking into place. He’d insisted on calling me Teddy because everyone else called me Theo. He didn’t want to be just anyone to me.
And he isn’t.
Fuck, he’d been everything to me. The last few days, I’ve barely stopped thinking about him, and I feel like I’m right back where I started, when I realised there was something more between us.
“I need to go, Ems. Gotta cut the dance short, sorry.” I give her one last dramatic twirl in the air and place her feet back on the ground, then I’m pushing through the other guests, making my way towards Bailey and Noah.
“Mind if I cut in?” I ask, placing a hand on Noah’s shoulder. He startles, looking up at me, then rolls his eyes and nods, stepping away.
Before he can get too far, Robbie sweeps in from nowhere, scooping him into his arms. Noah doesn’t protest, and I notice the moment his body relaxes as they slowly dance together, putting space between us.
I breathe out, trying to steel myself. Bailey’s rigid by the time I’m standing chest to chest with him. I put one hand on his hip, pulling him into me, the other clasps his hand, and he responds by placing his free hand on my bicep, squeezing slightly.
“Hey,” he says awkwardly.
“Hey.”
“What’s going on?” he asks, breath hitching.
“Am I not allowed to want to dance with you?”
“That depends.”
“On what?” I ask, swaying to the music.
“On whether you actually want to, or whether you’re just trying to keep an eye on me.”
I frown at that. Is that what he thinks I’ve been doing? “If I wanted to keep an eye on you, I could have done that from over there,” I say, nodding to the tables.
“Then why?” He looks off to the side. Just like he used to when he was anxious about my intentions.
“Look at me.”
Slowly, he meets my eyes again, brows creased with concern.
I stop moving and cup his face, eyes flicking down to his lips, then back up again.
His eyes blow wide and I think he realises what I’m about to do, but I wait a moment, giving him the chance to pull away.
Then I lean forward so our lips are barely touching and whisper, “I’ve missed you, mo leannan. ”