Chapter 39
My house is as quiet as a morgue at midnight. The housekeeper came by every week to dust and gather the mail, so at least the place is spic and span. But after living with Pearl in that tiny trailer and fixing up the cabin for her, my house seems empty and depressing.
I lie on my bed, arms flopped out wide, trying to think of what to do. How can I prove that I really love Pearl when I am actively trying to sell her Aunt Delta”s land and profit wildly?
I don”t know. The ceiling fan turns above my head and I try to count its lazy revolutions. I lose count after fifteen and close my eyes with a sigh.
Pearl seemed very done with me yesterday. Will she still be angry and disappointed in me today?
The doorbell chimes and I sit up. My heart begins to pound. There”s no time like the present to figure out if I”ve completely fucked up my life or not.
When I open the door, Pearl is standing there, looking vexed. Seeing her feels like taking a Valium. It’s near immediate relief and relaxation, even though that’s not really appropriate for the circumstances.
Pearl thrusts a small duffel bag at me and it hits me squarely in the solar plexus. I grunt; the wind is knocked out of me and for a few seconds, I breathe funny.
”The T-shirt you insisted you need is in the bag. So is everything else you left at my place.” Pearl crosses her arms.
Leaning out the door, I look both ways, checking for my neighbors. No one is hanging around, but I still beckon her inside.
”Come in. Let”s not give the neighbors anything to gossip about.”
Pearl rolls her eyes but steps in the door. ”What more is there to say?” she asks, her tone aggravated.
Closing the door, I head to the kitchen. There”s no food in the fridge, but at least I can have coffee. ”Let”s just sit down and talk this through.”
I grab a stool and the kitchen bar and pull it out for her. She looks at me with an unreadable expression and crosses her arms. ”You”re awfully calm about all of this.”
”I”m a problem solver, not one to dwell on things.” I sit down and push a coffee mug toward her. She shakes her head.
”I”m not staying that long.”
”Pearl. Come on, please.”
Her mahogany eyes pin me in place. ”No. You lost the right to ask me for things when you fucked me over.”
Pushing out my cheek with my tongue, I heave a sigh. ”I”m sorry that you”re caught up in this. Okay? I am. I love you more than I”ve ever loved anyone.”
”And yet you”re still going to try to sell our land out from underneath us!”
I wince. ”It”s not my fault that Aunt Delta hasn”t paid her property taxes in years. At least I care what happens to your family. Most land developers don”t.”
”Most land developers don”t cook up a lame excuse to try to date the beneficiary and agree to give her a baby, either.” She tenses her jaw. ”I can”t believe I fell for you, River Taylor. You”re going to destroy me.”
”Pearl...” I reach out for her.
Fire sparks in her eyes as she steps back. Rage flares on her face. ”You don”t get it, do you? I don”t want you. I could never want someone who lied to me like you did for months and months about something so big. It”s unforgivable.”
Her words echo in my head. Unforgivable. Is that true?
”I’m sorry that I deceived you. Really, Pearl. I can’t change the fact that you eventually will be forced to move, one way or another. But I love you. I need you in my life. I’m begging.”
Pearl’s eyes mist up.
“How can I forgive you? How can a trust you ever again?”
The emotion in her voice skewers me. I can’t give her up. I won’t.
”It would take some time to rebuild trust. I’m not saying that it’ll be easy. But you have already taken risks. It”s almost crazy to think that we could just sign a contract and bring a baby into this world with no repercussions. That’s a risk in itself.”
She swallows hard. ”It was risky. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. But I do know that you can’t build a relationship off of sex. And without trust? That’s the only thing between us.”
”Pearl…” Her words are braking my damn heart. “Don’t leave. Please.”
She shakes her head slowly. She turns on her heel and marches out of the room.
I watch her leave in silence. When the front door slams, I feel a gnawing emptiness in the middle of my being, threatening to eat me alive.