34. West
CHAPTER 34
WEST
Her eyes widen in relief. “Yes, please. Will you?”
“I’ll stay all night.” She has two couches in the adjoining living room. They’re not long enough, but being uncomfortable will be a small price to pay if it means she’ll feel better. And it’ll damn sure make me feel better too to know she’s not alone in here. That she’s not crying.
“Thank you. If you’re… if you’re okay with it.” Her hand tightens around mine. “The bed is big.”
The bed .
She wants to share the bed.
It takes me a moment to find the words. “Sweetheart, you know me well enough by now to know I never do anything I don’t want to do,” I say. “I’ll take the side closest to the window. Will that make you feel better?”
She smiles. It’s a tiny thing, but it’s real. “Yes. You’re annoyingly honest. I never have to worry about bothering you.”
I think of Rafe. Of the regular calls I have with him to check in about her security. Honest is the last thing I’m being. “Are you tired?”
She nods, her hand still in mine. “I’ve never slept in the same bed as a guy before.”
Shit. Of course she hasn’t. “Consider it a lesson.”
“A lesson,” she says, and maybe it was the wrong thing to say, the wrong thing to offer, but then her smile widens. “Okay, that’s good. Distract me.”
“I can do that.” I brush her hair back. “Go get ready for bed. I won’t go anywhere.”
She narrows her eyes at me, and there’s a hint of playfulness there, beneath the emotions of the evening. “You promise?”
“I promise.”
“Okay. I’ll be right back.” She disappears into her bathroom, throwing me one last look, like she needs to reassure herself that I really am staying.
I’m left standing in the room that’s been hers since she moved in. There’s a stack of books on the dresser and a set of clothes thrown over the back of an armchair. On the ground beneath the window, I catch two silver bowls. One with water and one with what looks like cat food.
The rage that works its way through me steals my breath.
That someone so good, and kind , who works so damn hard at pleasing everyone all the time, should be made to feel like this.
I hadn’t realized the stalker scared her this much. She kept it all bottled up, and she did such a beautiful job of hiding it that even I hadn’t seen the full extent of it until now.
Whoever it is, I’m going to make them pay. I’m going to spend nights, days , dreaming of how they’ll suffer for making a night she was excited about turn ugly. For every single one of her tears.
Water runs in the bathroom, and I force my breathing to calm. To lock the anger down. She needs a protector tonight, not yet another person to comfort.
Her bathroom door opens. “Oh. You really did stay in the exact same spot.”
“Promised you I would.”
She smiles a little, shy and tentative, and pads across the space barefoot. She’s in a camisole and a pair of shorts, and the makeup from the photoshoot is all washed away. It’s freckles and big green eyes and a mouth I love kissing.
“Do you need anything from your rooms?”
“Yeah. But I don’t want to leave you.” I hold out my hand. “Come with me?”
She digs her teeth into her lower lip. “Yes. Is that okay? I know I’m safe here, but still… tonight has…”
I tug on her hand, and she laughs a little. “Okay, so it’s fine.”
“Of course it’s fine.”
She examines my room while I brush my teeth and change out of my suit. The door to my closet is open, but she keeps her back turned the whole time. I pull on a pair of sweatpants and a black T-shirt and watch her look around.
She looks good in my bedroom. The words are on the tip of my tongue. To praise her for standing right there, waiting for me like I asked her to.
I take her hand instead. “Looked your fill?”
“Mhm. Your room is a mirror of mine.”
“It is. Let’s get you to bed, sweet girl.” The endearment slips out anyway, and her fingers flex around mine.
“Say that again,” she whispers.
I tug her close as we walk to her room. “Sweet girl? You did so well tonight. Getting angry. Crying. Showing me how you really feel.”
She draws a shaky breath. “You really don’t think less of me.”
“Of course I don’t. You’re brave.” I open the door to her room, and she walks in front of me to her bed. And you take care of everyone else all the time.
Let me take care of you now .
She pushes back the covers and climbs into bed. I pull her curtains closed over the windows, and when I finally get into her bed, she’s watching me. Lying on her side.
Her hair is a brush of warm brown against the blue of her pillow. She’s pulled the cover up beneath her chin, a bare arm resting above it.
“Hi,” she says, brushing her fingers over the edge of the comforter. “I might kick in my sleep. Or snore. Or cough.”
“Maybe. But you won’t bother me.”
“What if I have to use the bathroom fourteen times?”
I try to hide my smile. “Then I’m sorry for you. But I’ve already told you, trouble. You don’t cater to my feelings.”
She tucks her hand beneath her head. “Why are you so different from anyone else I’ve ever known?”
“Because I’m much, much better.”
Nora laughs a little and plays with the edge of the coverlet. Her fingers brush over the seam of the fabric. “You’ve always been arrogant.”
“My only flaw.”
“All four of you are,” she says. “You, Rafe… Alex and James.”
“Mhm. It’s what we bonded over.”
She smiles again, a true smile, and fuck if I couldn’t do this forever. Distract her with silliness. “That and being sent away from home,” she suggests. “And causing problems.”
“Don’t forget being incredibly handsome. That’s what cemented our friendship.”
“You’re an idiot,” she says softly, and it sounds like the first compliment she’s ever given me. “Tell me about high school.”
I groan. “Of all the questions you could ask.”
“I want to know. I’ve only heard it from Rafe’s perspective.” Her voice is soft. “I know he showed up in Vermont and planned on getting kicked out in a week. It was right after we lost Etienne, in the accident… But instead, he was given this annoyingly smug American roommate who became his friend.”
“That’s how he told it, huh?”
“Mhm. What was it like for you?”
“I was angry when I got to Belmont too. But I liked it pretty quickly.” I put an arm behind my head. Being sent away from Fairhaven was a punishment, sure, but I discovered a world of freedom between tightly regulated academic schedules and completely unregulated free time. “Rafe and I argued nonstop for the first few weeks. Then Alex showed up late, this bedraggled Scottish guy who wanted to be kicked out, too. That’s how he and Rafe bonded.”
Nora giggles. “I can see that.”
“Rafe was never truly serious about it, though. Alex was. We discovered him breaking into the headmaster’s residence one night.”
“Really?”
“Mhm. We pulled him out of there and made it look like a raccoon had gotten into the trash. Worst cover-up in history.”
“But he wanted to get caught.”
“Yeah. We told him he was an idiot. I guess he listened, because while he still paid no attention in class, he stuck around us after that. His first few months at Belmont were…” I shake my head. “That’s not my story to tell. But he got better. He’s a genius when it comes to math, do you know that?”
“Math?”
“Yeah. You wouldn’t think it, but he’s smart.”
“When did James join?”
“He was always in the library when we were slacking off. He’d study advanced Latin. Used to smoke back then too. God. Glad he stopped.”
Her hand is on the pillow between us. I want to reach out and thread my fingers through hers again.
“I pulled him into our circle to help with our Latin homework.”
“West!”
I chuckle. “He made it very clear that he would help no one without getting something back.”
“Good for him.”
“Mhm.”
“The fifth guy,” she says. Her voice is tentative. “That’s who used to own the house for the Paradise Lost party, isn’t it? I remember that you were five, back then. Rafe didn’t share much. But he shared that.”
I don’t want to talk about this.
How Hadrian and I were the only ones who knew each other that first year at Belmont. What happened that unraveled it all, threads pulling at a tapestry.
“Yes. But things changed,” I say. “I thought you were tired.”
“I am. But I’m also…”
I lift an eyebrow. “Also what?”
“You’re here. In my bed.” She smiles again. “I’m not sure I know how to relax.”
“Has anyone ever held you?”
“No. I’ve never cuddled with anyone.” She doesn’t say it with any sadness. Just a statement of fact.
I reach for her. “Come here.”
She lets me tug her closer. “Like this?”
“Almost.” I curve my arm, pulling her closer with an arm around her waist. She comes to settle with her head on my shoulder and her hand on my chest. “That’s it. Let me hold you.”
She’s a warm weight against the side of my body. Slowly, breath by breath, she relaxes into my arms. Tension leaking out of her. “Oh. This is nice.”
“Mhm. Don’t sound so surprised.”
There’s a smile in her voice. “You’re warm.”
“It’s not every day I’m complimented on my homeostasis.”
She laughs. Her leg finds its way over mine, and she burrows against me. Like I’m a pillow. The luckiest damn pillow in the world.
It’s distracting how good she feels in my arms. Distracting because I’m not supposed to have these thoughts, not tonight. I can’t get hard.
It’ll ruin everything.
“Will your arm fall asleep?” she asks. Her finger traces circles on my chest, almost like she’s not aware she’s doing it. Sketching through the fabric.
“Maybe. But that’s my concern, not yours.”
“Okay. If you say so.”
“You sound skeptical. Between the two of us, who’s the expert on how men think?”
“I’m not sure I’d call you an expert,” she says. Her warm breath ghosts over my neck. “You know how you think. I’m starting to suspect that’s not representative of most men.”
“Coming from you, I know that’s a compliment,” I say dryly.
She smiles. I can feel it, the movement of her lips against the edge of my T-shirt. “Maybe, yeah. I just feel like… most guys wouldn’t be okay with just this. I mean, I know you are, because we’re just practicing. This isn’t real. But if it was, they’d be expecting this to lead to more.”
I want to tell her she’s wrong.
But there are guys who would be lying where I am right now and hoping. Letting their hands wander. And I’m a fucking asshole for craving that very same thing too.
“They might hope,” I tell her, “but a man who cares about you will listen to you and your signals. And believe me, I’m not alone in wanting to hold a beautiful woman close. Any guy would be lucky to be me right now.”
She relaxes against me once more, her body molding to mine. “Thank you.”
Her eyelashes brush my neck when she blinks, and that brief, teasing contact sets my nerves on end. I’m aware of every point we touch. The curve of her breast against my side, her leg draped over mine… her hand on my chest.
“Do you think he’s out there right now?” she asks. “Living in a hotel nearby, driving outside the house regularly…”
It was too much to hope that I managed to distract her entirely.
“Maybe,” I admit. “And if he is, my team will catch him.”
“I don’t like how close he was tonight.”
I hold her tighter. “You’re safe here, trouble. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“Thank you,” she whispers, and I’ve never given someone comfort like this.
Her breathing turns deep and even. I can feel her torso expanding with every breath beneath my curved arm. The trust she’s placed in me is enough to make a man addicted.
She’s asleep.
I press my lips to the silkiness of her hair, just once, and then settle back against the pillow. For all of our talk, I rarely share a bed with anyone either. It’s easier to be alone. It always has been.
I’ve been afraid of ruining her, but here she is, ruining me.
Lesson by lesson and day by day.