17. Logan
SEVENTEEN
LOGAN
At the end of the competition, Savannah and Max walk away with a silver medal and some great feedback from the judges.
More importantly, Savannah got a great boost of confidence.
I’ve never seen her smile as big as she did on the podium.
She walked out of that rink with a little pep in her step, which is exactly what we needed.
I left feeling a little more confident as a coach, too.
Of course, I believe in Max and Savannah, but as a first-time coach, it’s a little nerve-wracking to have my skaters competing.
I didn’t want to say anything to either of them, though.
It only would’ve made Savannah more nervous if she knew I was also nervous.
I got a text from my mom and Tati after the final results, congratulating me, and it made me feel like I did something right. Finally.
By the time we get home from New York, I’m exhausted.
More exhausted than I would have been if I were competing, that’s for sure.
As a skater, I only have to focus on doing my job on the ice.
As a coach, I’m there to support my skaters but also to network.
I talked to more people at this competition than I did at all the competitions I attended last year combined.
I don’t have a problem with that, but it’s a lot to be “on” all day for three days straight.
I plop down on my aunt’s couch as soon as I drag my suitcase through the door. Anya is in the kitchen cooking something that smells fantastic, and Mom is sitting on the other couch reading a book. She laughs when I close my eyes and sigh.
“Glad to be home?”
“Yes. It’s been a long few days.”
“It looked like it. Anya and I streamed the whole competition.”
I smile as I turn to look at her. She looks good today. Rested. And most importantly, happy.
“You didn’t have to do that, but I appreciate your support,” I tell her.
“My baby is an award-winning coach his first season? Of course I have to watch!”
I laugh. I’m twenty-seven years old, but I’m still her baby. “My skaters won an award, not me.”
“They put it into a beautiful package, but you’re the one who prepped it all behind the scenes. They should have given you a medal, too. You earned it.”
“Thanks, Mom.” There’s no arguing with her sometimes. “How are you feeling?”
“Good. Really good. Actually, we got some really good news from the doctor this week.”
I sit up a little straighter. “Really? Why didn’t you call me?”
I called her once and texted her every day while I was gone to check in, and she didn’t even mention going to the doctor.
“Because you were busy and I knew I’d be able to tell you when you got home.”
I sigh. “Mom, I want to know this stuff right away. Tell me what he said.”
“Ok, ok. He said my body has been responding very well to the drug and that after a few more weeks of follow-ups, we can start to spread the treatments out so I’m not spending so much time in hospitals.
I’ll go every other month for a little bit, and if all is well, we’ll move to every three months. ”
“That’s great, Mom. Does he think you’ll be cancer-free?”
Her smile drops slightly, and I kick myself for even asking the question. She’s so excited about this. I should’ve waited to ask my follow-up questions.
“I’m not sure I’ll ever be completely cancer-free, Logan, but we knew that.
After the last time, when I thought I was in the clear and it came back, I don’t want to get my hopes up for something that might not happen.
I’d rather know that there’s a possibility that I’ll always have cancer but maintain it and keep me living for as long as possible, then I’ll be happy. ”
I reach over and squeeze her hand. “That’s what I want too, Mom. I’m so glad this is working out.”
She squeezes my hand. “Me too.”
“I want to go to your next appointment with you,” I insist.
“You don’t have to do that, Logan.”
“I know, but I want to.”
“Fine. I’ll get you the date and time.”
“Thank you.”
She asks me more about the competition, and I tell her as many details as I can (the appropriate ones at least) because I know she misses competing.
The three of us have dinner together, and then I head to my room to unpack and catch up on some sleep. I lay back on my bed and pull out my phone to look at pictures from the weekend.
I recorded both of Savannah and Max’s routines, and honestly, they killed it. In my opinion, they were the best couple on the ice. The scores between the couple that won gold and us were so close that it easily could’ve gone either way.
I look at a few of the pictures I took of Savannah over the last few days, and a heaviness settles in my chest. I miss her. I just saw her a few hours ago, and I already miss her.
This is bad. Very, very bad.
I can’t have her. Being with me would only complicate her life.
But then I think about her hands on me the other night, her warm breath on my neck and the pure lust in her eyes, and fuck, I’m getting hard again.
Telling myself that maybe I just need to talk to her, I find her contact in my phone and hit the call button before I can convince myself it’s a bad idea.
It rings for so long that I assume I’m headed for voicemail, which is probably the better option, when I hear her pick up. “Logan?”
“Savannah, Hey, I, uh…” I, what? What am I calling her for? To tell her I can’t stop thinking about her?
“Logan?” she repeats like she can’t hear me. It’s then that I hear all the background noise. It sounds like she’s out somewhere.
“Where are you?” I ask, quickly sitting up in bed.
“Hold on,” she says, and then there’s a muffled noise and the sound of a door closing before all the background noise is gone. “Ok, sorry. Are you there?”
“Yeah, where are you?” I ask again.
She sighs. “Max insisted that I come to this party with him to celebrate or whatever. I told him I didn’t want to, but you know how pushy he can be sometimes. Now I’m at some random house where I only know like two people, including Max.”
“Do you want to go home? Where’s Max?” I ask. I stand and start pacing my room. I don’t like her being out in a strange house. Anything could happen to her.
“I don’t know where he went, and I have no idea how long he’s going to make me stay.”
“Why don’t you leave?”
“I don’t know. Because he drove? And I’ve had a few drinks, so I can’t drive.”
“Send me your location. I’ll come get you,” I offer. I’m already putting my shoes on, ready to head out the door as soon as she tells me where to go.
“Logan, no. You don’t have to do that. I can call an Uber or something. I’m not a child.”
“I want to, Savannah. Send me your location. Please.”
“Logan…”
“Please, baby. I want to make sure you’re safe.”
She’s quiet for a minute, and I think she might tell me to go to hell, but then I hear my phone ping and see that she sent me a pin of her location.
“Thank you. I’ll be there soon.”
“Ok,” she says quietly, and I hang up.
My mom and aunt have already gone to bed, so I leave quickly and get into my car. My GPS navigates me straight to where Savannah is. It’s close to the college, and the street is lined with cars, so I know I’m in the right spot.
I stop in front of the house, pretty much blocking the road, and head inside.
I don’t plan on being here long and find Savannah relatively quick.
She’s in the kitchen holding a red cup, talking to some girl who looks like she’s had way too much to drink.
I’m pretty sure makeup is running down her face.
“Hey,” I say, slinging my arm over Savannah’s shoulder like she’s mine. The poor girl she’s talking to looks up at me with wide eyes.
“Logan. Hey.” Savannah smiles up at me, which is the exact reaction I was hoping for.
“You ready?”
“Yeah.” She sets her cup on the counter and says goodbye to the girl who is still just staring at us.
“Is she ok?” I ask once we’re far enough away.
“She’s wasted. I’m pretty sure she gave someone a blow job before she stumbled into the kitchen. She was wiping her mouth.”
“Should we help her get home?” I ask, looking over my shoulder for the girl.
“I asked her if I could call her a ride, but she said she wanted to stay. She mentioned a football player being there that she was trying to hook up with.”
“Jesus.”
“Yeah.”
I lead her to my car, where some random guy is looking in the windows.
“Can I help you?” I ask. I have no patience for this. Not tonight.
“Nice car, man.” He moves out of the way so I can open the door for Savannah.
“Thanks.”
I close Savannah’s door before getting in the driver’s seat and getting the hell away from this house. I never went to college, and I’m glad I didn’t because I don’t think I could’ve handled these types of situations all the time.
“Let me text Max and tell him I left,” Savannah says, typing on her phone.
“He just left you?”
“I don’t need a babysitter. He was probably looking for someone to hook up with.”
I’m quiet for a minute while she finishes her text before I ask, “So you two sleep with each other but also other people? How do you do that?”
She shrugs. “I know it’s weird, but it works for us.”
“And you don’t want more with him?”
She shakes her head. “No. I love Max, but I’m not in love with him.”
“Oh,” is all I manage to say. I wonder if she’s told him that.
“Like you said the other night, I’m using him, right?”
I glance over at her and see her smirking. “I told you I didn’t mean it like that.”
She laughs quietly. “I know. And I thought about it after I left your room. I guess I am using him, but he’s using me too, so it works out for now.”
“For now?”
“Well, yeah. Eventually, I imagine he’ll find someone who wants an actual relationship. I would, of course, remove myself from the equation.”
“What about you?” I ask.
“What about me?”
“What if you find someone else?” Like me.
She’s silent for a moment. “I guess I never really thought about me. It’s so hard for me to meet people, and I’m always so busy… I don’t know.”
That’s not exactly the answer I was hoping for, but I feel like, out of anyone, I’m more than qualified to understand what she’s talking about.
I mean, I’ve never been in a serious relationship, either.
Ever. And I’m five years older than her.
I’ve had a string of hookups, but skating always came first. That’s where Savannah is in her life right now, and I respect that.
As her coach, I should love that about her.
As the man who can’t stop thinking about her, it kind of sucks.
We’re quiet on the rest of the way back to her apartment. There’s so much I want to say to her, so much I want to ask, but I can’t find the words.
I find a parking spot outside of her building and turn my car off.
“Thanks for coming to get me. Sorry I ruined your night,” she says.
“You didn’t ruin my night. This is exactly where I wanted to be,” I tell her truthfully.
She laughs. “Driving my sorry ass around? I doubt it.”
“Last I checked, your ass wasn’t sorry at all. In fact, it looks pretty nice to me.”
She pushes my shoulder playfully as she smiles. “And when was the last time you checked?”
“About twenty minutes ago when you bent down to get in my car.”
“Oh my god.” I love it when she smiles. It lights up her entire face.
I shrug one shoulder. “It’s hard to miss.”
She laughs even harder at that. “Yeah, well, yours is hard to miss, too.”
She might think she’s calling me out for having a big ass, but really, I just love that she confirmed that she looks at me.
“Do you, um, want to come in?” she asks, nodding towards her building.
My eyebrows raise in surprise. “Do you want me to come in?”
“Yeah. I do.” Thank god.
“Then I’ll come in. I can’t wait to find out what else you’re going to make fun of me for.”
She smirks. “Don’t worry. I’ve got a list.” She taps her temple.
“I’m sure you do.”
I follow her up to her apartment. It’s quiet, and I conclude her sister is sleeping based on the way Savannah quietly puts her keys on the counter and then tiptoes down the hall to her bedroom. I follow her and try to shove down the butterflies about being alone with her in her room.
She turns on the lights and shuts the door behind us.
“Do you want to watch a movie?” she asks.
I think I’d do pretty much anything she asked me to at this point, so I nod and follow her onto her bed.