Chapter 6
We got home from the Fields an hour ago, and I asked Jay and Julien come over to my place so we could talk in the backyard and have some privacy from my sisters and parents.
Jules texted and said they would be here soon.
Taking one last look at the group photo of the four of us, I shut my phone off and wait.
I'm nervous as hell and keep second guessing whether me laying out my feelings to the both of them regarding Elizabeth is a good idea. The conversation I’m about to have could go either one of two ways.
They give me their blessing, and all is right with the world, or I lose my two best friends.
When I saw Elijah grab Elizabeth earlier this evening, and then saw Jayson storm over to snatch her away, my jealousy almost got the better of me.
The caveman feelings that rumbled up inside of me screamed Elizabeth is mine, get your hands off her, and had me rushing over wanting to seize her away from both of them, throw her over my shoulder, and run off.
Luckily, Julien arrived and his presence next to me kept me from acting out my asinine impulse.
Well, maybe that one asinine impulse. It didn’t stop me from showing off to Elizabeth by doing the backflip stunt at the end of the race.
I love having her attention and her eyes on me.
I love it when she cheers me on. And the smile she graced me with at the end when I walked over to her.
.. I thought my heart was going to pump out of my chest.
“Ry!”
I hear Julien call as he and Jayson come through the back patio door.
I’m sitting in one of the chairs that surround the firepit and they join me.
I wipe suddenly damp palms on the front of my shorts and stand up to clasp hands, pulling them each in for a shoulder bump.
Julien leans against the stone side of the firepit while Jayson plops down next to me, legs outstretched, arms crossed over his chest.
“That was so awesome tonight. Several people already posted videos of the race, and it’s gotten over five hundred views,” Julien announces.
Jayson has a different opinion. “I thought you were a total douchebag for doing something that dangerous. What got into you?” Sitting forward, he laces his hands together, resting his arms atop his bent knees, his disapproving eyes landing on me.
“You’re kidding, right?” Julien kicks his brother’s shoe. “That was totally legit and something you would so do if it was you out there.”
“Okay, yeah, it was freakin' monumental, but what if you got hurt?” Jayson hesitates a second. “Do you have any idea what that would have done to Liz if she were up close and personal to see you breaking your neck for a stunt? Getting yourself hurt just to show off?”
“Yeah, but he didn’t Jay. You’ve seen him ride and practice this stuff for years. You know how good he is. Stop being a dick." I appreciate that Julien has my back.
Jayson grunts.
“Speaking of Elizabeth,” I say, and that gets Jayson’s attention fast as his head snaps back to me.
I silently give myself a pep talk, a reminder to once again man up and get the words out. I don’t think I've ever been as apprehensive about anything as I am right now, about to spill my inner guts to Jayson and Julien. Taking a deep breath, I decide it’s now or never.
“Um, that’s why I wanted to talk to you guys tonight.” My skin starts to itch, but I plow ahead. I stand up to pace between them. “Okay. Look.” God, this is hard. “Okay.”
“Will you just say whatever it is you want to say to us?” Jayson hurls at me.
From the look he’s giving me, the firm set to his mouth, the clench of his jaw, I have a feeling he knows what I’m about to say. Time to rip the band aid off, and it all comes out as a complete tumble of word vomit.
“We’ve been friends for a long time. A very long time. It’s always been us and Elizabeth. You all are my family. I consider you both my brothers. I would never, not ever, betray you or do anything that would hurt either of you.”
I stop and look at both of them to make my point, show them I am serious about what I just said.
“This is difficult. Has been difficult for a while. Elizabeth is special. We all know that. She is like the sun in our universe, and we all orbit her goodness and light because we have no choice. I have no choice.”
I stand in front of Jayson now, but his head is hanging down between his shoulders, hands gripping tightly so his knuckles are white. He won’t look up at me, so I ramble on, needing to get it out.
“I want to ask her out. I want to ask her to be mine. To be my girlfriend. I’ve kept my feelings to myself for so long.
Because of you. Because of Julien. I know you guys like her, too.
But I’m tired of fighting my feelings. I’m tired of feeling guilty about wanting to ask her out.
So here I am, laying it all out, hoping that you both will forgive me.
Hoping that everything will be okay between us and I have your blessing.
Hoping that I don’t lose my two best friends. ”
My throat chokes up. Jayson’s head is still bowed, his chest moving in and out like he ran a marathon. Julien is the first to break the silence.
“I have no problem with you wanting to date her. I will have a problem if you hurt her or break her heart,” Julien says.
Relief floods me.
“I promise. I won’t. I swear. I told Elizabeth that I wanted to talk to her about something important tomorrow, but I had to talk to you guys tonight. I need to make sure we’re all good first.”
I stand in front of Jayson, silently begging him to look up at me.
“Jay? Are we good?”
Jayson remains quiet, his body rigid, angry.
Julien comes over next to me, bumping my shoulder to let me know he’s got my back. He will support me.
“Jay. You’re being uncharacteristically quiet.”
One minute goes by. Two. Suddenly, Jayson springs out of his seat like he’s on fire and bolts. He sprints out of the backyard leaving me and Julien standing alone in the darkness, wondering what the heck just happened.
My mind has gone blank. Anger grips me and I can’t breathe.
I don’t remember anything after leaving Ryder’s backyard.
I don’t remember how I got here. I sat and listened to him pour his heart out to me.
Every word he spoke etched in my being because my heart was saying the same thing.
His words were my words, too. But knowing those words were coming from his mouth, his heart—I couldn’t sit there any longer.
I knew it was coming. I knew it the moment Ryder told me he wanted to talk to me and Julien about something important.
But when he finished talking, when my twin brother gave him his blessing, I just ran.
Jumped out of my seat and ran. I had to get out of there.
Had to escape before my world fractured apart around my feet into a thousand pieces.
My hands grab hold to the sides of my head, gripping tightly as my mind races.
I’m in agony. All I can think about is I’m about to lose her.
I’m about to lose my reason for getting up in the morning.
Without Liz, I don’t know who I am. Ryder’s going to take her away from me.
He’ll be the one she kisses, the one she gives her heart to, her love to.
The thoughts of her being with someone else—no, not just someone else.
Him. My best friend. I should be happy. I should have patted him on the back and stepped aside.
Be the bigger person. Allow Liz to choose for herself.
I have no rights to her. She doesn’t officially belong to me.
I have no say in what she does or who she dates.
But inside my heart is screaming that she’s mine.
I have loved that girl for half my life.
And I'm selfish. I can’t let her go, not even to be with my best friend.
A guy who is like my brother, a part of my family.
Ryder had the courage to step up and confront me and Julien about how he felt.
I wish I could be that considerate. I wish I could be the better person, but I’m not.
I’m just a scared boy, who at the age of six, found his soulmate. His princess. And I can’t step aside.
Looking up at the old oak tree that stands between our houses, I stare at Liz’s window.
It’s open like usual, and I can hear her voice floating down to me like a song whispering through the leaves of the tree as it glides upon the night’s breeze.
She’s talking to Hailey. I stand at the foot of the tree and listen.
I don’t know how long I’m there, lost in my world of misery and questions. I hear a click, and then her bedroom goes dark. I watch as Liz appears in the frame of her window, her long, pale hair loose around her shoulders, looking so pretty.
While my mind is still running on a loop, my body takes over and moves on its own. Without thinking, I leap up and grab hold of the bottom branch of the oak and start to climb. Liz startles backward as I reach the branch next to her window and swing myself into her bedroom.
“Jayson?”
When I got home tonight, full of confusion and doubts, Hailey was waiting for me in my bedroom.
I had texted her on the way home asking if we could talk.
She has a way of making me feel better about things that bother me.
As we sit on my bed, my bedroom window open to allow the fragrant summer air filled with the scent of honeysuckle vines to waft in, I tell her about everything that happened at the Fields.
“What do I do, Hales? I’m so confused. Things seem to be changing between me, Jayson, and Ryder. You know I have always had feelings for the three of them, but those feelings are becoming very complicated, especially with Jayson and Ryder.”