Chapter 8
I feel my bed bounce, which wakes me from the dream I was having.
A dream of me, Jayson, Ryder, and Julien when we were younger.
We’d been playing in our forest fort after coming back from the creek.
I remember Jayson had found this rose-colored quartz rock in the shape of a heart that he gave to me to add to my jar collection.
He placed it on my palm, and I wrapped my fingers tightly around it, feeling its smoothness and warmth.
I opened my hand to see that the heart-shaped rock was now broken, split and cracked down the middle.
I looked up to ask Jayson what happened to it, but it was not Jayson in front of me anymore. It was Ryder.
“So, which one was it?” a voice asks from beside me, pulling me from my dream.
I stretch my arms and legs out and roll over. Images from last night instantly flood my brain and I lift my fingers to my still tingling lips before opening my eyes to see Hailey’s face next to mine on the bed.
“What?” I’m still partially lost in my dream and not fully awake yet. I get a poke to the side of my ribs and sleepily swat it away.
“Which one was it? Jayson or Ryder? Or was it Julien?”
I look at her in confusion before realization dons on me.
“You know I can hear everything in my room, even with the bathroom doors closed. Okay, well not everything, but the sound of a boy’s voice coming from your room last night after I left was unmistakable. Spill it, sister. Which one was it?”
I don’t know if I’m ready to have this conversation yet. I haven’t had a chance to wrap my mind around everything that happened last night, the words that were spoken.
I love you, Liz.
I love you too.
My fingers press against my lips again. Hailey’s eyes to grow big and her mouth to form an ‘O.’
“I knew it!” she shrieks, bouncing up and down on my bed. “If you don’t tell me right now what happened last night, I will never speak to you again, Elizabeth Penelope!”
“Yeah, right,” I scoff, not believing that for one second.
“Lizzie,” she whines.
“Fine.”
I sit up in bed and Hailey stops bouncing to sit cross-legged in front of me, clapping her hands together like she’s five years old and is about to get ice cream.
What do I tell her? How much should I share? Once I say the words, once I acknowledge what happened, there’s no going back. Am I ready for that? Am I ready for what’s to come
“He kissed me.”
Hailey nods her head, waiting for me to continue.
But that’s all I can get out. My thoughts simply shut down for a second and focus on that one thing.
Jayson kissing me. The feel of his mouth on mine, the heady sensation that followed of my body firing to life, both hot and cold consuming me at the same time. I relive it all in that one second.
“You are such a biddy,” she laughs. “That’s all you’re going to say?”
She pushes me over and my head lands on my pillow, so I take that opportunity to snuggle in. Hailey lays down to face me and tucks my hair behind my ear, waiting patiently for me to find my words
“It was Jayson,” I whisper.
Her eyes get big again.
“I wish I could explain exactly how I’m feeling.
I wish I had your way with words, to be able to express myself in a poem.
That’s what it feels like right now to me.
A poem filled with romance, beauty, angst, life, heartbreak.
” At heartbreak, my voice hitches. “He said he loves me. He said he’s loved me forever. ”
“And what did you say to him? Do you love him back?”
“Yeah, I do. You know that. I’m ecstatic, over the moon. Then I picture Ryder and feel awful.”
She touches my cheek in understanding. “Because you love him, too.”
I nod, a single tear sliding down to melt into her fingers that are pressed against my face.
“But that’s what you said you wanted, Lizzie.
You said you wanted them to choose for you.
It sounds like Jayson chose and Ryder didn’t.
And knowing you, you also told Jayson you loved him.
So, ultimately, you chose as well. The next step is to talk to Ryder.
Talk to Julien. Clear things up before next week because your teenage drama is not going to ruin our beach vacation! ”
“Ryder said he wanted to talk to me this afternoon and is coming over.”
“Well then, there’s your chance.”
She hops off my bed and smacks my butt. “Now, get a move on. Breakfast is ready. Mom sent me up here to get you and is probably wondering what’s taking us so long.”
Hailey skips out of my room. A warm summer breeze floats through my open window.
I stand up and walk over, making sure to straighten out my tank top and boy shorts I wore to bed last night.
My heart flutters as I approach the window, wondering if Jayson and Julien are awake and if I’ll see Jayson standing at his window looking back at me.
I peek over and notice that for the first time since we were six years old, their window is closed, curtains drawn.
Does that mean something? Is Jayson regretting what happened last night?
Uncertainty settles over me, but I can't keep standing here worrying, so I focus on taking a quick shower and head downstairs for breakfast.
“Mornin’, sweetpea,” Mom chirps from the kitchen island where she’s plating pancakes and bacon.
I go over to give her a hug and a kiss before sitting down on the bar stool next to Hailey.
“Morning, Mom.”
“I need to go to the store this morning to pick up the stuff we need to take with us next week. I figure we can wait to do the grocery shopping once we get to the beach house. Did you want me to grab any snacks to take with us in the minivan?”
She hands me my plate, and I grab the bottle of syrup and pour it over my pancakes. I'm allergic to dairy so she uses almond milk in the batter. I dip a piece of bacon into the sweet, gooey goodness and pop it into my mouth.
“My usual. Candies and diet soda.”
“Mom, I’ll come with,” Hailey suggests. “Do we have time to stop at the electronics store? The charger for my phone broke and I need a new one.”
“Yes, sweetie. We can do that. Do you want to come too Lizzie-bear?”
“No thanks,” I say, licking syrup off the side of my thumb. “I’m supposed to meet up with Ryder later.”
Hailey gives me a knowing look, but Mom doesn’t notice. I finish with the bacon and dive into my pancakes.
“Thanks for breakfast, Mom. I’ll clean up so you guys can head on out. When’s Dad coming home again?”
Daddy tries very hard not to tour with his band during the summer months so he can be home with us.
Since we’re older and don’t rely on him as much as we used to, he agreed to do a few gigs this summer and has been on the road for the past two weeks touring.
Dad sat us all down for a family meeting beforehand and we agreed that Hailey and I were old enough now, so he didn’t have to worry about us as much, or about missing time with us because we were out with our friends most days during summer vacation, anyway.
We also understand that money will get tight with the extra expenses of college coming up for me and Hailey, and Mom and Dad agreed that the extra money from his summer gigs would help with our family’s finances a lot
“He’s heading back tomorrow and should arrive the day after. Their last show is in Austin.”
Mom and Hailey gather the things they need to take with them to the stores, and I decide to head to the music room before I clean up the kitchen and put away the dishes.
There’s a piano piece I’ve been working on that I want to finish before Dad comes home and I feel inspired right now, my thoughts going to Jayson.
I enter the room in the back of the house on the first floor where Dad keeps all of his instruments and pull the piano bench to sit.
I get comfortable, propping my feet up on the piano pedals.
Dad bought me a laptop with music software already downloaded that I use to compose my pieces with.
I place the laptop on top of the piano—an old upright that belonged to my grandmother that my dad refuses to get rid of—and open the file that contains my latest composition.
I don’t know how long I sit in front of the piano, composing, changing notes, playing, adding parts.
I get to the end and decide that the piece is finished, so I play it from the beginning to hear it in its entirety.
Flexing and wiggling my fingers over the keys, I begin.
Instantly I’m lost to the melody, being pulled into the music I created.
The pattern and flow of the notes, the way my hands float over the white keys, combine together and create something magical.
As the song finishes and my fingers still, I shut my eyes to exist in the brief moment of silence that follows.
I hear a noise behind me and am surprised when I turn around to see Jayson.
He’s leaning against the frame of the door, shoulder propped, hands in his pockets, ankles crossed, looking as handsome as ever.
“That was beautiful, Liz.”
Jayson’s wearing a Carolina University T-shirt over dark shorts, hair damp and swept back off his forehead. We have an open-door policy, and the boys know they are welcome to come into our home anytime they want. Years ago, Mom gave Freda and Faith keys to our house and vice versa.
My heart soars as my eyes take Jayson in from top to bottom. He kissed me last night, I think to myself, and a blush spreads across my chest and up my neck before uncertainty weighs me down.
Jayson notices the change, and he immediately walks over to kneel in front of me. He brings my fingers to his lips and kisses each and every one. This boy.
“Hi.” He smiles.
Shyness overcomes me. “Hi,” I say back. “I thought last night was a dream.”
“No dream,” he places a kiss on my nose. “I talked to Julien last night.” He watches to see my reaction.
“Oh?”
“Yeah. We stayed up all night talking.”
“And?”
“He’s good with us. Everything’s okay, just like I promised.”
“What about Ryder?”
Instead of answering my question, he kisses me. I thought my first kiss with Jayson last night was the kiss to end all kisses. I was wrong. Our kiss ends, but Jayson pulls me in for a hug. His face tilts to press against my cheek. Minute prickles of warmth scatter along my cheek at the contact.
“That’s why I came over. I know you said he was dropping by at one to talk to you. I wanted to see you first.”
“Do you know what that’s all about? What he wants to talk to me about? Did he say anything to you guys last night when you were over there?”
Jayson takes my face and lifts it.
“Last night I promised you, Liz, I would make everything right. You will not lose any of us. I swear to you. I’m going to head over to his house right now and talk to him.”
Something feels off.
He looks at his watch. “It’s half past noon. I want to make sure I have a chance to talk to Ry before he gets here.”
Hand in hand, we walk out of the house and down the steps to the front walkway.
“Everything’s going to be alright, princess.”
Jayson pulls me to him and kisses me softly.
Yes, everything is going to work out. It has to. I take a deep, cleansing breath, one filled with hope. But that hope shatters when I hear a deep voice yell from behind me.
“You piece of shit!”