Chapter 33
Present Day
You ever think to yourself after you’ve experienced one of the most hellacious days of your life, “I wish I could go back in time and have a redo?” How can your morning start out so normal but the day end in the worst nightmare imaginable?
If I knew today would be that day, the one that forever alters your reality and scars you in a way that you know you would never recover from—the day that shreds every part of you into jagged, fragmented pieces and then burns them to ashes.
.. If I’d have known today was that day, I would’ve held Liz tight, kissed her long and hard, and told her that I loved her repeatedly.
So that’s how my morning starts—a slice of normal.
I reluctantly leave Liz's room through her window, so she can get ready for school. I know she’s excited about her upcoming music competition, but I'll be glad when it’s over with.
I hate her early morning practice days because it means I don't get to see her until first period.
I was serious when I told her about wanting us to move into an apartment together when we go off to college.
I only have to wait a little over a year before we graduate, and then, if things go as I’ve planned, we'll all be at CU.
I'll have us moved into an apartment off campus as soon as we get there. I’ll get to wake up to her every morning and fall asleep with her every night.
Before I head back home to get ready for school, I clean and bandage Liz’s injured hand.
As upset as I still am with what she did, I can't help but be impressed with the way she sucker-punched Marshall last night. It was a beautiful sight to behold. Pride swells in me at my fierce princess before it turns to fear. Marshall went after her in retaliation and I wasn’t close enough to stop it.
Thank God for Fallon—words I never thought would ever leave my mouth.
On the way to school, Julien, Ryder, and I stop at Ruby’s for breakfast, and I make sure to get Liz’s favorite coffee and scone to bring with me. I have a smile on my face, knowing I’m going to see my girl soon. Even a minute away from her is too long.
After we get to first period, my smile falls when Liz sees a text from Jacinda on Julien's phone meant for me. Jacinda is manipulative and thrives on causing trouble. Why she would think I would want her to text me or send me pictures of herself boggles my mind? I have zero interest in her.
Then Ryder has to open his big mouth about what went down at the bonfire, and of course, nosy Darrel has to turn around and confirm it.
Ryder warned me to tell Liz what happened, but I was a cocky enough to think I could protect her by keeping it from her.
On top of all that, for some unknown reason, Hailey skips out of school and Liz is worried about her.
I'm currently sitting in one of the library’s study rooms, waiting for Liz to get off work.
Me: Taking Liz to dinner after she gets off work. Want me to bring you back anything?
Julien:
Julien: Slice of apple pie. Thanks.
Ryder said he’d be at the garage, working on getting out the dents and scratches Marshall put on his Challenger during last night’s race. I really can't stand Marshall. Great, now I’m angry again.
“I hope I’m not the reason for that scowl.” Liz props her shoulder against the door of the study room, purse hanging from her hand, looking like the most beautiful girl ever to exist on this planet. Just looking at her takes my breath away. Every. Single. Time.
My scowl turns to one of perplexity. I look at my watch. “It’s only five. Are you on break?”
She pulls away from the door and walks to where I’m sitting at the large circular table. “Nope. They’re letting me off early.”
When she gets close enough, I pull her in between my bent legs. I take my time rubbing my hands up and down her back and then curve around to wrap around her waist.
“You know we need to talk about the text and what happened at the bonfire party, right?” she says.
“There are better things we can talk about. Or not talk at all.” I tug her closer.
She pushes down on my shoulders and looks at me. “Jayson.” Her voice is soft but commanding.
I sigh and lean my forehead against her flat stomach. “I know.”
I stand up and spin us so she’s sitting on top of the table. Grasping the back of her neck, I angle her face so I can trail a line of kisses up her neck to her ear.
“No necking in the library,” a voice calls from outside the room. We turn to see Mrs. Peters walk by the window.
“Yes, ma’am.” Liz giggles.
I grab her bag and take her hand. Changing my plan about dinner, I ask, “How about we head on home, and I cook you dinner while we talk?”
Liz’s eyes brighten. “You had me at cook dinner. Let’s go.”
Fifteen minutes later, we’re back at my house and parked in the driveway.
My parent’s cars are not here, but I see Elijah’s.
Once we step up onto the porch, I tell Liz I’m going upstairs to change and will meet her in the kitchen.
I don’t see Jules or Elijah in the living room, so they’re either upstairs or out back.
I’ve already stripped off my shirt by the time I get upstairs. When I open the door to the bedroom, I freeze.
“What. The. F—!”
I’m taking two sodas from the fridge when I hear Jayson’s booming, angry voice, so loud it makes me jump and drop one of the sodas. The can explodes on impact, spraying my legs and feet.
I grab the paper towels to clean up the mess, when I hear Julien say, “It’s not what you think, Jay. Let me explain.”
Oh, no!
I run as fast as I can up the stairs to see Jayson’s rigid body blocking the doorway.
“Elijah, get out of my house right now!”
“No, Elijah,” Julien says. “Stay where you are. We’re not hiding this anymore. He needs to know.”
I reach Jayson and grab his arm. “Jayson, please. Calm down. Just sit and listen to Julien. Please.”
If I thought I saw Jayson angry before when he was beating on Marshall at Fallon’s party, this is much worse. And it’s directed at me.
“You knew about this?” his voice is cold, hard.
I swallow convulsively, wanting to tread lightly with how I answer his question. The truth is the only option I have.
“Yes,” I answer, nodding slowly.
“You knew about this!?” he shouts at me this time. I startle backward. “How long, Liz? How long have you known?”
Julien and Elijah are holding hands as they face Jayson, but he’s not looking at them because he's glowering down at me. Julien approaches Jayson, breaking his brother's angry stare.
“Jay, let’s go downstairs and sit down and talk. We owe you an explanation.”
Jayson doesn’t say a word. He hastily puts his shirt back on and stomps downstairs, leaving the three of us looking at his retreating back.
“Julien, I’m so sorry.” Tears are streaking down my face.
He pulls me to his side and kisses my hair.
“You have nothing to apologize for, Liz. Nothing. You hear me? He’s just in shock. Once he calms down and we talk things through, I’m sure he’ll understand. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine. I should have told him a long time ago.”
Julien takes my hand in his and reaches back to take Elijah’s. We make our way downstairs to the living room. Jayson is sitting on one of the armchairs, knees splayed, forearms resting on top. His hands are pulling at his hair and he’s breathing hard.
Evening is falling. The living room is decorated with dark shadows with an orange hue from the setting sun. The mood is somber and quiet. I go to stand next to Jayson, but he bolts up out of the chair the moment I’m next to him. I reach out and he forcefully pushes my hand away.
“Don’t,” his gravelly voice warns me.
His angry rejection increases the tears that fall down my face. I don’t know what to do, so I stand there waiting.
“Jay, sit down so we can talk. Please,” Julien begs his brother.
Jayson goes to the opposite side of the room from where I’m standing and sits down on the sofa. My heart breaks. I want to hold him so badly right now. Give him comfort.
“I’m here. So talk,” he says to Julien.
Elijah and Julien sit down, hands clasped with one another’s, a show of solidarity. I’m so proud of Julien right now. I know how scared he must be and how hard having this conversation with his twin brother is. Julien doesn’t waste time and jumps directly to the matter.
“I’m gay, Jayson. Well, actually, if you want to be technical about it, I’m bisexual. And I love Elijah. I have for a long time.”
“How long?” Jayson murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper.
“How long have I known I was gay or how long have E and I been dating?”
Jayson looks up at him.
“We started dating after my soccer injury. But I knew I liked him before that. Liz was the first person I told.”
“When?”
“When?” Julien looks up at the ceiling, and then at me, before moving his gaze back to Jayson. “Um, I told her last summer when we were at the beach for July fourth. I haven't told anyone else. Elijah and I have kept out relationship a secret.”
“Why?" Jayson asks, but before Julien can answer him, he asks another question. "Why didn’t you tell me, Julien?” Jayson’s face is etched with anguish. “I’m your twin brother! I should have been the first person you talked to. Why Liz? Why her and not me?”
“I don’t know. Liz is just the person I go to when I need to talk. I don’t know why I've been afraid to tell you. I guess I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me.”
Jayson looks horrified. “You thought I would be… Why would you...” He gets up and rushes over to Julien, yanking him off the sofa into his arms. “I would never be disappointed in you. Never, Julien. I love you. You’re my brother. I love you.”
Julien sobs on Jayson’s shoulder, his arms convulsively tightening around his brother’s back. The scene before me is so earth-shattering, so real and emotional, I openly cry with them. Jayson reaches out to Elijah and pulls him into the embrace.
For several minutes, I watch them cry and hold each other. Jayson is the first to let go. He takes Elijah’s arm. “Thank you for loving my brother, E.”
“That’s the easy part,” Elijah replies.
“Have you told Mom and Dad?”
“No.” Julien wipes his face on his shirt. “Would you mind being here with me when they get home tonight?”
“It would be my absolute honor, Jules.” Jayson engulfs Julien again in another hug.
“I can stay too, Julien, if you want me to,” I say from my corner of the room.
Jayson turns indignant eyes at me. “No. You need to leave, Liz.”
“Jay, she can stay. She has every right to stay. She’s been there for me and E. She has supported us the entire time. We wouldn’t know what to do without her.”
Jayson’s face morphs into anger once again. “Basically, what you’re confirming is that my girlfriend has been lying to me.”
“No, it’s not like that, Jayson. I never lied to you. It wasn’t my story to tell. I couldn’t tell you without breaking Julien’s trust.”
“But I’m your boyfriend, Liz! The one person you’re supposed to love and trust more than anyone else! How could you keep a secret like this from me? From me! It should have been me he came to first. Me he talked to first. Not you!” he yells.
“Jay, she's right. It wasn’t her secret to tell. It was mine. And the fact I told her first shouldn’t be a factor of consideration. She was there for me when I needed her.”
"Me as well," Elijah adds, giving me a sympathetic smile.
Jayson shakes his head back and forth, a lock of his dark chocolate hair falling into his eyes.
“No. All I see in front of me is someone who has lied to my face and kept a secret from me.” He points to me.
“I can understand why Jules was afraid to tell me, but what I don’t understand is why you locked me out and kept it from me.
How many opportunities did you have, Liz, to tell me to talk to my brother?
That there was something going on with him and he needed me?
He needed me too, Liz, and you took that away from me.
You stole that chance from me. You stole time from me being there for him and support him. ”
Jayson makes a strangled sound and sits back down on the sofa. “Get out, Liz. I can’t look at you right now. I can’t speak to you right now. Just get out. I want to be alone with Julien before our parents get home, and I don’t want you here.”
“Jayson, please. Please. I never lied to you.” I reach for him again, and he stands up and backs away from me.
“Get out! Now!” he shouts.
My face crumbles. I grab my purse and run out of the room, out of the house, and into my yard, tears making everything look blurry.
I hear Julien and Elijah calling my name, but I don’t stop.
Hailey must be home because our car is in the driveway even though the house looks dark and no lights are turned on.
Of course, she’s home now after ghosting me all day when I tried to find her. Dealing with Hailey will have to wait.
As I run, I reach in my purse and take out my car keys. I turn the ignition on as soon as I get in and wipe the tears from my eyes.
Doesn’t Jayson get that I couldn’t say anything to him without betraying Julien and breaking my word?
I never lied to him. Did I? Freaking fantastic.
He has me second guessing myself now. Well, screw him.
I did the right thing. I won’t apologize for it.
Jayson has kept things from me thinking that it’s for my own protection.
I mean, look at what I found out today about Jacinda.
He’s a hypocrite. He’s lied by omission to me several times.
And instead of talking to me tonight, he kicked me out of his house.
He yelled at me. Well, screw him! My mental tirade has me shaking and incensed.
I wipe away more tears from my eyes and put the car into reverse.
Julien runs to the driver’s side of the car and pulls on the handle to open the door, only to find it locked. His voice is muffled through the driver's side window.
“Liz, come back inside. He didn’t mean what he said. Please come back in with me.”
“I’m sorry, Julien. He doesn’t want or need me around him right now. I love you. I’m so proud of you for telling him tonight. It’s good he knows. Go back inside and be with him.”
“Liz, wait,” but I’m already backing down the driveway.