Chapter 35
Not That Girl Anymore
“How is he?” Julien asks me as we amble down the path side by side.
After jogging two miles, we slowed down to a walking pace so that we could talk about what went down last night between Jayson and Ryder.
It’s the beginning of October and mornings are quite comfortable.
A blanket of clouds hangs low, a precursor to the rain forecasted for later today.
A few other joggers give us small waves as they pass by.
“First, why don’t you tell me what Jayson said to Ryder last night?” I counter.
Ryder was still asleep when I left this morning, so I wrote him a cute note and left it on my pillow.
I wrote several more and placed them strategically around the bedroom where he would find them after he woke up.
Well, the notes weren’t exactly cute. Some were love notes, while others were filled with promises, most of them naughty
Daniel was already up, so I made sure to tell him that Ryder was asleep in my bedroom.
I have to hand it Daniel; he’s been really cool about things.
Most parents would flip out knowing that their daughter and her boyfriend had slept in the same bed.
As much as Daniel worries about me, he’s also very understanding and unconventional with his parenting techniques.
Since Daniel and my dad were brothers, how alike were they?
Would my dad be as understanding as Daniel has been about Ryder staying over?
As the big sister, would my parents have been stricter with me than with Hailey?
“Honestly? I don’t want to tell you because you’re going to get mad. But it was pretty brutal.”
“Did Ryder fight back? I saw the cut and bruise on his mouth.”
“He didn’t lift a finger. He didn’t even say a word. He just stood there and took the punch and everything else Jay threw at him.”
Oh, Jayson. You and I are definitely going to have a talk later. “Ryder didn’t tell me much, but I got the general gist of things.”
“Jay threw his past relationship with you at Ry. Told Ry that once your memory came back, you would leave him.”
I literally gasp, I’m so shocked.
Julien continues. “Before that, he landed a punch on Ry as soon as he walked through the door. E and I had to break it up.” Julien stops walking. “Elijah took Jay’s side, and I took Ryder’s. I haven’t spoken to E since last night.”
“What? Julien, no. I don’t want that. I don’t want my life to mess up yours.”
“It is what it is. I chose to stand by Ry, and E chose Jay. Couples fight all the time. We’ll get over it, eventually. I plan to make him sweat a little first.”
I give Julien a look.
“What? I can be petty when I want to be,” he says.
We’re almost back to where I parked my car. I met up with Julien at the park this morning for our run. He jogged there, whereas I drove.
“Want a lift back to your house?”
“That would be nice.”
“Just to warn you, I’m coming in to talk to Jayson.”
“Want back-up?
I shake my head no and unlock the car. “If I need you, I’ll yell.”
Julien opens my car door for me but stops me before I get in. “Tread carefully. I know this situation is all sorts of FUBAR. Ry is hurting. Jay is hurting. I don’t agree with what Jay did or said, but I do understand where it’s coming from.”
“I get it, Julien. I really do. I know that Jayson and I will be forever tied together through our past. But right now, I need to fight for my present. Jayson swore to me that the four of us would remain a family. That he wouldn’t shut Ryder out.”
When we pull up to the Jameson house, I stare at my childhood home next to it and the oak tree that spans between the two houses.
I have avoided coming here since Daniel moved us back to Fallen Brook, and I have only visited the Jameson home once.
During that first visit, I refused to even look at my old house.
“I can't believe I lived there. That it's only been about six or seven months since that house was my home. Daniel says that he’s keeping up the mortgage payments on it and will transfer it into my name if I ever want him to. I told him I couldn’t make that decision without Hailey.”
I turn to face Julien. “How could I have spent seventeen years of my life in that house and not feel anything when I see it?”
Julien doesn't reply because he knows I'm asking questions I don't want answers to. There are no answers.
“Do you want to go inside and take a look around? I have a key that should still work, as long as Daniel didn’t switch out the locks.”
I shake my head. “I'm not ready yet. One problem at a time. Let's go find your brother so I can yell at him.”
“Mom and Dad will have already left for work, so feel free to yell at him all you want,” Julien says with a smirk.
As soon as we enter the house, Julien kisses my cheek and heads off to take a shower. I’m all kinds of sweaty, but I don’t care. On the drive here, I worked myself into a frenzy of anger. One that’s about to get released on the shirtless guy in the kitchen who I’m now staring daggers at.
I rush over and punch Jayson hard in the chest. It feels like I just punched a wall of concrete.
Hissing while shaking out my sore hand, I say, “You hit Ryder.” I know that’s a dumb thing to accuse him of since I, myself, just punched him.
Jayson continues to eat his bowl of cereal like nothing happened. His bare chest is accentuated by the loose cotton sweatpants hanging low on hips, and his hair is wet and slicked back. He looks up at me in a manner that suggests that I didn’t just accost him in his kitchen.
“Good morning, princess.”
I grit my teeth. “You promised,” I remind him.
“I know I did. And I won’t break that promise, Liz. But you knew full well that what happened last night between me and Ry would have happened eventually. Now it’s over and done with, so there’s no need for you to worry about it anymore.”
In a weird sort of way, it makes sense. I won’t have to wait around anticipating when the two of them would come to blows. It’s a screwed-up round-about logic, but I guess I get it.
He straightens up and places his bowl in the sink. I briefly get distracted by his bare chest.
“Well, okay then,” I reply.
Jayson laughs. The sound does something to me, like a feeling from childhood trying to resurface. “Sorry to ruin your moment. You look gorgeous when you’re angry. I may have to make you mad more often.”
“You’ve done an excellent job of that ever since you knocked on my front door and scared the beejeezus out of me.”
Jayson smiles and I can’t help the smile that slips past my defenses.
“Stop being cute. I really am mad at you for what you said and did to Ryder.”
Jayson’s face pales. “He told you what I said?”
“He didn’t. Julien told me.”
Jayson releases an exasperated sigh. “Jules and his white hat complex.”
“Jayson, you really hurt Ryder. Why would you say that to him? He’s your best friend.”
Jayson shrugs and it ticks me off. Boys and their bullheadedness.
“You need to apologize, Jayson,” I tell him, getting irritated now.
“I’m sorry, Liz.”
“Not to me, you frustrating idiot! To Ryder,” I shout. “If you ever lay a hand on him again, I’ll call Fallon and have him knock some sense into you.”
“Fallon?” he asks incredulously.
“He and I are friends. Deal with it,” I snap back. “Promise me right now that you are going to fix things with Ryder.”
“I promise. I’ll apologize to Ry today,” he relents. Jayson walks over and tries to give me a hug, but I sidestep him.
“You do not get to pretend like everything is sunshine and roses between us,” I tell him.
I can see how much my rejection pains him, and my anger drops a couple of notches.
Those silver eyes lock onto my face. “Do you know how hard it is to watch the two of you together?”
“As hard as it was for him to watch the two of us together?” I counter. Jayson’s mouth gapes open before he clamps it shut.
I’ve heard most of the stories now. I have a pretty good idea of how things went down the night Jayson allegedly climbed through my bedroom window and kissed me for the first time.
He curses under his breath before saying, “I have been in love with you since I was six years old, Liz. I’m still in love with you. I’m not a freaking light switch. I can’t just turn my feelings on and off at a whim.”
He’s right. He’s completely right. If not for the car accident, Jayson and I would probably still be together. The entire situation has not been easy for any of us.
I step forward and cup his face in my hands. “Jayson, I’m so, very incredibly sorry. I really am. I wish I could be that girl for you. But I’m not her anymore.”
He tilts his head into my hand, rubbing his cheek against my palm before taking my wrists loosely in his hands.
“In my heart, you will always by my girl. And I’m sorry too, Liz.
I haven’t made things easy for you. And I really am ashamed of how I treated Ryder last night.
I was angry and jealous and hurting. But that’s no excuse. I promise to apologize to him.”
“Thank you, Jayson,” I say softly.
“I hate fighting with you, Liz. It makes me feel icky,” he tells me, bringing my hands to his lips and pressing a kiss to my wrists. I slowly slide my hands out of his grasp.
“Can I give you hug now?” he asks, those light gray eyes beseeching me. I soften at their sincerity. I give him a small nod and he wraps his arms around me.
“I’m gross,” I protest, but I return his embrace. My hands splay flat against his bare back and that stupid, niggling sensation pricks at my heartstrings.
“I don’t care,” he says. “I’ve missed you.” The hug he gives me is brief but powerful. “Stay here. Let me go grab a shirt.”
While I wait for Jayson to return, I pour myself some coffee. It’s lukewarm, but beggars can’t be choosers.
“Here, I got this for you,” he says when he comes back.
When I see the small black jewelry box in the outstretched palm of his hand, I freeze, my coffee mug poised in front of my face. My gaze darts from the box to him. “Jayson?”