Chapter 38
I'm Sorry
I'm bored. I check my phone. Still no text from Liz about when she wants me to come over.
I hate the stillness of the house. When things are quiet and I'm alone, I think of Liz.
I think of Liz with Ryder. I think of how he's now living the life that is supposed to be mine.
And it hurts. It hurts so much. Is this how Ryder felt when I ran to Elizabeth right after he told me and Jules his plan to tell Liz he loved her?
Did it hurt him this much to watch every time I kissed Liz?
Every time I touched her? Every laugh and smile she gave me and not him?
Walking over to gaze out the back patio sliding glass doors, I recall how Liz and I used to sit out there and watch the rain fall.
She loved thunderstorms the best. She said they reminded her of the fireworks from that Fourth of July when we snuck behind the dunes and kissed each other as the fireworks exploded above our heads.
My mind keeps playing back all of those first times.
All of those next times. Ryder is me now, and I am him, and it sucks.
I can't take it any longer. Deciding to head to Liz’s place, I grab my keys. If she wants me to leave after I get there, I will. I shove on my shoes and grab my wallet. Opening the front door, I come to a dead stop.
Liz is standing there, trembling. Her long hair is plastered to her face with sweat.
Her chest moves in and out as if she ran all the way here from her house.
But it’s her eyes that stop me cold. I have never seen Liz’s eyes glow so vibrantly green before.
It’s unnerving. She looks like a fairy goddess come to slay the dragon. And those green eyes are locked on me.
“Liz? What are you doing here? What’s wrong?” Even though my concern for her consumes me, I’m afraid to touch her. I’ve seen with my own eyes what one of her memory blackouts looks like, but this is different.
“Baby, you’re scaring me. Please tell me what’s wrong. Why are you standing out here in the dark?”
Those bright verdant green eyes flash.
“Everything,” she says, her voice sounding as fierce as the look in her eyes.
“What?”
“Everything!” she yells at me, her fists clenched tight at her sides. I’m officially freaked out now. I reach out to grab her arms so I can pull her inside the house.
“I remember everything!”
My body jerks. The hands that were reaching for her freeze. My eyes snap to hers when understanding kicks in. I never see her slap coming. Her hand connects with my cheek in a loud crack.
“I remember everything, Jayson!” She hits me again and again, her face filled with fury and pain. “You threw me out! You hurt me! You broke my heart!” She hits me and pounds on my chest. I stand there and let her, too shocked to do anything.
“I. Remember. Everything!” she screams.
It’s as if time slows down then speeds back up, like one of those movies where the character watches as bullets fly past him in slow motion and then everything returns to normal.
I don’t know who moves first. I think we both do.
She slams her mouth to mine, and I kiss her back, so starved for her that I may never have the strength to stop.
We come together in the most brutal, desperate, and ugly way.
Liz shoves me back inside the house, but I forcefully grab her, spinning us around until we are crashing against the entryway wall.
Thankful that Julien and my parents are not here to witness our chaotic, destructive frenzy, we kiss until our lips are sore.
And it’s not enough. It will never be enough.
I lift her in my arms and carry her upstairs to my bedroom, locking the door behind me.
“I love you, too, princess,” I tell her as we tumble onto my bed.
I’m suddenly wakened by the buzz of the doorbell. After Liz and I made love, we must have fallen asleep. I had my girl back and having her cuddled in my arms was the most wonderous feeling in the world.
I look over at my bedside clock and it reads eleven-thirty. Julien and my parents should be getting home soon. Their last text before Liz showed up said they would be arriving around midnight. Julien’s game was in Charlotte which is a couple of hours from here.
I roll over to grab Liz, but she’s not in the bed. I look around the room frantically when I hear Ryder’s voice call my and Julien’s names from downstairs. Where’s Liz?
“Jules, Jay,” Ryder calls out again. He has a key so must have let himself in. I pick up my phone and notice that Ryder and Daniel have tried to call me several times.
My bedroom door is cracked open, and I panic. Liz must be somewhere in the house. I rush to pull on some sweatpants and a shirt.
“Jay? Jules?” The sound of Ryder’s voice is closer as he walks up the stairs and down the hallway.
I open my door. “What?”
“Jesus, you scared the crap out of me,” he says.
“Being woken by someone unexpectantly coming into your house close to midnight isn’t much better,” I reply.
“Sorry. All the lights are on downstairs, so I assumed you guys were still up. I let myself in. Have you heard from Elizabeth?”
I peek down the hallway, half expecting to see her. I step out and close the door to my bedroom.
“Why?”
“I dropped by her house. Daniel said he thought she was in her room. She wasn't. We've tried calling her. She’s not answering her phone. I've called Fallon, Meredith, Celeste and the rest of the gang. No one's heard from her. Julien, Elijah, and your parents aren't answering their phones.”
“They were at Julien's game, remember? There must not have cell service if they're not answering.”
“I totally forgot about the game,” he says. “Jay, where could she be?”
We go downstairs and I walk around the house, looking for Liz. Ryder follows me, wondering what I’m doing. Where is she? Did she sneak out?
“Jay, I’m worried. Daniel is freaking out. It's not like her to disappear without telling someone where she's going.”
“Ry, she’s fine,” I assure him.
I don’t exactly remember the time when she arrived on my doorstep, but it couldn’t have been much later than ten o’clock. Liz was here with me until about an hour ago. Well, I think she was. I have no clue when she left. Why would she just leave without waking me up first?
“How can you be so sure? Weren’t you the one who pointed out what could happen to her if she had another memory blackout? She could be hurt!” he argues at me. “Her location tracking is turned off. Why would she turn it off? She promised to keep it on so Daniel could find her in an emergency.
That’s a good question. Where the hell are you, Liz? It’s then that I see a piece of paper with my name on it sitting on top of the counter island. The paper is folded like a tent, and my name is written in large block letters. Ryder sees the note at the same time I do but he gets to it first.
His face morphs into furious anger. I rip the paper from his hand.
“Jayson, I’m sorry. What we did should never have happened. – Elizabeth”
“What did you do, Jay?” Ry’s voice is hard and threatening. I think he already knows.
“Liz’s memory returned,” is all I get to say before Ryder punches me in the face.