Chapter 10
New York City
I’m dreaming and I hope I never wake up because when I do, I know I’ll be alone again. Without my family. Without Ryder, Jayson, and Julien. So, I remain in my dream of Ryder, needing to feel his presence close to me, even if it’s only a figment of my subconscious mind.
“I love you, Ryder. I hope it’s not too soon for me to say it, but I need to. I feel so much for you. It’s scary, and thrilling, and overwhelming at the same time. But I need to say it. I need you to know.”
Ryder kneels down at my feet, leaning into me until our noses almost touch. “Elizabeth, I have loved you since the day we met in third grade.”
Another shadowy form materializes in front of me, reminding me of memories lost. Old Elizabeth touches Ryder’s face and I warn her to stay away from him. He’s mine.
She just smiles vacantly at me and leans down to whisper in Ryder’s ear, “I chose Jayson.”
I startle awake. Mother of all that’s holy.
I feel like I’ve been sucked into a dark nothingness and I struggle for breath.
Then I realize where I am. The blackout curtains in the suite block out all outside light, making it impossible to know if it’s day or night.
Looking around for my phone, I grumble to myself when I remember that Fallon has it.
Dickhead. Sitting up on the sofa, I wrap the blanket around my shoulders.
I modify Fallon’s title a little when I realize he must have covered me with the blanket sometime during the night.
Okay. He’s a sweet dickhead for taking care of me.
Taking stock of myself, I wonder why I don’t feel hung over.
I guess a couple of shots of tequila aren’t enough to bring on the headaches, dry mouth, and nausea that I was expecting.
I get up and go to my room, immediately noticing the time on the hotel clock.
It’s five in the morning. No wonder I woke up.
This is the time I usually run with Julien.
I wonder if he’ll be running with Elijah this morning.
I hope so. I wonder if Julien misses me like I miss him.
I quickly change into a workout bra and yoga pants, put on the new running shoes Fallon bought for me, and slip out of the room to take our suite’s private elevator down to the fitness center.
I’m surprised our suite doesn’t have one.
When the elevator doors open on the tenth floor, I’m greeted by one of the hotel staff members.
“Good morning, Miss Fairchild. Visiting the fitness facility?” the young woman politely inquires.
How does she know who I am? She’s dressed in a black skirt-suit with a cream-colored blouse. Her chestnut hair is rolled into a tight knot at the nape of her neck.
I step out of the elevator and smile broadly at her when I see the phone case clipped at her waist. Don’t do it, Elizabeth, I tell myself. Of course, I ignore my own advice.
“Good morning,” —I look at her nametag— “Veronica.” I increase the wattage of my smile. “I left my phone in my room. Would you mind if I borrow yours? I promise it will only take a second. I’d hate to have to go all the way back up just to get mine.” Liar, liar, pants on fire.
“Please, be my guest.” She slides her phone out of the case, unlocks it, and hands it to me. I send up a silent hallelujah.
“Thank you so much, Veronica. You’re a life saver.” I step away and quickly punch in Ryder’s number.
“Hello?” his sleep-husked voice answers. God, he sounds so good. My heart both melts and breaks at the same time at the sound of his gravelly, baritone voice.
“Ryder?”
His sleepy tone quickly evaporates. “Elizabeth? It’s so good to hear your voice. Wait. Where’s Fallon?”
“Asleep. This isn’t my phone.” I peer over my shoulder to make sure Veronica isn’t eavesdropping. “I’m sorry, Ryder. I’m so, so sorry. You must hate me right now.”
“I could never hate you, baby.”
Baby. It gets me every time
“I remembered, Ryder. It all came back. I don’t know what to do.”
Ryder is silent on the other end and I feel my world start to unravel. I’ve lost him. He doesn’t want me anymore. I’ve ruined everything.
I hear his deep inhale at the same time I hear a dinging noise behind me.
I rush on. “I love you so much, Ryder. If you doubt anything about us, please never doubt that. I love—”
The phone is snatched out of my hand, and I yelp out in shock, spinning around. “Hey!”
An angry Fallon is standing before me, his eyes iced with frigid blue indignation. I try to take the phone back, but he holds it out of my reach and brings it to his ear. “Hey, man. Sorry about that. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Fallon, give that back!”
He menacingly steps toward Veronica, who shrinks back a little, and shoves the phone in her hand. Grabbing my wrist, he pulls me toward the open elevator doors. I don’t struggle. Instead, I glower and pout. Very mature, I know.
“How did you know where I was?”
He pulls me the rest of the way inside the elevator and places our room card up to the electronic scanner. Once the box starts going up, Fallon whirls on me and gets in my face.
“You wanted my help and I’m giving it to you. Stop acting like a brat, sneaking around, and making secret phone calls.”
I glare up at him. “How many times do I have to tell you that you can’t tell me what to do? I should be able call Ryder or Jayson or even Julien whenever I want to.”
It’s a dumb argument and I am acting exactly like the brat he’s accusing me of being. I’m in a hotel with hundreds of phones that I could have used by now. The fact that I bothered Veronica for hers just adds proof that I’m not thinking clearly.
Fallon presses in until our faces are so close, we’re breathing the same microcosm of air. “You gave me the right to tell you what to do when you came to me and begged for my help. Either accept my rules or pack your bags. I’m not your damn babysitter.”
My lower lip quivers but I suck it up and raise my head high, my eyes flashing with defiance.
“There she is,” Fallon says with approval. “Now close your eyes.”
With a huff, I do as I’m told.
“Who do you see?”
I crack one eye open. “Why do you keep asking me that?”
He grabs my chin. “Tell me, kitten. Who do you see?”
I open my eyes. “I see Ryder and Jayson.”
He nods once and steps away. “Then there’s your answer.”
The knowledge that he’s right infuriates me. I can’t go back until I know who I am and which Elizabeth I want to be.
“What if it’s too much for them? What if by finding out who I am, I lose all of them?”
“What if Starbucks gets rid of my favorite chocolate caramel latte? Who cares, Elizabeth? Grow a spine and woman-up. Make a choice. Make a decision. Let me help you. Otherwise, you’re wasting my time.”
Fallon’s words are like a sledgehammer hitting a thumb tack. The elevator doors open to our suite and he stalks off, leaving me standing there. Alone. Just like in my dream. The doors begin to close, and I throw my hand out to stop them.
“Fallon, wait!” I run after him.
He slows and turns around, his facial expression unreadable. I’m used to cocky Fallon, a-hole Fallon, crazy Fallon, and weird Fallon. I’m not used to this Fallon.
“I’m womaning-up,” I say breathlessly.
He cocks his head, and it reminds me of those times before when he would look at me and do just that. Those times when Old Elizabeth was wary and unsure of him.
“No more sneaking around?” he says.
“No more sneaking around,” I agree.
“Good girl. Let’s order some breakfast.”
“I hope they have your favorite chocolate caramel latte,” I tease.
“Shut the hell up,” he replies with a crooked grin, and I laugh.