Chapter 11
I walk out of Meredith’s kitchen with my hands full of snacks—Oreos, potato chips, a bag of Hershey’s minis, and a Honeycrisp apple.
I toss the junk food at the gaggle of girls in various positions on the floor in front of the television but keep the apple.
I’m determined to eat healthier for the baby.
Okay, maybe a few chocolate bars, I decide, reaching into the bag Beth is hoarding and grabbing as many as will fit in my hand.
Celeste whispers something in Hailey’s ear that causes her to emit a peal of laughter.
Hailey has smiled more tonight than I have seen her do since she came home.
My friends are absolutely awesome. They immediately accepted Hailey as part of our group without a second’s thought.
They don’t treat her as my little sister or as a tag-along to tonight’s slumber party.
“I wonder if the boys will crash our party again,” Meredith muses, referring to the last time we had a girls’-only sleepover.
That night, the boys came over with Darrel so he could ask Meredith to be his girlfriend.
It was really sweet. He stood on the front lawn and played music like John Cusack did in Say Anything.
Meredith starts playing with my hair. It’s something she does to help calm her ADHD when she feels antsy and needs to keep her hands busy. We have My Best Friend’s Wedding playing on the television and are half paying attention to it.
Beth pops up off the floor like a meerkat. “Oh, holy cow! I didn’t tell you guys!” she exclaims. Beth is our gossip queen. She knows what’s happening at school before anyone else does.
“Shush. Not yet,” Celeste grumps, holding her hand up in front of Beth’s face like a stop sign.
Just as she says that, the scene in the movie transitions to when they all meet up at a restaurant and Cameron Diaz starts singing—very badly—before Julia Robert’s friend belts out the beginning lyrics to “I Say a Little Prayer” by Dionne Warwick.
Of course, all five of us jump to our feet, pretend microphones in our hands, and shout out the song as loudly as we can while dissolving into hysterical laughter.
Once the song finishes, we collapse back down onto our pillow pallets on the floor.
“You have to do the music competition this year, Elizabeth,” Celeste tells me, catching her breath. “If I had your voice, I’d be marching my butt to Nashville and demanding a music contract.”
Beth pffts her friend. “You hate country music.”
“So? If I could sing like that, I wouldn’t care. I’d learn to like it.”
Hailey looks over at me with a perplexed expression. “You didn’t do the music competition in May?” she asks.
Everyone’s eyes turn to me. There’s a lot that Hailey still doesn’t know since she ran away and was gone for almost a year.
I tread carefully. “Uh, no. The car accident and then the after…” I say, giving a shrug of the shoulder.
“God, Lizzie. If I—”
“But you’re doing it this year, right?” Meredith cuts her off, preventing the awkward conversation from continuing further. I love my friend.
“I haven’t decided yet.”
Which is a lie because I did decide not to do it.
I told our choral director yesterday before last period.
My life is stressful enough. It feels like it’s not my own right now.
I’m the hamster going round and round in its wheel with no destination and no end in sight.
I feel like everything keeps being taken from me and I am helpless to stop it.
My parents. My sister. Ryder. Jayson. My home. My memories. My choices. My future.
“Can I please tell you guys what I heard?” Beth whines, impatient.
“She’s like a hyper chihuahua,” Celeste says, and Beth whacks her with a throw pillow from the sofa.
We get distracted again with a pillow fight and only capitulate once Meredith grabs an entire sofa cushion that’s almost as big as she is, threatening to pummel us with it.
“I should have known,” Trevor says, walking into the living room.
“No boys allowed!” Meredith scolds her brother.
He ignores her as always. “I live here. Hey, Ace,” he tells me, sitting down between me and Hailey on the floor.
“Hey, Trevor.”
He shoulder-bumps Hailey.
“Hi,” she meekly says, her face turning pink.
Huh.
Meredith tries to shove him away from us. “You could have stayed over at someone else’s house tonight.”
“And miss seeing girls in pajamas and pillow fights?” He laughs at her futile attempts to get him to leave.
Trevor reaches behind him and easily flips his sister over his shoulder. She’s tiny compared to him. Her prone position has us all piling on top of her in a tickle attack.
Thrashing and snorting like a hyena, Meredith screeches, “Stop! You’re going to make me pee myself!” All hands cease their tickling and jerk away from her.
Meredith punches Trevor in the chest with a huff. “I hate you.”
Still laughing, he helps her up to a sitting position and hugs her. “I hate you, too.” She rolls her eyes.
Beth is bouncing up and down in her cross-legged position, barely able to contain herself, and I take pity on her.
“Can we please let Beth tell us her news before she explodes?”
“Thank you!” she proclaims and claps her hands together. “Okay. So, according to Bella whose friends with Tess who was at Deke’s party last weekend, Maria stumbled upon Marshall and Jacinda having sex!” She pauses for dramatic effect. “In one of the rooms at the party!”
She gets four mouths dropping open from Celeste, Mer, Hailey, and Trevor.
I don’t gape. I fume. Seeing Maria and Samantha hanging together more without Jacinda this past week makes sense now.
Also, Jacinda tried that crap with Jayson at Fallon’s party last year.
I cringe because, eww. Some memories I wish stayed buried.
My stomach decides to roll with nausea at that moment and I take a deep breath, hoping to stave it off.
“Come on, Beth. That can’t be true. That kind of gossip would have spread all over school by now if it really happened.”
Beth shakes her head at Celeste’s reply, her haphazard curls bouncing over her shoulders. “It has to be true. Haven’t you seen the death glares Maria and Jacinda have been throwing at each other all week?”
Trevor gets up. “I don’t need to be a part of this conversation. See you girls in the morning.”
“‘Night, Trevor,” we all chorus as he walks out.
As Celeste and Beth debate about the validity of Maria and Marshall breaking up, Mer opens up a bag of barbecue potato chips. The smell alone has me standing up abruptly, racing to the bathroom. Stupid pregnancy hormones.
I catch up with Trevor in the hallway and push him out of the way so I can get to the bathroom.
“Sorry, got to go,” I comment, slamming and locking the door, then throwing the lid to the toilet up just in time. I hate morning sickness at eleven o’clock at night.
When my tummy settles, I wash up, splash some cold water on my face, and rinse out my mouth. Then I stare at myself in the mirror. Turning to the side to see my profile, I run my hands over my flat stomach that shows no signs that there’s a baby in there.
“I love you, little peanut, but I’m getting really tired of all the puking,” I tell it and sigh.
Hailey raps on the bathroom door. I know it’s her because it’s our secret knock. I unlock the door, and she slips inside, closing it again.
“Trevor said you were sick. You okay?”
My face falls. He heard me? Great. Lovely. That’s all I need right now.
I wash my hands again to avoid her question since Hailey is studying me with narrowed eyes.
“I’m good.”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “Lizzie.”
I add more soap until my hands are filled with a mound of bubbles.
She unfolds her arms. “Lizzie.”
Taking my time to dry my hands, I run the hand towel between each finger.
“Lizzie, are you pregnant?”
“What?”
“You’ve been throwing up for the past two weeks. The hall bathroom is next to my room. I’m not stupid and can put two and two together,” she softly states.
My hands drop to my sides, my head hangs, and my shoulders droop. How did I ever convince myself that I could keep this charade up? Jayson is right. I’m not going to be able to hide my secret for much longer.
Hailey walks over to me, grasping my shoulders and turning me to face her, but I refuse to look at her. I’m such a screw-up. The past two years have been nothing but one colossal mistake after another. All I’ve been doing is disappointing everyone.
Hailey doesn’t need me to answer her. She knows. She pulls me to her and holds me as I cry.
“Everything’s going to be okay.”
Why does everyone keep saying that?