Chapter 12
Last night after everyone fell asleep, Hailey and I sequestered ourselves in the hall bathroom, seeking privacy so no one could hear us.
Then we talked. About everything. Every fear.
Every worry. Every concern. I let it all out.
Through each painful, wrenching minute of it, my sister held my hand, gave me hugs, kissed my wet cheeks, offered me comfort, and simply listened.
It was overwhelming, yet also cathartic.
Hailey also helped me understand that I couldn’t wait any longer to tell Ryder, regardless of my concerns.
Ryder has a right to know. Jayson, Fallon, and Julien already know and that only adds to my already full bag of guilt I carry around.
So here I am at ten in the morning, standing at the Cutton’s front door, wringing my hands and trying to muster up the courage to walk inside and tell my boyfriend who has cancer and is fighting for his life that I’m pregnant.
Tell him that I’m not completely sure who the father is and beg for his forgiveness… again. I sigh heavily.
Okay. Here we go.
Using the new key Faith gave me since I couldn’t find my old one, I unlock the front door and step inside. The lingering smells of breakfast fill the air, making me hungry. I seem to be hungry all the time now when I’m not throwing it all back up. Nice imagery, I know.
We had some light flurries overnight that dusted the rooftops, roads, and sidewalks. Once inside, I shut the door to keep out the cold air and kick off my shoes. There are voices coming from the living room area, so that’s where I head first—and stop dead in my tracks when I round the corner.
Seated on the couch is Ryder, gorgeous as ever.
He’s wearing the faded, dark blue jeans and charcoal-gray Randy’s Custom Auto hoodie I love.
Those startling light copper eyes of his that make me swoon every time he looks at me are crinkled in the corners as he smiles one of his breathtaking smiles…
but not at me. He’s smiling at Maria, who is sitting right next to him, so close that their knees are touching. And she’s holding his hand.
What. The. Hell?
“What is she doing here?” My words are laced with animosity and anger, the sudden rush of emotion making my entire body vibrate.
Ryder and Maria startle at my unexpected outburst. My gaze zeroes in on her and I know I must look absolutely murderous because she scoots away from Ryder to the opposite end of the sofa.
Ryder stands, shoving a hand through his hair and messing it up. “Is it lunchtime already?” he asks. He and I had plans to have lunch at Ruby’s and then spend the rest of the day together.
I spear him with a heated look before slicing my eyes back to Maria. She has the nerve to smirk at me.
“Elizabeth,” Ryder says my name, but I ignore him.
“Why are you here?” I ask Maria. She looks to Ryder and that only makes me madder.
Ryder comes over to me, blocking my line of sight. “Baby, she knows,” he states, making it clear as to what she knows. “She came over and asked if we could talk. She wanted to apologize.”
I bet she did. And how did she find out he was sick? I know Jayson, Julien, Fallon, and I have not said a word. That leaves Hailey and Brea. But Hailey would never break my confidence like that, would she? And if Maria knows, then the whole school will soon know.
I want to yell at him that he can’t believe a word Maria says.
She is a master manipulator. Look at the years she faked being my friend because she wanted him.
She can’t be trusted. Which begs to ask, why is she really here?
If she thinks she can break up with Marshall and come after Ryder again, she has another thing coming.
“Uh huh,” I finally get out.
Ryder reaches up to cradle my face, but I take a step away from him and look over his shoulder. Maria’s smirk grows and I want to punch her in the face again.
“I’ll come back later,” I tell him. If Ryder wasn’t sick, I’d have taken great pleasure in yanking her up by her hair and dragging her out of the house.
“Please stay.” He tries to take my hand and I retreat another step.
Not happening. How can he expect me to spend a second in the same room and play nice with her after what she did to Hailey? Turning on my heel, I walk out, stopping briefly to shove my shoes back on.
Ryder comes rushing up behind me. “Elizabeth, will you please stop? I get that you’re angry.”
“Do you?” I pointedly ask. “How can you even listen to a word she says?”
Ryder gives me a pleading look. “I don’t have the luxury now not to. I don’t even know if I’ll…” He stops talking when he sees my horrified expression.
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” I snap at him.
Ryder doesn’t know that I overheard him the other day talking to Jayson.
Ryder is making decisions and contingencies about his life as if he’s expecting the worst outcome.
I know that must be the reason for why he allowed Maria inside and is now talking to her instead of pushing her out the door with a swift heel kick to the backside.
And knowing that increases my rage at the entire farce.
Upset and needing a moment to myself to calm down so I don’t say something I’ll regret, I push up against Ryder and pull him down to kiss him. His arms immediately band around me, lifting me off my feet.
“Please don’t go,” he whispers when we pull apart and touch foreheads.
“I love you. So much.” I kiss him again. “Text me when you’re done, and she’s gone.”
Without another word, I open the front door and walk out.
Ryder watches me from the porch as I get in my car.
I wait several seconds, hoping he will try and stop me from leaving.
Hoping he’ll choose me over Maria. When that doesn’t happen, I back out of the driveway.
I don’t go far. Parking my car along the curb in front of my old house, I get out, pulling on my gloves and hat, and walk over to the oak tree.
The seat of the swing Jayson made for me is frosted with ice crystals. I sweep them away and sit down, toeing the ground to start me swaying gently back and forth. The large branch the swing hangs from creaks as my weight pulls it down.
My phone vibrates in my coat pocket.
MyBoyfriend: I love you.
I put my phone back in my pocket when it vibrates again.
I was going to tell him about the baby. I was going to tell him everything.
I was going to ask him to come to the doctor’s appointment with me tomorrow afternoon.
Fate must be messing with me again. Pulling those strings of my life and tangling them into knots.
The urge to run to Fallon is strong. He’s my go-to protector.
My hero. If anyone can save me from my dark thoughts, it’s him.
But Fallon also taught me how to be strong.
He showed me in the weeks we travelled together around the world not to allow fear to rule me.
That life’s choices are my own. That I can do anything I set my mind to.
I am the master of my destiny, not Fate.
Peering up through the bare branches of the tree, I see the white blanket of the sky, the sun just a faint halo glowing through the thick nimbus clouds.
Winter has stripped the tree of all its leaves.
Getting off the swing, I circle to the back and grab hold of a thick branch, pulling myself up.
I don’t even have to think about it as I climb, over a decade of scaling the branches so familiar and second nature for me.
Once I get to the branch that leads to Jayson and Julien’s bedroom window, I pluck a dead acorn off the end of a small twig and chuck it at the glass, hoping one of them is sleeping in late since it’s Sunday.
When no one comes to investigate, I scootch backwards until I can prop myself in a sitting position against the trunk, my legs straddling the branch and dangling on either side.
“Don’t you dare move,” Jayson proclaims from his window, climbing out and scurrying over to me.
He’s wearing sweatpants and a flannel sleep shirt, but his feet are bare.
Sitting down to face me, he grabs my thighs to hold me in place.
“Are you nuts? You shouldn’t be climbing trees in your condition. ”
My green eyes meet his silver-gray ones and we both burst out laughing.
“That sounded like something my dad would say,” he jokes.
“Yeah, it did.”
He inches closer and tucks my legs under his to anchor me in place.
Jayson and I have spent hours upon hours in this tree together.
It was where we had our first date. Under my sweater, I’m wearing the rose quartz heart he gave me that night.
It’s sitting next to the locket he also gave me on the gold chain his promise ring hangs on.
I found them inside the banker’s box that contained the scrapbooks and have been wearing the necklace every day.
“What are you doing out here?” he asks, watching me closely.
From up high, we watch as little Bennie races down the street on his yellow bike. I used to babysit him and his sister.
Tilting my head back until it touches the tree trunk, I puff out a breath of white vapor chilled by the cold air. “I went by to see Ryder, only to find Maria cozied up to him on the couch.” Yeah, that sums it up.
Jayson’s mouth hangs down in stupefaction, then shuts tight. “You’re kidding me.” Not a question.
“Wish I was. I was going to tell him, Jayson.” I laugh humorously. I still need to tell him. Maybe this weekend.
His hand goes to the lower part of my coat and splays across my wool-covered abdomen. Instead of asking me about what went down at Ryder’s house, Jayson surprises me with, “How’s the little peanut doing today?”
“Hungry.” This time I grin.
Those metallic eyes flit up from his hand to my face. “And how is his mommy doing?”
“His?”
Jayson’s smile is blinding. He really is handsome. I’m a lucky girl to have four absolutely gorgeous guys as her best friends. The best part is that they are all just as gorgeous on the inside too.
“She’s hungry, too,” I add. And sad. And so many other things. Freaking Maria and her unfortunate timing.
“Then let’s feed you both. Come on.” He takes my hand, and we carefully navigate the branch to his window. He helps me inside first before following.
“Where’s Julien?” I ask, noticing his bed hasn’t been slept in.
Closing and locking the window, Jayson replies, “He stayed over at Elijah’s last night.”
While the girls and I had our female-only sleepover, the guys all gathered at Elijah’s house for a boy’s night that must have ended around eleven since Trevor came home soon after.
We walk downstairs and are met by Freda and Mitch who are on their way out.
“Where did you come from?” Freda asks me when she sees us at the bottom of the stairs.
“Tree.”
She nods like that makes perfect sense. Freda waves me over to her so she can hug and kiss me. Mitch takes my coat, gloves, and hat and puts them on the foyer table.
Freda tells Jayson, “We’re off to the stores. Text if you think of anything else you or Julien need from the grocery.”
“Will do,” he says, grabbing my hand again and dragging me to the kitchen.
“We should be back in a few hours,” she calls as they leave.
“Bye!” I shout as the front door closes.
Jayson opens the fridge and takes out almond milk and eggs. “Pancakes?”
“Yes, please.” He makes the best pancakes.
Side by side, we work together in silence just like old times.
I’m surprised that Freda still keeps a box of gluten free pancake mix in the pantry and a carton of almond milk in the refrigerator.
I’m not allergic to gluten like I am dairy, but I prefer to eat GF when possible.
Knowing my way around the Jameson kitchen like the back of my hand, I get out the mixing bowl and measure out two cups of flour.
Jayson cracks an egg into the bowl, pours in a dash of pure vanilla extract, then adds the almond milk as I whisk it.
He preheats a non-stick skillet and takes the bowl from me, ladling large scoops of batter into the hot pan.
The yeasty, sweet smell is amazing and calms my queasy stomach.
Within ten minutes, we’re sitting down at the breakfast table with our food, a bottle of maple syrup between us. I devour mine in four bites.
My phone loudly buzzes again.
Jayson’s fork suspends mid-air in front of his face. “Want to get that?”
“Not particularly.”
He bites the food off his fork.
I sit back and look at him. “Alright. Who are you and what did you do with Jayson?”
He smiles at me again while chewing his syrup-laden pancake.
I point at him, waving my finger up and down. “I’m not used to chill Jayson. I’m used to you being all up in my business.”
He chuckles and shakes his head. “You’re not the only one who can change.”
My eyebrows lift. “Apparently not.”
He takes my plate with his and puts them in the kitchen sink. “What time do we need to be at the doctor’s tomorrow?”
I thunk my head on the table. I’m turning into my uncle. Jayson, Julien, and Fallon are all coming with me to my appointment.
Joy.
Ryder should be there. I mentally groan and curse at the same time. Why did Maria have to be at the house today?
“Right after school,” I mumble.
“I’m driving. No arguments.”
“Not saying a word.” I mime zipping my lips.
Instead of vibrating with an incoming text, my phone rings and I audibly groan again this time. “It’s Ryder.”
I guess Maria is gone now. I force myself to stand up from the table but plop right back down. The buzz of my phone indicates another text message.
MyBoyfriend: Please answer your phone. I’m at your house. Where are you?
“Apparently he’s at the house now.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“You don’t have to.”
Jayson takes both of my hands and pulls me to stand. “Nowhere else I’d rather be.” Then he hugs me, and I hold on tight.