2. Chapter 2
Crap. Crap. Crap.
This can’t be happening, can it?
I slam the door shut, and throw my back against it just in case he tries to get in.
He's here.
Jamie Nicks.
The man I’ve met exactly once. The father of the best thing to have ever happened to me is standing on my doorstep with flowers, like he's waiting to take me out for prom instead of showing up four years too late.
My heart is beating so fast, it feels like it's about to pound its way out of my chest.
What the hell is he doing here?
Groaning, I slide down to the floor and hug my knees to my chest while sweat prickles at the back of my neck.
How the hell did he find us?
I moved out of state once it was confirmed his family dropped the lawsuit. I changed my number and email once we all agreed to communicate through my lawyer. That was supposed to be it.
I was never supposed to hear from them again.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
I nearly jump out of my skin when I hear him shuffling around on the porch.
Why hasn’t he left yet? Does slamming the door in his face not give him enough understanding on what's going on here?
I press my forehead to my knees, trying to breathe past the light-headed swirl of panic making its way through my body.
“Go away,” I whisper, feeling as small as the last time I saw him. He was warming the bench at my cousin Zach’s senior-year game three years ago.
The same feeling of dread comes seeping through me. The day I realized I meant so little that he gave me someone else's name right before I lost my virginity to him.
I hear Jamie’s sigh through the door, confirming this isn’t some twisted nightmare my brain cooked up. He’s here in flesh and blood.
But why? Why now?
“Who was that mommy?” My beautiful Ella asks, her voice yanking me back from the edge. She's dressed in her Princess Blanca costume, day three of wearing it, looking so innocent considering what just happened.
He saw her, and in those few, fleeting seconds of eye contact, it felt like someone reached into my chest and ripped out a piece of my soul.
She came face-to-face with her father, and she has his face. His smile. His damn chin.
And now he knows it.
The connection I’ve spent years dreading, praying I could outrun, has happened, and there’s no undoing it.
Is he going to use this against me? Hold her over me like a loaded gun? Ella doesn’t deserve to be a pawn in whatever sick game Jamie and his family are playing.
“Mommy?”
I press my finger to my lips, check the door is locked, and quickly stand, ushering her into the playroom Zach spent a weekend perfecting.
Pale blue walls with silver snowflakes in the theme of Ella’s favorite movie Iced Out.
“It’s fit for a princess,” he’d said when he finished, and Ella had squealed in happiness.
Now, it’s the only place I feel safe.
He can’t get in. There are security cameras outside. The door has a sensor.
Zach had them installed after Honey broke it off with him and he found out her friend had stolen her key and slept in his bed. Not that that's important right now. Right now, I need to figure out how to get my baby daddy off the porch before my cousin gets home and loses his damn mind.
I lock the playroom door with shaking fingers, then grab my phone, and dial 911.
My thumb hovers over the green call button just in case.
If he’s still out there, I’m done playing nice.
I will call them if I have to. Quiet as a whisper, I tiptoe to the window and peel the curtain back just enough to see through the gap and brace myself for whatever’s waiting on the other side.
Nothing.
He’s gone.
Thank goodness, but for how long?
My fingers tremble as I let the curtain fall.
One slammed door isn’t going to be enough for Jamie to leave me alone. Honey told me he attends Southern Collegiate, so he flew across the country just to haunt my doorstep.
He’s not leaving.
No. He's coming for her.
I feel it in my bones.
“Mommy.” Ella's voice sounds distant, and I realize I'm hyperventilating, sucking in air that's not reaching my lungs. Black spots dance at the edges of my vision as Ella's worried face blurs before me.
My chest feels like it's caught in a vise grip. The room shrinks and the walls feel like they’re closing in on me. I can't think straight. All I want is to find a hole to crawl into and disappear. To wake up and discover this was just a nightmare.
“Mommy,” she calls again, her little face crumpled with worry, and I want to hold her.
To promise everything's okay, but I'm paralyzed by the realization that everything could come crashing down around us at any moment. Zach might be able to pay for a fancy lawyer for us, but it’s nothing compared to the fucking Sanderson and Nicks law firm coming for you.
What if they take her? What if I lose the only thing that gives my life meaning?
The thought of Ella being ripped away, of her living in the cold, sterile Nicks mansion with people who didn't even want to know her name, is unbearable.
I'd run away with her and burn the world down before I let that happen.
“Mommy.”
The second her tiny hand touches mine, I pull Ella into my arms and clutch her like she might vanish if I let her go.
She wriggles, confused by her normally level-headed mother suddenly acting so unhinged.
I bury my face in her blonde hair, breathe her in, and pray that it’s enough to keep me centered.
“Mommy, it’s too tight,” she protests, pushing against my shoulder.
“Sorry, baby,” I whisper, loosening my grip but not letting go. Not yet. “I just love you so much.”
“I love you too,” she says quickly. It sounds so simple when she says it. To her, it is. Her love is pure, untainted by the toxic mess I got us into when I decided to have my first time at a stupid party in high school.
“Tiff? Ella?” Zach tries the playroom door handle, his voice jolting me back to reality. “The door’s locked. Are you both okay in there?”
He bangs against the door so violently, I swear he’s going to knock it down if I don’t do something soon.
Letting go of Ella, I rush to the door, unlock it and find my very concerned cousin on the other side. “Tiff? Are you okay?”
I see it in his eyes. He knows something’s happened, and I can’t believe I’m about to lie to my best friend. He's helped me ever since I showed up at his parents’ door, clutching my stomach and crying, and I'm going to repay that with this.
“We’re good,” I squeak out, hoping it sounds convincing because I’m most certainly not good.
“Uncle Z!” Ella squeals, running over to Zach as he pushes the door open further. He scoops her up into a hug and then settles her on his hip.
“Hey, Ella-bear.” He kisses her on the forehead and she leans into him. “How are you?”
“Good,” she says. “But mommy-”
I interrupt her before she can finish that sentence. “What are you doing home? I thought you had practice?”
“I did.”
He and Ella both watch me intently, and when his eyes narrow to my hands with an unspoken question, that's when I realize they're shaking.
Way to play it cool and act like nothing’s going on.
“But you're early.” I pull my hair out of its messy bun to give my hands something to do and make them less of the focus.
“Practice ended thirty minutes ago.”
“Really?”
How? Jamie knocked on the door shortly after Zach left. What happened to all that time? Was I just sitting there wallowing in my own misery?
He sets Ella down, and she immediately runs back to her dolls to play.
“Yeah,” he drawls, scratching the back of his neck. “I'm home earlier than usual because I didn’t sit outside Honey's dorm today.”
Honey. Zach’s ex, but still the love of his life.
“I checked the location app and saw Honey wasn’t there. Figured I lost every shred of dignity I had left when I talked shit about the hockey team in my last press conference, I should probably wait at least a week before she can accuse me of stalking. Growth, right?”
His tone is light, and he plays it off, trying to look unbothered. Unfortunately, Zach doesn’t do unbothered when Honey’s concerned. He’s bothered. Deeply, constantly, probably forever.
“Growth,” I repeat, my eyes drifting to the inked honeycomb on his forearm. “That’s good,” I say halfheartedly. Who am I to judge the fact he got a breakup tattoo as part of his growth when I'm lying through my teeth right now?
“Are you sure you're okay?” Zach asks, taking a step closer to me. “You seem a little on edge.”
I swallow hard and take him in. Should I tell him? I know for a fact, he’ll fight any battle I ask him to, but do I want him involved in this one?
Hell no. This is Zach Evans we're talking about. He'll hunt Jamie down and break his face… again. He might be the star quarterback of this school, but Zach knows how to throw a mean punch when he wants to.
“I’m fine,” I lie, sounding about as convincing as if Zach were to tell me he's over Honey. I clasp my shaking hands together, hoping he doesn’t see it.
“Are you sure?” He's not buying it for a second. Zach and I were raised more like siblings. That’s what happens when your mothers are sisters who grew up in the same town. He can read me like a book, and I don’t like it.
“Yeah.” I shake my head. Then I force a smile that feels more like a grimace as I look up at him. “I was just… startled by a noise outside. Thought I heard someone on the porch and then got too nervous to put Ella down.”
“That’s because there was someone at the door.”
He raises his hand to show me the familiar pink peonies.
Fuck.
All I can think about is Jamie’s face as he pushed those flowers in my direction with a haphazard smile. The same smile that made my heart flutter all those years ago.
He’s not here to be my knight in shining armor.
It’s a trick. That’s the only explanation.
“Oh, they must be from your fans again,” I say in an attempt to change the subject, and onto one he hates talking about. The people who leave footballs, jerseys, whatever they have, on Zach’s porch just to get him to sign them.