19. Chapter 19
Drip. Drip. Drip.
I watch the water from my hair fall onto the marble vanity, counting each drip in the vain hope that it will reduce my anxiety.
The dispatcher had been so patient as she walked me through the steps while I rambled about Ella’s temperature and stomach aches like it was a national emergency.
She said she had new parents call panicked like this all the time, but can I even be considered a parent yet?
I feel like I’m just some idiot who doesn’t know the difference between “Needs medicine” and “needs an ambulance.”
Ella’s okay. That’s all that matters.
Pushing away from the vanity, I look down at my body.
“Fuck.”
I’m soaking her bath mat. I slowly peel off my wet shirt and wring it out over the tub before resting it against the side.
My jeans are a little harder to get off because the denim is soaked through.
By the time I’ve wrestled them off, I’m breathing hard and standing in nothing but my soaking wet boxers.
Those come off next, and I place them next to my jeans, taking in my dripping wet clothes as I stand in my baby mama’s bathroom naked.
Fucking idiot. Now what are you going to do?
Leaning over, I grab one of the towels from the rack and wrap it around my waist.
Hopefully, Tiff will show pity on me and let me throw my clothes in the dryer so I don’t have to head back to the hotel naked.
“Jamie?”
I freeze.
Never, and I mean never, in my life have I felt so uncomfortable half-naked.
I turn to find Tiff standing in the doorway with wide, surprised eyes.
“I—” She stops mid-sentence, her gaze traveling from my face down to the towel and back up again. She shakes her head, and there’s the tiniest hint of a smile on her lips. “Sorry. I didn’t know you were—”
“No problem,” I say, fisting the fold of the towel tighter to hold it in place.
“Didn’t want to walk around the house and get everything wet.
Figured Zach would use it as a reason to murder me.
” I throw her a lopsided smile, but she doesn’t respond.
In fact, she doesn’t move. She just stands there, staring, as the color creeps up her neck, all the way to her cheeks.
“Uh, right,” she says finally, shaking her head again. “You—you can’t walk around in just a towel.”
“Probably not the best idea,” I joke, trying to lighten the tension in the room, though my heart is beating so fast, I worry it will explode out of my chest soon.
Her eyes flick down to the towel but look back up so quickly, I would have missed it if I could keep my eyes off her. She clears her throat and looks away. “Let me get you something. You and Zach look about the same size.”
Then she disappears out of the room, leaving me there to think about how hot she looked when she was breathless and blushing.
I blow out a breath and lean against the counter, dropping my head down. All I see is the bulge under the towel growing.
Not the right time, dick.
I’ve been patient, I’ve tried to show I’m not here for anything other than being with Ella and helping Tiff, but all this proximity isn’t helping my sanity, or my boner.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes.
She was surprised. That’s why she looked at you like that. She’s not hot for you. She just didn’t expect you to be flaunting your skinny ass in her bathroom. She was just out on a date with another guy for crying out loud, but then you ruined it.
Just like you ruin everything.
Tiff returns a few minutes later with a stack of clothes in her hands and a hoodie draped over her shoulder.
“Here.” She sets them on the counter, careful not to look at me. “I got you a bunch of stuff so you could choose what to wear.”
“Thanks.” Our fingers brush as I reach for the clothes. It’s hardly anything, but my dick doesn’t know that.
Tiff doesn’t flinch away; she leaves her hand there. “Do you think Zach’s going to be happy about me borrowing his clothes?”
“You climbed into a bathtub fully clothed for Ella. I think he’ll let you off this one time. Besides, after last week with my dad, I think Zach is reluctantly softening on you.”
“Pfft. That would be a miracle after all the shit I pulled. I don’t deserve it to be that easy.”
She pulls her hand away from mine, and I don’t stop her because the statement’s true, even for her. I don’t deserve her.
“How was your date?” I ask after a few moments of silence.
Tiff’s gaze catches mine. Her lips part, and then shut before she says, “It was fine. Reese is a good guy.”
“He seems like it.”
He certainly wouldn’t have done something so monumentally stupid while looking after Ella, that’s for sure.
“Did you… have fun?” It’s a reluctant question because I really don’t want to hear about it, but Tiff’s not mine, so I have no right to be upset.
“I was distracted,” she admits, and then I feel like an asshole.
Of course she was fucking distracted. You freaked out over a damn fever and cut her night short. The one night she had to go out, and you fucking ruined it, you moron.
“Even before I saw your messages,” she admits.
When her gaze meets mine, I swear her eyes are a little glassy.
“What were you thinking about?”
I hold her gaze, waiting for her to either break my heart or make it whole.
“This,” she says simply, raising her hand, but then dropping it. “You. Ella. Us.”
My heart’s beating faster. My brain is whirring into overdrive.
Us.
Is there even an ‘us’ to worry about? I hope so.
“I think about it too,” I confess, unable to hold back since she put it out there.
“All the time, in fact. Even when I told you to go out with Reese, even when I was trying to convince myself you deserved someone better than me… I couldn’t stop thinking about what it would be like if you, me, and Ella were a real family. ”
“Jamie—”
I raise my hand. “I know it’s complicated, and I know I have no right to expect anything from you after everything that’s happened, but being with Ella tonight…it feels right.”
She doesn’t look away.
“I finally feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.”
Her breath catches, our eyes still connected.
Silence stretches between us as she takes in everything I just admitted.
“I feel it too,” she whispers.
Is my brain malfunctioning, or did she just agree with me?
“But it terrifies me,” she admits.
“Why?” I ask, shifting closer.
“Because all I can think about is the first time I was kicked out and left alone. What if that happens again? What if your father offers you so much money you can’t turn it down? What if you realize we aren’t what you want? What if that’s all because of—”
“Tiff.” I cut her off, gently taking her hands and intertwining our fingers. “I’m not going anywhere. Not unless you ask me to.”
She looks down at our joined hands. “How can you be so sure? You barely know me or Ella.”
“I know enough,” I say simply. “I know you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. That night in the library was the moment everything changed for me. You changed everything for me without knowing or trying.”
“That was years ago.”
“Do you want to hear about now? Because now it’s even clearer.
Seeing you taking care of our perfect daughter only emphasizes how much I—” I stop myself from going too far.
“—how much I missed. When I’m with the two of you, everything else—the money, my father, all of it—seems insignificant.
All I care about is making you both smile. ”
She keeps her focus on our hands, so I rub her palm with my thumb, holding back the words I really want to say. The ones that feel too soon, and not enough at the same time.
“I’m scared,” she whispers.
“Me too,” I admit. “Terrified, actually. Have been since I walked away from my family.”
“See. That’s what I mean. You’re scared of being away from them.”
She doesn’t get it, and I can’t blame her.
I lean my forehead against hers, forcing her to look up at me.
“No. That’s not why I was terrified. Leaving them felt liberating.
Seeing your face and realizing that I might never be able to fix what was broken terrified me.
Believing that you both might not let me be there for you scared me more than any threat my father could use.
Thinking you might have found another man, a better one to love you and take my place terrified me—”
I don’t get to finish because Tiff’s lips are on mine.
What the fuck is happening?
She’s kissing me. She’s fucking kissing me, and for half a second. my mind goes completely blank.
Fuck.
Think, Jamie.
Fucking think.
I unclasp our hands and cup her cheek, grounding myself in the warmth of her skin as I kiss her back slowly, letting her take the lead because last time she pulled away after a few seconds.
When she presses her lips more firmly to mine, I tilt my head, deepening the kiss.
Her hand slides from my wrist to my chest, her fingers curling into the fabric of my shirt just as her tongue brushes against my bottom lip.
Then all my self-restraint breaks.
I move my hand from her chin down to her hip, kissing her back with every piece of me. It’s reverent, hungry, and full of everything I’ve wanted to say to her but couldn’t.
“Tiff,” I whisper against her lips, kissing her deeper, wrapping my arms around her frame to pull her closer. She melts into me, her nails digging into my scalp.
“Come on,” she murmurs, taking my hand and leading me into her room, toward the bed.
My feet slow, the implications of this moment finally making my brain work. She turns to look at me when she notices the resistance.
“Are you sure this is something you want to do?” My voice is rough, threaded with want, but I can’t push her further than she wants to go.
If she says no, I’ll just take a freezing cold shower and sleep in the guest room.
Easy, right?
“I want this, Jamie.”