Chapter 28
Note to self:
Be braver.
That afternoon, Abe and Theo went out for “a drive.” My brothers and Theo had gone on many, many drives as teenagers. Mostly cruising along backroads to waste time. Every now and then, they’d take pity on me and let me tag along.
Cal had been the first to get his license, and Cal being Cal, he’d saved up every dollar he’d been given or made mowing lawns since the age of twelve and bought his first car, an old four-door sedan, for a thousand dollars.
When Abe and Theo, whose birthdays were only a couple of months apart, became licensed drivers, they were gone more than they were home. Football games, dates, the movies, and anything else they could get into. Abe told me those drives were sometimes an excuse. He went on to explain, “Sometimes guys need to talk about stuff, but they can’t do that unless they’re pretending to do something else.”
I hoped Theo would do a lot of the talking on this drive. Maybe he’d be able to sway Abe into coming. After a solid week of worry and doubt over seeing Abe, it now seemed imperative that he come to the wedding.
If he didn’t say yes, I might have to do something dramatic. Like take him hostage.
After Mack complained of being tired and needing a nap—I think he was over playing princess—I spent the afternoon with Hallie, who spent her afternoon showing me every single toy, book, dress, and movie she owned. Which was a lot. I think Abe may be leaning into that whole “buy her whatever she wants to keep her happy” parenting style. Not that I could blame him. He’d been given a fully grown four-year-old less than a month ago; he was in survival mode.
After Theo and Abe returned, and we’d feasted on a dinner of pizza, followed by an evening showing of a princess movie with required viewing, we all settled in for the night. Mack took the spare bedroom and that left the living room for Theo and me.
After a fifteen-minute argument (that I won), Theo got the couch, and I got the air mattress, which turned out to be pretty comfortable as long as I didn’t move a muscle. We’d shut the lights off ten minutes before and the room had gone silent, the only sound the occasional squeak of my air mattress or, farther off, a car driving by.
“Thanks for helping me today,” I whispered. “I don’t know if I could have shown up here without you.”
“You would have been fine,” Theo said. A slice of pale light shone in through a gap in the large front window curtains, dividing the room. I was on one side, he on the other.
“I don’t know about that.” I shifted to my side and could just make out his profile, his hands resting on his chest, the long line of his body tucked under a light blanket.
A fantasy took shape. I’d slip off the air mattress with an excuse to fix the curtain—that slice of light was annoying, after all. Then on my way back to bed, I’d get a little turned around in the dark and somehow manage to trip and fall on Theo. But do it gracefully like the well-bred woman I was. Think of a delicate leaf falling gently to the ground. In this scenario, I am the leaf, Theo is the ground. I end up smack on his chest and he starts laughing and I start laughing and then we both stop laughing because we’re gazing into each other’s eyes with such intensity an earthquake couldn’t keep us apart, and he lifts a hand and cups my cheek and then?—
“Is it weird? Seeing him?” Theo asked, interrupting me.
I pressed my hand to my forehead. Get yourself together, Ramos.
“What?” I asked, my voice about three octaves too high.
“You okay?”
I laughed (think hyena). “Totally fine.”
“Okay.” He waited a beat. “I asked if it was weird seeing Abe?”
“I mean, at first. He’s my brother but I don’t know this version of him like I knew the other one. Plus, he has a kid. It’s wild.”
“I think for him, too.” His voice sounded sleepy. “Just so you know, I didn’t know about her either. I wasn’t keeping that from you.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” He yawned. The room went quiet. But I knew he wasn’t asleep, so I wasn’t surprised when he spoke. “I’ve been thinking I should go to Las Vegas.”
“To see your dad?”
“I don’t know. Maybe not actually meet him. But I guess I want the opportunity to decide if I want to meet him. Does that make sense?”
“Yes,” I said softly.
“I still don’t know if this is a good idea.”
“If this was your last chance to meet him and you missed it, how would you feel?”
“Not good.”
“I think that’s your answer. You should go.”
“Is it stupid though? The guy never even tried to come back and see me.”
“At least you can ask him why.”
“It’s terrifying.” The uncertainty I heard in his voice made my heart hurt for him. Confronting the guy who’d abandoned him as a baby was opening himself up to rejection a second time. Showing up at his house made him vulnerable to being rejected again. This was a huge decision and I wondered what I would do in his shoes. Would I be so quick to jump at the opportunity?
“Fear’s a real pain in the ass,” I said.
The list of things fear kept me from doing was long: driving; having a real, honest relationship; sleeping in my bed; running for mayor. My heart thrummed against my ribs. Maybe Mae was right. I had let fear allow me to live a quiet life.
The last time I’d been really brave was that day in Theo’s dorm room all those years ago. Sure, the result had been spectacularly awful, but I’d done it. I think I was even glad it had happened. It forced me to realize some things that sixteen-year-old me needed to learn.
“I’ll have to tell Mack. Las Vegas will add extra time on the drive.”
“Somehow, I doubt he’ll mind,” I said dryly.
He yawned. “I’ll sleep on it.”
“You do that. But give me plenty of warning. I’ll have to get my official stakeout outfit ready.”
“You have a— You know what? Never mind.”
I was almost asleep when I remembered I had a couple of questions for Theo.
“Is it Amanda Nicholas?”
“Huh?”
“A.N. Amanda Nicholas. Am I right?”
His laugh was a low rumble. “Nope.”
“What about Ava Nash?”
“Not even close.”
“Angela Nelson? Abbie Norris? Agatha Nightcrawler?”
A throw pillow sailed across the room and landed on my stomach. “Give me some credit. Who would read a romance novel written by someone named Agatha Nightcrawler?”
“So, no?”
“Go to sleep.”
“I’m going to figure it out, you know.”
“I know. Trust me, I know.”
My phone dinged with a message.
Mae: Someone started a rumor you were running for mayor.
Me: Oh, yeah. Wonder who that was?
Mae: I wish you could have seen Peter’s face. I did not know a human could turn that color.
Ellie: It really was an unhealthy shade of red.
Me: You know I’m not doing it.
Mae: I’ve gotten about fifteen people signed up to work the campaign. Mrs. Katz had flyers printed and she’s been passing them out.
Me: Are you even listening?
Ellie: I made the cutest Vote for Ali buttons.
Mae: And we settled on a campaign slogan.
Ellie: Let’s Rally for Ali!!!!!!!!
With a groan, I tossed the phone on the bed.
“Everything okay?” Theo asked.
I sat up. “It’s this stupid idea about me running for mayor. Mae’s getting people all excited about it.”
After a long breath in which I considered the many ways I could make Mae’s life miserable (nothing permanent, of course), I texted back.
Me: I AM NOT RUNNING FOR MAYOR.
Mae: Your words say that, but your heart says something different.
Me: Can we change the subject? Please.
Mae: Okay. So, has Theo made his move yet?
Ellie: Please say yes. Tell us EVERYTHING. I want deets.
Me: I hate you both.
Mae: Talk to you tomorrow.
After throwing the phone on the floor, I laid back down, grumbling under my breath about interfering best friends.
But did I still lay there long after I heard the steady rhythm of Theo’s breathing and wonder what it would be like to hold a position as mayor? Yes, I did. It sounded ridiculous when I said it out loud. But in my head, the idea was growing on me. So many things could be done to improve life in Two Harts and not one of them involved an expensive-as-hell football stadium or tearing down the tree our town was built on.
Plus, the idea of making Peter squirm because, for once, he would have an opponent. Oh, that might be the strongest pull of all. It would be the sweetest kind of justice, the perfect revenge.
As quietly as I could, I got up and took my backpack into the bathroom. I pulled out the application and a pen and, before I could overthink it, I filled it out. Then I stared at it for a long time. Was I brave enough to do it?
I put it back in my backpack, still not sure of the answer.