Chapter 40
Note to self:
Always lock the bathroom door.
(Or not.)
After Hallie and Abe left to find breakfast, I grabbed my change of clothes, shower bag, and headed for the bathroom. A shower would wake me up and I needed to wash off the lingering smell of 4a.m. karaoke and pie.
I pulled up a playlist on my phone and cranked the volume. As I was about to turn on the water, I was sure I’d heard something in the bedroom. I paused the music to listen, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Maybe Abe had forgotten something.
It was when I was in the middle of belting a song out while using the conditioner as a microphone when the bottle slipped and landed with a loud, ringing thump in the bathtub. I bent to pick it up just as the door to the bathroom flew open with so much force, it bounced against the wall. I screamed and dropped the bottle again.
“Alicia?”
Shoving wet hair from my face, I poked my head out from behind the shower curtain. “Theo?”
His whole body sagged. “Alicia. You scared me.”
“I scared you.” The nerve. I straightened, hearing my voice rise with each word. “You burst in on me while I was taking a shower. Why are you even in my room?”
Theo spun around to face the door. “Careful. The curtain’s slipping.”
I yanked it up. “Why are you in here?”
“Abe let me in. I know you didn’t get a lot of sleep, so I thought I’d bring you coffee and I heard a crash and thought you’d…” His voice trailed off.
“Had a seizure?” I wanted to scream. “Get out of here. Now.”
I finished the shower quickly and angrily. Yes, it turns out you can shower angrily. My loofah will never be the same and you know what else? I loved that loofah, and it was ruined now. Whose fault is that? I also applied body lotion angrily (good skin care should never be skipped, after all). I brushed my teeth angrily. I got dressed angrily. You get the picture. I. Was. Angry.
I whipped the door open to confront Theo. He was sitting on the bed with his elbows resting on his knees and his head hanging, a little like a man defeated.
“Seriously?” I marched up to him ready for a confrontation, my wet hair dripping everywhere.
Confront someone? This was not my MO. This was Mae’s MO. But the anger vibrating through me needed a release.
“I’m sorry.” Theo lifted his head, his skin pale. “You didn’t get a lot of sleep and I know it can be a trigger for you. When I heard that crash, I thought something had happened and you’d fallen. Maybe you were hurt and…and it scared me.”
“Did I not tell you last night you were the one person who didn’t treat me like I was going to break any second?”
“Yes.”
My hands curled into fists. “You can’t be like them, Theo. I cannot handle one more person who treats me like that. Do you know what that feels like? To be the person everyone is always, always worried about?”
“No, I?—”
I paced the area in front of the two beds, stepping over a pile of dolls Hallie had been playing with earlier. “Let me tell you. It’s the worst. It’s awful to know I keep my mom up at night with worry. It doesn’t seem to matter I am a fully capable adult. All my family ever seems to see is a teenage girl who could blow any minute.” I paused and pressed a hand to my chest. “You are different. Or you’re supposed to be.”
“Alicia…”
“No, don’t you Alicia me and try to get on my good side.”
“I’m not trying to get on your good side.” He stood. “I’m trying to say I’m sorry.”
“Fine. Whatever. I accept your stupid apology.”
“Yeah, it sounds like it. I am sorry for bursting in on you. But I’m not sorry for being worried.”
“Then I don’t accept your stupid apology.”
Throwing up his hands, he growled, “I don’t want to see you get hurt. What is wrong with that?”
“Why would you even care?” I blurted out.
“Really?” he said with no small amount of amazement.
“Yes, really.” I poked him in the chest. How had he gotten so close to me? “I could kick myself for saying all those things last night.”
His eyes fixed on me with that laser-like intensity. “You remember what you said last night.”
“You are missing the point here.” I stuck my fists on my hips. “You could have knocked on the door at least.”
“I did. You must have not heard me over the music. I want to go back to the thing about you remembering our conversation. Do you? Remember it?”
“I’m not sure.” I bit my bottom lip.
“You’re lying.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because I know all about you, too, Ali. I know when you’re sad or happy or about to bring down the patriarchy with one well-placed banana.”
I took a tiny step back and crossed my arms. “I’m way past bananas at this point.”
“Ali.” He said my name, not in anger or exasperation, but I couldn’t quite place the tone; it did strange things to my pulse.
I closed my eyes. “Yes, okay. I remember everything.”
The air in the room changed, became almost electric.
“Open your eyes,” he said quietly. He’d moved closer, close enough that I could feel his words on my skin, and I shuddered.
Swallowing the lump of pure, unadulterated fear in my stomach, I did as he asked. His hands hovering over my shoulders like he wanted to touch me but wasn’t sure he should.
“I said some embarrassing things last night. And while I remember every single word, I was a little tipsy, so it wasn’t like I was serious.”
A corner of his mouth hitched. He could see right through me. “Have you been drinking this morning?”
“No.”
“So, say it again.”
“Say what?”
“Say you want me to kiss you again.”
I sucked in a breath. “Why?”
His hands curled around my shoulders. Goosebumps exploded over my skin as they traveled from there slowly up my neck. “Because I want to kiss you. But I won’t if you don’t want me to.”
One of his thumbs traced the line of my jaw and it was getting hard to think. I should ask questions. Like, what does it mean if we kiss? That was a pretty big question that needed a pretty big answer but as I stared up into those blue, blue eyes, nothing mattered. I’d worry about the consequences later.
“I really want you to kiss me,” I whispered.