21. Nate
Phone calls at 3:00 AM were never a good thing.
Neither were phone calls at any time of the day, to be honest. And making them? Thethought alone could trigger a panic attack.
But the ones during the middle of the night spiked that already present panic coursingthrough my veins. And instead of having one meaning, suddenly there were a dozen scenarios that had possessed it.
I turned over to the bedside cabinet, internally kicking myself for not dimming thebrightness of my phone before sleep captured me. That panic lodged in my throat when my eyes came into focus, my heart ready to burst out of my chest when I read the name on the screen.
Firefly.
My sleepy fingers dragged across the screen, the rest of my room clouded by thenight. I put the call on speaker before calling her name. “Addy?”
“Ooh… ummm…” she slurred, sweat coating my forearm as I swiped it across my head. “I don’t…know… whereee,”
Her voice and the time told me all I needed to know, and before I could adjust myeyes to the darkness, I was scrambling out of bed, ignoring the ache in my settled bones as I searched for whatever clothes I could find.
“Addy, stay where you are. Do you know where you are?” I found a hoodie andpulled it over my head, one that wasn’t appropriate for the nighttime heat, but I couldn’t care less. “Tell me what you see around you.” I urged, slipping on some jeans and sneakers, before bolting for the front door, car keys in hand.
“Barrr…” she drawled, my heart aching.
“A bar?” I asked, now in the hallway and jamming the elevator button, as though hitting it faster would make the doors glide open quicker. “Was it the bar at the after-party? Or somewhere else?”
“Soho… I thinks,” The ding of the elevator broke up her words, her murmurs echoing as I rushed inside.
It took its sweet time getting me down to the garage, but once thosesteel doors slid open, I shot off into a run, sprinting to my car and climbing inside. “Addy, sweetheart, stay on the phone, okay?”
“Mmhmm,” was all the confirmation she gave me, but it was enough.
“Okay, can you see a street sign? What street are you on?” I asked, my phone on theseat next to me as I rode through the streets, nothing but the dim lights from building windows and adrenalin to guide me.
“Spring… I think… it says spring.”
I let out a hushed groan, as I took a left. “That’s a long street, Addy, what other signscan you see?”
She didn’t answer. All that came through was the muffled laughter of the peoplearound her.
“Addy?” I asked again, groaning as a red light came into view.
“Mulberryyy… oops.” What sounded like her phone hitting the ground burst through the speakers, before a soft grunt followed it. “Why isn”t the ground… comfy,”
The mental image of her crouched on the sidewalk made me break the local speedlimit. The only good thing about her calling at this hour was the clear roads, meaning I could speed around corners and not worry too much about traffic, making the seconds until I found her that much smaller.
“Stay on the phone, Add”s, I’m nearly there.”
Another red light has me braking, mysweaty palms slamming the steering wheel.The jitters I was all too familiar with started crawling down my spine, the thum of myheartbeat pounding in my neck, my jaw ticking.
It’s not too long before I turn onto Spring, a few mumbles come from my phonebeside me. The panic coating my heart had solidified, knowing its only cure to melting would be the sight of Addy safe in the front seat of my car.
The green light blinds me as I speed through it, adrenalin pulsing through my hands,their grips on the wheel pinching my skin. I carefully scan each street sign as I fly past it, recalling the few times I’d explored them whilst I lived here… when my eyes catch on to the sign for Mulberry, my heart thawing out slightly as I gently turn down it.
The crowd outside the bar I could see grabbed my attention, knowing she was here…somewhere. The dull glow from the neon pink lights on the bar sign made it hard to spot her, but my eyes caught on to the same red dress that had caught my attention earlier tonight.
Found you, Firefly.
I pull the car over a few feet away, whipping open my door and barreling across thestreet to where she was sitting on the edge of the sidewalk. Relief replaced the panic.
“Hey, hey, Addy?” I whisper to her, resting on my knees and cupping her face.
Her head lifted slowly, fiery eyes glazed over, but I saw the spark of realisation whenshe remembered it was me, that she’d called me. “Oh… hi.” she mulled, a lazy, dopey smile lifting the corners of her lips.
“Addy, what are you doing here?” I asked, quietly, knowing her head was likelyalready pounding.
“Oh…” she pondered, her head dipping back slightly, strands of auburn sticking toher face. “After the… premiere, Asher and I… we uh, came here for drinks…” I took my eyes off her for a moment, scanning the crowd that was gathered outside the bar, smoke engulfing most of them, trying to search for Asher in case he was still there. “He left… a few hours ago,”
The pink lights that clouded me quickly turned red, my mind aiming a target right onAsher’s forehead. How the hell could he leave her like this?
“He left you?” I asked, keeping my voice as calm as possible as I brushed the hairfrom her face, scanning those beautiful eyes for any sort of answer.
But she shook her head. “I told him I was leaving too, but… I didn’t, I sta- stayed.”
I watched as her eyes fluttered shut. That’d be enough questions for now, I’d find outthe rest of the story in the morning.
“Okay, Addy, let’s get you home.” I dropped my hands from her face to pull her up,grabbing her phone before I forgot it. Once she was on her feet, I scooped her up, the cool silk on her dress pooling around my arms, her shoeless feet dangling over me.
My heart did nothing but melt that panic as she nuzzled her head into my chest, sleeplikely trying to snatch her away. We got to my car a moment later, where I pulled open the passenger door, placed her down and buckled her in, before jogging over to my side and climbing in next to her.
I gave her a once over before I started the car, her lack of a clutch or purse spiking the panic that had settled.My eyes jumped to the sidewalk where she’d collapsed, but couldn’t see the sparkly thing she’d had at the premiere.
“Have you got your keys, Addy?” I asked, resting my palm on her forehead, hereyes still halfway closed.
All she did was lightly shake her head, before curling up in her seat, eyes clampingshut and hands tucking into her chest.
I hoped she wouldn’t be angry when she woke up in a bed that wasn’t hers tomorrowmorning, but instead would be one of my guest rooms.
I took off before sleep stole her away for good, not wanting to wake her when we gotto my apartment. The only sound that broke the silence was that of Addy’s sleepy whimpers, a few mumbles here and there. I turned to check on her at every stoplight we hit, the silk that covered her glowing from the lights of the sleepless city, her skin still shimmering.
Only then did it hit me how right this felt. Not in the sense of her being drunk andhelpless, but having her so close, calling me to save her, falling asleep in my presence. Sober Addy would have rather walked home from that bar than called me to rescue her, I knew that for sure. But I was happy she was here.
Safe. Unharmed. Resting in her constant firelight.
It took less time to reach the garage of my building, where I parked up andscooped Addy up in my arms again, carrying her to the elevator and up to my home.
I got her through the door and wasted no time in striding to one of the sparebedrooms. The dull glow from the moon clung to us as we made it to an open door, nudging it open and pacing over to the fluffed-up pillows and fresh sheets, before pulling them back and laying Addy in the centre.
I quickly ran to my laundry room to grab her some sweatpants and a t-shirt for whenshe woke up, leaving a glass of water, her phone, a packet of makeup wipes I”d found in the bathroom cabinet and a note by her bedside table, in case she did panic about where she was. I draped the white sheets over her, taking her effortless beauty in, brushing my hand across her forehead…
When she muttered something, as she shifted. “Nate?” she mumbled.
“Yeah?” I didn’t move an inch, or stop the brushing, hoping it’d call on that sleepinessagain.
“Why… why did you…” she shuffled again, this time curling up away from me,sighing into the covers beneath her. “I love you… and you just… left.” She took a breath before sighing out, “Why?”
I had to squeeze my eyes shut, trying my hardest not to wonder whether she meant to say ”love” and not ”loved”.
Was that saying true? The one that told us that what soberness conceals, drunkenness reveals. A part of me, one I couldn”t figure out where I hid, craved for whoever had philosophised that to be right. Being loved by Addy was something I always craved… I just didn”t realise until now how starved I was of her love.
Of us.
My eyes slowly cracked open as a sigh slipped out of me. The voice in my head became an evacuation siren, warning me not to utter a single word to her, but my heart on theother hand…
“Because I found the Polaroid of you kissing Asher, and I knew you’d found someoneelse to love, instead of me,” I whispered, somehow on the verge of tears.
I knew she wouldn’t remember this in the morning, so selfishly I took my chance toconfess to her what I’d been holding in for too many years. It was a coward’s way out, I knew that. I knew that I’d have to say those words to her again, when she wasn’t overcome with sleep, or too many drinks.
But that’d do, for now.
I fully felt her fade away then, her dreams taking over the reins as she snuggled upunder the sheets.
“Sleep tight, Firefly,” I whispered to her, before leaning over and placing a kiss on theback of her head.
A kiss she wouldn’t remember. A kiss that I’d fall asleep thinking about.