20. Adaline
Idecided to go to the premiere, in the end. It seemed like the more productive option,anyway.
The alternative would be sitting at home and writing, and while that sounds like theideal night in, I had been wedged between two stubborn pieces of writer’s block for days.
The words weren’t coming to me like they usually would. Most days I open my laptop, and the dam would be lifted on the steady stream of words as they trickled from my fingers and into the other world I was crafting.
But for some reason, that river had dried up—a continuous drought with no sign ofliterary rainfall.
So a night walking along a bright red carpet, trying not to be blinded by the sporadiccamera flashes, and painting on a smile would have to do.
“You look like you’re being led to your death.” Sniggered Asher from beside me inthe car, a freshly pressed suit covering his statue-esque body and layers of dusty blonde groomed to perfection.
“I think I’d prefer that,” I said as bluntly as my voice would allow.
Another snigger from Asher, his head falling back against the headrest. “For someonewho hates acting, you sure love being the drama queen.”
My elbow met the side of my rib cage, staggering a grunt out of him, mixed with alaugh. “Asshole.”
“Hey, you’re the one who asked me to come with you.” I eyed him. “Forgive me foradding some humour to this situation you hate so much.” I narrowed my eyes. “And you look phenomenal, red suits you.”
I let my head fall back to the leather headrest, sighing a laugh before fluttering myeyes shut. My hands skated on the ruby silk dress that covered my legs, reminding me that although my thoughts were a mess, I did look phenomenal.
He was right in other ways too, I had asked him to come with me tonight. Not for anyother reason than I didn’t want to be the third wheel to Jacob and Flo. This was his night, and hers, and having me follow behind them like a little lost dog wouldn’t have done anything for my pride.
But at the same time, I don’t think I could have faced coming alone. So I pulled Asheraside yesterday, asked if he was invited, and when he told me he was, I pathetically begged for him to come with me. He was a gentleman about it, though, he knew I hated this life, the mandatory appearances, and he said if I needed an arm to lead me down the carpet so I didn’t pass out, he’d be there at 7:00 PM to pick me up.
“You ready?” Asher asked, his voice barely loud enough to beat the screamingpouring in from outside the doors. I hadn’t even realised we were nearly there, but now that I did, I wondered whether I even wanted to leave the safety of the car. “Addy?”
Hearing him call me that made my head swish toward him. He was my friend, strangely,considering how much he used to confuse my thoughts, but now he was, and he’d promised to look after me tonight.
I’d be okay.
“Ready,” I whispered, as Asher dished me a smile before both of our doors opened,spilling in the screams and the lights.
I plastered that rehearsed smile on my face, letting the confidence that this gownbrought take over.
Like a flash, Asher was at my side, ushering us away to the beginning of the carpet. Ilifted my head to take in everything that was crowding me, blown up pictures of the movie poster with one of my best friends in the centre lined the wall of the building, pride bubbling in my chest.
Cameras, both inches from the ground and twenty feet in the air, lined the carpet,ready to capture whatever stars were here at every angle imaginable.
Without second guessing, I slipped my arm under Asher, letting him escort me down the startof the red velvet runway. I looked up at him, shooting him a grateful smile, before he nodded. A conversation without the need for words is an essential skill to learn in a place like this.
Within moments, we were swept away by the current of press and reporters, pulledapart, and separated to talk into microphones about how utterly grateful we were to be here. I stumbled from news outlet to news outlet, answering every question I’d already been asked a billion times, before I found myself in front of a keen-looking woman, with a microphone the size of my head in her iron-clad hold, and a smile that was like a camera flash.
“Miss Moore!!” she called, even though I was right in front of her. “Got a minute toanswer a few questions? I’m such a huge fan!”
“Sure!” I beamed, not letting my smile falter.
Her giddiness was kind of infectious. “Awesome! So firstly, it’s lovely to see you here supporting your ex-co-star! Do you see each other often, you and Jacob Emerson?”
An easy answer: I could happily talk about my friends all day.
Some truth shone in mysmile. “We do, actually! I’m sure it’s no secret that his girlfriend and I are besties, and I’m so lucky to have such amazing people like them in my life!”
“That’s lovely!” She looked down at the question sheet in her hands, her bouncyblonde curls swaying in the night air before bobbing her head back up to me. “It’s also nice to see some of the cast from the book adaptation you’re currently filming, care to tell us about how that’s going?”
Well, my love, it’s going horribly, if I’m being honest. I want to scream and leave andnever come back! I actually want to pursue a career in writing so I never have to walk down another red carpet in my life!I dream of saying, but instead…
“It’s going amazingly. I’m so lucky to have found another cast I get on with so well.”
She narrowed her eyes in a way that made me scared for whatever was going to come outof her mouth next. “And I saw that you turned up with Asher Hartford, you lucky thing,” she beamed as she nudged me. “And so recently after you two were spotted leaving in a car together and showing up at his bar later in the evening.” Prying witch. “Is anything blossoming there?” she asks, shaking her shoulders and looking like she’d pass out from anticipation any second.
“Only a really good friendship,” I say, knowing it won’t be enough to convince her.Knowing that, come tomorrow morning, whatever article she’s writing will say the exact opposite of what I’ve told her.
“That’s so interesting!” Something dropped in my stomach at the way her toneswitched. “I had the chance to speak to Nate Patricks earlier, who said that you and Asher are practically inseparable on set, living in each other’s pockets!”
I’m going to fucking kill—
“Care to offer your side of things?”
“I…” I stumbled, rage bubbling from every corner of my body. “I…umm…” I startedlooking around, wondering where Asher had wandered off to and which reporters had stolen my walking support away from me.
“Adaline?” The woman before me questioned. “Is she okay?” I don’t know who sheasked that to, and I didn”t want to know. All I knew was that Nate was here somewhere, talking about me and knowing I needed to give him a piece of my mind. But I couldn’t move, I was frozen, wondering when all this tormenting was going to stop—
“I’ve got you,” I knew it was Asher, knowing he’d snuck up behind me and pried meaway from the riddler, letting me fall against his chest slightly, stabilising my legs that were ready to give way.
He ushered me down the rest of the carpet, ignoring the heckles and screaming forboth our attentions, and instead taking shelter in the reception area, free from the eyes of the entire planet.
“Are you okay?” Asher asked, moving us to a corner of the room, the red velvet wallsreminding me of the carpet I’d practically run down. Embarrassment blushed me, my breaths became pants, my vision faded.
“I’m…”
Asher’s hands rose to my shoulder, skimming the silk that bordered them. “I’m gonnago get you some water, wait here.” And he was off, heading to the bar that was perched round the corner from where I stood, leaving me to regulate my breaths and get a grip.
I found a stool just by my feet and claimed it, easing the aches that had manifested inmy knees. The cool crimson silk that pooled around my legs soothed me, as I let some air seep back into my lungs.
My hands came to my face, being careful not to ruin the makeup my glam team spentthe better half of two hours airbrushing onto me.“Pull yourself together, you drama queen,” I whispered behind my hands, beforeletting them rest against my knees, lifting my eyes up and slowly getting my bearings.
When they landed on the tall figure rounding the corner, a fir green suit hugging hisbody, shades of chestnut freshly tousled, and bright eyes finding me… like he knew I was there.
The world stopped turning the moment our eyes locked, and before I knew what I wasdoing, I leapt up from my seat, stalking toward him with a force I didn’t know how to handle.My mouth parted as I neared him, ready to call him out on the childish games he wanted to play.
“Are you ever going to grow up?” I asked, stopping an inch or two from his face, notcaring about the stars that were dotted about. We could have a dozen cameras recording this moment, and I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid.
If he was going to feed the world lies about me, maybe it was time they knew thetwisted truth about him too.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He said, his face like stone as he looked downat me, his voice duller than I’d ever heard it.
“You know goddamn well what I’m talking about.” I eyed him up, widening mystance. “Whispering to reporters that me and Asher are dating? That we’re inseparable? You know that’s not true!” I nearly yelled at him, before remembering where we were.
He inched his face closer. “Do I?”
I shook my head. “Where’s your girlfriend?” I fired back, basking in the fire that wasburning in his eyes. “I didn’t see her when I came in. Go fetch her for me, I can tell her all about what a—”
“You know we’re not together, Addy.”
“Do I?” I mirrored his tone, knowing that it’d get under his skin.
He doesn’t budge. “After a lifetime in this business, Addy, you should know thateverything they write is a lie.”
I dragged my eyes up and down his face, hanging onto his lips for just a second longerthan I should have. I hoped that haunted him later. “And here you are spreading the rumours for them, about me, my heart.” I dipped to his lips again, remembering how they felt once upon a time, before drowning in those aquamarine pools.
“You lost the right to talk about my heart a long time ago, Nate, and you’ll neverknow what it feels like to have it again.”
His head lifts up, clocking how the oblivious crowd was growing, before stepping intome. “You know, Addy, I don’t think I ever truly knew—”
“It could be you, you know,” his mouth still hung open, eyes searching mine for anyclue of what I was about to say. “Here with me, holding me, whispering our love story to anyone who’ll listen. It could be you I trust to make sure I don’t fall whilst I walk through the lights that you know I hate.” his face didn’t so much as tick. “It could be you who gets to take me home after this, but for some reason, you’re so determined to keep me in the dark about why you never came back, and if you don’t grow up soon, Nate, then you can spend the rest of your life regretting never coming.”
I was done with the conversation. Done with him. So with one last glare into his eyes,I stalked away from him. The silk of my gown trailed behind me, and I could practically feel his eyes memorising every inch of it. I didn’t halt my feet as I turned away and went in search of a dark corner where I could take a full breath and compose myself.
Luckily, I spied a corridor, hidden away and with no indication of where it led, but Itook a chance on it, taking cover between the velvet walls and corners of darkness that do their best to calm me down.
This would do, for a moment. A quiet moment was what I’d been craving since Istepped out of that car.
I sucked in as much air as my lungs would let me, tilting my head to the spotlight on the ceiling, draining away the bulge of tears that were threatening to spill over. I did my best to try and forget every word that had slipped from Nate’s mouth, but like they always did, they were swimming in my mind, refusing to leave.
I had to hunch over, heaving some heavy breaths as my curls fell past my shoulders. Ieventually felt myself calm down, a certain blonde-haired actor springing to mind and making me remember that he was probably wondering where I’d disappeared to.
I shake my shoulders and start to head out of the—
My heart froze—a warranted reaction to seeing Nate off to the right, towering over themoment.
I didn’t have time to step around him before he spoke.
“Do you think it doesn’t drive me crazy to see you with him?”
Fire radiated through me. “If you’re looking for someone to blame for that, then I’llbe glad to fetch you a mirror.”
He took a breath, daring a step towards me. “I can’t stand it, Addy. I can’t stand thethought of… him… holding you like that.” His hands slid up my arms as the tips of our shoes met, freezing me to him, while warming me with feelings I hadn’t basked in for so long. “And when I turned to see him leading you down the carpet, I saw red, and blurted to the woman in front of me that it was obvious you two were an item.”
“But Nate—”
“Do you want the truth, Addy?”
That’s all I’ve ever wanted since I was eighteen.I had no energy to verbally speakthose words to him, but my eyes told him for me.
“I can’t stand it, seeing you with someone else’s hands on you, in the places wheremine wish they were.” He closes the space between us, his head leaning down and invading the space in my neck. I surrender, like the weak woman I am. “I can’t stand it when I see you smile at him, sharing that precious laugh with him, staring at him like you used to stare at me.” His lips brushed my ear. “And what’s worse is that you can do it all without remembering that doing this, succumbing to Asher Hartford, is the truth you’ve been asking me for all along.”
I pull my head away, but he catches me, his lips pressing with a featherlight touch onthe tender skin of my neck. A helpless whimper escapes me and lands in his ears. I practically feel him smile against my skin.
“Every time I see you with him, it breaks my heart that you still think this is all myfault. Convincing yourself that you were innocent in all this—”
I snapped away from him. “Just stop, Nate. Stop talking in riddles. Just tell me what itis you think I did, please. I’m tired of the guessing, and the teasing, just tell me what I did to make you leave me!”
I watched the sadness glaze over in his eyes. The realisation that he’d gone too far. Pushed me too far to the edge. Part of me thought he’d accuse me of playing the victim, but he didn’t. Instead, he stumbled backwards, his hands coming to his face and running through his hair.
Silence graced us, a surprisingly comfortable one. Usually, the silence between us wasthick, and full of unanswered questions, but not this one. This one was like a pearly gate, wide open and inviting me in.
I searched the parts of his face I could see, and without thinking, I took a few stepstowards him, no hesitation constricting me as I wrapped my arms around his waist.
I don’t think he expected this. I didn’t even expect this. But neither of us spoke,and neither of us questioned it. We just stood there, in a hidden corridor, away from the world, hugging each other.
It wasn’t long before his arms fell around my silky waist, moulding over my curvesand protecting me. It was natural for the tears to follow in pursuit, falling down my cheeks and washing away the glitter and hurt that lived on my face. Nate only hugged me tighter when he felt my shoulders start to shake, one of his hands cradling my head into his chest, engulfing me in crisp white linen and notes of driftwood and amber.
I couldn’t remember the last time we’d done this; held each other.
I felt him squeeze my waist, forcing a quiet sob out of me, utterly exhausted with thischarade we’d perfected. I never wanted to perfect it. I never wanted to pretend I hated him. Have I ever truly hated him? I couldn’t be sure. Things were too blurred at the moment that I couldn’t tell what was real and what we’d been lying about.
But that didn’t stop the truth from spilling from my lips in a sob.
“I miss you,” I cried, barely loud enough that I was convinced he didn’t hear me.
But then he pulled away from me, slipping a hand under my chin, titling my eyes tomeet his, whispering so gently. “I miss you too, Firefly.”
Firefly.
He hadn’t called me that in so long that I’d forgotten it was the name he gave me, theone I confessed I secretly loved, and asked him to never stop calling me.
Time froze. The outside world was a story we chose to bookmark. We didn’t budge as hebrushed a rogue curl behind my ear, his cool fingers icing the blush my cheeks had adopted in his presence.
“I think we need to talk, soon.” he confessed, cupping my cheek. “About everything.”
My body sighed into him, the word ‘finally’ reading across my face.
“I’ll let you go find Asher, he’s probably looking for you.” He whispered, his thumbskimming my cheek, his voice telling me all he thinks about letting me go to Asher, away from him.
I wanted to ask if I could stay like this a while longer, sit down, and talk abouteverything here, right now. Not waste another second while things were good between us. But I couldn’t, didn’t think I could handle something like that without fresh air and a good night’s sleep. Or a drink.
So I nod at him, a whisper of a smile creeping on my face, grateful to have him herewith me right now.
I slipped out of his hold before I could change my mind.
I stumbled back into the reception area, finding that smile I’d lost, and searched forAsher. I found him where he’d left me, with a glass of water in his hand, and a glass of wine in the other. His eyes softened when I saw him, waltzing over to me with a knowing smile on his face.
“Get lost?” he asked, a smirk creeping onto his face like he’d watched the wholething with Nate take place.
“Something like that,” I smiled, before taking the glass of wine from his grasp.