19. Adaline
Icould practically hear the angels scream and holler for me the moment I opened myeyes and turned over to read my alarm clock, grasping their halos and using them as dance props as I realised that another Monday was dawning.
I let my body relax into the mattress below me, swallowing me in Egyptian cotton andsatin pillowcases. If I didn’t love these days so much, I’d stay right here, becoming one with the bed, letting the chaos of the week get lost amongst the treads.
The sun kindly reminded me that today was bound to be another scorcher, and while awoman of such auburn-headed tendencies like me should crave the shade on days like this, I couldn’t help but love the way they made my soul come alive and sparkle.
Flo told me she thought I was a sunshine soul the day she met me, and I have to giveher credit for the character assumption. I suppose I was.
I went through my routine as normal, today’s soundtrack provided by the new Taylor Swift album that had one too many songs that I wanted to claim as mine, from how lyrics embodied my life in a way that I couldn”t describe as anything other than beautiful.
I threw together an outfit, settling on a pastel yellow summer dress with short puffy sleeves and my white high tops.Flo practically screamed when she saw it, and me, when I waltzed into the bakery aquarter-hour before it officially opened. Whether that was because my outfit blew her away or because I hadn’t seen her in so long—
“You’ve not been here in so long!”
That answers that, then.
“Oh, I know,” I sigh over her shoulder as she wraps her arms around me. “Thingshave just been crazy. Crazier than normal.”
She gave a knowing ‘hmmm’ as she slid her arms off me, letting me take in heralmost identical summer dress to the one I was wearing, although hers was the prettiest shade of lavender.“Got time for a catch-up before you take this Monday by the balls?” she asked,skipping behind the counter to warm up the espresso machine.
“I think I’d waste away without one.” I laughed, taking a seat at the breakfast-stylebar that was just to the left of the pastry case, swishing my stool idly from left to right as I watched Flo make two iced coffees.
Her head twisted over her shoulder, eyes narrowing, her lashes practically touchingher cheeks and a pointed tone slicking her words as she said, “And we’ll start with the more pressing matter,”
My brows pulled together. “Am I in trouble?”
“Oh, you tell me, little miss ‘I go on dates with Asher Hartford and don’t tell my bestfriend about them’.”
I felt my iris turn to spheres. “I’ll take that as a yes, then.”
She stifles a laugh, her face softening as she rounds the counter and claims the stoolnext to me. “I want every detail. You leave here with no secrets.”
“Oh, I don’t think I have time to—”
“Every. Detail.” She slides my coffee over to me. “Spill it.”
I roll my eyes so hard I’m surprised she didn’t leap from her seat to grab a croissant tothrow at me. Instead, she let out a sigh, and after a sip of my coffee, I started.
“It was nothing. I promise. He’s joined the cast, and althoughhe’s amazing, and sweet… it’s actually the worst thing that could have ever happened.”
“Why?” Flo asked in a heartbeat.
I dropped my hands to my lap, a quick rush of air blowing out of me. “I don’t knowwhether I mentioned that we’ve worked together before, Asher and I, when we were younger and starred in a coming-of-age rom-com-type movie. I hated him at first, but after getting to know him, he grew on me, and eventually, I introduced him to Nate, because he was new in L.A. and didn’t really have any friends.”
I shook my head, tucking a curl that had fallen in front of my eyes back behind myear. “Anyway, it turns out that they both liked me, Asher and Nate had words with each other about it when I wasn’t around. Now they’re both famous and Asher pretends not to know who Nate is because he was angry that he got me in the end, but Nate left me and now I’m starting to think that maybe it was because he knew Asher liked me but I just don’t—
“Addy,” Flo urged, her hands finding mine. “Breath, babe.”
I could tell my face was red, made obvious by the way I was practically panting likeI’d just run a marathon. “You said you wanted every detail.”
“Yeah, but it’s not like I gave you a thirty-second time limit to do so.” She chuckled,her thumb brushing the top of my hand, easing the shakiness. “So then Asher asked you out, I’m assuming to spite Nate?”
I slid my eyes to her. “I asked him out, actually. To spite Nate.”
“Addy—”
“Well, can you blame me? Did you not see that he went out with Amber?”
Her head tilt told me that she’d seen the pictures too. “Just because they were seentogether doesn’t mean their shagging.” I narrowed my eyes. “Having sex.”
My eyes softened. “It could, though.”
It was her turn to roll her eyes. “So what? Are you and Asher a thing now?”
I shook my head. “No, we both realised how complicated it would make things if thathappened. Because he said that he could see that Nate still felt things for me, which I don’t believe for a second, but regardless, he didn’t want to—”
“Get in the middle of a lover’s feud that started because he left and never gave you areason why?”
I nodded, gripping my glass like a sippy cup and letting the coffee glide down mythroat. Her words didn’t hit me right away, my body was too busy trying to reign in my breaths to hear her properly. And then my mind became a cave, the end of her sentence bouncing off the walls and echoing in the empty corners of my head.
I whipped my face towards her, realisation waking me like a shot of espresso.
How the hell did she know?—
“He was in here yesterday.” she blurted, like she knew what was racing through mymind. My lashes fanned her before she continued. “Looked like he’d been hit by a lorry and hadn’t slept in weeks. And I know he’s quiet, but… God Addy, I think my heart broke a little when I saw him up close.”
I let my head drop, eyeing my dangling feet and pulling at the fabric of my dress…anything to not let the image of Nate take over.
My eyes squeezed shut, only fluttering open when my pulse settled, her emerald eyes almost glassy. “Idon’t know why he came by. He never usually pops in unless Jacob is here, or unless he”s here for the wonky pastries that we can”t sell. I think he just had so much on his mind that he just needed to tell someone, anyone. And there he was. And before I knew it, we were sitting just like this, and he told me everything.” My mouth fell open. “And I mean everything, Addy.”
I pulled my head back, taking a breath and keeping hold of it.
Florence knew. She knew about us.
Suddenly, guilt started to mingle with the coffee I’d sipped. I’d been an idiot not to tellher. And Jacob. It wasn’t fair that they had to dance around us, treating our conversations like a trip-wired maze; weaving around our past.
“Flo,” I sighed her name, shame icing those three little letters. “I’m so sorry I didn’ttell you sooner.”
Quick as anything, her hands found mine again, as she shook her head. “Addy, don’t.After finding that out… I’m not surprised why you two are the way you are, and why you couldn’t bring yourself to tell us.” Her head dipped to meet my eyes that had drifted. “Do you remember when I confessed everything about my sister? That night I cracked? Do you remember me practically throwing up and sobbing so hard you had to cradle me?”
I did. The memories from that afternoon in her old apartment, the potion of rage andempathy coursing through my veins as I hugged her tighter made my brows draw together and a bulge of tears rise to my lash line.
Flo’s eyes sprung to mine and pulled me towards her chest, cradling me, like I haddone with her last year. “I am so, so sorry that happened to you, Add’s.” The words were enough for my face to scrunch up and the waterfall of tears to coat my cheeks.
The warm palms of her hand brushed over my back, soothing me. “And you bestbelieve me when I say I wasn’t shy telling him how awful he was to do that, no matter how much he tried to convince me—”
“Convince you what?” I pulled away from her slowly, holding onto her captivatinggreen eyes that were searching the watered-down embers that lived in mine. Before they dropped to her lap, her hands pulling at the lavender that covered her, a million unanswered questions existed around her.
She sucked in a quick breath, her brows tugging inward, like she was about to cry.“That you were to blame… for everything.”
I blinked, that was all I could do without screaming. “He what?”
Her hand flew to my cheek, wiping away a rogue tear. “I told him to stop talking when he said that. That part of the story is for you and him to talk about, not me. Not Jacob. Not Asher Hartford.” her hand fell as she grabbed her coffee. “Just you two.”
My eyes lost all hope and drifted down to my lap.
How Nate could come up with an excuse for not turning up that day that paints me asthe bad guy I’d love to know. I’d love to see inside his brain when that thought crosses his mind, how he saw what happened, what the trivial thing was that made him abandon me.
I shook my head, I didn’t want to think about that right now. Burning hot rage was afeeling that wasn’t allowed anywhere near my Mondays.
But as I recalled what she’d said, another thought flew across my mind.
If Nate told Flo everything, start to finish, does that mean that…
“Just one more question,” I said with a sniffle, lifting my eyes to catch her. “Did hehappen to mention… like… oh I don’t know… what I do in my spare time?”
Her head bobs to the side, a knowing smile telling me all I need to know.
“I’m not gonna get mad, because I get that keeping something like that to yourself forso many years… it must be frightening to finally speak it out into the world and tell people.” Her hand cups my cheek again, and never have I been more thankful for a person in my life. “But… I will kindly demand that I get to read every single one of them.”
It felt nice to have a laugh roll through me. “You want to read them?”
The comical way her eyes lit up made me smile, big and bright. “Are you having alaugh? Of course I do! Truthfully, that was all I could think about when Nate told me. I didn’t really pay attention to what he said after that, all I was imagining was what the covers of those books would look like.”
I shrugged. “Well, they don’t have covers…”
“Yet.”
We basked in each other”s cheesy smiles for approximately three seconds before the familiarcackles from Cora and Rory broke into the room, as they emerged through the bakery door.
“Oh, hey Adaline.” Called Cora from behind me.
I put my twenty years of acting skills to use and dried away the tears and perfectedmy smile before spinning on my stool to face them. “Cora, Rory, nice to see you both!” I took a sip of coffee. “Excited for college in the fall?”
“Ugh,” was all the answer Rory gave me and she strode towards the back of thebakery, her drawn-in brows and lack of a smile odd for a girl whom I”d only ever seen smile.
Cora gave me a sigh, tilting her head as her eyes followed Rory. “She just found outher ex-boyfriend is coming to Liberty Grove. And normally I’d be all for a second chance romance situation… but not when the fella is a total wanker.”
“Amen to that.”I heard Flo mumble before bringing the straw to her lips.
I gave Rory a sympathetic smile as she walked away, before turning to face Cora. “Nodramatics with you then?”
She gave us a shrug before peeling off her cream cardigan. “Would you count someone finding an old video of you dancing on the tables of a club you weren”t even old enough to get into and it going viral as dramatic?”
I side-eyed Flo, before meeting Cora’s silvery eyes. “Umm… yeah, when you put it like that.” I tilt my head at her. “Damage control not going well?”
I felt her eye roll in my soul. “No. It”s awful. I feel like every person who sees me on the street has seen it.”Her hands raked through her shiny black hair. ”I can”t tell you how many times the words ”drop” and ”out” have left both our mouths this week.”
A sorry smile graced my lips. “Well, I haven”t seen it, if that makes you feel better.”I throw my eyes to Flo. ”And I”m sure Florence hasn”t…”
Flo”s eyes were tracing the walls, avoiding eye contact with both of us while her lips twitched with a smile.
I caught the moment Cora noticed her avoidance, before she threw her arms in the air, her bob swishing as she called out, ”Oh, well. That”s great. Expect my two-week notice by the end of the day, Flo. It was lovely knowing you.”
As Cora stormed off, a scowl that looked like a smile when the sun hit it crowning on her face, I felt Flo turn beside me. ”I”m sorry!! It just came up and—”
”Whatever.” Cora practically giggled before she burst through the door that Rory had glided through.
“You’ll both be fine,” Flo called, her voice halting Cora, her eyes back on us. “And if you canhandle rush hour here at the bakery, then you can handle anything that’s gonna be thrown your way.”
A chuckle fell from all our mouths, when a thought pinged in my brain. “Actually,”Cora’s eyes locked on me. “My sister is looking at colleges in New York, and I’m pretty sure Liberty Grove was one of the places on her list. Who knows, if she decides to come here, then you guys could potentially be roommates.”
Cora’s smile beamed, stars dancing in her eyes. “You mean Goldie Moore? Your sister is coming here?”
“Might be coming here, so don’t get your—”
“Rory!” Cora screamed as she ran into the back, Flo mumbling something about notfalling on the tiles again before she zoomed past us. “We can’t drop out, Goldie Moore is gonna be studying—” Her voice faded out as she slipped into the staff room, muffled squeals sounding out only a few seconds later.
I turned to Flo, and her eyes narrowed. “Great, now that’s all they’ll be talking about allshift.” I had to hide my smile. “If one of them slips on the tiles because they’re daydreaming again, I’m going to have to change the floor to bubble wrap.”
Laughing, I dropped my head, feeling Flo move from beside me and head behind thecounter.
“I think I know the answer to this already,” Her voice pulled my head up, the morningsun making her and the lavender tiles behind her glow. “But are you coming to the premiere on Friday?”
My neck craned back as I pouted. “Do I have to?”
Golden tongs in hand, she pulled out one of the pastry trays, twisting whatever thecreations were that were topped with raspberries, a tight smile on her face as she said, “No, but I think it’d be good for you. I’ll be there too.”
My head tilted at her. “And I want you to enjoy the premiere, with your boyfriend…who’s one of the main stars. You two both deserve to have this night together, not spend it constantly looking over your shoulders to make sure I’m okay.” I pushed around the nearly melted ice cubes in my coffee with the straw, my gaze falling to the bottom of the glass. “Anyway, I think I’d rather never eat one of your custard tarts again than watch Nate escort Amber down the carpet.”
“Hmm,” she mockingly thought, “I’ll put you down as ‘not sure’ then.”
I flashed Flo a smile, less humorous than the one I’d just tried to hide, as she turned tocarry on with prepping for the bakery opening, leaving me with my thoughts.
I couldn’t help but cling to what she’d told me, let the realisation that Nate trulyblamed me for what happened mingle with the simmering rage deep in my stomach. I explored the shelves of my brain, trying to find that lost nugget of information that time has pushed to the back of my mind, hopefully making me remember the thing I supposedly did to make him ghost me for so long.
But nothing was stuffed into those shelves, nothing but sunsets, waves crashingonto our feet, and Nate’s teenage smile.
I missed that smile. A lot. It was one he only ever used to show me—a hiddentreasure that only I had the map to find. It used to crease the faint lines in the corners of his eyes and reveal two subtle dimples that made my stomach feel like the inside of a butterfly enclosure.
It’s all he did while reading any of the stories that I gave him; smile.Through every page, every plot twist; he smiled.
Eight Years Ago
“What chapter are you on?” I asked Nate, the spring sunshine tanning my back as Ilay on my front along the pier, the water sparkling below us, like a ship that was carrying diamonds had overturned somewhere in the distance, the jewels that had escaped now washing up with the tide.
The only sounds filtering between the ripples of the water were the distant squawkingof the ocean gulls.
I was going to miss these days when I left in the fall. But for now…
“Chapter…” he flicked back a few pages. “Fifty-three.”
My mouth gaped, salty spray from the waves brushing over my tongue.“You’re smiling and you’re reading chapter fifty-three? Does death excite you or something?”
His head fell back, allowing the sun to tan his bare chest, smooth as anything, andgolden like an award of the highest recognition. A laugh staggered out of him. “It’s King Ellis who’s dying, you know, the one everyone hates?”
I rested on my elbows, closing the sunkissed pages of my book, one I didn’t write. “Iknow my characters, douchebag, but if King Ellis is dying, then what does that mean? Who’s next in line—”
“Oh, fuck.” The realisation that beamed on his face, remembering who my main characternow had to battle to save her lands, was as clear as the day that hung above us. “She’s gonna have to fight Alanora!”
The thrill of someone being so excited for something you wrote will never fail tomake me feel like a giant ball of sunshine. Eternally glowing with no sign of dulling.
“So, I’ll ask again, what’s with the smiling?” I asked, nudging my book to the side,fully sitting up and swinging my legs over the edge of the pier, the warm swill of water splashing my feet.
“I can’t help it,” he admitted, mirroring my position and putting the worn papers ofmy makeshift bound book behind him, the wave of water as he dipped his feet into the ocean splashing onto me, too. ”I’m just proud of you. And maybe I’m wondering why you haven’t sent this to every big publisher… thing… in the country.”
I kicked my feet idly.“I highly doubt those companies will take the time to look at ahalf-assed novel written by a seventeen-year-old who can’t spell.”
His smirk told me he’d spotted that I still couldn’t figure out which ‘there’ to use.
“You could just rely on that good old-fashioned name-dropping. You have more connections than anyone your age should have, Addy. Tell one of the producers on that movie—”
“Nate, what kind of writer would I be if I let my name do all the work for me?” I methis eyes. “I want these books to come to life on their own; not because I used my fame to release them into the world. ” The corners of his mouth dipped as I fiddled with my hands in my lap, my eyes dropping from his to the glistening flecks that danced in the water. “But… what if I’m saying all this and they’re not good enough.”
One of his hands found its way to mine, interlocking our fingers. “I may not be asbig a bookworm as you, but believe me when I say that these books, Addy, deserve to be read by everyone. They’re amazing.” The squeeze he sent through my hand caused my head to face him, connecting with those aquamarine pools I wanted to swim in more than the stretch of water before us. “You’re amazing.”
I have to admit, the Nate that was looking at me now was different from the boy Iknew only yesterday. I noticed a change in him when he knocked on my door this morning, something more… grown up about him. So sure of himself.
He was holding my stare longer than he ever had before, and I didn’t know what to make of it. I couldn’t bring myself to drop his gaze, his eyes seeming to lure me in, closer to him.
“You’re amazing… too.” I barely whispered, causing his eyes to break their recordstare and dip to my mouth, hanging on the remaining sheen of lip balm that lived on them, before slowly dragging his eyes up my face.
“Can I be honest with you?” he asked as he met my eyes once more, the sounds andwonders of a new spring seeming to fade away the more he dominated the moment.
“Sure,” I muttered, kicking my feet and letting the water splash some feeling backinto my body.
He allowed himself to back away from my gaze, only for a second, like he was hypinghimself up in a way I couldn’t see, not when his face didn’t give anything away about what was about to leave his lips.
“I think I”ve…” His eyes fell to the waves, as though he were counting the bubbles that had simmered to the surface, anything to distract him from how nervous he”s become. ”Addy I”ve…” Something must have been wrong. Nate never stumbled over his words with me. He said I made him confident, like he didn”t know what it was to be anxious. Panic began to bubble in my stomach, the endless possibilities of what was making him gnaw on his bottom lip piling up in my brain.
His eyes finally landed on me, holding my stare as several shaky breaths left his mouth. ”Okay, I… I need to tell you—”
”Nate, what” wrong—”
”I think I”ve fallen in love with you.”
In that moment, I suddenly knew what he meant when he said it felt like his heart wasabout to beat out of his chest.
“No, actually, I think, in some ways, I’ve always loved you.” He whispered, and likemy heart thought he was talking to it, it”s beats slowed. “I don’t know why I waited until now to tell you, but, it just felt right.”
He ditched my gaze for a second, exploring his surroundings with his eyes. I did thesame, taking in the pearly white bubbles that had been left behind by the waves, the eroded panels of the pier that creaked in the gentle breeze, and the way the sun kissed us like we were the only people it had to shine on today.
I felt the power of his stare back on me, burning me more than the sun.“I just thoughtyou should know.” A layer of pain coated his voice, one that I wanted to claw at, making sure it never graced his words again.
“Are you telling me this for some elaborate plan, so it makes it easier for you to askme to prom?” I asked with a laugh, not knowing where to look or what to do with my hands, scared of doing anything that would make my matching feelings for him blush across my face in the most embarrassing way, before something tugged at the corner of his mouth.
“I’m telling you because I don’t think I can keep it to myself any longer.” My eyessnapped to his. “I’m telling you because I think I’ve loved you from the moment I met you, and keeping that part of me hidden is too painful to hide anymore.”
I shook my head slightly.“Nate,”
“I’m telling you, Addy, because not telling you has been killing me. But I was scaredI misread everything, that we were just friends, and I didn’t want to say anything that would make you leave—”
I lunged for him, his mouth, claiming his cheek with my hand and kissing him like I’dwanted to for a while. There was no hesitation. None from me. And surprisingly, none from Nate either. Instead, he dropped my hand and held my face like I was holding his, like he wanted to protect me in the same way he told me I’d protected him. His heart. His mind.
Our feet tangled in the water, the ripples merging in the space between us, as ourbodies gave in to that pull that had tethered us together for years. We lessened the pressure on that invisible string, allowing our hearts to mould like they’d always meant to, as our lips caressed each other, so brutally slow that I thought I’d pull away to ask if we could do this all day.
But I stayed put, basking in the way his hands had fallen from my face and were nowgripping my bare waist, his thumbs just above the lines of my bikini.
I don’t think I’d felt Nate more relaxed than he was now, never as confident, either. Iused the grip I had on him to edge us closer, my neck tilting to the shades of blue that draped over us, deepening what I already knew would be the kiss I’d think back to on a sad day. The rainy days. The days when I’d wish he was next to me.
After a few seconds, I felt him start to pull away, his eyes not leaving mine for asecond. For a moment, I recognised the worry that glided across them, the ghost of anxiety that hovered over them. I watched his mouth part, knowing the stream of words that was about to fall out of them.“Addy, I—”
“I love you, too.”
Peaceful. That was how he looked, as each word slipped into his mind, the easyrealisation that I loved the boy who’d been my safe space and had taught me to laugh away the tears, too, clouding his face.
I knew it. Had known it. Perhaps it was the growing up I had to do before I admittedit, making sure I wasn’t confusing the feeling for something platonic that I wanted to paint a shade of love.
But I wasn’t. Somehow, I think I’d always known his name was etched on my heart inthe right way, the way all true loves are.