25. Adaline
“So you’re telling me,” Eleanor starts, elbows resting on her black pantsuit-coveredknees, hands interlocked underneath her chin. “You and Nate met when you were kids, started getting feelings for one another when you got older, then Asher…” she nods her head over to the door. “Somehow made his way between you two, had a crush on you, and told Nate that he didn’t have a chance of being with you…”
“Uh-huh.”
She squeezes her eyes shut, probably to straighten out the mental timeline I’d justmapped out for her over the past hour. “Then Nate confesses that he loves you, and you kiss for the first time after letting him read another one of your novels, which I absolutely want to read by the way—”
“Keep going,” I urge her, because she’s an easily distracted woman, it turns out. When Igot to the part about Asher, she kept talking about how she couldn’t stop staring at him the first time they met, and wondered if he’d had something done to his eyes to make them that blue.
“Right, sorry. Okay. So, he says, ‘I love you,’ and then you two are officially together. Butit’s nearing the start of summer, meaning you only have a few months together before he leaves for college, and you leave home. So, at the end of the summer, you make a promise to meet at Sunset—”
”Sunfall,” I correct her, smiling up at her.
”Sunfall Pier, a year to the day. You would let each other grow and have that sense of independence, but you could still keep in contact.”
I bounce my head at her. “That’s right.”
“But then, a year later, he never shows.”
“Yep.”
“And he never responded to your calls and texts over the year?”
“Not a single one.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know!! That’s the thing. He won’t tell me.”
Her spine arched back into the chair, her hands falling into her lap. “Huh… and nowyou’re…”
“Playing childhood enemies to lovers.” I nod, like I still can’t quite believe it either.
Eleanor mirrors me, as her eyes bore into the white ceiling of the office we snuck into.“My God, I should put the lottery on.” her head nods back to me, guilt melting into hersmile. “I’m so sorry for casting you.”
“It’s fine,” I assure her. “To be honest, it’s probably been a blessing, being so close.We used to be inseparable before everything happened. There wasn’t a day that went by where I didn’t see him. Apart from the times I’d be out of town for shoots or he’d be on vacation. And those weeks apart would drive me crazy, even before he told me… you know what he told me.”
Slowly, I let my back fall back too, the threads of the white tee tied at my waist tugging onthe fabric of the office chair. “Maybe we needed to spend some time together, as adults. Maybe… maybe it’s all played out exactly how it was meant to.” Without moving my head, I bolted my eyes back to Eleanor. “Or do I sound insane?”
Her bob swished as she shook her head. “No… you sound like a woman who has beendenied the truth for so long and is doing her best to see the positives in all of this. And I admire you for that, Adaline. I really do.”
I shrug, my shoulder blades rustling on the chair. “Yeah, well. What else is there to do?”
Eleanor let her shoulders roll too. “You could’ve told yourself you didn’t care whathappened to him. You could’ve sat here and ripped him to shreds for how he’d treated you. You could have strung Asher along just to get back at Nate. You could have clung to every negative thing that happened to you and made it who you were.”
Static hummed between us, my legs almost slipping right off the chair at how safe I wasto hear whatever was about to slip out of her mouth.
“But you didn’t.” That silvery voice of hers said. “You fought. You carried on and tooklife one day at a time, until the world knew you were ready for him to come back into your life again. Perhaps you needed him to never show up to fully spread your wings and have that freedom you never had. Perhaps… it was fate taking the reins you had no idea how to hold yet.”
The voice that told me to deny everything she just said was barely louder than a summerbreeze, barely making a whisper. Perhaps that was because, deep down, I’d never wanted to get back at him. I’d never wanted to hurt him. I’d never wanted revenge.
I just wanted him.
A rush of air eases through my nose, as I shake my head back at Eleanor, my concealedsmile telling her everything she already knew. The way her hand fell onto my knee only confirmed it, holding it in a way a mother would console her daughter after her first heartbreak.
That thought seemed to trigger the waterworks, my lip beginning to quiver, her eyesmaking a beeline for it… Eleanor pulled me up out of my seat and into her arms before another tear had a chance to reach the swell of my cheek.
“No wonder you’re a writer. That was beautiful.” I practically sobbed into her pantsuit,decorating the fabric with sporadic wet patches.
Her sweet laugh rippled through me. “The truth is a rather beautiful thing.”
A cry, one that felt like it had been trapped in my heart for so long, finally broke through,as I sobbed, “I wouldn’t know.”
It was as though seven years of loneliness, heartache, and longing crashed onto myshoulders the second I stopped talking. My knees caved in from the pressure, the twisted power of love and how it was ruining my life. Too many moments of mixed emotions clouded my brain, so much so that second-guessing became rule number one.
Everything was at the surface… except for me.
If Eleanor hadn’t been holding me, I would be on the floor, the carpet burning myknees and the tender skin of my palms. There were no words for how embarrassed I felt, to have a woman I’d known for barely an hour cradle me as I finally gave up, and gave in to my emotions.
I couldn’t have told you how long we stayed in that room. I couldn’t guess. All I knewwas that the grunts and overly exaggerated sighs from the crew, just beyond the office door, sounded the least bit happy.
And oddly, the longer I let everything out, the better I felt. Like releasing a breath I’dbeen holding for seven years. Things were clear, crystal clear, and as the tears dried into my skin, I finally peeled away from Eleanor, meeting her glazed-over eyes.
And then a smile, like a slice of the moon, shone down on me. “And you said you hatedthe dramatic arts.”
After a sniffle and a swipe at my nose, a laugh, deep and earthy, erupts from my throat,and before I know it, we’re the opposite of how we just looked. Instead, my knees are arched from how hard I was laughing, Eleanor’s hand resting on my shoulder to stabilise herself.
But through all those giggles, we still heard the office door open, our heads whipping tofind one of the assistants poking his head through the crack.
“Sorryyy to interrupt, but Adaline, Seb is asking for you to head to wardrobe, he wants toget the first kiss scene lit soon, and Nate’s ready to go.”
I give Eleanor a knowing look.
“Not a problem, I’ll be there in ten.” When the assistant left, I angled my head back to her.“Are you staying to watch?”
“Oh, no, I thought I’d leave and have an early night.”
“Oh, okay—”
Her back straightens as she exclaims, “Of course I’m staying to watch! After you just toldme that? Are you kidding me? I want to watch the fireworks explode and set the lights on fire when you two kiss, for the first time in seven years, might I add.”
And just as my feet go to walk me out the door, I spin on my heels, my bottom lip sinkingbetween my teeth before I breathe, “Oh… yeah. About that…”
A little giggle slips out of my lips when I walk back onto the set. I bask in the feeling,however fleeting a giggle is. Compared to what I just unleashed onto Eleanor… I needed to laugh.
She’s the reason why I was finding it hard to pin down my smile, actually. As my eyeswandered to Eleanor, I giggled again, purely from how gaped her mouth still was, and how her eyes were worryingly wide, as though she’d just seen the history of the earth from beginning to now play across her mind in a millisecond.
I think it’s safe to say that the bomb I dropped on her about Nate and I kissing thismorning still hadn’t sunk in. I don’t think I’ve fully gotten over it… I’m doubtful I ever will.
But, if there’s anything to be thankful for about this morning’s… activities… it’s that thescene we were about to film won’t be as awkward as we thought it would be.
Hopefully.
The bad butterflies aren’t revving their engines, but the good ones? They sped off andtook flight the second I walked out of his apartment. I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Of any of it. Perhaps it was just nostalgia coursing through my body, tricking my brain into falling into habits that I once craved.
Or maybe it was curiosity finally taking over. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought aboutwhat it would be like to kiss him again, as a grown-up, with all the power and charm his teenage self hadn’t yet learned.
Or maybe, actually, it was because my books, my stories, were sitting beside us on thecouch after he’d secretly made them for me.I want to tell myself that I would have kissed anyone if they’d done that for me. But I hadto stop lying to myself.
About everything.
“Oooh, I love that outfit.” I hear Amber shout from the other end of the set, dashing her asmile and a wink as I strode onto the set.
I admitted to Eleanor before that I felt like Anastasia was written for me. She waspractically a fictional version of myself, regardless of the eerily similar childhood trauma, and that went for the outfits too.
There hasn’t been a scene where I haven’t asked the wardrobe ladies what the chanceswere of production letting me keep all these outfits. They politely told me no each time, even when I came in one day and reminded them of the fast fashion pandemic, and that my taking these outfits would actually have a positive effect on the earth.
A hard pass, was what they practically all told me.
Which was really sad, because I felt my pupils dilate the moment I saw today’s outfit; aplain white summer dress with a square neckline and puffy shoulders, pulling me in at the waist and draping down to my thighs. The corset-style midsection had gold embroidered flowers, tiny ones, running along with golden vines and shiny golden leaves to match. My hair was curled, half of it pinned to the back of my head with a bow to match, with golden detailing adorning that, too. Sage green Converse covered my feet, my frilly socks poking out of the ankle.
It was a crime they couldn’t let me keep it. But I wouldn’t stop hunting until I found aversion for myself.
All my plans fade from my head the moment I spot him.
He was standing in the fake high school hallway that had been finished this morning,royal blue lockers lining each of the walls. He looked light years different from the man I saw this morning, and it had nothing to do with the football jersey and distressed jeans he was wearing either.The deep green and gold shades perfectly complimented the tanned tones of his forearms.
I’d never seen his eyes as bright as they were now, not on a movie set anyway. Usually,he’d crawl into the shadow he’d built up for himself over his twenty-six years walking the earth, and the most expression he’d plaster on his face before someone called ‘ACTION’ was the tiniest smile and the curtest of nods.
His smile right now was as bright as his eyes. Wide, and happy.
I’d missed it.
Like his feelings were infectious, I felt the corners of my mouth pull into a smile. Iwatched his eyes dip to it as I reached him, before they glided back on me, and his smile got wider. If that was even possible.
A laugh slipped through my nose. “This is weird.”
Those pretty green pools sparkled. “Very weird.”
I walked around him, my shoes gliding across the white linoleum like it was a frozenlake, before leaning against one of the lockers. “It doesn’t feel right not glaring at you.”
He follows me as I settle my body. “It doesn’t feel right not being quiet.”
I fold my arms. “Do you want me to stop talking?”
He steps closer, his breath hitting my cheeks as he rolls up the sleeve of his jersey. “No,never.”
I’m surprised I have the energy to do anything after that, let alone blink at him as Istraighten my body, his height no match for mine. But I loved that, if anything.
“Me too.”
Our mistake then was letting silence invade us for a second too long. I search his eyes toodeeply, he takes in my smile too much. Our faces were laced with just as many bad memories as our thoughts were, and I could see the moment he remembered. He can tell when I do, too.
Missed calls.
The pier.
No-show.
We disappear.
Seven Years.
We reappear.
Silence.
Kiss.
Now.
My head falls forward, coming into my hands. I sucked in a few deep breaths, Nate notbudging as he towered over me.
“Hey, guys,” I said a silent thank you to Seb for breaking up the silence. “We’re readywhen you are.”
My head springs up, still in Nate’s shadow. I angle it around to see Seb a few feet away,just beyond the edge of the fake lockers. He had a semi-smile on his face now, which made me happy.
“We’re ready.” I nod at him, before latching my eyes onto Nate. “Right?”
He nods down at me, smile and bright eyes gone. “Yeah.”
“Alrighty then. Places everyone! Let’s get the cameras positioned on each actor and lithead-on. Extras, make sure you hit your markers and try not to look directly into the camera this time…” Seb’s voice fades as he stalks over to his director’s chair, as the swarm of extras flutter in behind us, all dressed in typical clothes and carrying a myriad of textbooks and folders, at the same time, Nate and I shuffle on to our starting markers.
There’s no time to utter words as Addy and Nate, before someone raises the clapperboardas Seb screams, “Action!”
And Addy fades away. As does Nate.
“Did Coach Benners collar you about the last home game?” I ask Nate, as Anastasia,ignoring how nice it feels to let my smile shine up on him.
“What do you think?” he jests, nudging my folded arm. I don’t let my eyes stray on theextra that passes between us, as they were instructed to before he carries on. Smile back in its rightful place. “He made it clear that if we repeat what happened last time, he’ll replace me the second the game’s over.”
I shake my head. “But that’s not fair. West High’s quarterback is—”
“A giant? Believe me, the twinge in my arm from when he broke it the first time Icollided with him reminds me all the time.”
I dish him a sorry smile, as we turn and start walking down the hallway. The cameras tothe right and in front of us start to trail backwards.
“You could always just try the old reliable technique.” Nate eyes me, no idea whatAnastasia’s talking about. “Canon balling it down the field and hoping James catches it like he did in the final game of last season.”
“That worked once, it’ll never work again.” he shrugs. “But, hold on, can we justrecognise that you just said James’ name without cringing—”
On cue, I screw my face up. “Oh, God, I nearly forgot. Don’t let me do that again.”
He rolls his eyes. “Stas, he asked you to prom via text, he didn’t murder your family.”
“But it’s so insulting. There was no thought behind it, no special treatment… nothing. Iwould have preferred—”
“Me?” He stops walking, the cameras halting as I stumble forward a few extra pacesbefore I’m supposed to realise he’s stopped.
I throw my arms up slightly, letting out a breath. “Will you stop with this whole idea thatI want you to take me to prom?”
He shrugs again, the green and gold jersey shuffling underneath him, his toned forearmsjust as distracting as they were this morning—
Don’t think about this morning. Not now.
My eyes come back into focus as he, Harry, asks, “Would you let me take you if I askedyou?”
“What? No. No… I wouldn’t…” Anastasia stumbles on her words, clearly showcasing toeveryone behind the screen when they watch this that she’d want nothing more. “I—”
“Here,” Nate pulls the backpack off his shoulder and unzips it, pulling out a wrapped gift.
“Maybe this will boost my odds of taking the coolest,” he takes a step closer. “Funniest,” Another step. “Completely gorgeous girl I know, to our last prom.”
The bell that rings doesn’t startle me because I know it’s coming, but the way Nate’slooking down on me does. It makes me shiver, like that feeling you get when you’re inches away from the one thing you’ve always dreamed of seeing.
I suppose over the years we were apart, I had dreamed of seeing Nate look down on melike he used to, like I was a diamond. A ruby. Precious and sure of itself. It knows its worth, knows what power it has over the people who gaze upon it. Knows it’s meant for so much more than sitting pretty in the same bullet-proof case for years on end.
Like he knows the person underneath the facade.
Like he loves the person.
Like he loves me.
And then I remember that this, the looks, the smiles, the shivers—it’s all pretend.
The gift-wrapped book, which I know is a book, with a note inside detailing thescavenger hunt Harry’s about to send Anastasia on, just like the dream prom-posal she’d mapped out for him earlier in the movie, is placed in my hand. I look down on it, before looking back up at Nate… Harry.
We don’t say anything, because there”s no dialogue. Eleanor relied on using eye contactand body language to tell the audience everything that needed to be said. And I’m thankful for that, because Nate’s stare is starting to burn again and I don’t know if I can handle that and the heat from the stage lights. But then he lifts his hands and brushes his thumb across my cheek, burning me there, too.
And then he walks away, like he’s been directed to, out of the shot but not leaving themake-shift hallway, because I still need to kiss him. Anastasia still needs to kiss Harry. I carry on doing what I’ve been told to do. I tear back the shiny pink wrapping around the book and reveal it.
I gasp, bringing a shaky hand to my mouth. A bit dramatic, but it helped disguise themyriad of emotions running around my head right now.
I peel open the page of Anastasia’s favourite book. Alice in Wonderland. A beautifulchoice. Eleanor’s favourite, she confessed to me before. The camera to my right angles so it captures my expression from below, as I find the note on the title page. The camera catches my tear, a single one that rolls down my cheek. Hardly acting given what happened earlier.
I close the book and peel open the note. They’ll get a shot of someone holding it later,zooming into the words ‘I LOVE YOU’ written in boyish handwriting.
I know in the final edit they’ll add the big dramatic, heartfelt score to play alongside theway I drop the book, realisation crowding my face as I run over to Nate. The way the camera follows him makes it look like he’s been walking since the moment he left, making it easy for me to stride towards him, dress swishing at my thighs, as I grab his shoulder and spin him to face me.
“Is this true?” I ask him, holding the note to his chest.
He nods at me, doing well to let Harry’s feelings be known by everyone around us.
“How long?” He doesn’t answer. “How long, Harry?—”
“I can’t remember, okay?” I inch my head backwards, my mouth gaping. “I’ve been inlove with you for so long that I forgot the moment I realised it.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was scared.”
“Of me?”
“Of losing you.”
And that’s when I’m instructed to kiss him out of the blue. Rise up on my tiptoes, in theempty hallway, and kiss the boy who I’ve secretly been in love with for years. But I can’t. Something about it doesn’t feel right. The sneak attack of it all. I might get grilled by Eleanor for this later, or maybe she’ll approve of it, but I can’t think about that now.
Maybe it’s the inner writer in me that wants to shine. Creep out of the shadows.
Whatever it is, I enjoy the way it’s making me feel like a superjet about to glide down therunway, as my mouth prys open.
“I don’t think there could be anything you could say or do to make me lose you. Youknow that, right?” I take a step closer, ignoring the murmurs from the crew in the darkness. “Remember that, the next time you want to tell me something that you think will make me run.”
And then my lips are on his.
And it’s bliss. Just like I thought it would be. This wasn’t new to us anymore, we’dbroken down that barrier that led to the unknown. His lips encased mine, gliding so perfectly, moulding like we were always made to kiss each other.
His hands find my cheeks, holding them still as they burned red. I felt my stomach dropwhen he pulled me closer, edging us together in a way I used to dream about. Crave. I soaked up every moment of it, not knowing when we’d even be like this again. If we’d ever be like this again—
“CUT! Great job, guys!” Seb calls, the call bell sounding as a few of the crew clapand whoop as we fall away from each other.
I didn’t have a chance to look at Nate before he stormed off in the direction of hisdressing room. Away from me.
I couldn’t register it, not before I spotted Eleanor heading towards me, with a scowl onher face. Maybe I’d been an asshole for improving a line. I got ready to spit out a million sorry’s, but before I could, she grabbed my face and planted a kiss on my forehead.
“You are a genius!” Oh. “Like, are you kidding? That line was… oh my God, I’mdemanding that this be your last movie. Addy, you were born to write!”
I’ve always known I was.