10. Lucas
10
LUCAS
I butter the bread while Link slices the cheese and Silver hooks up the electric grill. Tin babysits the tomato soup heating up on the stove and Quin sets out cookies on a plate.
It reminds me of when we were little and Ruby gave each of us a task to do before dinner. Chopping vegetables or stirring the gravy made me feel like one of her sons. She’d always say, “many hands make work light.” I loved that.
“I can smell it from here,” Coin says. “I bet Lucas is dying. He’s pregnant and a wolf shifter.”
He’s referring to the stuffed thing sitting on one of the dining room chairs. At some point, it must have been a real turkey. It smells of death underneath the scent of rotten food and chemicals. But not all its feathers are real. Some of them have been replaced with more colorful variations, and its eyeballs are definitely fake. They have eyelids that open and close, like an old school babydoll.
“I’m okay,” I assure them, even though the smell is really awful.
“He’s just being nice,” Coin says. “Lucas is always nice, remember? Even when he’s dying from how bad your dumpster taxidermy turkey stinks.”
Link waves away his concern. “Just wait a few minutes and you’ll get used to the smell.”
Silver lets out a cough that sounds suspiciously like a laugh. They haven’t changed a bit.
When we were growing up, Link was always doing something stupid that annoyed Coin and Silver found secretly amusing.
“I guess my question is… why did you want that thing?” Quin asks.
“Because it’s awesome!” Link turns to me. “It looks like it was stolen from a movie set or something, don’t you think?”
“The set of a horror movie,” Coin says.
I hold back a laugh because Coin is absolutely right.
Quin turns his head to look at it from another angle. “I think it’s the eyes that really creep me out. They’re too big for a turkey.”
“Aren’t turkey eyes all black? They don’t have irises, right?” Tin asks.
Quin points at him. “Right! That must be it.”
“Whatever. I like it. I think I’m going to put it in my living room,” Link says.
Silver and I finally bust up laughing. He leans against me, like he did when we were younger and Link’s antics made him bend over in stitches. I love the pressure of his body and the rhythmic bounce of his laughter. It’s all so nostalgic and wonderful.
I wish this night never had to end.
“Are you sure about that?” Coin asks. “You haven’t found a mate yet, and I don’t think that will help matters. Any guy you bring home is going to think you’re a serial killer.”
Link scoffs. “No, they won’t. I’m way too fun to be a serial killer. They’re always the silent and serious types.”
Silver just laughs harder.
“Link, you can stop cutting cheese now,” Quin says. “You’ve cut enough to feed a small army.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll go sit over there with my turkey that none of you are cool enough to appreciate. Except for Lucas. You like it, don’t you?” Link asks, looking at me hopefully.
I wince. “Um…”
The rest of them join in laughing, including Link. I love the way he can laugh at himself. He’s confident enough that Coin’s comments never seem to bother him.
“Do you know what you’re going to name your pups?” Quin asks, out of the blue.
“Oh, um, not yet.”
“Do you know their genders? You don’t have to say. I’m just curious,” he says.
“Not yet.” I look away from him, worried that he might guess just how few prenatal appointments I’ve been able to afford. Doctor’s appointments are expensive, and Daryl doesn’t want to apply for government aid. He says we can manage on our own without asking for handouts.
Wolf shifters rarely have complications during the pregnancies, so I hope everything will be okay. I certainly can’t afford to go to the doctor now.
“It’s so fun that you’re having a litter,” Quin says. “Three is a great number. Not too many to overwhelm you, but enough that they’ll have friends. Our moms are going to be so excited to be grandmas again!”
“They’ll be wolf shifters,” I remind Quin. Not Ruby’s and Shae’s grandkits.
“Yes! They’ll be so cute. I can’t wait,” he says. “You have to let me babysit.”
Coin sits on the barstool next to me. “I’d like to help out too. I’ll be going on tour soon, if you wanted to borrow my car for a while.”
I glance at Silver, not sure what he’ll think of all his brothers coming to my rescue.
He smiles. “Coin has a nice ride. When he’s not driving around Uncle Dagger’s smelly camper, that is.”
“And now it smells like dumpster taxidermy turkey,” Coin says.
They go back to teasing Link about the turkey. The rhythm of their conversation is natural and expected, like the crash of the waves upon a beach. It comes and goes with a familiarity that makes me feel safe.
“What if I swapped out the eyes?” Link asks. “Would it be less creepy then?”
Quin shakes his head in horror. “Don’t remove the eyes. Oh my God.”
“What do you think is underneath them?” Coin asks.
Tin shudders. “There are some things we don’t need to know in this life.”
Silver laughs and laughs. One of my favorite things about him is how much he loves his brothers. He never gets annoyed with Link the way the others do and he always enjoys Coin’s terse humor. He listens to Quin’s rambling and appreciates Tin’s occasional contributions to the conversation. He understands all of them.
Slade returns to the kitchen with a little raccoon perched on his shoulder. “Chime is ready for bed. I figured since you said Lucas was like your brother that she could come out like this, but if that isn’t okay?—”
Quin stands up on his toes to give Slade a kiss. He has to pull Slade down by his shirt to make it happen. They look so happy as they kiss each other, just like Ruby and Shae. I guess that’s what raccoon shifter bonds are like.
I can’t help but be a little jealous. I’ve never beamed like that while kissing Daryl.
“Lucas is family. He’s seen all our raccoons at one point or another.” Quin reaches up and grasps Chime’s furry little body. She stares at me silently as he brings her closer to me. “Lucas is a gray wolf shifter. His wolf is very fast and strong.”
It’s been so long since I’ve shifted, a part of me forgets that there’s any strength within me. Chime tilts her head curiously, like she’s trying to picture me as a wolf.
“His fur is silver, like mine,” Silver says. “When I saw his wolf for the first time, I thought he was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.”
My stomach flip flops. I always liked that our fur matched. When we were younger, I hoped it meant something. I don’t know what, exactly.
Coin looks at Silver with confusion in his eyes. The compliment probably doesn’t make sense to him, seeing as how I’m bonded to someone else.
“Have a good night, Chime,” Tin says, reaching out to pet her head. She leans into his touch and gives his hand a little lick.
Each of her uncles pats her head or scratches her ears. She licks them back, eager for their affection. There’s no fear in her stance, no reservations in the way she loves them. The easy way they say goodnight to her reminds me of how different a raccoon shifter’s childhood is from a gray wolf shifter’s.
I place my hand on my belly. If only my pups could grow up in a family like this one. If only they could have a childhood full of ear scratches and good food—of love and safety.
But I don’t get to wish for things like that. Not even for them. Fate has already decided what kind of life we’re allowed to have.
“Did you want to say goodnight to Uncle Lucas?” Quin asks Chime.
She does a little nod that makes my heart swell in my chest. She has no reason to believe that I’m anything but trustworthy and safe for her to love.
I reach up and gently scratch her furry head. She tilts her snout up, pushing into my touch. A little rumble comes from her chest. Silver used to make that sound too, back when we would cuddle. I think it’s a purr, of sorts.
“It’s wonderful to meet you, Chime,” I say.
She licks my palm in response, as if I’m another one of her beloved uncles. It’s like the times I used to cook with Ruby in her kitchen—for a moment, I feel like I belong somewhere.
“It’s time to go to bed,” Quin reminds Chime. She scurries up Slade’s shirt and onto his shoulder, her fluffy tail outstretched behind her.
It’s hard to not imagine how Chime might act as a cousin to three pups—how they might play in their animal forms, the way young shifter children do.
“Goodnight,” Quin says, reaching up to give Chime a pet of his own. “I love you. I’ll join you in a little bit.”
Slade turns around and walks out of the kitchen.
“Where is she sleeping?” Silver asks.
“In the camper,” Quin says. “We’ll all be in there tonight, since I figured Lucas would be in the guest room, and there isn’t a bed in the extra room at the end of the hall.”
Silver glances at me. He wants to offer the guest room to Quin, since we’ll be sleeping in the same bed. But I’m not ready for his brothers to know that I’m cheating on Daryl. I’m not sure they’d understand, even if I told them about the abuse. For them, bonds are beautiful, wonderful things.
“Coin and I were planning to sleep on your couches,” Tin says.
“I can crash in your bed with you, right?” Link asks Silver. The two of them exchange a meaningful look before Link laughs nervously. “I mean, I’ll use one of your sleeping bags to sleep in the living room with Tin and Coin.”
Coin’s gaze darts from me to Silver and back again. “Okay. I could share a bed with Lucas, if that’s easier?—”
“Not tonight,” Silver says.
An awkward silence hangs over the room. They know something is up, and I’m just making things weird by not telling them. But the silence only lasts for a moment, before Slade leaves with Chime and Quin starts adding sandwiches to the electric grill.
“Are we going to keep the turkey in the dining room while we eat?” Coin asks.
The natural flow of conversation returns as Tin suggests they put the turkey in the garage and Link worries the heat will ruin it. The crackle of butter on hot metal and the swish, swish, swish of Tin’s spoon stirring the tomato soup are in the background as they argue about whether the turkey is already ruined and how stinky it is.
No one seems angry at me. They don’t even seem angry at Link, who is being a little unreasonable about the turkey. It’s all so calm and nice. I sit there and take in the comforting sound of their voices. One of the little pups in my womb kicks, as if they like the noise, too. I don’t like to think about their ability to hear most of the time. They must have overheard a lot of horrible things with Daryl. But tonight, I don’t have to worry about that.
“We could put it in your room,” Link says.
Silver shakes his head and laughs. “No, absolutely not.”
“We could vote on it,” Tin suggests.
Coin points at him. “That’s brilliant. Who votes for the turkey to go out in the garage while we eat?”
Every brother but Link raises their arms. They wait for a long beat before I realize they’re waiting for me to vote, too. I raise my arm hesitantly.
“Fine,” Link relents. “But if it melts, ya’ll are buying me a new taxidermy turkey.”
“Says the millionaire pro football player to his poor brothers,” Coin quips.
Silver elbows him. “Speak for yourself. I’m not poor.”
“I am,” Quin says, beaming.
“So am I,” Tin chimes in.
This time when the silences comes, I recognize it for what it is. They’ve effortlessly added me to the rhythm of their conversation. All I have to do is join in.
“I am too,” I admit.
“Fine,” Link relents. “You don’t have to buy me a new taxidermy turkey. But you do have to help me decorate the one I buy so it looks like Terrance.”
“Terrance?” Coin teases. “You named it?”
“Yeah. After a guy on my team.”
Silver throws back his head and laughs.