11. Lucas
11
LUCAS
I wait until the chatter in the living room has silenced and the moon is high in the sky before I sneak out of the guest room. I pause outside Silver’s bedroom door, not sure if he’s still awake. Maybe I waited too long. But I only get to have a month with him, and I don’t want to waste a single night of it.
Knocking would be a bad idea because his brothers might hear. I slowly open the door unannounced, hoping that Silver won’t mind. The lamp next to his bedside is on, and he’s sitting in his bed shirtless. He smiles at me from across the room. “Hey.”
“Hey.” It’s just a whisper, but my voice feels incredibly loud.
He holds out his arms to me. My heart thumps in my chest. This afternoon, all we did was cuddle. Tonight, Silver might want more than that. I walk across the room and sit next to him on the edge of the bed.
He lowers his arms. “No cuddles for me, huh?”
“I want to. I’m just… nervous.”
“It’s just me, baby. You don’t need to be nervous.” He turns his palm up and slides it closer to me in a silent invitation. I place my hand on top of his, my skin buzzing from the contact.
“What are we… I mean, you said you wanted… What do you want?” I ask, not daring to look him in the eye. I’m the one who came in here. I have no right to ask him what he wants, but I’m not brave enough to ask for what I want.
I’m not even brave enough to admit it to myself.
He pulls my hand closer. I watch as he guides my palm down onto his thigh. There’s a thick blanket between my hand and his leg, but I can still feel the warmth of his skin through the fabric. He brings my hand between his legs, pressing my palm onto a firm bulge there. My mouth goes dry.
“That’s from just thinking about you sleeping in the other room,” he says.
My fingers tremble as I cup him over the blanket. “Really?”
“Yes, really. Unless that’s not why you came in here. We can just cuddle. But if you’re asking what I want.” He rubs my hand into his crotch, his eyes burning into mine.
“Oh. That’s…” All words leave my head as I feel him get harder. “Good. That’s good.” I stammer. God, I sound like an idiot.
He smiles. “Does that mean you want to mess around? Because I have to warn you, I’m not wearing anything underneath this blanket.”
I swallow hard. “Oh. I… um…” I finger the top of the blanket. It’s been so long since I got to look at his naked body. Not that I have any right to it, of course. But if we’re pretending to be mates…
I take in a shaky breath and slowly pull down the blanket, inch by inch. He has plenty of time to stop me, but he doesn’t. He lets me expose his lower abdomen and his hips. His cock bounces up as I reveal his thatch of silver pubic hair. It’s bigger than I remember with a shaft that’s thicker close to the tip. I remember how it felt to have it inside of me. So satisfying—so intense. He filled me up until I wasn’t sure if I could take it all, and then he filled me up even more.
He slides his fingers into my hair. “Lucas.”
I push into his hand, eager to feel his fingers on my scalp and his palm cupping my cheek. His body and his scent takes me back to a time when sex was wonderful. With him, I orgasmed every time. I felt cherished and sexy. The nights we snuck out into the prairie to mess around were nothing but bliss.
I didn’t learn until later that sex isn’t always like that. Sometimes it’s boring. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it makes you feel hollow inside because you know that your mate doesn’t really want you. He just wants sex, and you’re there. Especially the last few months. My pregnant belly repulses Daryl.
“Maybe I could keep my clothes on and just… with my mouth,” I offer with a tiny shrug. That might not be what he’s into now. I don’t know. But I used to love the salty bitterness of his cum and the scent of his pubic hair.
“Is that what you want?” Silver asks.
“It would be easier, right? Then we wouldn’t have to deal with, you know,” I glance down at my belly.
“Come here,” he whispers, tugging my hand forward.
I scoot closer to him, not exactly sure where he wants me. He hooks his arm around my body and pulls me onto his lap. It feels wildly different than sitting in his lap this afternoon because his beautiful chest is bare, and the unmistakable stiffness of his erection is underneath my right ass cheek.
“I have a confession,” he says, leaning in and pressing his forehead to mine.
“What is it?”
“I’m into it.”
I pull back, confused. “Into what?”
He smiles sheepishly. “Into pregnant you? I don’t know if I’m into pregnant guys, in general. But you… well.” He runs his fingers down my back and over my ass. “I’m into it, Lucas. I want you—all of you.”
If I couldn’t feel the tip of his erection poking into me, I don’t think I’d believe him. I feel huge and ugly, not like some sexy version of pregnant omega that an alpha could conceivably want. I place my hand on the center of his bare chest. His heart races under my fingertips.
“Can I see you, baby?” he whispers in my ear.
I nod, even though I’m terrified of showing my body to him. What if he’s disappointed? What if he stops wanting me? I know he’d be kind about it, but it would be humiliating.
I don’t know if I’d ever truly recover.
He slides my shirt up, revealing the part of my body I’m the most afraid for him to see. My belly is huge and distended with white stretch marks extending from my belly button. Silver lifts my shirt over my head, so I can’t see his reaction until my shirt is completely off and discarded on the side of the bed.
He runs his fingers over the swell of my belly and down my legs with this feral look in his eyes that I remember from back when we were teenagers and messing around for the first time. I never had to wonder if he found me desirable. It was always written all over his face.
How could he still want me like this?
He circles his arms around me and lowers me onto the mattress. “Can I take off your shorts?”
I nod again. He could ask me almost anything right now, and I’d say yes.
He slips his fingers underneath my sleep shorts and yanks them down. I’m sure my erection is completely obvious now that only my underwear is covering it, but I can’t see for myself. My belly is too big.
“Fuck, baby. You’re so hard for me, you’re leaking all over your underwear.”
My cheeks heat up. “Sorry.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t you dare apologize for that. Can I touch you?”
“Yes.”
Instead of cupping me over my underwear, which is what I was expecting, he slips his hand underneath my underwear and cups me bare. Bliss shoots through me like lightning. I lift my hips off the mattress, ever desperate for more of him.
“Can I…” Silver says, inching his fingers down between my legs.
“Yes.” Of course, I say yes. He can touch me wherever he wants, do whatever he wants. My body lights up with the pathway of his fingers, and I whimper when he finds that pucker of skin that makes me ache for more. I want to beg him, but I hold back. We’ve barely kissed. I’m bonded to someone else. What will he think of me if I beg for it?
He pushes one finger inside me, and I arch off the bed. The solid thickness of his fingers, and the heat of his gaze are too much. It’s too wonderful. I’m not used to this. I’d forgotten what it was like to actually want someone inside me.
“Can I taste you, baby?” he asks.
“Yes.” I don’t know if he means my cock or my slick. It doesn’t matter. The heat of his mouth circles around my cock just as he pulls down my underwear. I’m mortified that his head gently bumps into my belly as he goes down on me, but he lets out a breathy moan and takes me in deeper. I dig my fingers into the sheets and try not to call out. His brothers are still in the living room.
His finger pushes inside me again, faster this time. He finds that secret spot that Daryl is always too lazy to care about and strokes it. I rock into it, overwhelmed by his mouth and the wild sensations his fingers are creating within me. I can’t see what he’s doing because of my belly, and somehow, that’s better. I think I’d be too embarrassed otherwise. He cups my balls and starts bobbing up and down on my cock, the muscles of his throat constricting rhythmically around the tip. I writhe, powerless to stay still. He’s so giving—so kind. I can feel the pressure building, the orgasm coming. It’s scary and wonderful at the same time. Because it’s just as good as I remember. I thought I’d put Silver on a pedestal in my head—that there was no way he could be as good as my memories.
“Silver!” I cry out, as my body seizes up. I don’t tell him in time for him to pull off before I come into his mouth, but he doesn’t back off. He sucks me hard, and I thrust into his mouth, my vision going white. I’m unprepared for the wild pleasure that crashes into me like a tidal wave. I claw at the sheets and thrash my legs, clamping down on his finger. My orgasm keeps going, and Silver continues with it, forcing his finger inside me, despite how hard I pulse around him.
When it’s finally over, all the muscles of my body release, and I feel like putty on his bed. He lets my cock slip from his mouth and trails kisses up my belly, cresting over the top and kissing his way down. He veers over to my shoulders and kisses the crook of my neck before making it to my jaw, my ear, my cheek. “Oh, Lucas. I’ve missed you.”
I can taste my cum on him when he kisses my mouth. It’s a languid, long kiss; a gentleness that makes me want to hold on to him forever. He’s the alpha I really want—the alpha I’ve always wanted.
Fate will punish me for that.
“Can I be inside you?” Silver asks.
“Yes. Please.”
The drawer next to us opens, and I can hear the tear of a condom wrapper. It makes me tear up, so I kiss his mouth to prevent him from seeing. He doesn’t know how much it means that he’s grabbing for a condom without me having to ask.
“How do we do this and keep the pups safe?” Silver asks.
I roll over onto my hands and knees. I feel far more exposed like this with my belly hanging down and my ass in the air. But Silver doesn’t pause for a moment. He just climbs on top of me, his large body covering mine like some kind of shield. I love the warmth of his chest along my back, and the hardness pressing against the crux of my ass.
“We never did it like this before,” he whispers, sucking at my earlobe. He wraps one arm around my chest, holding me close as he ruts against me, his slick cock sliding against my hole. “Fuck, Lucas. Why did we never do it like this?” The tip of his cock pokes at my entrance.
I rock back, eager to have him inside me, but the angle is wrong, and it slips out.
“Do you want me, baby?” Silver asks, grinding against me. He sucks at my neck, maddeningly close to my scent gland. That’s where Daryl bit me when we bonded. It’s also one of the most sensitive parts of my body.
“Yes. Please, Silver.” My cock is already hard again. My refraction period is almost nonexistent when I’m with him.
Silver’s mouth moves down my neck. He never dared do this when we were in high school. Everyone knows that an omega wolf shifter’s neck is off limits to anyone but their mate. There are so many nerve endings on my neck, my body can’t decide if I want him to move his mouth lower to suck on my scent gland or penetrate me. I hold my breath, desperately hoping he’ll know what I want without me having to ask.
His hips shift behind me, his hand reaching back to position himself. Then his mouth moves down and latches onto my scent gland as he slowly pushes inside.
I cry out from all the sensation. Silver’s cock is huge inside me, stretching my walls past the point of comfort. The fullness is almost painful. And his mouth—God, his mouth. He’s sucking hard at my scent gland, making me weak from the pleasure.
Then he pushes further inside me. It takes me a moment to register that he still hasn’t bottomed out. He goes deeper and deeper, scraping his teeth along the skin of my scent gland. I dig my fingertips into the mattress, unable to cope with the rush of another orgasm as it surges through me. My ass contracts around his thick cock, and it hurts in the most delicious way.
“Fuck. Did you just come again, baby?” he asks.
I nod. “Please don’t stop. Your mouth… it’s wonderful.”
He latches his lips onto my scent gland and sucks again. I arch into him, no longer sure if my body is still coming or if I’m simply feeling pleasure. The lines between those two things are confusing now. He slides further inside, until his thighs are finally flush with my ass. We both moan. I feel the vibration of his voice against my scent gland.
“Oh, Silver.” This is better than it was before—better than I thought sex could be.
“I love you,” Silver says.
Deep down, I know that Silver loves the boy I was in high school. He doesn’t know me well enough to love who I am now. But I don’t care. I want his love so badly, I’ll take whatever version I can get. After all, I get a month of happiness. This is a part of that, isn’t it?
“I love you too,” I whisper back.
For a horrible moment, I wait for Fate to strike me with lightning or take Her revenge in some other way. I don’t deserve Silver or this mind-blowing sex. But nothing happens.
Then Silver moves. Just a little at first. He’s so big, that’s all I can handle. I close my eyes as he slowly pulls out halfway and then pushes back inside. We moan together again, and I can’t help but smile.
He lets out a breathy laugh. “See how good we are together.”
All thoughts of Fate and what I deserve fly out the window as our bodies move in tandem. We’re slippery with sweat and slick, and my is neck wet from his saliva. It’s messy, raw, and wonderful. He sucks at my scent gland with abandon, biting down every time he bottoms out inside me. He doesn’t bite hard enough to break the skin, but that doesn’t matter. I feel claimed all the same. When his knot starts to grow, I whimper from the stretch of it. He grabs my hips and thrusts hard inside me, his knot swelling all at once. I sob, the relief so sweet I can barely stand it.
He bites my scent gland deep enough that his teeth finally sink into my skin. My vision goes white, and I scream his name. In the back of my mind, I know there’s a reason I shouldn’t do that, but it doesn’t matter. My body is nothing but sparks and light. My orgasm goes on and on, Silver shuddering as he comes, too, grinding his glorious knot into me. It’s animalistic in a way sex never has been, and maybe that should make it less romantic, but I love the way Silver grunts in my ear as he ruts into me. I rock back to take him deeper, my breath coming deep and fast. The mattress screeches underneath us, the headboard banging against the wall.
“You’re mine,” he growls in my ear. The possessiveness makes my inner omega preen.
“Yes,” I whisper.
He slams into me one last time, pushing so deep inside me, I feel his cock’s claim of me as intensely as I felt the mark of his teeth. He buries his nose into my scent gland and inhales loudly.
When I glance over at him, my blood is on the tip of his nose. The sight of it makes me come. Not because it’s sexy, but because it’s feral and wild, like we’ve given ourselves up completely to our animal forms. My inner omega yearns to shift—to run across the packed dirt of the prairie with him like we used to.
Silver rubs his right palm along my chest. The touch is possessive like the way he sucked at my scent gland. He’s a raccoon shifter, so that’s how he’d bond to me if he were in his raccoon form. Tears well in my eyes because I want that so badly. I would give anything for a life with Silver—absolutely anything.
Could he be happy with me? Would I ever be enough for him? Or would he regret his generosity the moment he finally realized what being stuck with me and three young pups truly meant?
“I love you,” I tell him again, my voice breaking with emotion.
Despite how selfish it is, I lift my hand and place it on top of his across my chest in a silent invitation.
“Baby, does that mean—” he starts, but I shake my head. I won’t trap him like this. Even if every fiber of my being is screaming to be his. He deserves better than that.