12. Silver
12
SILVER
W e lie on our sides, our bodies tied in the most intimate way.
I love you, too.
The words echo in my head like a mantra, impossible to ignore. His scent gland, puffy and bleeding from my bite, is only inches away, reminding me of our connection only moments earlier. He agreed he was mine. The way our bodies came together was pure perfection.
We have to talk about this.
For now, Lucas is sleeping peacefully in my arms. He drifted off almost immediately after we rolled onto our sides. I don’t blame him, of course. Growing three pups inside your body must require a lot of energy.
I guess we’ll have to talk tomorrow.
As we lie there, my hand naturally rests on his belly. I consider moving it because I’m not sure how Lucas would feel about me touching him there if he were awake. He seems ashamed of his big belly. A gentle flutter pushes against my hand. Is that one of the pups? I press my hand down, and I’m rewarded with a little kick against my palm.
When Quin was pregnant with Chime, he used to let me feel his belly when she was kicking. I’d talk to her in the womb so she’d know the sound of my voice once she was born. All of my brothers did. We wanted her to feel our love even before she took her first breath.
The pups in Lucas’s womb aren’t mine. I know that. And he’s asleep, so I can’t talk to them without him waking up. But I maintain a little pressure on his belly, just to say hello. The little pitter patter against my hand feels like they’re saying hi back. Maybe someday Lucas will let me introduce myself to them while they’re still in the womb. Maybe he’d let my brothers introduce themselves, too. Coin can play songs for them on his guitar and Tin can play them different animal sounds, just like he did for Chime. Quin used to roll his eyes when Tin explained bird calls to his belly, but I thought it was sweet.
My brothers are the best uncles a kid could ask for.
I fall asleep to the gentle kicks of the pups I hope I’ll be allowed to love someday. The scent of Lucas, and his warm body in my arms are just as comforting as those little kicks. I drift into such a deep sleep that I barely register the alarm blaring from my nightstand the next morning.
Lucas stirs. “Is that your phone?”
I reach behind me for the offending noise. Luckily, it takes me a while to find it, and during the process I finally wake up enough to remember why I need to get up.
Ugh. The military’s obsession with early mornings is the worst.
I press a kiss to Lucas’s cheek and creep out of bed. It’s a little tricky to find my clothes in the dark, but I manage to piece together a T-shirt and shorts before retreating to the bathroom to get ready for the gym. I literally get paid to work out, which is nice. I like that part of it. I just don’t appreciate doing it at five-thirty in the morning.
My brothers are still sleeping when I sneak past them and out into the garage. Or at least it seems that way until Coin wanders into the garage, bleary-eyed, just as I start the car.
I lower my window. “I’ll be back in an hour. I’m going to the gym.”
Coin crosses his arms across his chest. “Seriously? You just fucked Lucas while he’s six months pregnant with another guy’s kids, and you’re leaving him at the crack of dawn to go to the gym?”
I knew we weren’t quiet, but I’d hoped that my brothers slept through all Lucas’s screaming. I guess not.
“I really have to go to the gym. It’s for my job. But you can come along if you want to lecture me,” I say.
Coin glares at me for a full beat before slumping over to the passenger’s side of the car and opening the door. “Fine, but I’m not exercising.”
“Of course not,” I mutter under my breath.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I mean, you look like shit most of the time. Are you eating?”
He rolls his eyes. “This conversation isn’t about me.”
I put the car in reverse and back out of the garage. It’s still dark outside and my neighborhood is completely quiet.
“What do you want from me, Coin?” I ask. “Lucas is in a tough spot right now. You saw the bruise on his cheek. Do you expect him to go back to his abusive mate?”
Coin scoffs. “Of course not.”
“Then why can’t he have sex with someone else? He’s not with Daryl anymore. He shouldn’t have to stay celibate for the rest of his life.”
Coin clenches his jaw and looks out the window, despite the darkness. “I wasn’t judging him, I was judging you.”
“For having sex with a pregnant guy? Newsflash, Coin. Pregnant guys are people too, and people have sex. It’s not a big deal.”
He turns to me with anger flashing in his eyes. “Not a big deal? Are you fucking kidding me? Lucas is being abused by his alpha. He comes to you for help, and instead of saving him from Daryl, you fuck him? How is that not a big deal?”
“How am I supposed to save him?” I ask.
“By putting your fucking paws on him!” Coin screams in my face.
“You don’t know what’s been going on between us. I offered?—”
Coin sits back and looks out the window again. “Sure.”
“I did!”
“If you really offered, Lucas would have accepted. He’s still in love with you. It’s so fucking obvious. He always has been. He never even noticed anyone else.”
There’s a bitterness to his voice that confuses me a little bit.
“He bonded to Daryl,” I remind Coin.
“Yeah. Because you didn’t ask him to bond to you instead. He would have if you’d bothered to ask. I’m sure of it. And now you’re messing around with his heart again, only this time he’s six months pregnant and in trouble. If you aren’t going to commit to him, then back off, so someone else can.”
“Someone else? Like who?” I ask.
He sighs and rolls his eyes. “Like me, you asshole.”
I stop the car in the middle of the road. If it wasn’t too early in the morning for anyone to be out, I’d probably have hit someone. “What?”
“Oh, c’mon. You must have guessed I had feelings for him too. I played guitar with him every day.”
“You were friends?—”
Coin lets out a bitter laugh. “Right. Because I’m so great at making friends.”
“But you never said anything.”
“Of course I didn’t. You’re my brother, Silver. I wasn’t going to steal your guy.”
I think back to all those times I saw Coin patiently demonstrate each guitar chord or bring Lucas a leftover cinnamon roll to eat on the school bus. I thought he was just being kind.
I finally take my foot off the brake pedal and start driving again. “For how long?”
Coin shrugs. “Always.”
“What do you mean always? We’ve known Lucas since we were kids, Coin.”
He clenches his jaw. “Yeah.”
“But I didn’t start dating Lucas until our senior year of high school,” I remind him.
“Because you were oblivious. Like I said before, Lucas was never good at hiding his feelings for you. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that he was head over heels. Then I presented as an omega anyway, so… yeah. I never had a chance.”
I’ve noticed the way Coin talks about being an omega like it was a disappointment to him. I’ve never pressured him to say more about it. I figured he would when he was ready. But maybe this is a piece of that puzzle.
“Does that mean you wish you had presented as an alpha?” I ask.
He glances at me, then turns his gaze back to the road. “I don’t know. Maybe it would have made him see me differently. I’m not as pretty as you are, though. So probably not.”
I flash him a smile I’m all too aware is very pretty. He smiles, just like I hoped he would.
“Did you want to be an alpha just for him, or…” I trail off, hoping he’ll know what I mean.
Coin shrugs again. “Does it matter?”
“For fuck’s sake, Coin. Of course it does. I’m your brother. If you have some kind of gender thing going on, you can fucking tell me. Jesus.”
He smiles at that, too. In a weird way, anger is Coin’s love language. He doesn’t show emotion around people unless he really cares about them, and anger happens to be the emotion he shows the most. I’ve noticed that he responds well to my anger too, like I’m speaking his language.
He cocks an eyebrow. “Some kind of gender thing?”
“You know what I mean.”
“I’m fine with being an omega, but other people wish I wasn’t,” he says cryptically.
I sigh. “What the fuck does that mean?”
He gives me a wry, close-lipped smile. “The answer to that question involves explicit details about my sex life. Are you sure you want to know?”
“Oh, c’mon. Since when have you been a blushing violet? I’ve caught you in the back seat of a car with guys multiple times, remember?”
He doesn’t look the least bit embarrassed. “Right. And on both of those occasions, who was fucking whom?”
I shake my head. “I wasn’t paying attention. I was too busy wanting to bleach my eyeballs because I just saw my brother having sex.”
“You’re the one who wanted to know,” he says.
The truth is, I do remember who was fucking whom because it was surprising. The first time I’d caught him with an omega, so it made sense that Coin was on top. But the second time he was with an alpha, and it was still the same thing.
“You like to top,” I say.
Coin nods.
“But you don’t wish you were an alpha?” I clarify.
He shakes his head.
“And people have a problem with that? Why?”
He glares at me. “Oh, c’mon, Silver. What if Lucas wanted to top you every time?”
I can’t imagine Lucas topping me. He’s always been so sweet and submissive in bed. Not that I would mind if he wanted to take charge now and then, but our respective roles during sex have always felt natural and clear to me.
“Then why don’t you just date omegas?” I ask.
He rolls his eyes. “Because I’m not attracted to most of them. Occasionally, I’ll meet a guy like Lucas who I’m really into, but that’s rare. And most of the time they’re only attracted to alphas.”
“I’m sorry.” I had no idea dating was so complicated for him.
I pull into the gym parking lot and take a spot near the front.
“You need to put your paws on Lucas or let him go,” Coin says.
“I’m trying, okay?” I admit, even though I probably shouldn’t. Apparently, I’m shit at keeping anything that’s going on with Lucas a secret.
“What do you mean? You’ve really offered to put your paws on him?” Coin asks.
“Yeah. He, um, doesn’t think it would be fair to me.”
“Are you serious?”
“I know,” I say. “I got him to agree to a temporary trial bond for a month. I have until then to prove to him that I really love him.”
“Do you?” Coin asks.
I nod.
He lets out a slow sigh. “Okay.”
“I’m sorry, Coin.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t be. I’m genuinely happy for you. He’s a great guy.”
This is the thing about Coin. He’s an asshole, but he’s still a good person underneath his tough exterior.
“Do you want to come in and work out with me?” I ask.
“Absolutely not. Give me your keys and I’ll come back to get you when you need a ride home.”
I reluctantly hand over my car key. “Fine, but you can’t tell anyone else about the trial run, okay? I wasn’t supposed to say anything about it.”
“Then don’t,” Coin says. “I sure won’t. But it’s definitely not a secret to anyone sleeping in that house last night that you and Lucas are fucking. You’re going to have to tell them something. Especially Link. He’s a nosy bastard.”
As much as I hate to admit it, Coin is right. I need to clarify what Lucas wants me to say to everyone.
“Thanks for talking with me about all of this. I’m sorry about… you know.”
He laughs. “My crush on your guy?”
“Uh, yeah. That.”
“Me too. I would never try to steal him or anything, you know.”
“Yeah.” I do know that.
“Go do your gym rat thing already,” he says. “I want to go back to sleep.”
I get out of the car. “Don’t let Link bring that dead turkey back inside my house, okay?”
“Because I’m so good at getting him to behave,” Coin says.
That’s fair. I’m not sure anyone could get Link to behave. I jog toward the entrance of the gym, briefly glancing back to see Coin climbing into the driver’s seat of my car. He really is too thin. I wish he was as open as Link is about his problems. I never really know what’s going on with him. I didn’t even know he was in love with Lucas.
Sometimes I wish Coin would let us take care of him the way he tries to take care of everyone else.