13. Lucas
13
LUCAS
I wake alone in Silver’s bed, but I can hear the water of the shower coming from the adjoined bathroom. His scent is everywhere: the pillow, the sheets, my skin. There’s a lovely soreness between my legs too, that whispers of what we did last night together. I bring my fingers to the fresh bite on my scent gland and smile.
It feels wonderful to have the impression of Silver’s teeth layered over the scar Daryll left on my skin when he bonded to me.
Silver walks into the bedroom with a towel on his hips. I stare at his bare chest shamelessly as he beelines for the closet.
“Good morning,” I say.
He turns around, the towel lowering on his hips. He reaches for it, then pauses and lets it slide down his body, exposing every hard angle to me. It feels like such an indulgence to be able to see him like this, especially in the morning.
He walks to the bed and sits next to me. “Good morning, baby. How did you sleep?”
“Wonderful.” I haven’t slept that well in months, possibly years, but I don’t tell him that.
“Good.” He drags a hand through his wet hair. “My, uh, brothers sort of overheard us last night.”
I think back to our lovemaking and realize it was because of me. I screamed out Silver’s name, among other things. What was I thinking? I knew they were sleeping in the house. They must think I’m such a slut for sleeping with their brother while I’m pregnant with Daryll’s pups.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to?—"
He presses a finger to my lips. “It’s okay. Last night was intense.” He bends over and presses a kiss to my forehead. It makes me feel so goddamn safe, I almost forget to be embarrassed. Almost.
“Do you want me to leave? Your brothers won’t want to see me after that?—”
“My brothers all love you and have been pressuring me to put my paws on you. This morning Coin actually threatened to do it himself if I wouldn’t man up.” He chuckles good-naturedly like it’s the most natural thing in the world for his brother to offer something that extraordinary.
“He did?”
Silver nods.
“That’s very kind of him,” I say.
Silver considers me warily. “Is that what you want?”
“What? No. I want to be with you.”
He takes my hand and squeezes it. “Good. Because I don’t know if I could give you up after last night. That sex was fire, baby.”
I think back to the way he grunted and trembled while he was inside me. I know he wouldn’t be able to fake anything like that. I made him feel good.
“It was fire for me, too,” I say.
He releases my hand and reaches slowly across the mattress. He locks eyes with me as he places his hand on my belly. “I felt the pups move last night. They were kicking against my hand.”
Silver’s fingers were inside me last night, but somehow, the way he touches my belly feels a lot more intimate. I’m not sure I’m ready for it.
“I want to be a father,” he says. “I always have.” He rubs the bare skin of my belly under the blanket. As if on cue, I feel the tiny somersaults of the pups within me. Silver’s face lights up. “I think they’re saying hi.”
Tears burn in the corners of my eyes. Daryll has never touched my belly like this. He’s never acknowledged our pups in any real way except to complain about how fat I am or how much having pups will cost us. He’s certainly never said that he wanted to be a father.
“Wolf pups are different than raccoon kits,” I remind Silver.
He gives me a sad smile. “So you’ve said before. You're worried I won’t love them because they aren’t raccoon shifters.”
“You didn’t like Daryll very much. They’re his pups?—”
“I don’t like your alpha dad either, but I love you,” he says. He bends over and presses a soft kiss to my belly. “If you let me love them, I will, Lucas. I swear to you. I will love them with all of my heart.”
Tears slide down my cheeks. Up until now, I accepted that this trial run between Silver and me would be over in a month. I haven’t allowed myself to hope that I could be with him longer than that. It would be selfish of me, and the last thing I want is to ruin Silver’s future. But what if I allowed myself to be with him for my pups’ sake? Then it wouldn’t be completely selfish. They’d be better off here with Silver than wherever we’d end up if I ventured off alone.
“We could have more children,” I say, as Silver walks back to the closet.
He turns to look at me over his shoulder. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. We could have raccoon kits, too.”
He smiles. “I’d like that. They could sleep in the same hammock with the pups. All together, like how we used to cuddle when we were kids.”
More tears stream down my face. I can’t help it. The idea of giving my pups the same comfort I got from Silver and his brothers makes me emotional.
“Are you sure you want that?” I ask.
He nods. “I do.”
I hug my belly and let the tears fall down my cheeks. Silver lets me cry for a few moments without saying a word. He’s so patient. I wish I could be as wonderful for him as he is to me. I wish I could be enough to keep him happy.
What if I tried my very best? Could I come close?
I open my eyes to find him sitting at the edge of the bed, naked. He probably needs to get dressed and start his work day. I’m sure he doesn’t have time for my histrionics.
“You have a whole month to decide.” He gently brushes my tears away with his fingertips. “I won’t rush you, okay?”
With that, he stands and dresses quickly before heading out the door.