Chapter 7
SEVEN
It wasn’t until she woke the next morning at 6a.m. that Erica remembered she needed to call her mother in New Jersey. It would be the early hours of the morning for her so she couldn’t call now. Another black mark against her name. Since her father had passed away, she’d really tried to make peace with her mother. But why should she always be there to listen to her when her mom hadn’t supported her?
When the twins were young, she’d been so envious of the women who had their family around them to help. Her mom was thousands of miles away and telephone conversations were always stilted and tricky. She didn’t know why she’d even asked her opinion on Ben’s development, but that’s what mothers are supposed to be there for, isn’t it?
As expected, hers hadn’t even considered her concern. ‘It’s normal to worry when you’re a mom. He’ll be fine.’
‘It’s not just worry. I’ve checked the book and he should be walking by now.’
Her mom had just laughed. ‘Put the book away. That was always your problem. Nose stuck in a book rather than the real world.’
Irritation bubbled at the age-old criticism she’d endured from her parents until the day she’d left college. Anyone else would be proud of their daughter for being the first in her family to go further than high school. ‘Even without the book. Mollie is practically running around and he just watches her.’
There was another dismissive response to this. ‘He’s a boy. They’re always lazy. He’ll catch up and then he’ll be away. You’ll enjoy being a mom so much more if you just relax, honey.’
Relax? She’d wanted to say. Like you did?
As usual, Ben was already up and tipping cornflakes into a bowl. While he was occupied, she could grab a quick shower before getting him ready for school. Even though getting both kids ready for school and then going to work herself had been tough, when they moved here, she’d missed having something to get dressed up for herself. That’s why she’d started volunteering at the local charity shop, although today she wished she could just go to Mollie. She couldn’t let them down at the last minute, but she’d have to say she couldn’t do tomorrow. With everything that had been going on, she’d totally forgotten about the Teacher Misconduct Panel she had to face on Thursday, too. She’d have to tell them that she needed the rest of the week off.
By the time they left the house, the sun was trying to push its way through clouds that looked as if they’d been spread across the sky with a child’s paintbrush. ‘Look at the clouds, Ben. Aren’t they pretty?’
He followed her pointed finger upwards then resumed his focus on the ground ahead, his trainers thudding on the pavement with a steady beat. At thirteen, he was already taller than she was. With his father’s solid torso and broad shoulders, it was like taking a man to school. His height and breadth made the world even more difficult. People assumed he was older than he was, so their expectations of his behaviour were always higher than even a child without his complex needs could live up to. For Ben, with his limited speech and non-neurotypical way of processing social cues, it was impossible.
Today was the first day of Mollie’s suspension. Once Ben was safely in school, she fired off a text.
Morning, sweetheart. How are you feeling?
When her phone pinged with the response a few minutes later, she was absurdly grateful to get a reply, even if it was a cursory ok . Parenting a teenage girl sometimes meant you had to make do with the crumbs of affection that were offered.
Because she walked there straight from school drop-off, Erica was always the first one at the shop each morning and they’d given her the keys to open up and get the kettle on. It suited her. This morning, she took the opportunity to call Andrew for an update. ‘How’s things? Is Mollie feeling any better?’
‘She stayed in her room all last night. We had the opening to “Careless Whisper” about forty-seven times.’
That made Erica smile. When Mollie had decided to take up the saxophone, that was the one thing she’d asked her to learn. ‘I’ll look forward to hearing that. Has she said anything? Told you any more about the money?’
She still didn’t want to use the word ‘theft’. Not in connection with Mollie.
‘Nope. I tried a couple of times last night and she just shut down. I’ve come into work this morning to clear anything urgent, but I’ve explained that I need to take the rest of today and tomorrow off for a family emergency.’
No way would he have told them the nature of the emergency and admit that his daughter had been suspended from school. Erica tried to keep the surprise from her voice. ‘I thought you went into work yesterday afternoon? Couldn’t you have done it then?’
There were a few beats of silence. ‘Okay, Miss Marple. I wasn’t sure yesterday that I was going to take the time off. On reflection, I think you were right, she does need someone at home.’
Had he just admitted she was right? Wonders would never cease. Although she wasn’t convinced with his explanation about yesterday. It had seemed strange at the time that he’d gone into work on a Sunday. Had he not gone into work at all? But where had he gone? And why would he lie about it? ‘I’m glad she’s not on her own.’
‘Actually, I was thinking I could bring her over to yours tonight. She could spend some time with Benjamin. That might soften her up a bit. Get her to talk.’
Another surprise. ‘Good idea. And then maybe you could sit with Ben, and I could go for a walk with Mollie. She might open up more if we’re not staring her in the face.’
It was an old technique she’d used as a teacher. When you had a child in for a detention and you wanted to get them to open up, the last thing that worked was to sit and look at them, waiting for a response. Far better to be tidying your classroom around them, giving them space to talk when they were ready.
She could almost hear him frown down the phone, imagine his heavy eyebrows hooding his dark-blue eyes. ‘Do you think that’s a good idea? If Mollie and I turn up together and then she leaves and he’s left with just me, I don’t think he’ll be too happy. You know he doesn’t like being left with me.’
Here he goes again , Erica thought. Why couldn’t he understand? It wasn’t that Andrew didn’t spend time with Ben, it was that he seemed to expect their son to respond to him in the same way that Mollie did. It’d always been awkward between them and, now that they didn’t live in the same house, it was even more difficult. ‘You have to be the adult, Andrew.’
The sarcastic tone returned to his voice. ‘Thanks, Miss. I’ll try that.’
It irked her in the extreme when he accused her of talking to him as if he was one of her students. Especially when he was more likely to talk to her like a suspect. ‘I’ll see you later.’
‘Actually, wait. While you’re on the phone, have you seen this email from Ben’s school?’
Of course she’d seen it. In fact, she’d seen it on Friday when it actually arrived. ‘Yes, don’t worry about that. I’ve already told them he can’t go.’
There was a silence on the other end. ‘What do you mean, he can’t go? It’s just a trip to the local café. Why can’t he go?’
It annoyed her that he was still trying to be involved in decisions when she was the one living with Ben day to day and knew what he was capable of. ‘I know what the trip is. But I don’t think I’m allowed to do anything involved with schools or students at the moment.’ Surely he realised this. Or was he just trying to make her say it?
‘Hold on, let me read it again.’ There was more silence while he brought up the email on his phone. ‘Yep, I thought so. It doesn’t say that parents have to be there.’ He began to read aloud. ‘This is the first in a series of trips for our next unit Living and Learning where students will be encouraged to complete independent daily tasks guided by their teachers and support staff.’
Sometimes he was so frustrating she could scream. ‘I know what it says, Andrew, but I don’t want Ben going out on a trip without one of us there.’
‘It’s a trip to a local café, Erica. What do you think is going to happen?’
How could he even ask her that question? He knew as well as she did why she was so concerned about this. ‘If it’s just a trip to a café, why is it so important to you that he goes?’
He spoke to her as if she’d lost her mind. ‘Because as the letter says it’s a step to becoming more independent. I’m assuming they’ll take him into a café, show him how the menu works, teach him how to order what he wants.’
Was he for real? ‘Are you listening to yourself? How’s he going to order what he wants when he can’t speak, Andrew?’
His voice turned as hard as steel. ‘I’m pretty sure the teachers wouldn’t be taking him if they didn’t think he’d get something from it, Erica. Isn’t that the whole point of us sending him to that school and paying those fees so that he can have experiences like this?’
Was it that he couldn’t, or that he wouldn’t, understand what she was trying to tell him? ‘You know why I’m worried about this, Andrew. Don’t make me spell it out again.’
‘I do know why, oh, believe me, I know. But you can’t continue to let your fear hold him back, Erica. What happened with that boy?—’
‘I don’t want to talk about what happened with that boy!’ Rehashing this with him again was the last thing she wanted to do. She lowered her voice. ‘I have to go. The other staff are arriving. Just come over with Mollie tonight. She’s our priority right now.’
His laugh was unkind. ‘Oh really? Well, that’ll be a first.’
After cutting the call, she banged her mobile phone up and down several times onto a pile of paperwork. Why was it always like this? Going around and around and back and forth and him never seeing things from her perspective? What was it going to take for him to realise that she was right about Ben?