Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
ERICA
It’d taken a lot of persuasion, and the promise of ice cream at home, to move Ben away from the pebbles in the wall. The ice cream had the added benefit – when combined with his favourite cartoons on the TV – of keeping him occupied so that Erica could speak to Amelia.
Though she missed Mollie dreadfully, and hated this tiny apartment, it was actually easier to look after Ben on her own. Andrew had always pushed her to react differently, expecting too much from their son. For a long time, he wouldn’t even accept that Ben had additional needs. He kept saying that he just needed more time to catch up. He’d try to push Ben to do more and then wonder why it ended so badly. Now, when it was just the two of them here, she could make things work so that Ben could cope. And once Ben was okay, that gave her some freedom to do the things that other people took for granted. Like make a phone call.
Mollie and Amelia had spent enough time at each other’s houses for Erica to have her mom Kirsty’s telephone number stored. In another life, she and Kirsty – a no-nonsense Scot with a sharp sense of humour – may have been good friends. But Erica had had to turn down offers of a glass of wine whenever she collected Mollie because she always needed to get back to Ben in the car.
Still, she seemed pleased to hear from her. ‘Hi, Erica. Long time no speak. How’s things at your new place?’
Either Amelia hadn’t told her about Mollie’s suspension – unlikely – or she was being very tactful. ‘I’m fine, yes, thanks. I’m actually trying to track down Mollie. Is she with you?’
The one beat of silence confirmed it had been tact. ‘No. I thought she was…at home.’
Home. A word with such a simple meaning yet such huge implications. Erica had no idea where her actual home was these days. ‘Yes, she was, but she’s decided to take herself off somewhere and we don’t know where she is. Would you mind if I had a quick word with Amelia? Just to find out if she might have any idea where she’s gone?’
It was excruciating. Admitting that she had no clue where her daughter might be. At least Kirsty hadn’t been one of that group who’d discussed – pretty openly – how awful they thought she was for leaving her daughter. On a WhatsApp group, apparently. With no mention of the fact that her daughter was actually living with her father. He, according to the one mum who’d told her what was said, had been praised for being such a great dad.
‘Of course.’ She could hear Kirsty’s breath change as she walked the phone to wherever her daughter was. Probably safely in her bedroom. ‘I’ll just find her for you.’
Girlfriends could be tricky for some teenagers. Over the years, Erica had seen first hand how best friendships could implode quite quickly – and nastily – and cause a lot of hurt. When Mollie met Amelia, they got very lucky. Not only was she both kind and polite, she had the kind of outgoing personality that really brought Mollie out of her shell. The two of them had been inseparable since their first day at school and it wasn’t long before they were meeting up at weekends, arranging sleepovers and texting back and forth late into the night. If anyone knew where Mollie was, it would be Amelia.
There was some mumbling at the other end and then a hesitant voice came on the line. ‘Hi, Erica.’
Erica tried to keep her own voice upbeat and light, not wanting to worry the girl. ‘Hi, Amelia. It was nice to see you earlier. I’m actually looking for Mollie. I don’t suppose you’ve seen her?’
On the phone, her voice sounded like that of a little girl. At thirteen, they all thought they were grown up, but they really weren’t. ‘No, sorry. Like I said earlier, I haven’t heard from her since…since she left school on Friday. After I saw you today, I tried to call her again, but she’s still not answering.’
Erica didn’t want to panic her, but she was starting to feel pretty worried herself. ‘Do you know anyone else she might have gone to see?’
There was a pause, then Amelia sounded confused. ‘I thought you said she was grounded?’
There was no time for pretence. ‘She was. But she’s gone out and we’re not sure where she is. If you’ve got any idea, we’d be very grateful.’
Again, Amelia hesitated, before stuttering. ‘No…I don’t think there’s anywhere I can think of.’
The hairs rose on the back of Erica’s neck. There was definitely something that Amelia wasn’t telling her. Not for the first time since Andrew had informed her that Mollie had left the house, Erica wondered if there was a boy involved. In her experience of teenage girls, a boy could often be the catalyst of a bad turn of events. But Mollie was only thirteen and she’d never mentioned any interest in boys. ‘Are you sure? Any other friends she might have gone to visit?’
‘If she was going to see anyone, I thought it would be me.’
The hurt in Amelia’s voice was palpable. Erica had to remember that she was only thirteen. ‘Of course. I know you’re her best friend. She loves you.’
There was some more murmuring at the other end of the line. Erica glanced over at Ben who was still happily watching his cartoons. Her hands were clammy with fear. What was it that Amelia was keeping from her?
When she spoke again, Amelia’s voice was heavier, as if it was weighted with the secrets she’d been trying to keep. ‘Mum says I should tell you that I’ve been a bit worried about her this week.’
Erica clutched the phone tightly in her hand. ‘Really? Why?’
There was another pause. More murmuring from Kirsty before Amelia’s words tumbled into her ear. ‘I don’t know if you know that she had a boyfriend. But he finished with her last week and she’s been very upset about it.’
Erica swallowed her shock. There was a boy involved. Did Andrew know about him? He was with her every day. How had he missed it? That’s where being ‘more relaxed’ and ‘not being imprisoned by fear’ got you. ‘I see.’
Now that Amelia had decided to open up, it all came out in a rush. ‘And I worried how she’d react after we found out that I got the school council thing. I know that Mollie must be disappointed but she was so nice about it. She said she was proud of me and everything. Do you think that’s why she hasn’t come to see me? Do you think she’s just been pretending and that she’s actually angry with me about it?’
The wobble in her voice betrayed how upset she was. Teenage girls and their desperate desire not to upset anyone. How did it start so young? This need to please. To be liked. To not rock the boat. ‘I’m sure it’s not that. She would’ve been thrilled for you. You’ll be great. She’s probably just gone for a long walk or something. She’ll get back home and be cross with me for worrying about nothing.’
It didn’t feel like nothing, though. With everything that Amelia had just told her, Erica was starting to build a picture of a very unhappy teenager and that was without the suspension from school. Watching Ben with his ice cream in front of the TV, she ached for the days when she had her two babies in one place, safe under her own eyes.
She could hear more murmuring at the other end from Kirsty and, when Amelia spoke again, she sounded more confident. ‘Shall I send a message out to our friends and see if anyone has heard from her?’
Mollie would be furious if she knew that Erica had instigated this, mortified that all her closest friends would know that she was being treated like a child, but what choice did she have? ‘Yes, please, Amelia. That would be great.’
‘Okay, I’m handing you back to my mum.’
Kirsty’s voice was kind. ‘Can I do anything, Erica? What do you need?’
How long had it been since anyone had said that to her? She nearly cried. ‘If Amelia can send a message to her friends, that would be great. I might be worrying unnecessarily, but?—’
‘But that’s what we do? It’s our job to worry, right? I’m sure Mollie’s absolutely fine. But as soon as Amelia hears anything, we’ll let you know.’
‘Thank you.’
Once she’d ended the call, Erica sat with her mobile in her hand, wondering how it had got to the point where she knew so little about what was going on in Mollie’s life. The application for school council, the boyfriend, the possible fallout with her best friend: she hadn’t had the faintest clue about any of it. Mothers and daughters were supposed to be close, to share what was going on. She should’ve been there to help Mollie navigate the pitfalls and disappointments of these bumps in the road. Was this all her fault for leaving her behind?
Despite the hour it took to get from her new apartment back to the house, she’d tried so hard to make sure that living separately wouldn’t pull her and Mollie apart. She called every day and visited every Sunday. She sent little texts during the day, even just silly memes to make her laugh. It’d been so difficult being away from her, but she’d managed to persuade herself that this was best for them all.
But it wasn’t true, was it? Ben was thriving, it was a relief not to be butting heads with Andrew every day, but she’d failed her daughter, hadn’t she? Their relationship, their connection, had been torn in two. Mollie had had her first boyfriend, first heartbreak, first big failure at school and she hadn’t wanted to speak to Erica about any of it. Panic gripped her in its claws. What was going through Mollie’s head right now? Where was she? Why hadn’t she answered her phone?
As she pressed Andrew’s name on her phone screen, she sent up a silent prayer that he’d have good news.