Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
MOLLIE
Being dumped is like having your heart pulled out of your chest and then having someone stamp on it. When you’re still at school, and everyone knows about it, you have to pretend that you don’t care and just smile and shrug and hide the fact that you just want to run away and not come back.
That weekend was tough. First the disappointment that Amelia got the place on the school council and then overhearing Dad’s conversation about Mum. Maybe I did text Luca a lot, but he’s my boyfriend, isn’t he? He’s supposed to want to talk to me. By Sunday morning, I was going crazy stuck at home and I asked him if he wanted to meet up, but he was busy with his friends. Late on Sunday night he dumped me by text, telling me I was ‘too needy’ and ‘too much’. I crawled into bed and curled up into a ball. There was no one for me to talk to. I’ve never felt so alone in my whole life.
Monday morning, I tried to tell Dad that I was sick but he said I had to go in. At least he offered to drop me there, but I still had to walk through the gates on my own and endure Luca’s friends smirking at me on the playground. Not caring that I’d barely replied to her messages all weekend, Amelia took my arm and told me to not even look at them. She took me to the toilets and let me use her Bath and Bodyworks spray and said that I could do so much better than him. She was really great. I was angry with myself that I’d let my jealousy about the school council get in the way, but I still couldn’t get over it. And then it got worse.
After lunch, I heard the two girls behind me in Spanish whispering that they’d heard that Luca was interested in Amelia. Like they’d punched me in the back, I felt winded. I couldn’t breathe. I stared down at the page of vocabulary I was supposed to be translating and it blurred in front of my eyes as I listened to them say that they thought he only went out with me to get to her. A big fat teardrop rolled down my nose and smudged the page below. Did they actually want me to overhear? It hurt so much. I really thought he’d liked me. That he’d chosen me. For me.
As soon as the bell went for the end of the day, I grabbed my things and hurtled towards the school gate, not waiting for Amelia like I normally would. It’s not her fault if Luca likes her but it’s just too hard. She has everything. She’s pretty and smart and everyone likes her. She’s already the teacher’s first choice for school council, she doesn’t need Luca to choose her, too.
What is it about me? Why am I never anybody’s first choice? What do I need to do to get someone to notice me? That’s all I could think about all the way home, hot tears rolling down my cheeks until I got back to an empty house, threw my bag at the bottom of the stairs, ran up to my bedroom and let myself sob until I had nothing left to cry.
I wanted my mum so badly; I wanted her to put her arms around me and tell me everything was going to be okay. But she wasn’t here. She was miles away. With the child she chose. The one who always came first. Her favourite.
Feeling like that, I suppose it’s no surprise that I ended up doing something really stupid. Making everything so much worse. I was desperate for someone to notice me. To choose me.
If only I could turn back the clock. Not pick up my phone. Not answer that message.
Not ruin my whole life.