Chapter 32
THIRTY-TWO
Hunger – and guilt – had ensured that Erica had totally over-ordered from the pizza place. Fresh bread and garlic filled the air as they ate straight from the box. There was also tiramisu in the fridge and ice cream for Ben – vanilla, of course – in the ice box.
The sight of Mollie, cross-legged on the sofa, tipping her head back to get the end of the pizza into her mouth, made Erica smile. It felt like a second ago that she was sitting in a high chair and wearing a bib. Now she was so grown up. ‘Since when did you start ordering the super spicy pizza?’
Mollie wrinkled her nose. ‘I think it was about a month ago. Celeste was here and she ordered it. She told me to try it and it was really nice.’
The glass of white wine Erica was drinking turned acid on the back of her tongue. ‘Celeste?’
Oblivious to Erica’s tone, Mollie sipped at her Coke and nodded. ‘Yes. She came over to help me with some homework. She ended up being here for ages so Dad invited her to stay for dinner with us.’
Erica’s heart thudded in her chest, but she tried to keep her voice clear and light. ‘I noticed a photo of you and her on the cork board in your bedroom. Was that the same night?’
Closing one eye, Mollie thought for a second, then her face cleared. ‘Oh, that photo. No, that was a different time.’
Desperately, Erica wanted to ask her why Celeste was coming to the house. How often. For what purpose? And why no one – including Celeste herself – had ever mentioned this to her before. There could only be one reason. How had she been so blind?
But before she could even begin to phrase a question, Mollie brought her back to what was more important here. ‘Mum. What’s going to happen? With the photos. I mean, he must’ve sent them out now, mustn’t he?’
All thoughts of Celeste and Andrew were moved to the back of her head. Her daughter was far more important right now. ‘The police have got them, Mollie. Your dad has spoken with the team who work on that kind of thing and they confirmed that they’ve been able to track them down. It was never a boy, honey. These horrible people just sent photographs of someone your age. The person you were speaking to would’ve been an adult, tricking you into thinking he was a boy.’
Even though she’d avoided using any phrases that would make this even more unpleasant, Mollie winced. She could only imagine how humiliating this was for her. ‘So, Roman doesn’t exist?’
‘No, sweetheart. They would have made him up.’
She watched Mollie’s face as she processed all of this. It was too much, too horrible. But she couldn’t leave any doubt in her mind that the boy she’d been speaking to was real. Mollie looked down at the pizza, picking off a piece of pepperoni but not eating it. ‘Does Dad hate me?’
Where had that come from? ‘No. Oh, sweetheart, no. Your dad could never hate you. He hates them, the people who did this to you. We both do. But he loves you.’
Andrew did love her. Very much. He’d been a wonderful father: so much fun and love and laughter. The polar opposite to her own dad who’d been distant and prickly and only spoke about school or whether she’d done her chores. When the children were young, it would bring her to tears to see how much he cared for them both, for all three of them. Hadn’t she also congratulated herself on the two of them creating a home for their children that was filled with love? A love she’d rarely felt herself before meeting Andrew.
Still picking at the pizza, Mollie frowned. ‘But it must be so embarrassing for him. The people he works with all know about this. They must’ve seen…’
She didn’t need to finish that sentence, the pain in her face was evidence enough. Erica reached out and rubbed her arm. ‘These people aren’t your dad’s friends. They work in a special unit. And they see these things all the time, Mollie. Worse things. No one is judging you. They know how these despicable people work. They are evil, but they are also clever. Anyone can end up in this position. There are grown adults who get tricked into these things. No one thinks anything bad about you.’
Mollie didn’t look up as she started to tear at the crust of the pizza. ‘But the picture is out there, isn’t it? Online.’
There was no getting away from an honest answer. ‘Yes, it is. I believe they’ve taken down the main site. But they said that they can’t be sure where else it might be.’
The tearing was getting more aggressive. ‘And everyone is going to see it. My friends are going to see it.’
If only she could protect her from this. ‘They might.’
Mollie’s mouth began to tremble in the way that, since she was small, preceded her rare tears. She’d always been so private with her emotions. Too private.
This time, Erica took her hand. ‘You’re going to get through this, Mollie, I promise.’
But the look in Mollie’s eyes wasn’t one that believed her. ‘I can’t ever go back there. To the school. I don’t want to see anyone. I want to move. I want to leave and go somewhere else where nobody knows me.’
Erica’s gut twisted in sympathy. She knew that feeling well. Hadn’t she been desperate to leave home? To go away – to a whole other country – to start her life again? And after the fallout from the school trip, when she’d been suspended for the duration of the investigation, hadn’t she taken the opportunity – the excuse – of Ben starting his new school to run away to the apartment she now lived in? Maybe the urge to run away had been passed down to Mollie with her DNA? ‘I understand, Mollie, I really do. But you have all your friends here. What about Amelia? I know that she’s desperate to hear from you.’
Mollie’s voice was sharp. ‘How do you know? Have you spoken to her?’
If Erica could have swallowed the words with her wine, she would’ve done. ‘Only briefly. When I saw her at the school. And then I called her to see if she’d heard from you.’
Mollie groaned. ‘Why did you do that?’
‘Because we didn’t know where you were. And because Amelia is your best friend. She cares about you.’
In that moment, sticking out her chin, Mollie looked just like Andrew. ‘I’ll make a new best friend at my next school.’
It wasn’t as easy as that. First hand, Erica knew how long it could take to find a special friend who would be there for you no matter what. It wasn’t until she’d been in England a while, and met Celeste, that she knew she’d found a friend she could rely on. At least, she had thought that. Now she had to face the possibility that she’d lost that friend, too.
Mollie had abandoned the pizza and was wiping her hands with one of the stiff serviettes. At a loss of what to say, Erica folded over the box and did the same, in silence, with the weight of unresolved thoughts hanging between them. It was awful. How many family mealtimes had Erica passed in silence back with her own family in the US? Her brother across the table, trying to make her laugh which – they both knew – would make their father lose his temper. Even as a young girl, she’d vowed that – when she had a family of her own – they would have the kind of messy, noisy, family dinners that she’d watch on her favourite sitcoms. How had she come to this?
She tried again. ‘What about if you ask Amelia over? Once you’ve spoken to her you might?—’
‘Mum. You’re not listening to me. I’m never going back. I don’t want to argue. I’m going to go and take my make-up off so that I can go straight to bed after Dad and Ben get home.’
Erica hadn’t realised that she was wearing any make-up. Girls these days were so good at it with their YouTube tutorials. She knew nothing at all about how to apply cosmetics properly at that age. Even if her father had allowed her out of the house with it. ‘Okay. They’ll be here pretty soon, I think.’
Andrew had sent a text to say that he was about to leave the school. She could only hope that it’d gone smoothly when Ben realised it was his dad not his mum coming to collect him.
Alone in the sitting room, thinking about Mollie and Ben and the mistakes she’d made, she had the urge to speak to her own mother. Before she could talk herself out of it, she pressed her mother’s name on the screen.
She answered in three rings. ‘Hello?’
‘Mom. It’s me, Erica.’
‘Erica? What’s wrong?’
Either her mother had a sixth sense about these things or she was just amazed that Erica was calling. Either way, where did she start? ‘Everything’s okay. We’ve just had some upset with Mollie. It made me want to call you.’
There was quiet on the other end as her mother seemed to be taking this in. Her voice trembled a little as she spoke. ‘You wanted to call me ?’
Wouldn’t it be the most normal thing in the world for a daughter to call home when she was upset? But that wasn’t the relationship they’d had in a very long time. Was it too late? ‘Yes. I realised today that I’ve made some mistakes. I don’t think I’ve been a very good mother.’
It was like the wind had been taken out of her mother’s sails. Her voice was small and tentative. ‘And you want to ask me about being a mom?’
That wasn’t exactly what she’d meant. ‘I think I just realised that it’s easy to get things wrong. And, when I left home, I was pretty angry. Not just with Dad. But with you. Because you never stood up for me.’
Her mother sighed. ‘Your father was a complicated man, Erica. You know that.’
That was a misleading euphemism. ‘He wasn’t a nice man, Mom.’
Her dad had always been in charge. It was that simple. What he said, went. When he wasn’t around, Erica and her mom got on pretty well. She’d taught her to bake and they liked the same TV shows. But Erica just couldn’t stand the way her mom changed when her father was around. Like suddenly she didn’t have an opinion on anything. She’d wait to hear what he wanted and then chime in her agreement. Was it any surprise that she’d vowed to do things differently in her own house?
As expected, her mother defended him. ‘He did love you. And your brother. He just didn’t know how to show it.’
What an understatement. Erica couldn’t remember one time when he’d shown her any real affection. Not that she’d seen him be affectionate with her mother, either. ‘Why did you stay with him?’
Her mother sounded surprised. ‘Because he was my husband, Erica.’
She remembered her mother’s response when she’d sought her opinion on Ben changing schools. If Andrew thinks it’s a good idea, you should definitely look at the school, Erica. Hadn’t she deferred to a man her whole life?
This wasn’t going to change. She’d spoken to Celeste – even thinking of her name made her feel bad right now – about her relationship with her mother. Like Celeste had said, if her mother admitted now that it had been a mistake to stay in a marriage that had constricted her life, damaged her relationship with her children, it would be unbearable for her.
No. If Erica wanted a relationship with her mother, she would have to accept that side of her. And she did, she realised now, want a relationship with her. ‘I miss you, Mom.’
There was a heavy silence at the other end of the phone. Was she crying? ‘I miss you, too. And I’ve been thinking. Maybe I can come out to you. Come and see the children. If you want me to?’
It had been so long since she and her mother had been in the same room that Erica had no idea how that would go. Especially when you threw in a troubled teen, a son with additional needs and a marriage that was hanging by a thread. But she did know that she wanted to try. ‘I would like that, Mom. I would like that very much.’
Mollie appeared at the doorway and she called her over to say hello to her grandmother. Watching her daughter smile down the phone at whatever her mother was saying gave her a warmth in her heart that she hadn’t felt about home in a long, long time.
Just as they were saying their goodbyes, the window was flooded with the sensor lights from the driveway. Andrew and Ben were home. She crossed her fingers that it had all gone smoothly.