Chapter 40
FORTY
The shopping mall was quiet on a weekday and they already had an armful of bags each. The shopping trip had been fun – and an eye opener. ‘Why is everything so short and tight and low cut?’
Not for the first time that hour, Mollie rolled her eyes. ‘It’s called fashion.’
At thirteen, Erica had been wearing oversized band t-shirts and baggy jeans. Flicking through the dresses and tops on the rails in New Look, she wondered how many of these items it would take to make one thing that she had worn back then. ‘This looks more like underwear than clothes.’
Jutting out her hip, one hand on her waist, Mollie held out a scrap of fabric with more holes than a tea bag and pouted to make her laugh. ‘Are you slut-shaming me, Mother?’
Amused and amazed in equal measure, Erica held up her hands. ‘I know I’m doing penance, and saying yes to everything, but I’m still your mother and you’re still thirteen. You can put that one back for at least another three years.’
Mollie grinned as she dropped the hanger onto the rail. This new ease between them was like the first warm day of spring. Erica wanted to bask in it as long as it lasted. ‘I miss the days when I could dress you in pretty things. You used to want to wear the same as me. Be my twin, Mummy. That’s what you used to say to me.’
The eye roll was back. ‘There’s a reason that five-year-olds aren’t fashion designers.’
Once Mollie was in the changing room, Erica checked her phone for a message from Andrew. He’d promised to keep her up to date on how his day with Ben was going. They’d decided to stay over at the house last night and, without his Gro Clock to tell him when it was okay to get up, Ben had woken her as soon as the light had come through the curtains of his bedroom. They were sharing: him on the bed, her on the floor. To her surprise, Andrew had met them on the landing, scratching his head and yawning. ‘You go back to bed. I can watch cartoons with Ben and get him some breakfast.’
Having resisted the urge to check her phone for the last hour, Erica’s heart plummeted when she saw there were five WhatsApp messages from Andrew. Was he not coping? Had something happened?
Mollie called through the changing room curtain. ‘I won’t be a minute.’
Opening the most recent message from Andrew, a photograph filled the screen. She almost dropped the phone. Before she could call him, Mollie emerged from behind the purple curtain across the changing cubicle. ‘What do you think?’
Wanting to give Mollie her full attention, Erica slipped her phone between her thighs and smiled at her. The pale-blue dress she’d chosen had spaghetti straps and a darker blue floral pattern, ending just above her knees. She looked incredible. At thirteen, she could already pass for three years older. She was so beautiful. ‘You look amazing. That’s the outfit. That’s the one you should wear.’
Twirling slowly in front of Erica, Mollie’s smile lit up the thin corridor. ‘I love it. Can I get some blue shoes to match?’
Today, she could have whatever she wanted. ‘Yes. As long as you can actually walk in them.’
As soon as Mollie was back in the cubicle, Erica looked at the photograph again. Yes, she hadn’t imagined it. The photograph had been taken at the park local to the house – she recognised the houses beyond the fence from when she’d taken the twins there. On the tarmac path, there was a bike – or a trike? – with Ben sitting on it.
Quickly, she fired off a text.
Have you bought that?
The reply came back.
Yes. I’m teaching Ben to ride.
She had a hundred questions, but the scrape of the curtain on its metal rail heralded Mollie and her excitement about the new dress. Today was all about her. The conversation about how ridiculous – and possibly dangerous – it was that Andrew had bought this bike for Ben, and taken him to the park with it, would have to wait.
After the dress had been paid for, and the perfect shoes – pale-blue Mary Janes with a sole that looked like it was made from tractor tyres – had been found, Erica took Mollie to the John Lewis cosmetics department for a makeover. It took a lot of effort to wrench her mind away from whatever was happening in the park back home. Imagining Ben falling from the bike, Andrew getting frustrated, Ben having a meltdown…no. She had to stop thinking about it. Benjamin was with his dad. She was here to be Mollie’s mum.
Make-up was another area where Mollie was so much more advanced than she’d been. Long gone were the claggy electric blue mascara and Heather Shimmer lipstick of Erica’s youth. Mollie knew what she wanted and how to apply it. Watching her talk with confidence to the young make-up artist was a reminder of how fast her baby girl was growing up. She wouldn’t have her forever; it was vital that they share as much time as they could while Mollie still wanted to be with her.
By the time they got home, Mollie had enough bags to start up her own boutique.
‘Wow.’ Andrew’s eyes widened. ‘Someone did well.’
Mollie waved the bags. ‘I’m going to go upstairs and try them on. Shall I come down and show you? It won’t be for about half an hour because I want to do my hair. Get the full effect.’
‘Can’t wait.’ As soon as she’d gone, Andrew raised an eyebrow at Erica. ‘She seems a lot happier.’
‘Nothing beats the power of a new outfit. It was really nice to spend some time with her on my own. Wait until you see how amazing she looks in her new dress. Thanks for having Ben.’
Andrew frowned. ‘You don’t need to thank me for spending time with my own son. What did you think about the trike I bought today?’
It was a trike, then. That made her feel marginally less terrified. ‘I was surprised. I assume that’s for Ben?’
He laughed then. That abrupt staccato laugh of his that sounded like a cough. She hadn’t heard it in a while. ‘No, Erica, It’s for me. I just need to get the blue light fitted and then I’m good to go.’
The image that presented made Erica laugh, too. ‘To be honest, that would actually surprise me less. What did he make of it?’
Andrew rubbed at his chin. ‘He took it on a walk around the park. When I suggested he get on it, he looked at me as if I was insane.’
That look was already well known at Ben’s school. It was a relief that he hadn’t forced Ben to do anything he wasn’t comfortable with. ‘It was nice that you tried. Can you get your money back on the trike?’
Andrew turned to her in surprise. ‘I haven’t given up. We’ll try again tomorrow, when you’re at the TV station. What you said the other day, about me not stepping up? You were right.’
Try again? She wasn’t sure about that idea at all, but her face burned at the memory of their argument and she didn’t want to start it up again. ‘You were right, too. I did take over.’
‘But I should’ve done more. I think I let you take the lead because I thought I wasn’t up to it. That you knew best because you were a teacher.’
‘Not a teacher of special needs, though. That’s a whole other skill set.’
‘I know. But you still knew more than me. Either way—’ he held up a hand to stop her from interrupting again ‘—I know that I need to step up now and take my share of the responsibility.’
That was a good thing, wasn’t it? So why did she feel so anxious?