Chapter 46
Julia
Ace’s eyes are wild and gentle and begging, and my heart’s pounding so loud I’m scared he can hear it.
I don’t move. I can’t move.
His gaze searches mine, silently asking me if he can kiss me again.
Can I? Should I? his eyes plead.
I hate myself for wanting him to so much, but God, I want it so badly it hurts.
I am desperate for our healing—raw for his hugs. I miss who we were. Miss my life before he left it. But I also want to scream. Because how dare he. How dare he do this now. How dare he try to do this again.
His lips part like he’s about to say something else. My name again, maybe. Or maybe he’s going to kiss me again. Maybe he’s going to press his lips to mine.
I should pull away. I should put distance between us, but all I find myself doing is leaning in closer and savoring the way it feels to have his hand on the back of my neck.
I swear, for ten full heartbeats, he’s all I can feel. He’s solid and warm, and he feels like home in this black-lit cave of fluorescent handprints and pounding bass.
My palms flatten against his chest, and his heart is hammering beneath my fingers. Or maybe it’s mine, rattling through both of us? I don’t know.
He reaches up again—careful, almost reverent—and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. His fingers graze my cheek, and everything in me goes hot and electric. I can’t breathe. I can’t even remember why we haven’t been on speaking terms for the past week.
Say something, Julia.
I swallow.
And then, the door slams open.
Suddenly, the room is filled with more frat guys shouting and laughing. Their voices echo off the cement walls of the small room as they barge inside. Someone bumps into Ace, jostling him, and then there’s space between us.
I step back, gulping air that’ll pull me back to rationality. It tastes like stale hops and regret.
My skin aches from the loss of contact, but I revel in it, willing it to make me stronger.
And then I feel Drew’s arm slide around my waist. “There you are, babe. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.
” He looks down at me and then over at Ace.
“Hey, man,” he greets, half smiling, clueless and oblivious to the wreckage in front of him.
“Unbelievable event tonight, by the way. You’re a fucking evil genius. ”
“Thanks.” Ace’s eyes never leave mine, too bright in the black light, like bottled storm clouds.
I want to reach across the two feet between us and drag him back, but my feet stay planted, cemented by guilt and fear and all the words I said that night in my apartment when he kissed me and told me he was in love with me. Words I meant for better or for worse.
Drew’s saying something about the snake—Was it real? Did anyone freak out?—but all I can hear is my pulse in my ears and the silent thunder of things Ace isn’t saying.
His gaze flicks to the hand at my waist, and something cracks across his face. Without a word, he steps sideways through the doorway, and he’s gone.
My breath whooshes out like someone punched me.
I stare at the empty space where Ace was, neon paint still glowing on the wall behind him, and the room is suddenly too loud, too hot, too everything.
“Jules?” Drew squeezes my hip. “Everything good between you and Ace now?” he asks, his eyes searching mine curiously.
“I don’t know.” I shrug it off like it’s no big deal. Like the dismal state of our friendship isn’t slowly eating me alive. “But I’m sure we’ll figure it out eventually.”
I’ll never be whole again if we don’t.