Chapter 47
Ace
My phone buzzes in my pocket as I’m walking through my door.
My heart hitches in speed as I fumble to see the notification on the screen.
But it’s not who I was hoping to hear from, and the corresponding disappointment is my own damn fault.
Frankly, I’m an idiot for thinking she’d reach out to me at this point.
Boden: Dude. Where are you?
After I left my pathetic heart beating on the floor in the keg room beside Julia’s feet, a bleeding third wheel to her and Drew, I headed to the room in the Pi Gamma house that holds all the liquor. I took four shots of tequila and forced myself to mingle at the party.
The booze might’ve given me a buzz, but it didn’t quell the racing thoughts inside my damn head. All I could think about was Julia. Julia with Drew. Julia kissing Drew. Drew with his stupid arm around her waist, grinning down at her like she belongs to him and his eyebrows.
I have to squint to focus on the fucking screen, and my fingers stumble a little as I type out a text.
Me: Left earlys. At my plaz..
Before I know it, Finn is chiming into our group chat.
Finn: Fuck, Ace. You okay?
Am I okay? The question makes me burst into laughter.
Me: I ams fabulus.
So fucking fabulous that I’ve found myself leaving another party early. Another party I fucking planned, mind you.
Things are going really fucking well!
My phone buzzes again, but I ignore it and snag my headphones off my bed, sliding them over my ears. I tap on a random Spotify playlist, hit play, and crank the volume up as high as I can tolerate.
Frankly, I’m not in the mood for music, but I really don’t want to hear anything right now. Not Julia’s door opening or her voice in the hallway or the sound of her coming home from the party…with Eyebrows.
But when the silence around me still feels like too much, I turn up the volume a little more while an aggressive beat blares in my ears.
I can’t handle silence right now.
The silence lets me think. And all I can think about is how her big blue eyes looked when she stared up at me. How good she felt in my arms. How badly I wanted to kiss her and how close I was to kissing her.
How I told her I was in love with her a week ago and she looked at me like I set fire to everything we ever were.
Like I set fire to everything? Hahahaha. I mean, I did light my apartment on fire for her.
Julia’s rejection feels like more than a fucking rejection—she erased us.
I plop down on my sofa, close my eyes, and lean my head against the back of the couch. The music’s pounding so hard in my ears a headache threatens at my temples, but it doesn’t touch the hollow in my chest.
God, I miss her.
I miss her so much.
But the more my mind races, the more thoughts I have about Julia and us and everything that’s happened, the more I start to feel really fucking angry.
My chest grows tight, and each breath I release feels more and more restricted. I told Julia I love her, and she basically told me she didn’t believe me. She told me that the only reason I was saying that was because she was with Drew.
And that is so fucking far from the truth, it’s not even funny.
I pull my phone out of my pocket, and my thumbs fly across the screen.
Such such bullshit Lias. The whole fuckin thing is shits. We best friends for our whole lives…! I told you I love you and now you wants me gone. You wants me to poofs be a ghost.? Fuck, Julia Julia Julia. This is so fucked
I stare at it.
Then I delete the whole damn thing.
Give it another try, man. You can do it. You’re Acer.
i wants to hold you and hugs you and kiss you all the times. I miss you. I miss us.
Okay, you’re maybe too drunk for this…
Delete.
I drop my phone on the couch beside me and let my head fall back again.
Everything is so fucked, and I might be a little boozed right now, but even my inebriated brain is convinced I can’t change any of it.
I can’t fix it because Julia doesn’t want me. Not even as her best friend.