Chapter 48
Julia
Drew’s hand is warm in mine as we walk down the hall, the leftover glow of the black-light paint still clinging faintly to our clothes and skin. My stomach is tangled in knots, but it’s not from the beer I drank or the noise of the party. It’s from what almost happened in the keg room.
From Ace.
My mind won’t stop replaying that moment in my head. Won’t stop thinking about how close I was to kissing him…again. Won’t stop reminding me that I have a boyfriend and that I’m a slimeball for even considering doing something like that.
I’ve never thought of myself as a cheater. I’ve always thought I was a loyal kind of girl. But evidently, I do stupid things when it comes to Ace Kelly.
“You okay?” Drew asks as we step off the elevator and onto my floor. I know I’ve barely said anything since we left the party.
“Yeah.” I nod too quickly. “Just tired.”
He watches me for a beat but then eventually gives a small smile. “Tonight was fun. Though, I feel like I didn’t see you much.”
“It was chaotic.” I force a smile. “I mean, that goat ate my fake money and then decided that I was enemy number one and proceeded to chase me halfway across campus.”
Truthfully, I wasn’t even planning on going to the Double C event tonight, but between Scottie telling me I needed to be there and Drew wanting to be there, I couldn’t say no.
“The goat ate your money?” Drew asks, an amused chuckle leaving his throat.
“He was a pushy little bastard.”
“Damn, Julia. You should’ve texted me. I would’ve come and saved you.
” Drew chuckles again and pulls me into a hug when we stop in front of my door.
“So, I was thinking,” he says, and his arms are still wrapped around my waist as he looks down at me.
“I could come in for a bit? Just hang. Nothing major.”
I hate that my eyes flick to the apartment door over his shoulder. I don’t even mean to look, but I do. And instantly, guilt flashes through me like a spark to dry grass.
It feels a lot like Ace almost kissed me again tonight, and there wasn’t a single part of me that was trying to stop him.
Wow, Julia. You’re kind of a bitch.
I can’t even find a reason not to agree with that thought. I mean, I am being a bitch to Drew. I’ve agreed to be his girlfriend, but it’s like I’m not all the way into being his girlfriend. Which feels insanely cruel.
Crueler than I ever thought I was capable of.
Goodness, I need to get it together. I need to figure my shit out. I need to reflect on all the things rolling through my mind. I can’t agree to be someone’s girlfriend and then spend most of my time lying to them.
You shouldn’t be someone’s girlfriend when you’re in lo—
I cut off my rogue thoughts and discreetly move a breath of oxygen in and out of my lungs, forcing myself to focus on Drew.
I meet his eyes again. “Can I take a rain check again? My head is kind of pounding, and I have to get up really early tomorrow to have breakfast with my mom and grandma.”
Thankfully, none of those things are lies.
“Oh. Yeah, of course.” Drew’s smile falters a little, but it’s still there.
“Maybe we can grab dinner tomorrow night?” I offer immediately when more guilt starts to creep in.
“That sounds like a plan.” He presses a gentle kiss to my forehead. “Call me tomorrow?”
I nod.
He leans down and presses a soft kiss to my lips, and I hate the part of myself that doesn’t let the kiss linger into anything more.
Drew smiles at me one last time before heading to the elevator, and I give a little wave as he steps onto the cart and the doors close.
For too long, I stand there in front of my apartment door, staring across the hallway at Ace’s door.
I’m still pissed at him for turning our entire friendship on its head a week ago—so angry, I think I’d be a degree hotter if I checked my temperature—and yet…
Thoughts of him consume my every waking moment.
God.
Tears threaten at the corners of my eyes and my spine tingles with the fight to keep them at bay.
Will it ever end?
It’s all such a mess, and the thing that’s the most messed up out of everything is I really miss my best friend.
Eventually, I make myself go inside and lock the door. I kick off my shoes, head into my bedroom, and plop down onto my bed. My phone feels like it weighs fifty pounds in my hand as I stare down at it.
Next thing I know, I’m pulling up our thread.
There are years and years’ worth of text messages inside this thing.
A snapshot into our best friendship that started the instant our parents agreed to let us get cell phones.
And it’s still pinned at the top of my text inbox. I haven’t been able to unpin it.
Do you want to talk?
I stare at the words I just typed, wondering if the pain of the rift is worth the pride of finding my backbone.
But before I hit send, a banner flashes across the top of my screen.
Ace Kelly posted on Instagram.
My heart stutters.
Immediately, I swipe away from the message draft and pull up his profile.
The new post is vague, cryptic, and a carousel of moody images.
One is of a goat with glowing paint streaked on its back.
Another of fog curling around the base of a bonfire.
Another of hands—his hands—lighting a candle behind a black curtain.
Double C.
It’s a nod to what happened tonight without ever saying it.
Before I know it, I’m snooping around his profile, through all his previous posts—a lot of them have photos of us in them—and then, to all the photos he’s been tagged in by other people.
He’s already tagged in a bunch of photos from the party tonight. One of them is him with a pretty brunette I recognize from a sorority—his arm slung casually around her shoulders. Another of him laughing with two girls who are a year older than us and who I know are members of Double C.
He looks happy in the photos, like the Ace I know so very well. The Ace who’s the center of the party. The Ace who I loved with my whole being all while he never stopped to realize that his best friend felt like she was always on his sidelines.
I go back to the message I typed and delete every word.
For tonight, my pride wins.