31. Octavio
Chapter 31
Octavio
“T ake me to the beach, I need to release my best friend and all of these painful emotions.”
I stood a good ten paces back like Rylie Rose asked me to. My hands were buried deep in my pockets as a gust of wind blew pass my face. Rylie kept walking until the water rose to her ankles. She clutched the gold urn like it was a piece of her own body that she didn’t want to give up. Her shoulders were squared, stiff with fake strength that she’d been wearing like armor since she found out that Syren died.
Truth is, Rylie had been too calm, pill-calm, cold-calm. The kind of calm that scared me more than any of the hell she used to raise when she stalked me. It’s been two weeks; she took her medicine in the morning and at night before bed. She barely smiled, which told me that she was hurting. I didn’t like witnessing her as she was now. I wanted to change that so I made it my business to try to include her at the studio.
Rylie still woke up to clean the mess that wasn’t there. She cooked for us, showered, and laid in my bed when it was time to go to sleep. Two days ago, she joined me on set and got happy when I removed my shirt to reveal my breasts. I was hesitant to do that but before I recorded, she told me that the views would go insane and she was absolutely right. It was Rylie that filmed me and Chocolate’s steamy sex session. It was also Rylie that spoke life into me right before I went into the room to record. She kept telling me to accept my entire being, breasts included. I always told myself that I accepted me, but always found myself going into hiding whenever I thought someone would judge.
I hired Rylie the same day because she was damn good at filming and directing. She did her thing, and I could see from the look in her eyes that she was proud of herself. Later that night she confessed to me how she was never able to keep a job. Most people would witness her talk to herself and find a reason to fire her. She went to film school and fell in love with capturing things on camera. Rylie wanted to be different than what her parents were. That’s something we both had in common.
I watched her short frame from the back, she turned to the side and I saw her lips moving a mile a minute. Her red wavy hair whipped around her round face as her pretty brown eyes looked out toward the water. The urn shook in her arms as she pressed it close to her chest. I shifted my weight, I wanted so bad to go to her. I stayed where I was. I wanted to listen to her and give her the space that she needed in this moment.
The water lapped at her feet and ankles. She walked a little further into the water and stopped to bend down. Her hands shook as her hair stuck to her tear-stricken cheeks. She pried the lid off with desperation. Her voice carried with the wind; I couldn’t make out the words but didn’t have to. I heard the ‘goodbye’ and ‘I love you’ in it.
Rylie tilted the urn, and the ashes caught the breeze and scattered like swirling smoke; it vanished into the arms of the ocean. Seconds later, she broke. I froze, I saw Rylie angry, obsessed, wild, reckless, clingy, and most of all beautiful. But I had never seen her shattered. Her small hands clawed at the sand like she needed something, anything to hold onto. Her cries weren’t soft, they came from the deepest, blackest part of her soul.
Every sob tore something loose inside of me too. I took a step forward and she turned her head to lock eyes with me. She shook her head desperately no as she continued to cry. My throat tightened until it was sore. I wanted to run to her and pull her into my arms. I needed to tell her that she wasn’t all alone. I could take her pain, and I’d carry that shit with her or for her. I stood still with my own tears stinging my eyes. I clenched my fist so tight that I could feel my nails biting into the palms of my hand.
I tried to understand that this wasn’t about me. This was Rylie Rose’s moment, her grief, and final goodbye. She wanted to drown with me standing behind her and I would stand to make sure that the waves wouldn’t take her under. I felt helpless as the wind howled around us mixing with her cries. Syren’s ashes were long gone now.
I don’t know how long I stood in the same spot, but it was long enough to hear every broken sound she made that tore right through me. It made me realize without a doubt that I wasn’t just falling for Rylie Rose…I was already gone.
Rylie Rose slumped forward, her forehead pressed into the wet sand. She sobbed so hard her entire body shook. She didn’t care about the wind or all of the water or the mess she was making of herself. Rylie knew who she was, she understood she had a mental illness, she accepted herself and I couldn’t help but to admire her for that. For feeling it all and not hiding herself for anyone.
When her sobs turned into low, hoarse hiccups, the kind that sounded like they were hurting her chest…I couldn’t take it. I moved in slowly and careful. When I was close enough, I dropped to my knees behind her letting the wet sand soak through my pants. I reached out… my hand hovered for a second before I let the palm of my hand settle on her trembling back.
She didn’t flinch or pull away, she sagged like she was holding up by the last threads. I bent forward, my chest pressed to her back. Slowly, my arms wrapped around her stomach. She was still soft and warm even in the cold.
“I got you, Rylie Rose,” I whispered above the wind.
I don’t know if she heard me, I didn’t just say that for her to hear. I needed to say it for me as well. Minutes later, she turned in my arms so suddenly that it knocked me off balance. Her fists clutched my shirt like a wave was trying to take her under. She buried her face against my chest and started to sob out loudly. I held her tighter than I ever held anything in my life.
“You can break with me, and I’ll be here to help you through it. I promise." My voice broke as my own emotions took over.
It brought me back to the time of us sharing a moment of silence in the school's restroom.
"Please, I really do love you. I love you even more. I’m a mess right now. Syren was all I had, even though our relationship wasn’t normal. Most of the time she kept me on track, even when the world was against her too. She believed in me, and I believed in her. I loved Syren but I was in love with you since the day you stormed into that bathroom to save me.” Rylie batted her eyes at me.
Her fingers trailed down to the sides of my ribs like she needed to feel me anchor her and make a promise to solidify myself forever into her life.
“Since you stormed into my life, tearing it apart with your pretty brown eyes…” I dropped my head and chuckled, thinking about all the notes and the way she sat in my office unbothered, demanding to do the interview herself.
“I understand why you fought so hard for me Rylie Rose. You have strength, and courage to never let what dream about go to waste. Your dreams are coming true although your mourning. I’m the dream that’s alive in your face that will help you get through losing Syren.”
I stroked her wavy hair.
“I don’t think your too much, your more than enough. I just want you to allow me the time to understand your different moods. You get me without me having to explain because you studied me. Now it’s time for me to get you, I’ve been studying you. Your special… I never had anything special just for me besides my brothers. They came into my life at the perfect time?—”
“That’s when you started to cover yourself up during filming.” She cut me off.
“Yes that’s when. I didn’t want them to think I was some kind of freak.” I admitted.
“I get it, but I understand that filming was your first sense of freedom. You enjoy it, people get to release from watching you. You’re a lot of females fantasy, desire. They search your type in the search engine and become turned on. You should never hide that. I think you should switch it up though.” Rylie muttered the last part of her sentence.
I didn’t realize that we were now sitting with her in front of me as the waves crawled up the shore and fizzled around us.
“Switch it up? How?” I asked.
“Let me dominate you on camera…I have so many scenes in my head that we could act out. We can reverse roles and do other things that make the viewers go up on your sites.” She turned her head to look at me with a mischievous smirk plastered on her face.
“You not slick, Rylie Rose. It sounds like you trying to suggest for me to only record scenes with you because you don’t want me with other women.”
“Bingo!” She snapped her fingers.
“I don’t want you with anyone but me. I was just trying to say in it a nice way so that I wouldn’t sound possessive. I get intrusive thoughts when I watch you with other women, even though it turns me on. It starts to turn me off when I see that twinkle of need for something more in their eyes. It feels like I can see their dreams of having more than just camera time with you,” she admitted softly then looked away.
“So you want it to be just me and you?” I asked for clarification.
“Yes, that’s what I want, Octavio. You’ll never get bored with me.” She leaned her head back all the way into my chest until her forehead poked at it.
Her eyes looked up at me with an obsessed smile mixed with sadness.
“I know that you’ll keep me entertained.” I joked.
Rylie laughed softly as she sat up and turned around until she was on her knees in front of me.
“I’ll do more than entertain you…I’ll love you, make you feel like a king.” She smiled genuinely with lots of hopefulness.
“This new for me. I never committed and had a girlfriend…” My words trailed off.
Her shoulders dropped in defeat as her eyes hit the sand.
“But, I want to give this a try. You have to listen to me, though. When I tell you something or try to reel you in when I feel like you’re diving off the deep end. I want you to listen. I also want to go to doctor’s appointments and understand your mental illness better,” I stated seriously.
“You want my social security number too?” She smirked.
“I already have it and more. We moving slow, remember that Rylie Rose.”
“We moved fast, I live with you now. And sleep in your bed, stop trying to make everything ideal with you and I. Dare to be different, fuck what people think. We together and we are going to be happy. I even got some bright ideas for us. Forbidden Films Production…” She winked her eyes and stood.
“Forbidden Fruit Club,” she murmured loud enough to hear.
“Private forbidden fruit clubs…a string of them in different states in cities with flavorful women, men, and trans people to dwell in. All of their darkest, nastiest desires fulfilled with a membership.” She winked at me as she held her hand out for me to grab.
I took her hand and stood up. Rylie reached for my other hand and held it tightly.
“Thank you for not judging me when I fell apart. I needed time and space to mourn and let go. I feel better now, and I’m ready to go.” Her grip loosened a little on my hand.
Seconds later, she pulled me to her short frame. I wrapped my arms around her and rested my chin on the top of her head. Rylie switched the subject to make light of the situation and I understood that it was how she coped. In the midst of that, I thought that the entire forbidden fruit and films was an excellent idea. I would have to plan a meeting with Le’mon and jump on all of it. That would keep Rylie Rose busy and help encourage her to take her medicine and see her doctor on a regular. I wanted her to live a healthy life, it was a plus that Rylie already understood that she had a mental illness.
I looked down into her hazel brown eyes that was swollen and saw so much life in them. Her full crimson lips quivered as she stared up at me. Without a word, I brushed my thumb over her cheek, she blinked slow as a tear rolled down her cheek while I rubbed it.
“You are my dream that came true.” Her voice cracked.
“Come on, baby. Let’s go home,” I stated.
A look of shock crossed her face, I was in shocked too. Not because I offered for us both to go home. I was shocked because she didn’t demand for me to call her Rylie Rose. She nodded her head and didn’t say a word. Rylie curled into my side as we trekked across the sand with better understanding of our dynamics with one another.