32. Angel
Chapter 32
Angel
I could barely feel my fingers as I held an envelope that was pressed into my hands from Detavio. Sleep was still in my eyes along with the remnants of last night sex session between him and I. I looked at the envelope then back up at Detavio.
His dark merciless eyes stayed locked on me, unblinking. I swallowed hard, my throat already started to burn as I blinked up at him rapidly then slid out of the bed naked.
“You should sit down, Angel. Your mom is up front, waiting to see you.” Detavio offered.
“Wh—why are you dressed in a suit on a Saturday?” I asked, trying to ease my nerves. The envelope was light, but the weight of his words made it feel like it was heavy.
“I had business to take care of at the company. I came back home when your mom called.” His Adams apple bobbed up and down.
“What time is it?” I asked above a whisper.
“It’s noon; listen, baby. Your father?—”
I cut him off by shaking my head no. I turned the envelope over once, then twice. My name was scrawled across the front in desperate looking handwriting. My hands shook as I tore it open, the paper smelled like cigarettes and cologne. My stomach twisted as I unfolded it slowly.
Angel…you should have minded your goddamn business. You ruined the only thing that ever really mattered to me. I hope you live with this guilt like cancer in your bones.
I blinked, the words blurring into angry tears. No apology, no love that he raised me in, and no regret from him. The paper trembled between my fingers, the ink started to bleed from my heavy tears. I gritted my teeth and forced back the sob that clawed at my throat. I wouldn’t cry, not for him when he didn’t cry or think about me before writing this shit.
I couldn’t live without him, you made your mother turn against me too. I don’t have much to write about to you. I just hope you’re happy now, you selfish, stupid little bitch! I never forgave you, and I never will. You stopped being my damn daughter the day you went snooping into my business. Detavio Decebal, will break you, and send you right to hell with me and Impurity. That’s when I’ll get my payback on you and everyone else involved!
Each line hit harder than the last, like blows I couldn’t block or dodge. I staggered back a step, then crumpled the letter in my hand. I pressed my lips together so tight they went numb. I looked at Detavio, lost for words as I tried to keep it together. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t need to, Detavio knew that I was about to lose my fucking mind.
I didn’t know what I wanted to do first, scream or tear the letter apart. I held my finger up to stop Detavio from walking toward me as I reflected upon the words that was written from my father. He called me selfish, cursed me in his last words. Yet, I still wanted to be the strong one, the good one…I wanted to rewind time, when I was Daddy’s Little Princess. The little girl that got whatever the hell I wanted.
What happened to him reading me bedtime stories and chasing the monsters out of my room? He killed himself, hating me when he showed me nothing but love growing up. My mind was confused, I felt sick to the core. I couldn’t stand here and act like I wouldn’t mourn him, like it didn’t hurt. It crushed me. I felt a tear slip, it rolled slowly down my cheek. I roughly wiped it away.
I was still here, and he was gone. The letter slipped from my fingers before I realized I let go. It floated down like something weightless and meaningless, even though the piece of paper ripped me apart. I stood staring at the floor where it landed. The words that he wrote still echoed in my brain. For a long moment, I didn’t move, almost forgot to breathe. I felt like if I did move, I would break a part right in front of Detavio.
I felt him but didn’t hear him close the distance between us. The warmth of his body blocked out the coldness that I felt seeping into my heart. His arms wrapped around me carefully, I didn’t pretend like I was strong enough to endure this shit alone. James was a selfish bastard, doing all of this the day before my fucking birthday.
I turned around to face Detavio. I looked into his eyes then leaned into him.
“Whatever was in that letter was bad…I didn’t want to give it to you. It’s making me very angry…making me wish Monster would have killed him the day you picked your mom up. That’s your dad, and despite whatever bullshit he wrote to you as his last thoughts. I know that you loved him. So for that, you are entitled to mourn. You can cry for however long you please. I got you, Angel. Let all of that hurt out, baby.” He kissed the top of my forehead.
I took in a deep breath as my heart skipped a beat. A low sob broke free before I could stop it. I clutched at the sides of his suit jacket and broke down as he held me up against him. He didn’t say anything, but I felt him, all of him. Detavio stroked up and down my back, anchoring me into him. Somehow that meant more than any apology ever could.
James’ words were still there, burning holes into my brain in heart. But Detavio was also here, strong where I felt weak. He was steady where I was breaking. Silent, but saying everything I needed without a damn word.
“You’re mine,” Detavio stated roughly.
“He doesn’t get to break you anymore. None of our parents have that right. It’s been too much of getting broken and not fixed. Let’s fix each other, Angel. We have to live.” He kissed the top of my forehead again.
His words hit harder than the letter did. It filled up the broken parts of me with something real. I sucked in a sharp breath as I squeezed the sides of his jacket tighter. I believed every word Detavio said. I was his, and he was mines. My father’s stupid hate didn’t need to matter, he was bitter, and I wouldn’t let him make me believe that I betrayed him when he had done that to me.
Detavio claimed me to the world without shame but with love. I was wanted and safe with him. I never wanted to let him go again. I let myself breathe him in; all that mattered was this dangerous soul who chose me.
“I got you, I promise. Never run from me again, Angel. I can take a lot of shit, but you hurting me is something that will unravel me,” he murmured.
He scooped me into his arms like I weighed nothing, and carried me to the bathroom. Detavio sat me down on the toilet as he went to run my bath water. He helped me into the tub, I welcomed the hot water embracing my aching bones from last night. I sank down into the water, letting the bubbles cover me as Detavio took off his suit jacket and tossed it like it wasn’t expensive.
He shoved up his sleeves and knelt beside the tub. My eyes roamed over his handsome dark skin.
“Your mom is going to want to talk to you,” he stated cautiously.
I closed my eyes and visualized her broken into pieces, my father was all she cared about. She put him before herself always seeing nothing but the good in him.
“If you want me to tell her now is not a good time, I can have her go to a guest room so she can rest before she tries to drive on the road with all of her emotions tucked inside of her,” he offered.
My tears welled up again in my eyes, this time they didn’t fall. Detavio placed his warm hand against my cheek to comfort me as I shook my head in disbelief.
“He can’t hurt you anymore. You’re gonna heal, piece by piece. I promise that.”
I simpered and nodded my head. I was unable to find my voice to even speak. I soaked until the water turned cool, Detavio helped me out and made me get into the shower. Once I was out, he dried me off and brought me another night gown. I stayed in the bathroom, feeling too weak to do anything except slip on my night gown.
When I walked in our room, Detavio already had the bed freshly made. He guided me back in bed and tucked the blankets around me. With his rough fingers he brushed wet strands of her out of my face then hoovered over me for a second.
Detavio must have felt someone’s presence, because his eyes left mine to glance at the door. I followed his gaze. My mom stood at the door with her arms wrapped around herself. I felt bad for her, she didn’t know how to exist without him, and it would start to show as the days went pass. Her eyes were red rimmed, makeup smeared as her mouth trembled.
Detavio nodded his head giving her permission to step in as he stepped away from me. He left out the room and I could still feel him nearby.
“A—Angel…I’m so sorry, baby.” Her voice cracked above a whisper.
I looked at her and bit into my own trembling lip.
“Why?” I rasped out.
“Why didn’t you fight back? If not for me than for you? I don’t need to understand the dynamics of y’all relationship…but…if I had a kid, my blood…I would always choose that kid first and have a backbone.”
My words hung heavy between us. Now probably wasn’t the time, but I still had James’ words glued in my mind.
I couldn’t live without him, you made your mother turn against me too. I don’t have much to write about to you. I just hope your happy now, you selfish, stupid little bitch! I never forgave you, and I never will.
I cringed all over again. How could anyone conjure up the audacity to write some shit like that before they killed themselves?
“Angel…he loved you. He was blinded by love and?—”
“If you saw the letter he left, you wouldn’t believe that. Even after all he has done, you still stand before me trying to cover for him. Is it for you? You don’t want to live with the fact of staying with an absolute monster?”
She opened her mouth then closed it. She crossed the room like every step was hard to take. Finally, she sat down on the edge of the bed with her hands shaking in her lap.
“I didn’t know how…I didn’t want to fight somebody that I loved even when they were wrong. I loved the both of you.” She cried lowly.
“You loved him more,” I whispered, crushed by my own admission.
“I’m sorry, I love you. I admire your strength. You always voiced your opinion…since a little girl. I loved that about you, your confidence…I wished I had that.” She sniffled hard.
I stared at her, and for the first time, I realized that she was just as lost and broken as all of us. She was a prisoner, groomed and didn’t know no other way. I turned my face into my pillow then pulled my blanket tight around me.
“I love you, Ma. I’m not ready to forgive you. I don’t know when I’ll forgive you, but I know that I have to in order to live how I want to. My home is yours now, you can have it. This is my home now, and I won’t leave, but you’re welcome to stay here until you feel comfortable enough to go live at my house alone. Time is precious, and you wasted a lot of it. I’m not going to turn my back to you, like you and James did me. I will take care of you, make sure your coffee shops are caught up on payments. All I ask is that you don’t even think to ask me to go to whatever funeral that his insurance policy will pay for. He left how he felt on a piece of paper for me to remember forever and I will stand on what he couldn’t stand on.”