Chapter 14 #2
“You weren’t gone long,” Megan remarks when I hand her their leashes. “You sure you don’t want to stay a little longer?”
“Have to get ready for the hospital,” I lie, already backing out of the door and toward my car.
We hurtle toward home, the drive passing in a blur. I set Noah up to play with his chunky blocks while I stare at my phone.
* * *
Aaron
There’s nothing better than lying in your own bed for the first time in a long while. The feel of clean sheets, smelling of freshly laundered cotton, just like the detergent promises. The memory foam pillow, molded to the back of my neck.
The only thing missing right now is Paige.
We’ve spent the night at her place a couple of times, but she’s never so much as thought about coming here. And how could she? This is a two-bedroom apartment, but I don’t have the second room set up. Right now, it holds stacks upon stacks of cardboard boxes.
If I want her to spend the night here, I’ll have to prepare the room for Noah. Somehow, I think that might not be the best move right at this moment. She wants something casual, but giving her son a bedroom?
Not so much.
I sigh and roll onto my side. Eventually, she’ll realize this can be more than casual. When she does, I’ll be ready. That means unpacking a few boxes when I have time off and she’s at the hospital—like tonight.
But sleep beckons me for now. It’s been a few days without a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. Instead of thinking about all of the things I could do or should do, I close my eyes and try to clear my head.
My therapist taught me how to meditate, but I rarely do.
I turn to stare at the ceiling, choosing a focal point where I can let my attention settle as I let my thoughts drift off. One by one, each thought floats down the river of my mind until there’s nothing left.
Until my phone buzzes on the nightstand and I can’t resist a quick peek.
Paige.
Immediately, I spring to life. The relaxation that flooded my body a moment ago is long forgotten in my need to get to her. To be there for her. To know what she wants to say to me right now.
I think we should cancel our date for Sunday night.
This has been the highlight of my week. I’ve been talking to the guys at the station, gathering recommendations for what we could do in a nearby town on our highly anticipated first real date.
Sure, we’ve spent a lot of time together, but not as a couple. We have been Paige and Aaron, acquaintances who sometimes spend the night together. We haven’t yet talked about what we are or what we’re doing.
A date could change all of that.
A date with intention could show her that I would be there to treat her and Noah right. We could get to know each other a little more. It’s been so easy to open up to her. Maybe it’s time to tell her about my family.
And now she’s canceling?
That can’t be right.
I start to type out a response to her, an attempt to persuade her not to cancel. The second text hits my inbox and lands in my gut harder than any punch I’ve ever taken.
Dread fills every inch of my body.
I think we need to take a break. Get some distance for a while.
This has been the best week of my life, and now she wants to spend time apart? The idea of spending even a week without her makes me feel a dull ache somewhere deep in my chest.
My heart thuds so loud it echoes off the walls of the mostly empty room. I have to say something.
Do you want to talk about what’s going on?
I lie back down and close my eyes, holding the phone to my chest so that I won’t miss her response when it comes through. The buzz of the phone sends adrenaline in my veins as I open it to read.
I don’t know how to explain it. I just need space.
I don’t want to pressure her into doing something she’s not yet ready for, but damn. How can she not feel an iota of what I feel for her? She’s all I think about when I’m not with her. What I look forward to when I get off a long shift.
I’m here for you.
She reads my message as soon as I hit send. The three bubbles pop up, letting me know that she’s typing back. Then, they disappear without so much as a single word sent. I wait for more.
Maybe she has to tend to Noah. Get him a snack.
I wait some more.
I finally realize that she isn’t going to text me back. That this is how we are going to leave things.
With a sigh, I climb out of bed. The idea of being able to sleep is long forgotten, but so is the idea of unpacking that bedroom for Noah. I have to hope that Paige will change her mind, but I’m not ready to embrace the chance she might not. Not if I have a bedroom for her son at my place.
Walking past that quiet, empty room would kill me.
She’s only been in my life for a short while. I’ve survived the loss of nearly everyone in my life that I should have had. My biological mom and dad. My foster parents. The people I thought were my friends.
Deep down, I know I’ll survive this, too. No matter what happens between us, I will be okay.
I need a drink, something stronger than the stuff they pour at the bar. The only place where I can get what I need—other than my own meagerly-stocked bar—is the fire station.
That also happens to be where all of my friends are, the few I have in this town. Right now, Levi seems to be just about the best person I could drink with. He understands Paige better than anyone else.
I tug on a clean white T-shirt and a pair of loose-fitting, worn jeans. I decide to walk to the station, worried that I might not want to drive home after I’ve had a bourbon or two. I only bring my house key and wallet.
“You look like hell,” Levi remarks when I slouch into the chair in his office. “Need a drink?”
I nod and wait for him to hand me a tumbler with two fingers of the cheap stuff. He pours himself a vodka soda, weak because he’s on the clock. One of us needs to keep his wits about him at the station.
“Paige?” he asks when I don’t volunteer anything.
“Says she needs space,” I choke out. “What do you know about that?”
He looks up, surprised. So, he didn’t know that Paige texted me or even that she had been thinking about it.
To buy himself time, he takes a long sip of his soda. Then, he sets the glass on the desk between us and leans in.
“Paige has been through a lot,” he begins. “I tried to tell you on the day you asked for her number. Just be patient with her.”
“I’ve been through a lot too, and yet I’m not running.”
Levi studies me for a moment. He must have seen the scar on my back whenever I took off my shirt to sleep. There’s no way he hadn’t. That kind of scar only comes from something serious.
“It’s different when you have kids,” he says patiently.
He tells me a little bit about what it was like when his wife took her own life. How alone he felt, caring for two kids who needed both parents and only had one.
“I would have done anything to protect them from having it happen again. So I decided not to date,” he explains. “Paige made the same choice, even if it wasn’t conscious.”
“Noah is a good kid,” I say, not knowing how else to express the way I feel about the little boy.
I get why Paige is protective of him, but I don’t know why now. We had bonded that night when she asked me to watch him. I made a commitment to be there for him, the way my dad had been there for me. The way I see it, the best thing I can do is uphold that.
“I know you think that,” Levi says, breaking into my thoughts. “Just give her time. Spend your time here at the station. Let the guys help. It won’t feel so isolating.”
“Is that what you did?”
“I brought my kids with me a lot, yeah. And we got through it. The guys want to be there for you. This is family.” He pauses, searching for the right words. “Crown Hill is small. You won’t last here if you don’t let the town help you when you need it.”
He finishes his vodka soda and looks at the empty glass in my hand. “Go hit the weight room. Take a long run. Then, come back and see me.”
He’s dismissing me, but he’s also offering advice. I can’t sit here on my laurels and wait for things to change.
Paige loves this town, and I’m going to prove that I fit in here.
I’m going to prove that I can fit into her life, starting with the men she loves at the station so much. They all know a piece of her that I will never get to see. The most I can hope for is to learn a bit more about her, enough to convince her that I can be the man she needs.
As soon as I figure out exactly who that is.