18. Zander
CHAPTER 18
ZANDER
Sienna goes stiff beneath me, her expression paling as her eyes bug out.
“Are you okay?” I immediately pull out of her, worried that I’m hurting her again.
Seeing her tears when I entered her nearly killed me, but she begged me to stay, and… and she felt so good.
Shit, I’m such a selfish prick!
“I’m sorry,” I mumble, glancing down and blinking at the blood coating my dick.
Reaching for the tissues, I scramble to make this right. How badly did I hurt her?
She seemed to be enjoying it by the end, but was she just pretending?
“Are you hurt?” My voice is frantic as I bunch tissues between her legs and try to fix this.
“No, I’m just… well, maybe a little achy, but…” She pulls the tissues away. “Did I get my period early?” She tips her head back in what looks like relief. “Thank God! I was freaking out that we hadn’t used protection.”
“Wait, what?” My stomach drops out my ass as the words hit me full force. “Shit! Sen, that’s bad. I was too caught up. I didn’t even think about it.”
“Me too,” she whimpers. “I just wanted to be connected to you. You’d made my body buzz, and I needed to feel you moving with me or… I don’t know, and I didn’t even think about it.”
“Shit.” I dip my head, feeling like the worst boyfriend ever, especially when she starts blinking at tears.
“I’m just gonna…” She points to my door, bunching more tissues between her legs before waddling out of the room. “Where’s the bathroom?”
“Second door on your right.” I wince and scrub the back of my head, waiting until she’s left the room before lecturing myself. “You’re such a jerk. No protection? Seriously, Zander.” Snapping my eyes closed, I berate myself for a full minute before finally cleaning myself up and pulling my underwear back on.
Sienna returns a few moments later, still in all her naked glory. She’s so beautiful it’s hard to breathe sometimes.
I watch her walk toward me, trying not to be a perv. I drink in her tentative expression and feel my frown forming. “What?”
“I don’t think it’s my period.” She rubs her forehead. “I think it might be that hymen thing. I’m sure I’ve heard about that in health class or something. Girls can bleed their first time.”
“Oh yeah.” I rub the back of my head, remembering our lesson on consent and then the biology of it all followed by more consent and then… protection.
Fuck, I screwed up so badly.
“What if…?” Her voice trails off, her eyes the size of dinner plates as she stares at me. “Shit, Zan, what if I get pregnant?”
My stomach pitches, and I have to fight a sudden surge of bile that shoots up my throat.
It could happen so easily, right?
My parents are testament to that.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I whisper to myself, scrubbing a hand down my face while she pulls her clothes back on. “I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s not your fault.” She clasps her bra, then turns to face me. “I’m sorry too. We’re both in this. We both made the choice and got caught up in the moment. But…” She lets out a shaky sigh, hugging herself and looking shit scared.
“Hey.” Rising off the bed, I pad toward her, checking her expression before pulling her into my arms. She nestles against my chest, her arms wrapping around me. “It’s gonna be okay. No matter what happens, it’s you and me together, all right?”
“Yeah.” Her voice catches, so I squeeze her a little tighter.
“I love you.”
“Love you too.”
I close my eyes, resting my chin against her forehead and promising, “I’ll get condoms for next time. This will never happen again.”
“Okay.” Her voice is so tiny it’s hard to hear her.
Wincing, I stare at the wall and make myself say, “If there is a next time.”
“Uh-huh.” She swallows.
Running my hand up her back, I guide her to the bed and encourage her to lie down next to me. We spoon until the sun goes down, not saying anything. She draws invisible pictures on my arms while I hold her tight. She fits perfectly within my embrace. Like we were made to be together.
I try to soak in that knowledge. I don’t want our epic first time to be ruined by this stress and worry, but the reality is… we weren’t careful. And there’s a chance we’re going to pay a high price for that.