19. Sienna
CHAPTER 19
SIENNA
So, it’s safe to say I would have spent the next month freaking out if I hadn’t gotten home and researched birth control, then stumbled across Plan B One-Step and berated myself for not thinking of it earlier.
A quick trip to the drugstore and one pill later… and I felt like I could breathe again. Although, I still couldn’t shake my worries completely. What if the Plan B didn’t work? What if I was pregnant?
I spent the weekend forcing bright smiles for my parents and friends, trying to hide my angst. Olivia kept me distracted most of Saturday by dragging me through the mall at breakneck speed and convincing me to buy clothes I wasn’t even sure I liked. But I’d been in such a daze.
What if I got pregnant?
The thought was horrifying… terrifying… blinding!
It’s made it really hard to interact with Zander. I feel kind of mean for ghosting him. Well, I’m not ghosting him in the sense that if he texts, I’ll reply… but I’ve emotionally cut myself off while this internal freak-out decimates me.
When he calls on Sunday night to check if I’m okay, I can barely talk to him, and he ends up saying goodbye in this morose small voice that makes me feel so bad. But I don’t know what to say to him. I mean, I told him about the Plan B thing at school on Friday, and that obviously made him feel better. He was so relieved. So why wasn’t I?
It’s a total travesty that I should be feeling this way after what we shared together. Sure, it hurt when he first entered me, but the stuff he did with his tongue before that… and after I got over the shock of him first pushing into me, well… it was pretty freaking awesome. And I want to revel in that, not be fighting panic attacks that I’m about to become a mama in my junior year of high school!
I barely sleep on Sunday night and wake up feeling blurry-eyed and incredibly grumpy, until…
I go to the bathroom and find my pajamas bottoms smeared with blood.
“Wait, what?” I gape at my pants, then scramble for some toilet paper and nearly cry with relief when I realize I have my period.
I knew it was due any day now, and I have seriously never been more grateful. Maybe that’s what I’ve been waiting for… without even realizing it. I couldn’t believe in Plan B until I had physical proof that I wasn’t pregnant.
And I’m not!
I’m so happy I actually burst into tears, right there on the toilet.
Jumping into a hot shower, I let them trickle down my cheeks, laughing and crying as the hot water washes my body and restores my faith in the universe.
“Thank you,” I whisper repeatedly as I dry myself off and step into period mode.
I usually hate my period, but I am loving it today.
“Thank you,” I murmur again. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
Racing through my morning routine, I end up leaving for school early and catching a ride with my Dad.
“No Zander this morning, huh?” Dad gives me a little side-eye after we reverse out of our driveway.
I shake my head, then mutter, “Not sure it’ll happen as much now that he has to do his weight training in the morning.”
“Why’s that?”
I huff and cross my arms. “Because his parents are stupid.”
“Sienna Erling.” His reprimand is softened by the fact that he’s fighting a laugh.
“Well, I’m sorry, but they are. They ride him so hard, Dad!” I flick my hand in the air. “They got this call on Friday afternoon from one of his teachers, complaining that Zander’s grades are slipping, and they’re on the warpath.”
“Yikes.”
“And they’re not even slipping. It was one test. He didn’t even bomb it. He just didn’t get his usual high scores, and they’re acting like he’s not going to be able to graduate. It’s so insane. I hate how much pressure they always put on him,” I grumble.
“Is that why you’ve been so grumpy all weekend? Because they won’t let you see him?”
A flush of heat travels through my body, and I hug my backpack to my chest. “Uh, yeah. I’ve missed him.”
“Aw. Young love.” Dad starts laughing. “It’s okay, sweet girl. You can see him today. Just don’t be hauling him out of class to make out in the bathroom.”
“Dad!” I give him a horrified gasp, and he starts laughing again.
“Oh, you don’t do that? So that was just my thing, then?”
“Dad, stop it. Please.” My expression buckles. “Gross. I don’t want to think about you making out in the bathroom.”
His laughter grows louder, and he tortures me the entire way to school, telling me stories about what he and his various girlfriends got up to in the back of the library… and down in the utility closet behind the gym.
Braking outside the school, he gives me a mischievous grin. “Of course, don’t you do any of that stuff, okay? You just keep being my good little angel.”
I turn to him with a wicked grin. “Thanks for all the ideas, Dad. This trip has been very informative.”
He shakes his head with another laugh. “With the amount of squirming you were doing, I’m pretty sure I don’t have anything to worry about.”
My smile suddenly feels too tight as I lean across to kiss his cheek. “Love you.”
“Love you, too, Blue.”
I jump out of the car and wave him off, once again flooded with relief that I can joke about this stuff with my dad, because if I didn’t have my period right now, I probably would have burst into tears and confessed all.
I couldn’t think of anything worse than having to tell my parents I was pregnant. They’d be so disappointed in me… for me. I know they’d support me and everything, but still… I don’t want to let them down.
Which is why Zander and I will not be having unprotected sex again.
“I have to tell him.” I spin on my heel and run into school, ignoring the curious looks I’m getting as I race down to the gym.
I’m not really supposed to go into the workout room. It’s for athletes only, but I check that the coast is clear and am stoked to find the space empty… except for one sexy football player who’s pumping iron in the back corner.
He’s sweaty, his shirt sticking to his refined body, and I drink him in, admiring his muscles as he finishes two more reps, then sets the bar on its hooks.
“Hey,” I whisper, not wanting to scare him.
His head jerks in my direction and he sits up. “Sen. Are you okay?” He looks worried, worn out… cautious.
Guilt rips through me, and I start blubbering before I can stop myself.
“I’m sorry. I’ve been a really shitty girlfriend this weekend. I know I was distant and hard to talk to. I was just freaking out, you know? And I shouldn’t have gone quiet on you. I just didn’t know how to deal. And I know it was shitty, and I’m sorry. And I?—”
“Sen,” he quietly stops me. “It’s okay. I was just worried about you.”
Oh man, he’s the sweetest! My heart is contracting and expanding for him with these marshmallow beats that make my legs weak.
I stumble across to him, dumping my bag and quickly straddling his lap. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I cling to him, not even caring that he’s sweaty and kinda smells. I need to be near this guy.
His arms loop around my waist, and I squeeze him against me, brushing my fingers through his damp hair and murmuring, “I love you.”
He squeezes me back, splaying his hand between my shoulder blades. “Thank God. For a second, I thought you’d changed your mind.”
I pull back with a gasp. “Of course not! How could I…? No!” I shake my head. “You are the best, and yes, I was freaking out this weekend, but that doesn’t change the way I feel about you.”
His eyes drink me in. “So, you don’t regret what we did on Thursday?”
“No.” I grin, then bite my lip and feel the heat rushing to my cheeks.
His hands move to my hips, and he fists the bottom of my winter coat. “Listen, no matter what happens, I’m gonna be here for you, okay? We’ll get through this.”
“I got my period this morning.” The words tumble out of me in a blur, and for a second, I think he hasn’t heard me, but then his eyes bulge and he tips his head back with a whoop.
“Yes! Thank fuck for that. I couldn’t stop worrying that the Plan B stuff might not work.”
I laugh. “I know. Me too. I couldn’t get that idea out of my head, and I’ve never felt so relieved in my life.” I rest my forehead against his shoulder while he nuzzles my neck.
“Sparky, I’m so glad. Shit, I’m sorry that you had to go through that freak-out at all, and I promise I will be prepared next time and not act like a mindless asshole.”
“You weren’t a mindless asshole. We were just too fired up and into it to think straight.” I lean back and hold his face, making sure he’s looking at me. “We won’t let that happen again, okay?”
“Okay.” He nods, his Adam’s apple bobbing when he swallows. “So… there’s gonna be a next time?”
My smile grows as I lean toward his mouth and whisper, “There better be.”
I kiss his lips, then quickly deepen it. His moan is delicious as I swipe my tongue against his, then tip my hips and grind against him. I feel his erection grow beneath me, and my body sparks with desire.
His arms wrap around me that much tighter, and I swear I’m contemplating discovering what going down on him will feel like. I want to give him that, but…
His coach walks past and catches us making out. We both get yelled at for a full five minutes while Zander has to stand there with a tent in his pants and my flustered self jiggling on my feet beside him. I hate being told off. It makes my face go bright red, and then I have to pee. It’s the weirdest reaction, but I’ve been like that my entire life. Coach yells loudly, too, and it’s a miracle I don’t wet my pants right there in front of him.
Despite the fact that Coach threatens detention three times during his tirade, we never actually get one, but we are barked out of the gym, and I don’t see Zander again until lunchtime.
As I sit down next to him in the cafeteria, we share a secret smile, and when his hand lands on my knee under the table, I thread my fingers through his and feel this overwhelming sense of comfort.
Everything is right in the world again.
I’m not pregnant.
And I have the sweetest, sexist boyfriend on the planet.