Chapter Twenty-Five
Dalisay has to force herself not to look back before closing the door behind her. She knows Evan is watching, and her body is screaming at her to run into his arms and kiss him and apologize for everything that went wrong between them, but for the sake of tradition, she doesn’t.
She closes the door quietly, presses her back against it, and slides down to the floor.
Hunched like a little garden gnome statue, Dalisay presses her cheeks into her knees and smiles. Perhaps they—whoever the grand overseers of the Five Stages are—should include a stage four and a half: grin like a giddy idiot.
Her heart pounds so hard, she feels like she’s just run a marathon. Talking to Evan again is the one thing she’s wished she could do and seeing him again in person, with his black curly hair and his sloping smile and his warm, dark eyes …
They’ve made it this far. What will go wrong?
She practically asked him out, telling him she was going for a walk, hinting that he should join her, a total departure from protocol. Maybe she is becoming more of an American girl after all. She’s feeling brazen, the rush of the day going straight to her head like a glass of wine on an empty stomach.
She can hear Little Luis and Melinda deeper in the house. He’s enthusiastically telling her about his time at the zoo, something about Evan seeing a penguin lady, and a balloon, and a mean man. The way Little Luis says it, Evan is his hero. It’s mostly baby talk, but Dalisay can’t wait to hear the details in person.
“Are you feeling all right?” Lola stands at the top of the stairs, watching Dalisay with a curious eye.
Dalisay nods.
Lola beckons her. “Come. No use sitting there like that.”
Dalisay rises and readjusts her skirt, taking the stairs one step at a time as Lola shuffles around the kitchen and gestures to the island for Dalisay to sit as she pours her a tall glass of sago’t.
“The boy has left?” Lola asks. She tips her head, lifting her nose, like a queen might when surveying her domain.
“Yes,” Dalisay says. “He’s done enough for today.”
Lola puckers her lips and sighs. “I see. I guess he can regrout the bathroom another day.” Dalisay can see right through Lola. Her grandmother can try to maintain appearances all she wants, but Dalisay knows that Lola likes Evan. She can pretend to be hard and curmudgeonly, but the truth is hard to mask.
Dalisay wraps her hand around the cold glass and takes a sip. The sugar is even sweeter when she thinks about tomorrow.
“You are going for a walk at the pier?” Lola asks. Despite her age, Lola’s hearing is as sharp as a fox’s.
“Yes,” Dalisay says. It’s customary for the couple never to be left alone until all Five Stages are complete, but of course, if anyone asks, Dalisay and Evan just happened to run into each other. That’s all. “I don’t imagine I’ll need an escort.”
“Yes, indeed I don’t think you will. That boy has manners, I will give him that.”
“He does …,” says Dalisay. “He really is special.”
Lola’s eyes dance a little and she puts the remaining sago’t in the fridge. “We can’t help who we love,” she says. “But the special ones do make it a lot easier, don’t they?”
Dalisay smiles at that.
“Are you ready to take him back?” Lola asks.
Dalisay takes a deep breath and another sip of her sago’t. She thinks she is, but does she deserve it? Does she deserve him? She can’t answer, at least not at first, and twists her mouth thoughtfully, tapping on the glass with her finger. “I didn’t think it was possible.”
“What happened between you two when you first met?” Lola asks. She brings out a cutting board and a chef’s knife and begins slicing ginger roots into even sticks.
That is a question no one’s asked her yet. Even Nicole didn’t press when Dalisay admitted she and Evan were breaking up.
“There were …” Dalisay searches for the right word. “A lot of differences. It felt like we were speaking two different languages sometimes.”
Lola nods, scooping up the sticks of ginger and putting them into a bowl. Already, Dalisay knows she’s going to be making her famous arroz caldo soup, a chicken and rice comfort food. She’s always made it when someone is feeling sick, or down, or in need of a boost. Dalisay wonders if Lola knows that she needs that extra kick of confidence.
“It’s difficult dating someone from another culture.” She crushes cloves of garlic with the flat edge of her knife and expertly peels the paper shell in two moves. “I wish there was a simple guide, as simple as the Five Stages, to walk you through it. I loved someone before your grandfather. I gave up too easily,” Lola says. “I said things I didn’t mean, said things because I was afraid. I walked away and that was it.” She pauses mincing the garlic and pinches her fingers around her golden necklace, a pendant of two hands holding one another.
Dalisay squeezes the glass a little tighter. After all that’s happened between them, it would have been so easy for Evan to walk away from her forever, never look back and wonder what could have been. He didn’t give up on her, and she … she might have given up on him a little too readily. Like Lola, Dalisay could have easily lived with her regret, but now she has a chance to start over with Evan.
Lola continues, “I was so ready to find faults in our relationship. It was as though if I could somehow find the things that would break us apart, it would be easier to justify how it would end. I thought I was protecting my heart, but I should have trusted it.” She shakes her head slightly and gets back to prepping the ingredients.
Dalisay made that same mistake. But Evan still came back. He broke down her walls, and maybe it’s time she used a sledgehammer to help finish the job.
“No one knows when they’ll fall in love,” Lola continues. “But when it happens, you must take it, grasp it with two hands, and trust it completely. There are no hard-set rules, no maps, no compass. Love is love and that’s all it needs to be.” Lola’s dark eyes crinkle when she smiles. “Are you in love with him?”
Dalisay nods, certain. Her father’s words ring true: Remember where you’re going. And it’s finally time she goes for Evan.
Pier 39 is more of an outdoor shopping mall than it is a pier. It almost reminds Dalisay of the markets in Manila, especially with how packed it is. The sun is bright, and the sky is blue, and she nervously smooths out the pleats of her skirt as she walks through the crowd. Ringing bells from the arcade and children’s laughter rise up against the honk of a tourist boat ready to depart. Seagulls call overhead and sea lions basking on the rocks below bark as if in response. The smell of fries and burgers overtakes the briny sea air, making her stomach growl. She forgot to eat anything today, spending way too much time deciding what to wear. Her anxiety always gets the better of her. She looks at every face, searching for the one that means the most to her, but so far she hasn’t seen Evan.
He’s late. Only by a few minutes, but still. He’s always punctual, especially with things that matter to him. She should have seen him by now. Anxiety coils in her gut. What if he decided not to come? What if he changed his mind about her? What if he came to his senses and realized she wasn’t the one for him? Too many good things have been happening. Oh no, she’s catastrophizing again—
Then, she sees him, and she can finally breathe.
He’s in line at the ice-cream vendor, smiling and talking to the cashier who hands him two cones, one cookie dough and the other, she notices with a smile, chocolate covered in sprinkles. He remembered her favorite.
Evan steps out of line and turns, only to look up and see her. His smile grows wider.
He dressed for the occasion, wearing an ironed pair of khakis, his usual blunnies, and a white, button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up his forearms. Her heart thumps and she doesn’t realize she’s smiling back until she puts her hands to her warm cheeks.
“Wild running into you here,” he says when he gets to her side. His eyes are bright as he hands over the sprinkled cone.
“What are the odds?” She takes a bite of ice cream, but she can’t take her eyes off Evan.
“To think I would have had to eat all this ice cream by myself. Good thing I ran into you.”
Dalisay can’t help but laugh as they walk together, side by side, along the pier. They don’t say anything, not while eating their ice cream, but Dalisay’s mind races. It’s been months since they’ve been together. Looking at Evan, her heart swells. He squints against the sun, his eyes landing on the sightseeing boat on the horizon, and he points out Alcatraz, the famous island prison, in the distance. But Dalisay only has eyes for him.
She manages to get her ice cream down to a manageable level without it dripping down her hand just as they reach the end of the pier and take a break to lean on the railing.
They both lean on the railing, standing in companionable silence. A seagull hops along the rail toward Evan, eyeing his ice-cream cone, and Evan turns away from the bird. “Don’t even think about it, mister.”
Dalisay doesn’t know where to start. It’s been so long since they’ve spoken. How can she possibly start over?
“How’s Tallulah?” she finally asks. She wishes she could have had a better opening line, but it’s the best she can think of.
Evan waves his elbow in the hungry seagull’s direction and says, “She’s good! She’s happy and healthy. That’s all I can ask for.”
“Good! That’s … really good.” Dalisay’s heart feels tight in her chest. Is she making this awkward? She tries not to blush as she notices she’s been tapping out a rhythm on her hips with her free hand this whole time. She sees Evan’s eyes dart down to look at her hip, and a smile lifts one corner of his mouth. She forces herself to stop. She knows it’s a nervous habit. God, she is so obvious.
“How’s Little Luis?” Evan asks after a long moment.
“Happy! He passed out almost instantly after getting home yesterday. You knocked your task out of the park. What happened at the zoo? You said something about you being banned?”
Evan bows his head and laughs. “Ah, yeah. I climbed a fence trying to get Little Luis’s balloon after he dropped it.”
“What!”
“I didn’t want people to think I was being a bad parent! You should have heard the way he was screaming. I had one job!”
Dalisay doubles over laughing. Tears gather at the corners of her eyes, and she wipes them away. She hasn’t laughed that hard in a long time and it aches in a good way. She’s glad to see Evan’s smiling too, despite himself. “You could have just gotten him a new one.”
“You know kids and balloons. To him, it was like losing a limb.”
“I’m not sure it was worth it,” Dalisay says, lips curling in amusement.
“Tell the zoo people that … Who even monitors lifetime bans anyway?”
When Dalisay and Evan dissolve into laughter again, imagining Evan’s face on a poster with an “x” through it at the zoo entrance, the seagull takes a stab at stealing Evan’s ice cream.
“Aha! Nice try, mister,” Evan says, holding it out of beak’s reach. The seagull flaps its wings, annoyed, and takes off.
Laughing together significantly lifts Dalisay’s mood, and any anxiety she might have had melts away. She’s happy, and for the first time in a long time, she can finally admit it.
“I liked your gifts,” she says.
“You did?”
“Didn’t throw a single one out. Except I think Lola used the map of Kyoto as wrapping paper.”
Evan barks out a laugh and Dalisay smiles. “How about the leche flan?”
“My mom said it was good.” Evan looks pleased at that. “I have to ask—the serenade. How did you rope Daniel into it?”
Evan’s cheeks go pink again. “Daniel and I … we’ve actually become friends.”
“Really? Since when?”
“A couple weeks ago. He apologized for what he did at the church, tricking me about ringing that bell at Mass and all, and I told him it was no big deal. Water under the bridge. He was the one who helped me practice for the serenade, telling me your favorite song. I admit, I was suspicious at first. I thought it was going to be another practical joke, but he was right, I think. Turned out good in the end.”
Dalisay can’t believe her brother’s been going behind her back to make things right and she didn’t even notice. He’s clearly improved his poker face.
“Those are my favorite kinds of endings,” Dalisay says slowly. “The good ones.”
Evan looks back at her, his eyes so hopeful it hurts. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Dalisay whispers.
“God, I’ve missed you,” he says.
Dalisay’s heart nearly stops. Hearing him say it is everything she’s wanted. She lets out a small breath. “Me too,” she says.
Evan turns to face her squarely, leaning on the railing. “I’ve been thinking about you. Nonstop. You’re the only person I want to be with. I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I never want to make you feel like that again.”
“I’m sorry too.” She pauses, wanting to say more, but not finding the words.
Evan’s eyes dance between hers, hope blooming there. He opens his mouth. “Dalisay, I—DUCK!”
Dalisay has just enough time to get down before the seagull dive-bombs for Evan’s ice cream. It’s a flurry of feathers and wings and Evan stumbles back, losing his footing, and falls to the boardwalk. The seagull screams in victory as it takes off across the water with its prize.
Passersby stare, dumbstruck, at what just unfolded in front of them. Evan sits on the pier, dazed, as if he’s not sure that just happened either.
“Oh my God! Are you okay?” Dalisay asks, rushing to Evan. She grabs his hand and hauls him back to his feet.
His curls stand up every which way and he looks shocked. “I can’t believe—Did you see that?”
Dalisay starts laughing, and eventually Evan joins in. His hand squeezes around hers. With a jolt, Dalisay realizes they’re still holding hands. Reflexively, she lets go and the second she does, she admonishes herself. She wants to hold his hand, she wants this, what they have right now. She tucks her hair behind her ear and ducks her head, hiding the blush creeping up her cheeks. Are they official? Is this stage five? Holding hands in public? Are they a couple again? But she wants to be sure, without any doubts, that Evan wants it too.
Evan smooths his hair back down, eyes skyward, and his laugh eases out. When he looks at her, his eyes are clear and steadfast.
“When I was in Rome, I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” he says. “Everywhere I went, I would have this urge to point things out to you, but you weren’t there and that—that was the worst feeling. I don’t want to be apart from you. Not for another moment.”
A lump forms in Dalisay’s throat and she nods. “I’m sorry too. I handled everything so poorly, I—” He’s looking at her so earnestly, she drops her gaze to his chin. “When you said you thought about our future kids … it made me realize that you were already building a future with us in your mind, that you were serious about us, and I was so afraid of losing it that I panicked. I’m always worried that something horrible will happen that will take everything I care about away. Like what happened with my dad … I don’t let myself get what I want because I don’t want to lose it like I did him. And I ended up hurting you.”
Evan reaches out and brushes his thumb against her cheek, and only then does she realize she’s crying. His gentleness only makes more tears flow. She missed the way he touched her, and the way he could hold her and remind her everything was going to be okay. Slowly, she lifts her gaze to meet his eyes.
“Can we start over?” he asks.
Looking into those deep, dark eyes, she could fall straight into them. And when she nods, his chest rises and falls, like he’s finally able to breathe, and his shoulders drop with relief.
He brings her hand up to his mouth and kisses her knuckles.
“Remember what happened after the last time we first held hands in public?” she asks, her lips curling into an amused and naughty grin, despite her tears.
“They’ve got some pretty nice public restrooms here,” he says with a wink.
She shakes her head and snorts when she laughs too. This time they kiss in the sun.