Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Jack
Snow crunched beneath her boots as she approached the campfire I’d built for us.
A few breaths passed before she sank down beside me, the thick furs shifting under her weight.
Her body brushed mine, tentative at first, but then she snuggled close, resting her head on my shoulder.
“I’ve missed you, too,” she said softly, handing me a cup full of roasted chestnuts.
A smile curved my lips, heat rolling through me like wildfire.
“You remembered,” I said, popping a few into my mouth, the crunchy sweetness sending memories rippling through my mind: Sylvi and me as kids gorging on them every year during the winter festival, stuffed and happy as we laid on the snow in the middle of the maze, staring at the stars.
“I never forgot,” she murmured, plucking a few from the cup. The fire crackled as a breeze blew past, and the scent of woodsmoke mingled with her own—frost-kissed cinnamon and wild honey. I inhaled deeply, needing to make her a part of me, of my breath, my blood.
Without thought, I reached down and found her hand, threading my fingers through hers.
Her skin was cool from the air, but it warmed quickly against mine.
With our hands resting on her lap, I traced a slow circle over the inside of her wrist with my thumb.
Her pulse jumped, quickening beneath the pad of my skin, syncing with the beat of my heart.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, “for being distant.”
My breath caught. There was so much I wanted to say, but I could sense the tension radiating from her—things she needed to get off her chest, so I let her go first.
“I needed space,” she continued. “Not just from you, not really. Just…from everything. From the ache of losing command. From the fear that I’d lost myself with it. From the fact that without my uniform or badge, I feel less beside you.”
“I know how hard a blow this has been for you, Syl. Trust me. Gods, it’s cutting me up into pieces to see you like this,” I said, lowering my chin and pressing a kiss to the top of her head, my breath stirring the crown of her hair, my thumb still moving in slow strokes over her wrist. “That uniform…your title, neither of those things are representative of your value. Especially not in my eyes.”
She breathed deeply. “I understand why you didn’t stop Varik from relegating me to the wagon instead of letting me ride Eira.
I know you think I’ve been pissed at you all day, and maybe I have been a little angry with you, but truly, I’ve been angry with myself for allowing him to get under my skin.
You were protecting me. I can’t fault you for it. ”
A gust of wind rolled from the mountains, blowing strands of her hair loose from her braid. Sylvi shivered, curling into herself as she tucked into her cloak tighter.
I pressed a hand to the frozen ground, reaching with my will for tendrils of frost in the soil.
As if wrapping invisible fingers around the ice buried below us, I yanked it upward, the earth groaning softly as I raised a wall of ice half-curved around us like a sheltering wing.
The air stilled immediately, the wind blocked by the magic-crafted barrier, shielding us not just from the cold but from any prying eyes.
Within its cradle, the fire crackled more gently, and Sylvi’s body relaxed into mine.
My shoulders sagged, and I gritted my teeth against the dull ache spreading down my spine.
Since my magic had returned, I’d only used it to conjure Esmir.
Diving deeper into the well of my power had come with a bigger burn-back than I’d expected.
But I didn’t care about the cost of using my magic.
Sylvi felt incredible beside me—cuddled so close to me, her warmth bleeding into my side—I could’ve submerged myself in that nearness and died content.
Sensing my discomfort, she lifted her head off my shoulder, my body already missing her closeness. “Gods, Jack. You didn’t have to do that. You’re still healing.”
I stared into her eyes, our hands still joined. “My wounds are practically closed now. It’s mostly sensitive scar tissue. Nothing I can’t handle.”
She studied me for a heartbeat longer, then reached up and cupped my jaw. Her thumb brushed my cheek with a tenderness that made my chest ache, and I leaned into the touch like I’d been starved of her for too long—too godsdamned fucking long.
“I should’ve come to see you,” she said, a tear slipping down her cheek, catching the firelight like molten silver. “But…I guess, a part of me still feels guilty for what happened to you, and it hurt too much to see you in pain. I should’ve never gone into the Warrens after my brother.”
Her confession struck like a blade between my ribs, but I swallowed my questions and wiped her tear away with my thumb. “You can’t keep blaming yourself, Syl. I chose to kill those males; I chose to take the punishment. You didn’t cause any of that.”
She lowered her hand from my jaw, eyes drifting out toward the lake where fractured moonlight, slipping between the snow-heavy clouds, danced across the surface as if searching for answers beneath the ice. “I know I should’ve told you about my brother, but I was scared.”
“You don’t have to tell me anything now if you’re not ready.”
“I want to come clean, Jack. I hate keeping secrets from you. It burns like acid over my heart.” Taking a second to gather herself, she said, “Your mother didn’t just ask me to keep an eye on you or to convince you to marry the princess.
She hurled veiled threats against my family if I didn’t cooperate.
She linked my brother to the unrest. So, when I saw him leaving The Stag and heading to the Warrens, I panicked.
I needed to make sure she was wrong…” Her voice trembled.
“I didn’t stop to think about the danger or potential repercussions, I just went after him. ”
I took her chin and gently turned her face back to mine.
“We could spend the rest of our lives circling the guilt, but then what? You think I haven’t run the same scenario in my head hundreds of times?
If I’d just been honest with you from the start, we wouldn’t have fought in the maze, and you probably wouldn’t have gone to The Stag.
You wouldn’t have gone into the Warrens that night, and you wouldn’t have been attacked.
It eats at my insides knowing I could’ve prevented that.
But dwelling on what could’ve been done differently won’t change what happened.
You were hurt, and I don’t regret what I did—not the blood I spilled, not the lashes.
I’d do it again, a thousand times over if I had to, Syl. ”
She dropped her gaze. “You’re willing to risk so much for me…”
I tipped my forehead against hers. “Elskan mín, why are you so shocked that I’d ravage every godsdamned realm in Nordveld for you? You mean everything to me.”
She pulled back slightly, that unspoken magic in her eyes searching mine, seeking the truth of my words.
“Gods, Jack. You say things that make my entire body tremble, that tug at my soul with an unrelenting need for you. That tether anchored between us… the one we’ve ignored for far too long…
Ever since you returned, it’s grown tauter and savage, like a charged wire that’s ready to scorch us to oblivion.
” She pressed a hand to my heart. “Tell me you haven’t felt it too. ”
“I have,” I said, placing a hand over hers, my heart pounding so fiercely I could feel its beats through our hands. “It’s been pillaging through my soul.”
“Shouldn’t we be fully honest with each other, then? Because I need you to be open with me, Jack.”
“Ask me anything, Syl. I’m an open book for you.”
Taking her hand back, she said, “I want to know where you were those seven days. Because these secrets you’ve kept from me… The pain of being kept in the dark has crippled me.” A sob choked her throat, and it cracked my foundation in half.
I brushed a loose strand of hair behind her delicate ear, my gaze softening over her moist eyes.
“I didn’t tell you where I was, not because I didn’t trust you, or because I wanted to keep secrets from you, but because I wanted to protect you.
Because I knew if I told you the truth, I’d put you in a position where you would be forced to choose between the kingdom you serve or me, and I would never want to do that to you. ”
“What could possibly be that bad that I’d have to make such a choice?”
A mountain of anxiety pressed over my chest at the thought of telling her the truth, but honesty had been the pillar of our friendship, and I was not willing to shatter that trust anymore. “It’s me. I’m the mole. I’m the one who warned Prince Nicholas about the attack on the southern border.”
She pulled her shoulders back, spine going rigid as she stared at me in disbelief.
I knew her scrutiny would sear through my chest, I just didn’t know how bad it would burn.
A fissure ran the length of my heart, but I was done hiding the truth from her.
It was time she knew the whole story, even if it meant she might turn from me.
“My mother sent the leopards into the Christmas village as a distraction, a decoy. That’s why I left with a small troop of soldiers, under the guise of scouting for threats, but truly, I went to warn Claus.
“The brutal storm my mother unleashed served as the perfect cover, but unfortunately, it claimed the lives of those soldiers. By the time I reached the Christmas village, the prince had already chased the leopards back into the woods, where he was attacked. He killed them, but not before sustaining serious wounds himself. He would’ve died in the storm if I hadn’t helped him and an elf female who was with him.
I told them about the southern approach, but I also tipped off the king and the Crimson Guard about the attack.
And I used my magic to temper the storm so the prince could climb the summit and find the artifact. ”