Chapter 18 #3
“Settle down,” he orders, so I spit at him again. “You won’t win this fight, little warrior,” he says as we get outside and I breathe in the fresh air around me while he walks to the black car. “Cowards don’t survive what you did. Stop screaming and be brave.”
I stare at him, and do as he says while trying to make sense of this all.
What would happen to me after the hospital, and would I be able to keep my word to my mom?
On that day, I prayed to Thor to protect me from John, and he listened to my prayers.
In more ways than I expected.
Because I found my family.
From the little nobody who everyone called a useless piece of shit, I became Levante Lachlan Scott, the son of Lachlan and Valencia Scott, who accepted me with open arms and surrounded me with so much love, I never thought it was possible.
They withstood my nightmares, my difficult character, and even my silence for almost a year as I refused to speak, no matter what.
They hired the best doctors, psychologists, and teachers, giving me everything I needed to thrive.
Above everything else, they also gave me the greatest gift of all.
My sister.
Aileen became my light in the dark and a true soulmate as she represented everything kind and pure in this world.
A part that was forever stolen from me, so I always wanted to protect her and keep her in this perfect bubble no one could burst.
Until the man who saved me once upon a time kidnapped her and smeared her in darkness, thus endangering her life as it brought the attention of the monster on us.
So I decided to take his sister instead, because Lavender represented the Wrights’ innocence. Except my plan backfired.
She became mine, and I will never allow anyone to harm her.
The monsters from my past included.
Lavender
I sit on the couch, gripping the cushion hard, and watch the hands on the watch move painfully slow while thousands of thoughts rush through my mind. “I’m so sorry,” I tell Phoenix, who sits in front of me. “I’ve been silent for the past thirty minutes.”
“Our sessions are your time, Lavender. You can spend them however you want, even by being silent for the entirety of it.”
“Right.” Since she always wears unreadable expressions during our sessions, which is not surprising for a professional of her caliber, I lean back on the couch and exhale heavily. “I know I missed a few of our sessions lately.”
More like most of them. I kept canceling on this woman, and she didn’t rat me out to my brothers. They made me promise again that I would continue seeing Phoenix, and I agreed.
“I’ve been…seeing someone for the past month.”
Although I’m not sure using the words "seeing someone" fits with whatever I have with Levi.
“It’s a complicated fling.” I cover my burning cheeks, needing to get this out because I have no one to discuss it with.
My online buddy Lev doesn’t count, and he wasn’t much help either.
He just encouraged me to explore my sexuality and not think about the consequences before he disappeared, as he claimed he had to travel somewhere where there is no cellular connection.
What kind of advice is this to an anxiety-ridden person like me?
“What’s complicated about it?”
“Everything.”
All our moments flash in my head, and no matter how much I beg myself to look away, I can’t.
Glancing down, I grip the cushion tighter and gather all the courage to speak because I need some clarity in my confused and exhausted mind.
“We’ve been having this secret affair for the past month, and it was…
great, actually.” A nervous laugh escapes me.
“He’d come to see me every day, arrange amazing dates where no one could see us, or find all these antique things that matched my interests. ”
I still can’t believe he found one of the first editions of the Norse mythology and gave it to me right before taking me to a botanical garden filled with lavender, orchids, and roses, along with butterflies, creating a magical atmosphere all around us.
He always came up with original ideas for our dates, and I never knew what to expect from him. He even took me on a weekend-long stay in Paris, showing me the city where he grew up, since Valencia used to teach ballet there as well. I’d never been to France or Europe, so I loved exploring it.
No matter how much I claimed we should keep it purely sexual, he wouldn’t listen even though all our encounters ended with me having an orgasm. I was learning something new about my body while indulging in all my deepest desires.
He seemed to exist in my starved-for-attention mind and pull out all my fantasies from it, building a cocoon around us where only sensual needs remained, ruling me while shutting up common sense and my heart screaming to escape this madness that would have catastrophic consequences for me.
“I feel like I want him all the damn time.” I raise my eyes to Dr. King, who writes something in her notepad. “And I can’t help it. I even researched online if you can be obsessed with sex.”
She smiles. “You’re a young, healthy woman who just started to discover her sexuality. It’s normal to want sex, especially with the man you’re attracted to and who seems to be very good to you.”
“That’s exactly the problem.”
I expect her to ask me another question, but she nods, finally saying the truth that I tried to run away from so hard. “Sex is not enough anymore.”
Was it ever really?
Sometimes I think I’ve fallen down the abyss from which there is no escape, and I’m falling, falling deeper into the unknown, where the only constant is Levi.
Levi, who makes me wish for things that are impossible for us.
“It’s selfish and wrong to want to be with him. For all I know, he’s like this with all his women.” Levi never gave me any indication that he looked elsewhere, and he was very clear from the start that, as long as our arrangement lasts…we are exclusive. “He’s a gentleman.”
A bit obsessive and possessive, all things considered, but still a gentleman who respects women, and maybe that’s why they all find him charming and adore him.
I can’t even blame them or him.
“Why is it selfish?”
Here it comes.
“I’m older than him.” I swallow and hold her gaze, wanting to see her expression when I drop this news on her.
“He’s twenty. Almost twenty-one. I think.
” Her expression remains neutral, and I quickly add, like the idiot that I am, “It’s not Wyatt or Ian.
” I realize how dumb it sounds since they are younger than Levi anyway.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought them up.
I just wanted you to know it’s not one of your sons. ”
Amusement fills her eyes. “If it were one of my sons, you would have never spoken to me about it.” My cheeks flush harder because busted. “Besides, my sons are adults who can decide with whom they want to be. It would have been none of my business either way.”
“Really?”
“Yes. That’s part of good parenting. Knowing when to let go so they can make their own choices and mistakes.” She cocks her head to the side. “Let’s go back to you and this mysterious young man. Is his age the only issue?”
I shake my head. “No. He’s very smart and intelligent.
We share so many interests. I never knew talking to someone could make me feel so…
seen.” Which is part of the problem, as it intensifies my attraction.
“He’s handsome, wealthy, and will likely achieve great things.
He deserves the best of the best, and I’m not even sure why he’s attracted to me.
” I tap my cheek. “He doesn’t seem to see the scars, but I do.
We’re like Beauty and the Beast, but I’m the Beast in this scenario.
When I’m with him, I can pretend I’m someone else.
The reality always comes back, though, and shows me we are miles apart,” I finish lamely, looking out the window and sighing.
“There is no future for us, and I got my heart involved in this. Sometimes I think I’m still a teenager on the verge of her first heartbreak, except I’m not.
” A tear slides down my scarred cheek, and I wipe it away.
“My life was stolen from me, and no matter how much I wish to get my wasted years back…I can’t. And it’s unfair.”
“Life rarely is.”
I snag the tissues from the box in front of me and wipe my nose.
“He will grow tired of me and find someone else, so I should end it now before it destroys me. That’s why I wanted to keep it purely sexual, but he turned it into so much more.
He even introduced me to all his friends despite my protests. ”
He’d bring me to the club on weekends, where all kinds of mayhem happened, and the guys would be there, sharing some funny stories or acting wicked with women.
Well, everyone sans Wyatt. For all the reputation he has, I have yet to see him seduce or pay attention to anyone.
He’s probably too busy trying to destroy Aurelia’s life because I have to watch her like a hawk at the library, where he regularly comes to drive her crazy with his demands and sharp remarks.
They both refuse to talk about the auction night as well, so it’s a strange situation all around.
All in all, his friends are cool with us, and Kane is hilarious once you get to know him better. They never made me feel as if whatever we have is weird.
And they are good at keeping their mouths shut.
I invited Scarlett to a few of our outings, but she couldn’t come to them because she had to go back to her hometown to deal with her past.
“He sounds like a man on a mission.”
“Yes, on a mission to break my heart.”
“Why can’t you just trust him and explore the attraction out in the open?”
How can I explain this next part without telling her who it is?
“We are in the same circles. If my brothers found out, it would be a disaster.”