Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
“The right family is a powerful fortress that will protect you from all the evil this world has to offer.
My parents gave me everything.
From a starved child who had to survive, I became a prince loved and cherished by everyone.
Except…
I was born in evilness, and pain.
And as such, I could never grow up to be anything but a villain.”
Levi
Lavender
“What are you doing?” he grits through his teeth, sliding his hand out from underneath mine on the phone and stepping away from me as thunder shakes the sky.
The complete darkness outside creates an illusion of solitude, like we are the only ones left on this world and, for once, I welcome it.
Because maybe in this darkness we can uncover all our vices, secrets, and vulnerabilities without being afraid that the other will exploit it.
“I don’t want to go anywhere,” I say, and confusion fills his eyes that have the power to consume me with their gaze alone. Their depth is akin to the swirling ocean during a storm that everyone warns you to stay away from but it’s so beautiful you just can’t. “I want to stay.”
“You want to stay,” he repeats, crossing his arms while his voice turns cold and almost mocking, but it doesn’t scare me. Because beneath the mocking, I hear traces of disbelief. “You couldn’t wait to get away from me earlier.”
Lifting my chin, I reply and mimic his posture as another thunder booms. “I changed my mind.”
A sinister smile curves his mouth. It doesn’t reach his eyes and his face darkness.
“Is that so? So what’s the plan, darling?
You want to distract me with your good graces until you can call your brothers so they would beat the shit out of me?
” He cocks his head to the side, the pitch of his tone laced with distain.
“It can be arranged without you sacrificing your dignity.”
“I’m not your darling. Don’t call me that,” I reply sweetly, and his brow furrows as he watches me rub myself with the towel, sweeping his gaze over me, and the muscle on his cheek twitches.
While I’m annoyed the stubborn man chose to act like an asshole to me in order to chase me away, I understand all of this is just an act to protect himself from yet another disappointment in his life.
Just like a wild, caged animal that has been bruised and abused for years who lashes out and prefers to attack before anyone can get close and potentially destroy it.
“What are you to me then?”
Such a simple question and yet so difficult to answer because despite being attached at the hip for the past month, I never allowed him to put any label on us or ever agreed to him calling me his.
In fact, in the quest to shield myself from heartbreak, all I did was reject his claim on me even though he was exactly what I needed.
I could have never chosen some good guy living on the straight and narrow because the men in my family are vastly different.
Protection, possessiveness, obsessions, and absolute devotion go hand in hand for them all, so why did I expect anything else from Levi?
That’s what subconsciously attracted me to him—he isn’t a dashing prince who lived in a fairytale, oh no.
He’s a handsome villain who survived hell, and that experience makes him crave my tortured soul, for his is exactly the same.
From the very beginning I dished out obstacles after obstacles and he managed to demolish them all, although I still refused to see this as anything serious.
Because if I admitted it was serious then Levi had the power to hurt me, and I didn’t think I could withstand being hurt again.
I’m stronger than I think and this strength allows me to seep bravery from it and face his demons that now create obstacles in my path.
“I’d say I’m your girlfriend, but that sounds a bit odd to me.
The term doesn’t fit our dynamic.” I throw the towel on the chair and flip my locks over my shoulder while the light wind from the AC billows my dress backward.
“So I’m your woman and the only thing you can call me is either mine or moy cvetochek.
Darling is too generic for my liking, that’s what you call everyone besides me. ”
This shouldn’t surprise him since we both discovered I thrive in praise and attention, so feeling special is a part of that equation.
I notice a bowl of strawberries on the table and go to it, snatching one up and groaning at the sweet taste, his gaze turning brooding right away. “Delicious.”
“Lavender.”
“Yes, Levi?”
“Get out and go home. We’re done.”
Despite his harsh tone, he sounds disturbed himself for even uttering these words, and hiding my smile, I take another strawberry and eat it.
“Why would I do that? It’ll just cause unnecessarily complications for you.
” By his deepening frown I understand he’s confused as fuck with me right now.
“You’ll still have to stalk me from afar, so why create this distance between us?
You can stare at all this,” I sweep my hand up and down my form, “up close and without having to worry about that piece of shit.”
Warmth washes over me as an idea flashes in my head so quickly, I say it out loud before I can stop myself.
“Do you think we can use your obsessive tendencies as foreplay? You can watch me from the screen getting off to the thought of you. Just like you taught me.” I sigh.
“Although I think I’d miss you too much to enjoy it.
” I wave my hand. “No, scratch that, and besides, I think I still should find this whole thing disturbing. So no more cameras in my bedroom or during my sessions with Dr. Phoenix.”
I know there is nothing normal about our relationship, and I would tell any other woman to run away from a man like that, but I don’t want to.
Levi would never hurt me, and after being left alone for such a long time…it’s comforting to know that I’m never really alone even when he’s not physically around.
I should probably discuss this at my next session with Dr. King. She knows a thing or two about having unconventional relationships after all.
Her husband used to be her worst enemy who once ruined her life.
Levi starts to walk toward me, so I meet him halfway, polishing off another strawberry as the juice trickles down my chin and his gaze instantly zeroes in on it.
“So that’s what pity feels like.” I blink at this and gasp when he palms my cheeks and flicks his tongue over my chin.
“Now that you know my life story and it moved you so much, your empathy and kindness couldn’t handle it.
You feel like you should be the one to save me and show me that there is goodness in this world. ”
He tips my chin upward, self-loathing coating his every word and stabbing invisible knives all over my heart that still bleeds for the little boy he used to be.
“Do not feel sorry for me, Lavender. My past will never excuse any of my actions in the present. Don’t try to find justification for them or convince yourself that you have to be stuck with me due to my vices that stalk your every move.
There is nothing sane about me and I’m the kind of man everyone warns you about. ”
He takes my hand and places it above his heart.
“Do you feel this? It beats only to pump blood in my veins. I have no idea what it is like to love someone, and probably never will. All these fairytale stories about princes and princesses? You can forget about them. There is nothing magical about my feelings for you. They are violent and obsessive and if you let me, I might suffocate you with them. I’d never clip your wings and let you explore this world, but only if I’m by your side.
There would be no escaping my madness, and I won’t rest until I own every inch of you. ”
We stare at one another for a second and he wipes away the single tear trailing down my cheek with his thumb as his voice becomes softer, albeit still harsh.
“The monster will not turn into a prince with the right kind of love. He’ll stay forever cursed.
” He kisses me on my forehead and steps away. “Now go.”
Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I hold back the tears threatening to escape because I understand this is not what he needs right now from me.
Levi doesn’t want my tears, as to him they speak about unhappiness and sacrifices. He probably spent first six years of his life watching his mother suffer, and the idea of putting another woman through that makes him rebel.
“I’m not a princess.” I grab his belt buckle, halting his movements and putting my palm back on his chest. Despite the steady drumming, I feel his scarred flesh through the thin shirt and the moonlight mixing with dim lights changes the atmosphere all around us, charging it with heat and tension.
This handsome and complicated man reminds me of the warrior who survived countless battles. Except these battles convinced him he’s damaged and not deserving of any good feelings that are willingly offered once people learn his true nature.
He destroyed the boy he once was in order to become the man he is today, but his soul still weeps, desperately wishing to find unconditional acceptance so he’d finally feel like he has his rightful place.
The Scotts gave him everything, however, he probably believes that they might have been disappointed once they learn the whole truth about him.
I know they would love him no matter what but still, he won’t be able to share his nightmares with them because he wouldn’t want to hurt them.
That’s okay.
From now on, I’ll be his safe haven just like he is mine.
“I’m not a princess,” I repeat. “I think to be a princess you have to have a certain naivety and innocence about life.”
“You are one to me.”
His reply is the root of our problem.
My inexperience and past convinced him he corrupted my mind.