Chapter 35 Sienna
Sienna
Dreams of Zander kept me entertained through the night, and I was already buzzing to see him by the time Zoey woke me. I couldn’t wait for the afternoon to roll around so we could visit him again.
Getting up with a yawn and a stretch, I pull my pajama shorts down so I’m not exposing the curve of my butt and head into the hallway. Russell has already collected Zoey from her crib and is dancing around the kitchen singing with her in his arms.
She’s giggling, resting her head on his shoulder and looking all kinds of cute with her messy bed hair. Her pink-and-purple dinosaur pajamas just add to the whole effect, and my heart blooms with affection.
Until Russell murmurs, “Dada’s gonna make you pancakes, okay?”
“Pancakes!”
“Hey, nicely said. You’re getting so good with your words, honey. Dada’s proud of you.”
Zoey smiles at him while my stomach twists into a tight knot.
“Morning, Uncle Rusty.” I enunciate his name with more clarity than I ever have, giving him a tight smile as I breeze into the kitchen and speak to my daughter. “Is Uncle Rusty going to make you pancakes?”
“Yeah. Unca Russy.” She rests her head on his shoulder again, and now my stomach is trembling.
At least she got his name right, though.
I’m really not loving his Dada bullshit, and I need to shut that down.
But that might naturally happen now that her real father is becoming a part of her life again.
“Pancakes, pancakes!” Zoey bobs in Russell’s arms.
My roommate winks at me, passing Zoey over before pulling ingredients out of the pantry.
“How was the game last night?” I ask as Zoey wriggles out of my arms.
I place her on the ground, and she runs to the toys she was playing with before bedtime. The plastic dolls and animals bump together as she pulls them out of the toy box and sets up an imaginary scene.
Keeping my eyes on her, I half listen to his rundown of the hockey team’s away game.
They lost, unfortunately, and his recount gets a little snippy.
“If they’d done it like I told them to at practice…” He shakes his head.
I flash him a quick grin. “That’s not always possible. You never know what the other team is going to do, and they have to respond in the moment.”
“Yeah, but I still think Bergeron is too soft on them. If I was head coach, I’d run a much tighter ship.”
I raise my eyebrows, wondering what the players think of that. He probably hasn’t said anything, but I can imagine he doesn’t mind acting like head coach sometimes, and for a guy who’s only a few years older than the senior players, I can’t see that going over too well.
“If the players would just respect what I have to say a little more, then we wouldn’t have had those screwups yesterday.” He tuts. “I’ll be having a word with them at practice tomorrow.”
I nod and figure changing the subject to something more upbeat is a better way to lead into my news.
Cracking an egg into the bowl, I wait for him to add the milk, then start whisking them together. He sifts the flour, sugar, salt, and baking powder into a separate bowl while I worry my lip.
“So, what did you guys get up to while I was away? You cope okay without me?”
I laugh at his little wink and assure him. “We were fine.”
“Foobawl!” Zoey calls from her spot on the floor.
Whipping my head to look at her, I bulge my eyes with a silent “be quiet!” but she’s two! It’s not like she can read my mind.
“You played football?” Russell laughs. “How? We don’t even own one.” Then he glances at me, his eyebrows dipping together. “You didn’t buy her a football, did you? You know I want her to play hockey.”
There goes my stomach, twisting all over again.
“That’d be up to her.” I give him a firm look. “She can play whatever sport she wants.”
“Yeah, just not football.” His frown deepens. “Thank God she’s a girl.”
I can’t help a soft scoff. “Girls can play football if they want to.”
He snickers and shakes his head. “You’re so cute.”
Oh yeah? Well, I’m quickly feeling very un-cute and starting to get pissed at your sexist ass!
I wish I could say that to him, but I bite my lips together and hold it all in. I’m trying to keep things calm and light so I can tell him I’m back together with a man he hates for hurting me.
And yes, I appreciate that. But Zander and I have worked it out now, and he’s not going to hurt me again. Just like I won’t hurt him.
We’re moving forward, and it’d be unfair not to let Russell know.
“So, um…” I push my big toe into the kitchen floor and gaze down at my purple nail polish while butter sizzles in the frying pan and Russell gets ready to pour the pancake mixture.
“So, um, what?” He forms a beautifully round pancake before turning to me with an affectionate smile. “You missed me, didn’t you?”
“I…” Before I can even reply, he moves into my space, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me close.
To say I feel kind of vulnerable in my skimpy shoestring pajama top is an understatement.
I pull the neckline up to cover my boobs a little better and rest my hand on his chest, lightly pushing him away.
He doesn’t seem to notice. He’s too busy staring down at my face while I try to avoid direct eye contact. “I really missed you too. I know I’m going to hate every away game. I mean, I was even wondering if I can arrange for you guys to come next time, you know?”
“I… um… I wouldn’t want to disrupt your routine. Or Zoey’s,” I quickly add, lightly nudging him back. “Is the pancake ready to flip?”
He glances over his shoulder. “Not quite yet.”
My subtle attempts to get him off me aren’t working, and I force another smile, wishing he’d let me go but not wanting to hurt his feelings either.
Ugh. The look on his face right now.
He seriously did miss me, and I’m suddenly super worried that it’s in a very different way than I will ever miss him.
“Russell…” I let out a breath.
“Sienna,” he whispers, leaning in like he’s going to kiss me.
“Pancake!” I jerk away from him, lurching out of his arms and grabbing the spatula off the bench. “It’s ready for flipping.” My voice is high, my laughter deranged as I shove the spatula under the pancake and totally break it.
“It’s not quite ready.” Russell leans in behind me, wrapping his fingers around mine and helping me flip it.
Shit. This is bad.
You need to say something!
His breath skims my neck, and I lean away from him, glancing over my shoulder and inwardly shuddering at the affectionate glint in his eye. Until his eyebrows pucker and he reaches for my pajama top.
I slap my hand over the neckline, but he flicks my fingers away, hooking his finger into the fabric and pulling it to the side.
“What’s that?” He slowly spins me around so he can look at my skin. “Is that…?” His lips flatline, his eyes hardening as he stares at the top of my breast, obviously confused. “Is that a hickey?”
“Um.” I glance down at Zander’s mark and quickly cover it back up.
“Who gave you a hickey?”
“What’s hickee?” Zoey wanders into the room with a plastic elephant in one hand and a curious look on her face.
“Uh… nothing.” I jerk my eyes to Russell, who glares right back at me. “Does Mr. Elephant need a friend?” I point at the toy in her hand. “Why don’t you see if you can line up five animals for me?” I hold up my hand, wiggling my fingers and desperately trying to buy myself some time.
Zoey looks at her fingers and wiggles them, then nods. “Five amimals. ’Kay.” With a little skip, she hurries back to her toys and gets to work.
She’s still only just learning to count, so it might take her a minute. That’s all I can hope.
“Russell.” I turn to my roommate.
He’s standing at the stove, smacking the first pancake onto the plate with a growl. “Who gave you that, Sienna?”
“Look, I planned to talk to you about this today.”
“Sienna, who?” He spins, his agitated glare making me shrink away from him.
I look to the floor and softly mumble, “Zander.”
There’s an awful, ugly pause that makes my skin prickle before he seethes, “What?”
Clearing my throat, I lift my chin and try to appear braver than I feel. I knew he was going to hate this, but his expression right now is making me queasy. “Zander and I worked things out.”
“What the fuck?” His anger is being overridden by this horrified confusion. “You can’t be serious.”
“He came over on Friday, and we had a long talk. We managed to clear the air on a lot of things, and…” My lips twitch as my insides turn just a little mushy. “And now we’re back together.”
“Here?” Russell points to the floor. “He came here? To my house?”
“Well, I mean—”
“He gave you that in my house!” He points at my chest.
I place my hand over my cotton shirt, pressing it close to my skin.
“You had sex with him, didn’t you?” Throwing the spatula into the sink, Russell leans against the counter like he needs support.
I swallow and struggle to figure out how I’m going to smooth things over.
Spinning back around, he gives me an incredulous glare and raises his voice a little higher. “I can’t believe you had sex with that prick in my house!”
“Russell, please.” I raise my hand, glancing into the living room to make sure Zoey’s okay. She’s looking our way, obviously confused by the fact that one of her favorite people is so angry.
I spin back to try and placate him. “This is a good thing. I know you’re mad about the way he treated me, but he’s apologized. We’ve talked it through. He’s explained what a mess he was and how out of control things got. He was missing me and—”
“Whatever,” Russell scoffs. “Missing you? Are you fucking kidding me?”
I close my eyes with a sigh. “He wants to make up for the lost time, and… I want that too. He’s the love of my life.”
“Why?” Russell looks disgusted by the very idea. “The guy completely betrayed you. I can’t believe you’re even willing to trust him again. He’s gonna hurt you. He’ll cheat on you or he’ll leave you, or something will happen that will break your heart all over again, and I can’t watch that happen.”