Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
JAXON/JAX
Now
One Week Before The Wedding
Old Debts & Empty Toasts
Some victories don’t deserve a drink. I pour one anyway.
Isit down in one of Greg Hemings’ office chairs that’s across from his desk. “Thanks for making time for me today.”
“We’re old friends, Jaxon. You’re welcome anytime.” He moves his keyboard off to the side. “I’m assuming since you have that solemn look on your face, you haven’t found the people responsible for Livianna’s accident.”
“No, that’s incorrect.” I can’t tell him my expression is about the loss I have over losing her, so I force a grin on my face. “My team has taken care of everything.”
“Everything?”
“Yes, everything.” I rest my ankle over the top of my knee. “We’re even now.”
“Very good.” He gestures to a bar area. “Would you like a celebratory pour?”
“Sure. Why not?”
Greg pushes back from his desk and crosses to the bar, pulling the stopper from a decanter of aged scotch. He pours two fingers into each glass, lifts both, and returns.
He sets one on the edge of the desk in front of me and settles back into his chair with the other. I reach forward and take the glass.
Greg sets his drink down and places his forearms on his desk. “I won’t ask for names.”
“Good.” I hold the scotch, resting it on the arm of the chair. “Names wouldn’t serve you.”
He nods. “What about the police? Is there anything that circles back?”
“Nothing circles back.” I let a beat pass. “I used the same resource I gave you years ago. You know how thorough and private he is.”
Greg leans back. “And the people directly responsible?”
“Are no longer a consideration.” I relax, enjoying a smooth sip of amber distraction. “Greg, the further you stay from the specifics, the cleaner your position stays. That’s not deflection. That’s the only advice that serves you.”
“I understand.” He dips his chin. “I’ve spent my whole career knowing when to stop digging up information.”
“Then you already understand everything I’ve told you.”
He exhales, and his shoulders drop a fraction.
Greg peers up from his desk. “Are you planning to attend the wedding next weekend?”
The question hits deep in my soul, and my entire body aches. I take one slow breath and let it settle without hurry.
“I haven’t committed yet.” I run my free hand over my heart. “My schedule has been complicated.”
“Of course. I know you’ve had a lot going on. Livianna would be grateful to see you there, though. You’re a significant part of her world.”
The present tense of that is its own kind of cruelty, and I absorb it the way I absorb all the things I can’t say in this room.
“She has everything she needs.” I turn the glass in a slow circle on the armrest. “The business is solid and her team is strong.”
“Thanks to you.” He glances toward the window, then brings his attention back to me. “You put her back in line after she forgot everything. She would’ve lost it all if it weren’t for you.”
“She would’ve done well without me. I just made sure she had someone there who knew what she was striving for, but she would’ve gotten there without me.”
Greg studies me for a beat, and then his assistant breaks through on his intercom. “Mr. Hemings, Livianna is here to see you.”
“Great. Send her in.” He stands and strides toward the door.
Greg pulls it open. Livianna steps through, and I rise from the chair.
God, she gets more beautiful every time I see her.
“Hi, Daddy.” She crosses to Greg and wraps her arms around him. He pulls her in as if his greatest relief is always this.
I wait with my hands at my sides.
“Jaxon.” She turns to me and takes me into a hug the way she always has: easy, warm, and completely unaware of what it costs me to embrace her back.
I hold on one beat longer than I should.
She pulls back, and color rises to her cheeks. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and takes half a step to the side, putting a more appropriate distance between us. Her gaze moves between Greg and me with the curiosity she’s always carried.
“Am I interrupting? Are you two in the middle of a meeting, or are you buying another house, Jaxon?”
“Wrapping up old business.” Greg places a hand on her shoulder. “Nothing that needed more time than we gave it.”
She glances between us again. “Yeah, you two probably went over it, then did it again just to be sure you’ve covered your bases.”
“That’s right.” I show her a kind smile while trying to hide the knife in my heart. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m a complete wreck, but I’ve never been happier in my life.” She releases a laugh. “It doesn’t make any sense, but that’s where I am.”
Of course she answered that way, but I meant physically, secretly praying she’ll finally say she’s starting to remember us.
“It makes perfect sense, darling.” Greg squeezes her shoulder.
“I still haven’t received your RSVP, Jaxon.” She turns back to me. “Are you coming to the wedding?”
There’s that damn question again. Spoken this time by the only person whose version of it I have no armor for, and no thirty-eight years of discipline to fall back on.
“My schedule is pretty complicated.” I slide my hands into my pockets, afraid I’ll reach out and shake her into remembering. “I haven’t been able to commit.”
The brightness doesn’t leave her eyes, but the moisture that gathers at their edges is visible and precise.
Shit.
She’s going to cry, and it undoes me completely.
“I would really love for you to be there, Jaxon.” She blinks her tears back, pressing her lips together for a beat. “It would mean a great deal to me.”
Greg clears his throat and steps forward from her side. “Jaxon, you’ve been a part of this family’s life for a long time. The people on that beach next weekend will be the people who matter most to Livianna. I think you belong in that group.”
I stand between both of them and hold the weight of what they’re asking me to do. Attend the wedding of the woman I love. Sit in a chair and watch her stroll down an aisle toward someone else. Smile when the minister reaches the part I would’ve given everything to be standing at the front for.
“Please, Jaxon.” She inches toward me. “Is there any way you can change your schedule around?”
Greg leans against the edge of the desk. “Jaxon, you can clearly see how much this means to her. Maybe this one time you could acquiesce.”
Livianna stays quiet before me. Her big blue eyes plead with me.
All my strength falls away, knowing I’d do anything for her. Even this. “I’ll make it work.”
“Thank you, Jaxon.” Livianna makes a sound between a breath and a laugh. She closes the distance and throws her arms up around my neck, and it’s not like the first hug.
The first hug, I had my discipline in place. I knew what was coming. I had built the appropriate walls and held them. This hug has none of those walls.
Her perfume reaches me the moment she’s close enough to hold. It’s the one she wore before she was mine, but the same warmth flows throughout my body.
“You’re welcome, Livianna.” My heart tumbles out of my chest and gets speared by her red stiletto heels, as I realize she’s doing this because she wants me to witness her getting married.
I close my arms around her before I’ve finished deciding if I should or not. She squeezes me, and the full calculation of what I’ve just agreed to moves through me in one long wave.
The months since the accident. The years before it. The version of this I’ve been carrying since I stood on Greg’s deck and watched Cash put a ring on her finger.
She marries Cash in six days, and I just agreed to be there for it. To sit in the sand and arrange my face into the expression of a man who’s only glad to be included when inside I’m dying a slow, miserable death.
I pull back first. “I should get going. Natalie’s been texting me nonstop this morning.”
“Glad to hear you’ll be there, Jaxon.” Greg steps forward and extends his hand.
I take it and shake once, clean and brief.
“Thank you, Jaxon.” Livianna brings her hands together in front of her, and the smile she gives me is the one that has always reached further than it has any right to. “It means more than I can say.”
“Then I’m glad I lifted your spirits.” I nod to Greg and Livianna, then cross to the office door.
“And don’t worry about signing the NDA I sent with it. I trust you with the information.” She steps forward and squeezes my forearm.
“I’ll sign it. Everyone else has to, and I’m no exception.” I flash her a quick grin.
“Jaxon always plays by the rules, Livianna.” He gives me a look. It’s the one that says play along.
“That’s me, a rule-follower.” I turn to the door.
“Somehow, I find that hard to believe.” She rushes before me and opens the door. “If it makes you feel better to sign it, then you can send it to my dad. I don’t need it.”
“Do what works for you, Jaxon.” Greg joins Livianna by her side. “We both know you’re not one to leak sensitive information.”
“Right.” My throat tightens. “I keep most things close to the vest.”
I leave with a good mind to have someone punch some sense back into me. There’s no way I can go to their wedding. I won’t be able to sit and experience losing her all over again. I’ll end up standing when the officiant asks for objections.
How do I get out of this?
Then
Livianna skips into the kitchen of my penthouse in Paris. “Good morning, sexy.”
“What have you done with my girlfriend?” I drag my gaze to the coffeepot.
She glances at it and laughs. “Hey, I can be nice before coffee.”
“I’m not sure you can.” I reach for the second mug, fill it from the machine, and set it on the black marble between us. “Someone might be telling a little white lie.”
She giggles. “Why would you think that?”
The shirt she’s wearing is mine. The white board-meeting one from the left side of the closet, collar slipping from her shoulder, hem landing mid-thigh.
She’s standing in the center of the kitchen barefoot, with the early light from the window finding the silver in the marble and turning the entire room into something worth standing still in.
“I didn’t make the coffee, Livianna.”
“Maybe your chef did.”
“She’s not here. I gave her the weekend off.”
Livianna takes her cup and prepares it how she likes it. “Looks like I’m busted.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” I take a sip of my hot coffee.
“Well, you could always punish me if you felt the need.” She blows on her coffee with her seductive eyes shining my way.
“Tempting.” I place my mug down and stalk toward her. “And you’re wearing my shirt.”
“You like it when I do.” She licks her lips, wiping away a drop of her drink.
“True.” I close the space between us.
“Are you going to do something about it?”
“Your antics are a consistent source of entertainment for me.” I take her cup and set it on the counter behind her, removing the only obstacle between us.
“Entertainment.” She sends me a sinful smile. “Is that really the word you’d use?”
“I have better ones.” I rest both hands on the counter on either side of her.
“You’re making a very convincing argument.” She sets her palms flat against my chest. “But I still want my coffee.”
“Mon trésor.” I bring my mouth to her ear. “The coffee is too hot.”
She curls both hands around my forearms. “Then it can cool off.”
I pull her in by the sides of the shirt. She tilts her head up, and the collar slips farther from her shoulder.
“You’re beautiful.” I graze my lips along her temple and cheek. “Now tell me how long you’ve been awake, and why you pretended to be asleep when I got out of bed.”
“That’s a surprise.” She turns her face toward me and gives me a quick peck.
“You know I hate surprises.”
“Yeah, but this one is good.”
“Define good.” I pull her closer.
“Good, as in you’ll like it.” She presses against my chest, keeping the space between us. “You trust me, don’t you?”
“More than anyone.” I close the distance she’s maintaining. “Now tell me about this thing you’re planning.”
“My planning is excellent.” She gazes up at me. “And you could stand to be surprised once in a while.”
“Tell me what it is.” I bring one hand to her cheek.
“Absolutely not.” She pushes her face slightly into my palm, then catches herself and pulls back to neutral. “That’s the whole point of a surprise, Jaxon.”
She does that sometimes. Opens toward me before she’s decided to, then pulls back before I can count it as a gift. It’s the most honest version of her, the fraction of a second before her composure reasserts itself.
From the very first time she graced this apartment with her presence, I’ve been collecting these precious moments, a silent tribute she never consented to. I don’t tell her I do this, but I think she knows by the love that pours from my eyes when I’m filing another tender moment away.
“Two years.” I trace my thumb along the line of her jaw. “And you still believe you can outmaneuver me.”
“I don’t believe it.” She holds her chin at the angle she uses when she has no intention of backing down. “I know it.”
I pull her firmly against me, and she comes without resistance. Which tells me everything about that last statement. She’s giving me control.
“Jaxon.” She stays where she is, and her heated gaze connects with mine. “You’re not going to find out about the surprise this way.”
“I’m not trying to.” My insides grow hot, and I lick my lips. “I forgot what I was asking about.”
She laughs, and the sound of it gets into the same place it always does, the place I’ve not found a way to wall off in two years and a half years of trying. My heart.
She pulls back enough to stare up at me with a seriousness set in her expression. “You need to know how important you are to me.”
“I know.”
“How?”
I swallow hard. “Because I feel the same. You’re my everything.”
“Jax.” She buries her face in my chest.
“I should know better.”
“About what?” she mumbles against me.
“Anytime I tell you what you mean to me, you hide your eyes from me.” I stroke the back of her head. “But I understand because I’m just as scared as you.”
She holds me tight for a few seconds. “My king gets scared?”
“I’ve told you that before.” I bring my hand from her hair to the side of her face. “And I have to believe you’re okay with that because you keep coming back.”
“More than okay.” Her eyes well up. “I’d do anything for you. Do you know that?”
“You don’t need to do anything for me. It’s my job to do anything for you.” I hold her gaze. “Anything you ever need, just ask and I’ll say yes.”
“Anything?” Her tone is full of flirty innuendos.
“Anything.”
Now
I bring myself back to the here and now as David drives me back to work. When I told her I’d do anything, I never expected anything to mean that I would be attending her wedding to another man. And now I’m fucked and full of dread.