Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
LIVIANNA/LILY
Now
Delicate Delays & Unfinished Business
I am leaving for a city that swallowed parts of my life, and my brain doesn’t seem to want to hand them back to me.
Ibring my phone to my ear, bracing myself for Callum’s reaction as I pack for Paris. “I know I said I could make it to San Diego for tonight’s show, but I have to leave for Paris early.”
“Why?” The disappointment in his voice is clear.
“Something about the items I tried to send there. Ella said they’re holding all of it in customs.” I throw more makeup in my bag. “They’ll only release it to me.”
“Yeah, that makes sense.”
“I don’t think it does.” The zipper on my travel bag catches, and I yank it free. “Callum, I have to leave tonight.”
A beat of silence stretches across the line before he responds. “Tonight. Really?”
“Really. The customs office told Ella they needed me to pick it up. If I’m not there in person in the next forty-eight hours, they’ll move the items to a secondary holding facility, and the timeline gets worse.”
“How much worse?”
I pull in a slow breath, knowing he’s probably cursing me out in his head. “I won’t have anything for the shows.”
“Fucking hell.” He releases a small growl. “Three weeks, Livianna.”
“What?”
“That means we won’t see each other for over three weeks.”
My throat tightens. “I’m so sorry. I swear I planned to be there with you. This is just something out of my control.”
“I know it is.” Another beat of silence sits in place of what I believe he really wants to say. “It’s not your fault.”
The steadiness in his voice cracks something open in my heart because it would be easier if he were angry. I can push back against anger.
This patience, this visible effort to hold himself level when I’m sure every instinct in him is pulling him in the other direction, is so much harder to absorb.
“Three weeks isn’t forever.” I cross to the window. Outside, the canyon sits gold and still in the morning light. “I’ll be at every show I can make it to. I promise.”
“You don’t need to make promises.” His exhale is audible. “I just wasn’t planning on that long of a gap between seeing your face.”
“Me neither.” I curl my fingers tighter around my phone. “Believe me.”
The line holds between us, full of everything we’re not saying. He adjusts on his end. A shuffle scuffs across the speaker, then stillness. A lump forms in my throat as I fret about my change of plans.
“Lily.” His words land lower and more carefully. “Are you gonna let Jaxon know you’re leaving early?”
“Of course. I need to tell him.” I turn from the window and cross back to the bed. “You know we’re supposed to travel there with him on his plane. He probably needs to know Ella and I won’t be there.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” Callum must cover his speaker because all I hear is mumbling coming from the line. It clears. “How are you getting to Paris now that this happened?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t gotten that far.” My pulse thumps harder. “Fuck, this is already a disaster.”
“We’ll get it figured out. Just don’t panic.”
“Too late.” My other line beeps. I peek at the screen and Jaxon’s name shines up at me. “Callum, that’s Jaxon. Let me tell him what’s going on and I’ll keep you posted about any changes.”
“Sounds good.”
“I love you, and I’m sorry I won’t be there tonight.”
“I love you too, and there will be other shows.”
“Thanks for understanding.” The line beeps again. “Bye, rockstar. Kick ass tonight.”
“We’ll do. Bye, love.”
I click over to the other line and explain to Jaxon what’s going on. Without hesitation, he offers to change the flight so I can make it to Paris with less trouble. I agree and let Ella know about our change of plans.
By the time we board his private jet, I finally relax. Ella settles into the row opposite me since we both love the window seat, and Jaxon’s in the seat across from me, one ankle crossed over his knee, facing me.
“Don’t mind me.” She sits with her tablet in her lap and her reading glasses resting on the bridge of her nose. “I’ve got to finish this book.”
“Have at it. You’re not officially working.” I gaze out the window. The plane lifts and Los Angeles falls away beneath us.
An hour in, Ella’s locked on whatever is on her screen.
I shift in my seat, turning her way. “What are you reading?”
“It’s a twisted love story.” Ella glances up over the rim of her glasses. “The main guy is a stalker.”
My face bunches together. “Are you rooting for this guy?”
“Yes, because he’s a good man underneath the crazy.
” She sets the tablet face down on her lap and folds her hands over it.
“He isn’t planning on hurting her. She’s a high-profile prosecuting attorney who has made some very wealthy, very dangerous enemies, and he has decided that she needs protecting. ”
“So he watches her?”
“Constantly.” Ella’s lips curve up. “And anyone who makes a move against her doesn’t make it very far.”
Jaxon shifts in his seat, taking in our conversation. I’m surprised he’s interested.
I focus back on Ella. “He kills for her?”
“Efficiently and without apology.” Ella picks up her e-reader. “It’s surprisingly romantic once you get past the absurdity of falling in love with a stalker.”
I lean back against my seat and let that sit for a moment. The hum of the cabin fills the space between us.
Ella slips the tablet onto the seat next to her. “Do you think Cash would kill for you?”
I turn the question over, weighing it against everything I know about Callum. There’s a ferocity underneath the rockstar exterior, and it shows in the way he positions himself between me and any door he hasn’t cleared first. But would he?
I shrug. “Ella, I don’t know. I think he would do anything to protect me, but I’m not sure where that particular line sits for him.”
“Cash would kill for her.” Jaxon makes the statement like it’s a matter of fact. “If the situation called for it, he would act without deliberation.”
Ella raises her eyebrows at me with an expression that says the matter is settled.
I keep my attention on Jaxon. “Would you?”
“Would I, what?” He gives me his full attention.
I study him closely. “Would you kill for the person you loved?”
The stare between us that follows is heavy, weighted, and carries a depth I can’t fully understand. Heat crawls up my neck.
He finally breaks the silence. “Yes, I would. Without an ounce of guilt. If they fuck up, they deserve the consequences.”
“See, Livianna. It’s not that strange a concept.” Ella lifts her e-reader. “But I’m getting motion sickness from reading this while we’re flying. I need to take a nap and see if this passes.”
Jaxon gestures to the back of the plane. “There’s a private suite back there with a bed. You’re welcome to rest there if it will help.”
“Really?” She peeks up at the flight attendant Jaxon just waved over.
Jaxon addresses the young woman. “Would you mind helping Ella to the stateroom? She isn’t feeling well.”
“Of course, sir.” She picks up Ella’s water, which is sitting on a table in front of her. “I’ll get this for you. Please follow me.”
“Thanks, Jaxon.” Ella gathers her belongings and climbs out of her aisle. “Flying private is going to ruin me.”
“Feel better.” Jaxon adjusts his seat back as she’s shown to the room. He brings his gaze back to me. “It’s only seven-thirty, but if you’re tired and want to rest, the seats lie flat. I can get you some blankets, and we can set up a bed for you.”
“I’m not tired, but if you are, please rest.”
He takes his tray from the arm of his seat and opens it. “Can I get you anything to eat or drink? It’s a long flight.”
“Maybe.” I stop the passing flight attendant. “What’s your name again?”
“Jasmine.” She smiles at me. “Is there something I can get you?”
“Do you have a strong citrus drink?” I glance at Jaxon. “I’ve been getting little signs that my smell and my taste are returning. My occupational therapist has me working with tart and acidic fruits right now.”
Jasmine addresses me. “I can easily get you a lemon drop martini. Would that be okay?”
I peek up at her. “Yes, that’s perfect. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” She faces Jaxon. “Anything for you, sir?”
“The usual will be fine.” He gestures to me. “We have beef bourguignon for dinner. Would you like them to get it started?”
“Yes. I love beef bourguignon, so I’ll pretend I can taste it.” My mouth begins to water. “It’s one of my favorite French dishes.”
Jaxon nods as if he already knows, and peers up at Jasmine. “After you get our drinks, please bring out two dinners.”
“Yes, sir.” Jasmine excuses herself.
“Thank you.” Jaxon brings his warm gaze back to me.
My stomach flips for some unknown reason. I shake it off, thinking it’s just nerves for Fashion Week.
I get my tray table out and set it up for dinner and drinks. “How often did we eat together?”
He pulls his head back. “Where did that question come from?”
“Well, you seemed to know I like beef bourguignon, so I figured there must be a reason.”
“Hmm. I see.” He checks his phone like he’s stalling. He places it back down. “I honestly have no idea how many meals we’ve shared.”
“That many, huh?”
“Yes, Livianna. There were many.”
“Did we work around the clock or something like that?”
“We put in a lot of hours, but we made sure there was plenty of time for…” He stares at me for a moment.
I run my hand through my tangled hair, waiting for his answer. My wedding ring catches in it, so I have to take special care to pull it out. Jaxon studies me while I unwind my hair from my ring.
Once it’s not stuck, I rest my head against the back of the seat. “You were saying?”
“How is your healing going? You said you were working with an occupational therapist. How’s that going?”
“It’s going well. I thought it was a load of crap when my doctor suggested it, but it’s working.” Bubbles in my chest burst with joy. “I hope his techniques can cure my smell and taste problem.”
“It would be nice for you to get back something from your past.” His friendly expression fades, and he gazes out the window.
I can’t help but detect a sadness wash over him. “Did I say the wrong thing?”
“Not at all.” He inhales deeply and exhales slowly, almost as if he’s grounding himself. “I was just thinking of how difficult it would be to lose so much. That must be… I don’t know. How is that for you?”
“You know, it’s kind of hard, but at the same time, I don’t know what I don’t know.” I consider his question more deeply. “I miss not being able to enjoy food and a drink, but I’m okay.”
“Is there anything else going on with your healing journey?”
“Just the normal stuff.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s hard to explain.”
“Try me. I might surprise you.”
“You do that often.” I release a soft laugh, tuning into myself. “In all seriousness, I’m happy and doing well, but there’s this heaviness that lives in the center of my chest. I don’t know why it’s there.”
He draws his eyebrows together. “Like pressure?”
“No, nothing like that.” I place my hand on my heart. “It’s a spot right here that makes me feel like I’m missing a huge part of my life. I get that I am. Five years is a lot of time, but the feeling I’m trying to describe doesn’t have anything to do with that.”
Jasmine returns with our drinks and sets them before each of us. “Dinner will be out shortly.”
“Thanks.” Jaxon lifts his glass, moving it in a small circle. The amber liquid swirls around three ice cubes.
Jasmine retreats, and cock my head. “You don’t usually have ice.”
He examines his glass, then takes a sip. “I do in the summer, but how do you know how I take my whiskey?”
“Because I’ve made you a drink before. Remember at my parents’ house when you told me I wasn’t the atomic bomb I thought I was.”
His face turns red. “I never should’ve said that. It was off base.”
“It’s fine. I’ve got tough skin.”
“Yeah, but…” He gazes down. “I would’ve done a lot of things differently if I knew…”
“Okay, Jax. That’s the second time you’ve stopped talking while you’re in the middle of a sentence. Is everything okay?”
“Yes, I’m good.” He tosses back the rest of his drink, keeping his eyes on me.
I take my first sip, trying to pick up on the lemon. Nothing hits my taste buds.
I swallow, and my shoulders drop. “It looks like I’m out of luck.”
“Don’t give up. If you want something bad enough, you can’t give up on it.”
Jasmine returns with our meals and sets us up to eat. She refreshes Jaxon’s whiskey and then leaves us alone. We enjoy our dinner while going over our schedules for the week and all that needs to be done.
I have a pit in my gut because he’s giving me a lot of time to help me. It’s more than I deserve, but my dad says that if Jaxon is willing, I should still accept his mentoring.
Once we’re finished and the area is cleared, Jaxon and I settle in to rest. We prepare some blankets and pillows to make up our beds. Surprisingly, it’s cozy, comfortable, and oddly familiar.
The cabin lights are dim, and I should be falling asleep, but I can’t. My mind is a racing mess. I’m going to Fashion Week in Paris and have a ton to figure out before then. About twenty minutes later, I get up to use the restroom and get tangled in my blanket.
I trip and fall right onto Jaxon. “Oh, shit. I’m sorry I fell on you.”
“What?” His eyes pop open and he holds me tight. “Are you okay?”
In that exact moment, I catch a whiff of his spicy, warm cologne. I chase it with my nose to the space on his neck near his ear. Then it hits me.
Why do I feel so safe in his arms? Because he’d never hurt you, Livianna.
I jerk back, and our eyes connect. Waves of thoughts and emotions cascade over me, leaving me frozen. I’m in his embrace. It’s natural, soothing, and so very wrong, but I’m connected to him. Questions land like bombs.
Why can I see so deep into his soul when I look into his eyes? Why does his palm fit perfectly around my hip? Why the fuck is my heart racing?
I glance at his lips and have an overwhelming urge to kiss him. I move closer to him, unable to stop myself. Jaxon cups my face in his hand, our gazes still hooked together.
He shakes his head, and whatever tenderness is held in his eyes collapses. “No, Livianna. This isn’t right.”
I coil into myself and climb off him. “Oh my god. I can’t believe I just did that.”
“Livianna, it’s?—”
“Totally wrong. What the fuck is my problem? Why can’t I get it through my head?” I sit down in the chair across the aisle with my palms covering my face. “Please, Jaxon, forget this ever happened.”
“Why can’t you get what out of your head?” He moves into the space opposite me.
I keep my eyes hidden. “I don’t know why I always try to do that. It’s so obvious you don’t want…”
What the hell am I saying? I’m acting like I want him to kiss me. I shrink inside, wanting to crawl away and hide, but everything around me spins.
“Livianna.” His hand rests on my knee. “What do you think is so obvious?”