Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
JAXON/JAX
Now
Fabulous Fashion & Wicked Wounds
She says it’s obvious I don’t want to be around someone who trips over her own boundaries. She couldn’t be more wrong.
Iwave to the doorman, who disappears behind the elevator doors to my Paris penthouse. “Have a nice day.”
I take the lift to my penthouse and step out when the doors open. Memories of my time here with Livianna gather in my mind.
I place my bags down and take out my phone, pulling up the special app I use to contact people who need to remain anonymous. I enter the required code, and it connects to someone after a beep.
A woman answers. “Mr. Crowne, how can I assist you today?”
“Please connect me to one of the counselors.”
“Would you prefer the male or female counselor?”
I consider my options. For this issue, it would be best if I try to see this from a woman’s perspective.
“The female, please.”
“Yes, sir. Please hold while I connect you.” The line clears, and then a sequence of computer noises filters through.
A moment later, the woman I’m trying to reach answers. “Hello, Jaxon. How are you?”
“I’m fine, Celeste. How are you and Abe?” I run my hand over my neck as I stroll through my place, picking up items Livianna left here.
“We’re good. Aspen is beautiful this time of year.” Celeste’s voice is full of cheer.
The tension in my shoulders releases a bit. “I’m sure it is. I’ll make sure to plan a trip there soon, but it will be a while.”
“Jaxon, you sound like something is weighing heavily on you.”
“Ever the perspective one, aren’t you?”
“Stop avoiding. You know that doesn’t work with me.”
I glance out the window where the Eiffel Tower stands tall in the distance. “I’m in Paris with Livianna.”
“That has to be difficult for you.” Celeste sighs as if she can feel my pain. “The city where you two fell in love.”
My mind hooks onto that, and I let myself feel it all over again. Livianna and I were happy. We were building a life together, and I thought we would end up together. Reality cuts through, and my heart empties.
“Celeste, I’m trying to do the right thing, but I almost crossed a line.” I sink into my leather chair, wishing with everything in me that Livianna would remember us. “How the hell do I help her when I can’t tell her anything?”
“Is it your job to pro?—”
“Yes. Just like I protect everyone I love. That’s the reason I’m alive today.”
“Jaxon, you’re alive because you’re resilient and brave. You aren’t responsible for the safety of others.” She takes a beat of silence. “Don’t misunderstand me. Anyone you’ve helped is forever indebted to you.”
I growl deep from within. “No, they’re not. It’s my purpose in life. I just didn’t know I would have to do it for every person I care about.”
“If that’s how you feel, I understand.”
“I didn’t plan for it to be this way.” The leather chair groans as I shift forward, elbows dropping to my knees. “Fate has a way of deciding things for us, regardless of what we want.”
“And is that what you’re using to justify staying close to her?” Celeste’s question cuts through the line without apology. “Fate?”
“It’s not a justification. It’s truth.”
“Jaxon.” A pause, and then her voice drops into something quieter. “You have choices. You’ve always had choices. Fate shows you the door. You’re the one who decides whether to walk through it or stand outside it. Stop convincing yourself you have no say.”
My jaw tightens. Outside the floor-to-ceiling glass, the Eiffel Tower holds its position against a sky that hasn’t yet decided whether to go violet or black. Paris doesn’t care what I’m wrestling with. It never has.
“Livianna’s married to him.” I rub my tired eyes. “And I respect that. I respect him. Cash Mayze is not a man I take lightly.”
“Then what are you struggling with?”
I press two fingers to the bridge of my nose. Earlier on that plane, Livianna’s face was inches from mine. Her hands had found me in the dark like muscle memory, like her body remembered what her mind refuses to give back.
And I stopped it. I stopped it because doing so was the only decent thing left to do. It doesn’t mean I wanted to. And what if it happens again? Can I do the right thing when everything in my soul wants to do what’s wrong?
“Celeste, I’m asking how a man rectifies wanting what’s right for someone and what’s right for himself when those two things aren’t remotely the same.” I rest back with a hole in my chest. “Because I genuinely don’t know the answer.”
“Then maybe that’s your starting point.” Her voice carries the measured warmth of someone who has held space for far worse confessions than this one. “Not the answer. The question itself.”
“I can hear it now. You’re going to tell me clarity comes with time.”
“I’m going to tell you that a man who knows exactly what he wants and still chooses the harder road is not a man without agency.” Her breath is steady on the other end of the line. “He’s a man with integrity.”
The tension behind my sternum doesn’t release so much as it redistributes to my neck. I rise from the chair and cross to the window.
The city below moves as it always does, indifferent, luminous, and completely unbothered by the wreckage unfolding in the penthouse above.
“Livianna tripped over herself and landed on me. There was a brief moment where she was about to kiss me.”
“And what did you do?”
My reflection stares back at me from the glass. Controlled. Composed. Impeccably assembled. What a fucking joke.
“I stopped it, but I didn’t want to. And worse, she’s convinced I’m scared to be around her because she’s done that before.”
“Scared? You?” Celeste releases a small laugh. “I doubt that’s what she thinks.”
“Does it matter? The result is the same.”
“Then you know what you’re carrying, Jaxon.” Celeste lets the silence hold its shape for a moment. “The question isn’t whether you can hold on to it. You’ve proven you can. The question is how long you intend to carry this secret alone.”
Livianna steps into one of the textile exhibition rooms as we work our way through the trade show.
“Jaxon, what did you do after we landed yesterday?”
“Rested. You?”
“I took care of Ella and then did the same.”
“Why did you take care of Ella?”
“It wasn’t motion sickness. She thinks it’s the flu.”
“I hope she feels better soon.” I gesture toward a section lined with sample books and hanging swatches. “You won’t find what you’re looking for over there.”
“Why?”
“Those suppliers focus on commercial production. The mills you’re interested in are in the back.”
Her gaze follows mine toward the cordoned-off area where buyers are checking in with appointments.
She furrows her brow. “Well, I want to look here first.”
She heads straight to the area I just told her to skip. I want to roll my eyes at her defiance, knowing she’s going to waste time going through swatches of cloth she’ll never consider using, but I refrain.
This is Livianna, and this is what she does. And I love this part of her as much as I love every other part.
I hold back a smile, knowing ten minutes from now she’ll end up exactly where I pointed her in the first place. “While you’re doing this, I’m going to use the restroom. Where would you like to meet?”
“I don’t know yet, but I’ll find you.” She waves me off. “Just take care of your business.”
“Okay, text me if you go anywhere else.”
“Sounds good.”
I leave her alone and take a much-needed break. Being in Paris with her, experiencing another Fashion Week together, yet nothing is how I want it to be, is excruciating. I miss our inside jokes, holding her, and kissing her. I fucking just miss her.
My insides go into a freefall. I find an area where people are working on their computers or talking on their phones and take a seat on a bench to check my phone.
Seventeen text messages and way too many emails stare at me from my screen. One from Natalie catches my attention.
Natalie: There’s a pop-up meet-and-greet with the new mentees of The Vault. Can you make it?
Damn, she’s up early.
Me: What time and where?
I don’t expect a response, but one lands in seconds.
Natalie: The Paris office at noon. They heard you’re in town and thought they would throw a party, hoping you could go. Some of the advisors/mentors CVI uses will be there. I know it’s not your thing, but it would be great if you went.
Me: Done.
I slide my phone into my pocket and rub my eyes. Natalie knows I’m with Livianna, and I can’t help but wonder if she had anything to do with this gathering my mentees put together.
It doesn’t matter. They deserve the same attention I’ve given to all the mentees before them.
I take one last calming breath, then get up to tell Livianna my change of plans. I go back to the area where I left her, but she’s nowhere in sight.
Where did she go?
I turn and there she is, but she’s not alone. Two men I recognize but can’t place are talking with her. I stride a little faster. I’ve seen these guys before, but where?
Are they threats I need to be aware of?
Livianna giggles right as I step to her side, and I remember exactly who these men are. They’re the two lovers Livianna spent time with at Elite-sinsations. The same two bastards I watch ravish her from head to toe.
The only reason I’m not escorting them out is because I know she doesn’t remember them. Even if she somehow recalls the time with them, she was blindfolded and wouldn’t know them from any other guy here.
I try in vain to calm my racing heart. “Hello, boys. What can we do for you?”
Livianna glances up at me, touching my arm when she does. “Jaxon, this is Gabe and Caleb. They’re models and approached me to see if I could use them in an upcoming fashion shoot.”
Yeah, I bet that’s what they truly want.
I slip my hands into my pockets, fearing I might strangle them for their mere existence. “Gabe, Caleb, nice to meet you. I’m Jaxon Crowne, Livianna’s associate. Do you have an agent we could reach out to about job opportunities?”
Caleb, the tall blond, tears his greedy eyes off Livianna and drags them to me. “Mr. Crowne, it’s nice to meet you. You’re a legend.”