Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
CALLUM/CASH
Now
Cherry Soda & Hidden Hands
I renamed an album after a dead version of her. What I didn’t account for was having to look her in the eye and explain it.
Itap my fingertips against the leather of the seat I’m sitting in on this damn plane. “Fucking hell, I need to get home.”
Bren reclines next to me. “I take it your video chats with Livianna haven’t been satisfying.”
I ignore his comment. “It’s a lot more than wanting to see my wife. It’s about needing to set her down and tell her how sorry I am for Dead Lilies.”
“Yeah, I’m still mad about it, so I can only imagine how she feels.”
“Why did she have to remember that?” I coil into myself. “She’s been different since then.”
“I know Livianna, and I’m sure she just needs you to hold her and tell her you never meant it.”
I run my sweaty palms down my jeans. “I’m not sure that’s gonna work this time. She’s extremely hurt.”
Cooper is sitting across from me and he kicks my boot. “Do you blame her, asshole? Fuck, just thinking about when you did that makes me want to punch you in the throat.”
“We don’t need to relive it.” I shake my head. “We were all there.”
Hawke plops down next to Cooper. “What are we talking about?”
“Nothing.” I gaze out the window. “I just wanna be home.”
The guys continue giving me shit. I tune them out, obsessing over the distance Livianna has put between us. I know what I did was wrong, and there’s no way around it.
She told me she needs time to get over it, but there’s more. I know her, and she’s pulling away.
By the time we land and I get home, I’m a trembling mess. Livianna’s already in bed sleeping, which is my first sign that she’s not gonna make this easy on me.
After showering, I slide under the covers and cuddle around her. Still asleep, she takes my hand and pulls me in closer. I kiss her temple and breathe in her scent.
It’s so fucking good to be home. Even though she’s sleeping, just holding her calms my nerves.
“You’re all I’ll ever need,” I whisper, letting slumber pull me under.
I stir awake when she gets out of bed. It’s barely dawn. I groan and roll over. She gets up way too fucking early.
She kisses my cheek. “It’s good to have you home.”
“It’s great to be here,” I mumble into my pillow.
She leaves the room to get ready for the day as I try to fall back to sleep. My dick has other ideas. I wanna be with her, but trying to have sex with her before we talk about the album is selfish timing.
Knowing I won’t fall asleep again, I throw the sheets over and drag myself downstairs to make her coffee. We need to have a discussion, but nothing I say will make her feel better, and I know that.
Once the coffee is brewed, I pour her a cup and go upstairs to serve her. I place the mug on her vanity.
She peeks up from applying mascara. “Thanks, love.”
Warmth spreads throughout my body. “It’s nice to hear you call me that.”
“I always call you that.” She takes her gaze back to her mirror.
I rest my butt against the counter near the sink. “I’m not sure where we stand.”
“We’re married, Callum. There’s no question about that.”
“That’s not what I meant, Lily. I know you’re hurt about what I did back then. Usually, when you’re as upset as you are, you have to work it out over time. I’m trying to respect that, and understand you probably aren’t feeling very loving toward me.”
She places the makeup tube down and rises to my level. “I need to get to work, but I’m not mad or upset anymore.”
“You’re not?”
“No.” She leans over and gives me a quick peck. “I don’t want to focus on the past. It doesn’t matter.”
I should be relieved, but the way she says it makes it seem like she’s sweeping it all under the rug. And that never ends well.
“Livianna, if you’re hiding how you’re feeling?—”
“I’m not.” She disappears into the walk-in closet, still speaking. “I’m just making a choice to focus on what we have now. Besides, I’m sure I did plenty of things that caused you pain over the years.”
“Nothing that wasn’t well deserved.”
She comes into view wearing a red form-fitting dress. She takes my breath away.
“Damn, vixen. You’re so fucking sexy.” I pad over to her, taking her in my arms. “Any chance I can persuade you to work from home today?”
“I can’t. We have staff meetings to get the spring line organized.” She gives me a squeeze and side-steps out of my grasp. “What do you have planned?”
I shrug. “Rest. We’re only on a short break. I need to decompress and refuel.”
She grabs her heels off the floor and sways toward the staircase. “Oh, that reminds me. I got a call from your office manager. They wanted to deliver something here, but I told them all Mayhem items go to your other house.”
I step off the last stair into the living room. “I’ll check on it later. Right now, I wanna make sure my wife is okay.”
She tosses her shoes on the floor in front of the sofa and sits. “Cross my heart, I’m fine.”
I nod and consider that for a moment. “I guess I thought if you weren’t upset, you’d make some extra time for us this morning.”
“These meetings can’t wait.” She buckles the strap on one of her heels. “I promise you can have me all to yourself by five tonight.”
“Five sharp, okay?” I toss her a flirty smirk. “I don’t think I can wait any longer than that.”
“That’s perfect. Everyone at the office knows you got in late last night, so they know I want to leave early.” She finishes putting on her shoes and stands. “Now that we have that settled, decide what you want for dinner.”
“I’d rather have dessert.”
“All in good time, my love. All in good time.” She saunters over to me and plants a kiss on my lips.
We share a sweet embrace, then she’s gone. As happy as I am to be home, I can’t help but wonder if Livianna is truly okay with leaving the past in the past. She was extremely bothered by it when she remembered what happened, and I don’t blame her.
I sift through the last few weeks in my head as I get ready and drive over to my other house. The construction is done, so it should be quiet today.
I enter my place through the garage and work my way through the house until I’m in the kitchen. When I round the corner, Missy is sitting on the living room couch, scanning something on the screen of her phone.
“Hey, Missy. I didn’t expect to find anyone here today.” I reach into the refrigerator and grab a cherry soda. “Want one?”
She peeks up from what she’s doing. “Oh, no thanks. I’m just here to make sure the cameras are all working.”
“And?”
“They’re as good as gold.”
“Cool.” I screw off the lid of my soda bottle. “How’d you get in? Were the guys here earlier?”
“No. We had a keyless lock put on the front door.”
“Hmm. I don’t remember approving that.”
“The team had it done while you guys were out on the road.” She rises to her feet, shoving her phone into her purse. “That’s not a problem, is it?”
“No.” I take a drink and then place it down on the island counter. “But who has the code? I don’t want a bunch of people having access to my place.”
Her cheeks grow red. “Don’t worry. That won’t happen. The only people who can get in are Riot Records office manager and me. We didn’t think anyone else would need to get in.”
“Good call. Even though this is Mayhem’s new studio, it still has personal meaning to me. I really don’t want it overtaken by anyone who thinks they wanna check it out.”
Missy tugs the bag strap higher on her shoulder. “You really don’t have to worry about any of that.”
“Missy, I own this place, which means it has special meaning to me.” I lean back against the counter and cross my arms over my chest. “Why are you looking at me like I’m lecturing you?”
Her facial features tighten for a fraction of a second before she smooths them over into a practiced smile. “It’s been a long few weeks. That’s all.”
I pick up my soda and take a slow drink, giving her room to breathe. “Where’s your daughter?”
Her expression slips. She recovers fast, but not fast enough. “My ex has her for the month.”
“A whole month.” I pull back with raised eyebrows. “That’s rough.”
“It is what it is.” She fiddles with the edge of her shirt, eyes dropping to the floor for a beat. “He’s entitled to his time with her.”
“Shit, if I had to split time with an ex to see my kid, I’d be pissed.”
She brings her gaze to me. “Well, he’s not really someone I want on my bad side, so I cooperate as much as possible. We’re kind of in the middle of negotiating custody since Krissy will be going to school next year.”
“What does he do again?”
“He’s the founder of a business.” She builds a fake grin. “Chief Investment Officer of his own hedge fund. He’s been building it since before Krissy was born.”
“Ah, so he’s got money and time.” I nod slowly. “That’s a combination that makes family court interesting.”
“That’s one word for it.” She exhales heavily. “He’s pushing for equal custody. He has been for about eight months.”
I don’t say anything right away. I let that land and settle the way it deserves to. A man with enough capital to sustain a legal war doesn’t lose those battles by accident, and we both know it.
“Do you have a good attorney?” I wander over to the table, spotting the package Livianna told me would be here.
“Yeah, I’ve got one.” She shifts her weight to her other foot. “He’s just got better ones.”
There’s exhaustion that lives in that sentence. It’s the kind that has nothing to do with sleep and everything to do with fighting a battle where the opponent keeps buying new weapons and you’re down to what you started with.
I’ve been through that in a different way, but the concept is the same. Men with power tend to get what they want, but I don’t say any of that. It’s not my place.
Instead, I lift the package. “Was this delivered today?”
She stares at it for a second. “No. We were going to have it delivered, but I knew you guys would be in town for the next two weeks, so I brought it over with me.”
“Seems wrong to send something by mail if you were gonna be here.” I tear open the paper and the box.
Inside is a dry-erase board with a message already written on it.
It reads: Miss me, Cash? I’m getting closer.
Missy can’t see it, but I’m sure my trembling is obvious.
I march over to the trash can and throw it away. “That’s what I think of that.”
“What was it?” She strains to catch a glimpse, but I slam the lid down before she can.
“Nothing but a deranged fan. They can be fucking relentless.”
“I bet.” She straightens out her bunched up blouse where her bag is resting on her shoulder. “Are you going to be here for a while?”
“Yeah. I have some thoughts I wanna try to put into a song.” My blood pressure comes down. Music always does that. It calms my nerves. “I’m sure the band will be here later. They like to sleep in.”
“But you don’t?”
“No, I love to sleep in, but my wife gets up at the crack of dawn. If I wanna have time with her before she goes to work, I have to get up with her.”
Missy tilts her head with a warm smile aimed at me. “You’re sweet for doing that.”
“Maybe, but I have five years to make up to her. Getting up early is the least I can do.” I pull out a drawer where I keep my notebook and take it out. I lift it and show it to her. “Better get to work.”
“Yes, you better, rockstar.”
A ball in my stomach grows. Livianna calls me rockstar. Nobody else can use that as a term of endearment. I take my reaction as a sign that I might be opening a door that I don’t want opened.
“Please, call me Cash.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like…”
“Don’t sweat it.” I grab my soda and my notebook and start to make my way to the stairs. “See you later.”
“Okay. I’ll be by in a few days to make sure everything is still running the way we need it to. You know, angles and shadows. We always have to adjust the cameras.”
“Yeah, I get it.” I hit the first step. “Bye, Missy.”
“Bye, Cash.”
I reach the lower level, take a guitar, and find a place to sit and write. Before I know it, I’m opening my eyes, and the room spins. Except I’m not at my house in Laurel Canyon.
Where the fuck am I?
Livianna snuggles up against me. “I’m going to say it again. You were absolutely amazing last night.”
I tighten my hold on her, trying to piece together shit that’s just missing. “Is that right?”
“Yep.” She kisses my chest and peeks up at me. “What made you want to use nipple clamps?”
What the actual fuck? I used nipple clamps on her?
Fucking hell, I need my head looked at because I don’t have a fucking clue what she’s talking about.
My heart beats faster. “Did you like it?”
“Surprisingly, yes.” She glances at the clock on the nightstand. “Too bad I need to get to work.”
“You should take the day off.”
She lifts herself out of my arms. “Callum, I took half of yesterday off.”
“So?”
“You just can’t get enough of me, is that what you’re saying?”
“Duh.” I push myself up, scanning the room.
She disappears into the bathroom to get ready as I rack my brain to figure out how the hell I got here.
What the hell is going on? Do I need medical help?
I rest against the headboard and run through what I assume was yesterday. The only thing that stands out is that stupid message I got on that damn dry-erase board.
It hits me all at once. I don’t need a doctor. Someone is intentionally fucking with me, and I know exactly who it is.
Leon Fuckwad Baker.
I clench down on my teeth. He said he’d get me back for stopping the abuse and taking away his power, and I refused to listen. I hate that motherfucker with every fiber of my being.
I toss the covers over and stomp into the bathroom. Livianna has her hair clipped up, and she’s getting into the shower.
I step out of my boxer briefs and gesture to the area. “Mind if I join you?”
“Callum, I have to get to work. Didn’t you have enough of me yesterday?”
Fuck if I know.
“I’ll never get enough of you.” I slip into the stream of water.
“Well, unfortunately for you, my lady parts are sore. I need a break.” Livianna follows me in. “Other than that, I think that was the best sex we’ve ever had.”
I release a growl, wishing I could remember what the hell we did.
She gives me a side-eye glare. “Why are you upset when I just got done telling you how amazing you were?”
“I just wanna do it again, and I know that won’t happen anytime soon.” I lather up my hair.
She washes herself, bubbles sliding down her skin. “What are your plans for today?”
“I’m gonna go see someone about something I need.”
“Who and what?”
I rinse the shampoo out of my hair. “It’s nothing you need to worry your pretty head about.”
She stops what she’s doing and stares at me. “I don’t like being left out of the loop, Callum. With my memory gone, I don’t like feeling like I’m missing something when you could easily explain it to me.”
“Yeah, okay. I see your point.” I finish washing off.
She stands still. “I’m waiting.”
“For?”
“Callum,” she warns.
“Fine.” I shake out my wet hair. “I’m gonna go talk to someone about security measures. We could use some more.”
“Oh my god. You’re starting to sound like my father.” She steps under the water, careful not to get her hair wet. “Why on earth would you think we need more security? Did something happen?”