2. Stuck
CHAPTER 2
STUCK
COLE
I stare at my half-empty beer bottle as if it was the most interesting thing I’ve ever seen.
Anything not to face the elephant in the room.
“Cole,” Jagger insists. “You don’t look alright.”
That’s because I’m not. “It is what it is.” I grumble, my skin prickling with the awareness of my best friend’s eyes boring into me. “Bay isn’t stupid. She’s seen what Topher is really like with her own eyes. She isn’t going to let him crawl his way back into her life, no matter what.”
Jagger nods. “I know Bay isn’t stupid. That wasn’t my point. I think we both know that we’ve been avoiding her since that meeting.”
That’s news to me. “You’ve been avoiding her?” I snap, feeling all my self-control slipping away with every passing second. “Why would you do that?”
Two red spots appear on his face, his hand going to the back of his neck. “Because I don’t know what to say to her. We can’t tell her what Topher did. If he knew we told on him, he’d react as if we’d broken the code. If I tell her that I don’t want to hook up with her anymore, she’s going to be hurt. I’m kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place here.”
Fuck. He’s right.
“We can’t avoid Bay forever, though. So you’ll have to find a way to keep it in your pants without being a dick about it or Topher will be the least of your problems.”
He pushes his beer bottle away, his jaw ticking in his telltale sign that he’s about to lose his temper. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? This concerns you as much as it does me. Running around campus like a douche to tire yourself enough so you stay away from her isn’t going to go unnoticed. Besides, you’re in love with her.”
I run a hand through my hair, frustration mounting to boiling point. “Yeah, but Bay has no idea. Maybe Topher did me a favor by invoking that bro-code. What if I told her how I feel and she laughed in my face?”
I know it’s bullshit the second the words leave my mouth, but Jagger doesn’t let me get away with it.
“You know better than me that Bay would never do that.”
My heart breaks like every time I let myself imagine the possibility that she wouldn’t reciprocate my feelings.
“She’s my best friend in the entire world and if I told her and she didn’t feel the same way, I would lose her. I can’t risk that.”
Jagger shakes his head. “You would never lose her. Even if she weren’t attracted to you, she loves you.”
He’s right. But my pride would probably be too wounded for me to keep hanging out with her the way we have been doing so far. “Since when do you know Bay so well?” I snap, suddenly jealous of the way Jagger’s eyes light up when he talks about her.
I’ve seen Jagger take any kind of crass jokes from our teammates, any kind of hazing disguised as pranks since we met freshman year. Nothing ever seems to faze him, but this time he takes offense.
“Bay and I are friends too. When we’re together, it isn’t just fucking. We talk a lot.”
That makes me even more jealous than the thought of them fooling around. “It doesn’t matter anyway.” I bite out. “Even if I wanted to tell her, I can’t. Topher would kick me out of the house and after the fire at the Zeta house, there isn’t one free room in town. Even if I could afford it. And I can’t by the way.”
Jagger’s expression softens. “I would help you with that. You know money isn’t a problem for me.”
I don’t know what it is.
If it’s the way he says it, or the fact that I’ve always taken care of myself without anyone’s help. But I lose my shit.
“Fuck you, Jagger. You’ve known me for almost four years, you should know I would never take a handout.”
He remains calm, making me feel like more of an asshole for my outburst. “It wouldn’t be a handout, it would be a loan. You’re going pro, you’d pay me back as soon as you can.”
I sigh. “The point is moot. My only hope to rent anything at this point of the academic year is to live in Shell Cove. With our schedule that would be impossible.”
Jagger agrees. “I know. And you can’t afford your grades to slip because of your scholarship.”
I wince when I finish my beer.
It has gone warm. There’s nothing worse than warm beer, I swear to God. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, but it’s nothing compared to how I feel.
“Topher’s got me by the balls. But I don’t understand why you have to stop hanging out with Bay. You have money. You don’t have a scholarship to maintain and you aren’t going pro. Living in Shell Cove would be hard, but you could do it, if push came to shove. Is it that a hookup isn’t worth all that trouble?”
Jagger looks suddenly as uncomfortable as someone with skates two sizes too small. “I don’t give a shit if Topher kicks me out of the house. I’d sleep in the locker room if I had to. It’s just… I can’t risk him releasing my initiation video.”
We’ve all done wildly embarrassing things on our initiation night. Our antics were filmed by the president or his “officials” at the time. It’s stupid and archaic, but it’s a tradition our fraternity keeps alive to ensure undying loyalty from every brother.
“I can’t believe that motherfucker has illegal copies of our initiation videos. The president and whoever helps him film initiation night are bound to secrecy. The videos are kept in our national archives and destroyed at graduation. If we got in touch with our national chapter and told them what Topher is doing, he’d get expelled from Gamma Delta Tau.”
Jagger’s voice is vibrating with tension. “Like he stayed suspended from the hockey team? We both know that with his connections he would probably get away with a slap on the wrist, if that. We also know that if he knew we reported him, he would release the video as retaliation.”
He isn’t wrong. “Dude,” I look him in the eye. “We’ve all done questionable things during initiation. God knows I hope no one ever sees what I had to do. But if it happened, I would be embarrassed for a few days and then get over it. What could you have possibly done that you would let Topher hold it over your head?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” His tone brooks no argument.
“You don’t have to tell me,” I placate him. “What I mean is that it can’t be that bad, right? Was it illegal?”
He covers his face with his hands. “Worse. It just… trust me when I tell you that if my parents saw it, I would fucking die.”
I clasp his shoulder. “Like I said before, you’d get over it eventually, right?”
I’ve never seen him so despondent. “It’s not that simple,” he sighs. “My family is in the public eye a lot. Especially after that huge merger last year that made Connelly Tech the biggest tech company worldwide. If that video circulated, it would really hurt our image. My parents would never forgive me.”
I’d be lying if I said that I’m entirely sorry for his predicament. On one hand, I don’t want Bay to be hurt if he ends their friends with benefits deal; on the other hand, I’m kind of glad he has to end it. Jagger swears left and right that it’s just a rebound thing, but I know he cares about her. What if she cared too and they got together? I know it’s selfish of me, but as long as Bay stays single, there’s a hope that one day, we could end up together.
Bay told me more than once that this year she intends to focus on school and her social media empire. While this is another reason why telling her how I feel would be risky, it buys me time.
I could tell her at graduation. If she feels the same way I do, we’ll find a way to stay close. If she doesn't, I won't have to see her every day and be reminded of what I can never have.
“I’m sorry, dude,” I say, feeling a little hypocritical. “Just make sure you let her down gently. What are you going to say to her?”
His eyes are fixed on the table. “I wasn’t planning on saying anything. I just—I thought if I avoided her long enough, she’d get the hint.”
That won’t work. “She’ll be hurt if you do that. She’ll think there’s something wrong with her. Besides, you can’t avoid her. I’m already doing that.”
Jagger flips me off. “You can’t avoid her forever either. At least Bay and I had just started getting to know each other. You’re her best friend, you can’t pretend she doesn’t exist without hurting her.”
I know he’s right.
And if I had to choose, I’d rather get hurt than see her getting hurt again.
“I know. I’m going to have to suck it up and keep things between us as platonic as they’ve been so far. What are you going to tell her?”
He shrugs. “I’ll think of something.”
“Jagger, if you hurt her—” I threaten.
“I won’t, I swear.”
I get up, ready to hit the shower, but I stop in my tracks when a thought hits me. “What are you going to do about your lucky bj?”
“Topher said the bunny strike is over. I guess I’ll have to start the bunny rotation again.”
I’ve never seen a man talking about getting head from a different hot girl every other week and looking so miserable. His face would look appropriate on someone walking to the gallows.
The thought that if I couldn’t have Bay, I would rather see her with someone decent, like Jagger, hits me again. Too bad that, thanks to Topher, we’re both indefinitely stuck in the friend zone.