3. Dazed And Confused
CHAPTER 3
DAZED AND CONFUSED
BAY
I swear I’m not a bad person.
I’m a good daughter and sister and a loyal friend. I work hard, study hard, pay my taxes and let people with just one item go before me in the line at the grocery store.
My karma should be at least somewhat decent. I don’t expect to win the lottery or anything crazy, but would it be too much to ask that everything I touch stop turning to shit?
After yesterday’s close call with the no confidence vote, fate has decided to deliver another blow today.
First the insurance company called to tell me that they can’t release the payment for the house fire, pending their own investigation.
The firefighters found the item that caused the fire, but weren’t able to establish with any degree of certainty if the curling iron had been tampered with.
The insurance company wants to eliminate any foul play, because obviously, were they to conclude that the fire was set intentionally, they wouldn’t pay us a cent.
Maybe I should have cut my losses and gone back to bed. Nothing bad can happen if I huddle under my blankets and wait for the storm to pass, right?
Unfortunately life, my life in particular, doesn’t work that way.
My Advanced Organic Chem professor only allows one absence during the entire year. Miss two classes, and she won’t allow you to sit the final exam. No exceptions. So I had no choice but to brave the outside world. I would rather keep that absence as a “get out of jail card” in case I’m sick or an asteroid hits Star Cove or something equally catastrophic.
If I’m going to class, there’s no apparent good reason to cancel my meeting with Dean Williams to make plans for rebuilding the Zeta House.
That’s when the second blow hits me with the same force that the wrecking ball hit what was left of the Zeta house.
“Miss Woods,” the Dean invites me to take a seat. “I went ahead and obtained the plans of the original Zeta Theta Beta house from the relevant office. This should save you a trip and a lengthy wait.”
I smile gratefully as he opens the scroll with all the house and floor plans. “Thank you, Dean Williams.”
He doesn’t return my smile and unrolls a second set of paperwork on his desk. “Since the house was built in the 80s, the laws in California and the building regulations pertaining to this specific campus have changed. I took the liberty to obtain revised building specs that are up to date with said laws and regulations.”
I lean in to look at the new blueprint, another thank you on the tip of my tongue. “There are a few differences,” I notice.
The Dean nods. “I’m aware of that, Miss Woods. It’s mostly the building materials and a few key adjustments to the energy system. All new buildings have to adhere to a new code that puts energy efficiency and low emissions to the forefront of modern housing.”
I don’t argue with that, but I wasn’t born yesterday. “I understand that. However, that comes with a much higher cost. Are there any grants at the federal level or even offered by the school? Like for solar panels and so on?”
The Dean finally smiles.
It could be just my vivid imagination, but he looks like he’s gloating about the difficulties the new building specs will cause.
“I’m afraid you’re a couple of years late for all the main grants of that kind. The government at every level and our school offered very generous grants to build with new, energy efficient materials and specs. That was when the new laws came into effect. I’m afraid that past the first push, funds have dried up. Every building on campus has to be insured, won’t that cover the lion share of the rebuilding costs?”
There’s something strange in his tone. It’s as if the Dean knew that the insurance is dragging their feet on our claim.
“There’s been a small delay…” I explain about the investigation. “But even with the insurance payment, I think these new specs will blow our budget out of the water.”
The Dean’s smile widens. “I guess there’s a lesson to be learned in this situation, Miss Woods. Next time, try not to set your sorority house on fire. Not a great legacy to conclude your college career, if you ask me.”
I knew it.
He’s definitely gloating. I have to wonder if he encouraged his daughter to try to have me deposed and take my presidency.
“If there are no available grants,” I sigh. “I guess maybe a sponsor could help us bridge the gap in our budget and maybe give us a head start while we wait for the check from the insurance.”
Dean Williams nods. “That’s a great idea. And I would start looking for a sponsor sooner rather than later. You’re on quite a tight deadline here.”
What is he talking about?
“I appreciate your input, sir,” I placate him. “I would like nothing but to leave the keys to the new house to the next generation of Zetas on graduation day. But unless we can find a great sponsor and the insurance pays up, my hopes to rebuild by the end of this academic year might be unrealistic.”
His smile turns into a cruel smirk that confirms my hunch that our school administrator doesn’t like me. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to make that deadline or your legacy will be much worse than just that unfortunate fire. I’m sure you don’t want to be remembered as the president that caused the dissolution of the Zeta Theta Beta Star Cove chapter.”
I blink in rapid succession, as if refocusing my gaze could change the smug smile in Dean Williams’s face.
“Dissolution? What do you mean by that?” I ask, confused.
“I see you weren’t aware of the bylaw thirty-seven B comma five of our statute regarding Greek chapters on campus. A sorority or fraternity are allowed to have a chapter at Star Cove College as long as they have a suitable house on campus. Said house has to offer accommodation to at least two thirds of the chapter members. If for some unforeseen reason or an act of nature, an existing house is condemned, the sorority or fraternity will have a maximum of twelve months to rebuild. The new building of course will have to be compliant with…”
I stop listening.
This is the last thing we needed. Twelve months? It has been already over six weeks since the fire. And with the insurance delay and the new specs, there’s no way we’ll be able to rebuild in time to make that preposterous deadline.
I feel numb. It’s almost like an out of body experience. As if I could see myself sitting across from the Dean in his spacious, tastefully furnished office. On the outside, I look as if I’m actively participating in the conversation but in reality? I have no idea what else our school administrator is saying.
All I can think about is that maybe Bianca is right that I don’t deserve to be president.
Maybe I should resign and cut my losses while I still can. My legacy as president is already ruined. It’s bad enough to go down in history as the president under whose tenure the sorority house burned down. I don’t think my heart can take being remembered as the president who caused the Star Cove Zeta Theta Beta chapter to be closed down.
I know I didn’t personally set the house on fire, but anything that happened in the Zeta house was my responsibility.
Rebuilding is my responsibility.
I don’t even know how I make it back to the Gamma house. One second I’m shaking Dean Williams’s hand, and next thing I know, I’m walking back into the fraternity house.
For once I’m relieved that the house is quiet and empty. Most of the Gamma brothers are on the hockey team, so at this time in the afternoon, they must be at practice.
Normally I would confide in Cole, but I’m pretty sure he’s been avoiding me.
Come to think of it, both Cole and Jagger have been giving me a wide berth since the night of the after game party last week.
Could that have something to do with my very public argument with Ryker?
I shake my head, trying to clear the fog that makes it hard to think clearly.
It doesn’t make sense. That night, after my walk of shame back into the house, Cole slept in my bed.
Love fills my heart at the memory of his strong arms around me. His warmth was a safe haven. His solid body and his clean scent reminded me that with him by my side, nothing bad could ever really touch me. If Cole had disapproved of what I did with Jagger, he wouldn’t have been there to comfort me.
Jagger.
Just the thought of the Cove Knights flirty defenseman, causes my body to heat up and my pulse to quicken, settling between my legs in a needy thrum of liquid heat.
Could Jagger already be bored with me? Or maybe all his talk about equality between men and women when it comes to hookups is total bullshit and he thinks I’m nothing more than a puck bunny?
No.
That’s ridiculous. If that was the case, he wouldn’t have come to my room with Ryker to make him apologize.
Right?
Dammit. The memory of how Ryker apologized and how he and Jagger worked together to make me feel better, doesn’t help my heartbeat slow down to its normal rate.
If Jagger isn’t bored with me though, why has he been avoiding me too?
BAY
Since Cole is nowhere to be seen, there’s only one person who can help me make sense of the mess my life has become since I came back to campus.
I FaceTime my sister the second I close my bedroom door behind me.
“Hey Bay,” Lakyn’s smiling face greets me. “How are you, sweetie?”
Her smile warms me from the inside out. Looking at Lake is like looking in a mirror.
“Hey Lakey-Lake,” I force a smile on my own face. “Am I catching you at the wrong time?”
She’s in a huge bathroom, wrapped in a pink, fluffy robe and she’s doing her makeup.
“No, the guys are taking me out to dinner and I’m getting ready. But I always have time for you.”
“Are they taking you somewhere fancy?” I ask, noticing her perfect makeup.
I taught Lakyn how to do a cat eye eyeliner last year and I’m proud of how well she’s executing it.
“There’s this hotel at a resort called Pleasure Beach. It burned down a couple of years ago and it’s finally reopening with a huge gala. Of course the Warriors have been invited.”
Lakyn looks happy and I promise I’m not jealous. Not even a little bit. If anyone deserves all the happiness in the world, it's my sister.
However I don’t know if it’s that she has her life together when mine has literally gone up in flames, or her mention of a fire, but I burst into tears.
“Bay,” Lakyn immediately worries. “Babe, what’s going on? Please tell me what’s wrong or I’m going to ask Luigi to drive me to Star Cove rather than to downtown Bridgeport. I can be there in three hours.”
The genuine worry in her tone has the effect of making me cry harder. I shake my head, embarrassed as tears overwhelm me to the point that I’m wheezing as one desperate sob after another erupts from my lips.
“Fuck it,” Lakyn says. “Let me get dressed and call Luigi. I can let the guys know that there’s a change of plan while we drive.”
“No,” I manage to say through the tears. “You don’t need to cancel your plans on my account. I’m going to be fine. I just?—”
Lakyn knows about the fire at the Zeta house. It was all over the local news and social media, so it would have been impossible to keep it from her.
What I haven’t told her though is where I’ve been relocated since that fateful night.
It all comes out in a tearful confession. I spill everything. From moving into the Gamma house and in Topher’s former room, to my deal with Jagger. I end my story with the aftermath of my argument with Ryker.
I never thought I could shock Lakyn into silence, but my twin sister is staring at me with wide eyes. Her mouth opens and closes making her look like a fish out of water.
“I don’t even know what to say, Bay.” She finally utters, shaking her head in disbelief. “You moved in with the hockey team? In the frat house? But that isn’t even the most shocking thing you just said. I mean, what the actual fuck?”
I sigh. “I know, I know. Maybe offering to blow Jagger before every home game isn’t my brightest idea, but?—”
“I’m not judging you because of that,” she interrupts me.
“No?” I ask, surprised.
“Of course not.” She rolls her eyes. “You’re single and gorgeous and a total catch. If you want to be friends with benefits with an equally single and smoking hot hockey player, who am I to judge you? I just can’t believe you talked shit about my relationship with Jon when you weren’t in a better situation than I was.”
I hang my head, defeated. “I know and I owe you an apology, Lake. I just?—”
“I’m not really mad at you,” Lakyn interrupts me. “You were right. Everything you said and did last year helped me find Cash, Blaze and Luca. I owe it to you that I’m happier than I’ve ever thought possible. I’m not surprised that your ex is too fucking selfish to be good in bed. I mean, it’s Topher we’re talking about.”
I sigh. “Yeah, you’re right. He hasn’t always been a raging asshole, though. When we first met, he was so sweet, so romantic. He was thoughtful and kind and I made him wait for months before we slept together. You know I don’t sleep around, I just want sex to mean more than just sex. By the time I did sleep with Topher, I was already in love with him. He talked such a big game about how experienced he was that I thought there must have been something wrong with me if I didn’t come when we had sex.”
Lakyn nods. “Believe it or not, I get that. What I don’t understand is why you never told me. I thought we had no secrets from each other.”
Guilt weighs in my chest like a led balloon. “I just… I didn’t even really admit it to myself until I realized who Topher really was. I told myself that kissing and cuddling was enough and that the big o must have been some kind of urban legend. At first Topher put me on a pedestal and I never noticed how shitty he was to everyone else. I was so wrapped up in my power couple dream, that I convinced myself it didn’t matter if our physical relationship wasn’t amazing. After all, I had never been able to come with Brad either and we dated three years in high school. Topher used to get so impatient when his moves didn’t work on me. He made me think there was something wrong with me.”
Lakyn looks furious. “God, I’ve never wanted to kick your ex in the nuts as much as I do right now. And believe me, after all the shitty things he did to me and the guys last year, that’s definitely saying something.”
Just when I didn’t think I could love Lakyn anymore, her understanding and her support means everything to me. “Thanks, Lakey.” I say, feeling tearful again, because Jagger is the only other person I confided in. “I don’t know what to do,” I admit. “The Dean pretty much hates me. I think Bianca might have poisoned the well with him and I’m worried he’ll make rebuilding the house as difficult as possible.”
Everyone who knows us well, has always considered me the strong one. But they’re wrong. I’m just more outgoing, but Lakyn has a quiet strength I’ve admired since we were kids.
“Yeah, I’m sure Bianca must have told her daddy a shit ton of lies to make you look like the bad guy. When we all know the truth, her father might have no reason not to believe her.”
She’s right. “Yeah, but what do I do? Do I walk away from the Zetas and let her have the presidency? You weren’t there yesterday, I think some of the sisters really blame me for the fire.”
Lakyn is furious. “Absolutely not. Don’t you dare let Bianca win. I don’t have proof but I’m convinced she was behind those horrible posts about me last year.”
I don’t disagree with her, but the situation doesn’t change. “Even if the insurance pays us—and that’s debatable at this point—with all those new laws, the rebuild is going to be more expensive than I thought. And we only have until the end of next summer to do it. At this rate, we won’t even be able to start the works for months. Even if I put down every cent I have to my name as a deposit, I don’t think it would be enough.”
“I’m telling Luca,” Lake bites out. “He can talk to the Dean and he could lend you the money until the insurance comes through.”
I begin shaking my head even before she’s done speaking. “Absolutely not. I’m not taking Luca’s money. And what am I going to do if the insurance deems the fire intentional and they don’t pay? I can’t owe Luca that much money.” I use my firmest tone, before she can even try to convince me that Luca is going to be happy to help.
“Can I at least talk to him?” Lakyn pleads. “Maybe Luca can give you some advice on what to do?”
I already owe Luca after he let me stay on the royal yacht all summer. “No. I know how much that man loves you. If you tell him, he’ll find a way to have a house built to the Dean’s ridiculous specs overnight.”
My sister is so stubborn, we have that in common. “And that would be bad, how?”
I use my most serious look. “Lake. You have to promise.”
“Fine.” She finally relents. “But you can tell him yourself next week. You’re coming to the Knights game in Bridgeport, right? I can’t believe it was supposed to be two weeks ago but they moved the game. There was some problem with the cooling system at the arena and they had to close it until it could be fixed. I couldn’t believe that they reshuffled all the home games, I’ve been dying to see you.”
I sigh, feeling guilty. “I know. We’re only three hours away, I should have tried to drive up to Bridgeport regardless of the game.”
Lakyn’s gaze softens at my admission. “You’ve had a lot going on, sweetie. Between the house fire and a hot friend with benefits, I don’t blame you for not having time to come and see your little sister.”
I giggle. “Stop teasing me, Lake. We both know you hate it when I call myself your big sister.”
“Yeah, because it’s just by seven minutes. But seriously, I’ve been following the guys on the road and you’ve been busy getting all those mind blowing orgasms.”
The mention of orgasms, makes me immediately picture Jagger’s sexy smile and my heart clenches. “Yeah, about that. Maybe I’ll have plenty of time to come visit you, Lake. I have the horrible feeling Jagger is ignoring me. I’ve barely caught a glimpse of him all week.”
“The guys have a really full schedule once the hockey season starts. And don’t forget that they also have classes and tests and finals too. Last year I almost thought that Cash wanted to end things with me more than once, but he was just super busy. I bet it’s the same thing for Jagger.” Lakyn’s tone is reasonable and calm, unlike the panic that rises in the pit of my stomach at the memory of how Jagger hasn’t so much as said hello to me all week.
Right. What she’s saying makes total sense. Then why do I have the nagging feeling that there’s more to Jagger’s change of behavior than just a busy schedule? He’s in the room right next to mine. Even if he was too tired to spend time with me, a text doesn’t take more than a second.
Cole has been acting the same way too and I can’t help but thinking that there might be a connection here.
Rather than dwelling on the reasons why my friends are ghosting me, I decide to get back at Lakyn for teasing me. “I don’t know, Lake. I just feel like all my meaningful connections are weakening these days. Take me and you for instance. When you had your first orgasm, I felt it. How come you didn’t know it immediately when I hooked up with Jagger?”
Lakyn’s eye roll is so hard, I’m surprised her eyeballs don’t fall off. “Oh my God, Bay.” She groans. “Still with that twin connection theory? I call bullshit on that. How could you feel my orgasm when you just admitted you never had one until you hooked up with Jagger?”
I have an answer ready for that question.
“I didn’t have an orgasm per say, but my heartbeat quickened without an explanation and there was this warm tingling sensation spreading everywhere?—”
“Stop,” she laughs, blushing under the thin layer of her flawlessly applied foundation. “You’re messing with me now.”
I am, but not completely. I didn’t feel the way I just described, but I had a hunch. It’s hard to explain. Lakyn came to my mind all of a sudden and there was this positive, glowing feeling in my heart. I knew something good had happened to her. “I’m not,” I insist. “I always know when something good or bad happens to you. Maybe you couldn’t feel what happened to me because you’re in Bridgeport?”
“Are you saying that twin sixth sense has a mileage range?” Lakyn snorts.
“Maybe?” I grin. “But it’s a shame you couldn’t feel anything because Jagger is…”
I can’t find the words to describe it. Anything I could say wouldn’t give justice to the attraction between me and Jagger. When we’re in the same room, you can feel the electricity in the air.
But maybe it was just in my head and to him I’m nothing but a run of the mill, casual hookup.
“I’m glad you and Jagger had fun,” Lake says.
“But?” I know there’s a but from her tone.
“No buts,” she shrugs. “I just always thought you’d end up with Cole, if you had the sense to dump Topher. I think you two would be perfect together.”
Emotion clogs my throat as I try to keep the sudden tears the well in my eyes from falling. “You know,” I admit. “I think I’ve always been in love with Cole. I was just in denial for the longest time because I had a boyfriend. But Lake, I swear, he doesn’t feel the same way about me. I think he might find me physically repulsive.”
Lakyn’s reaction is immediate. “Shut the front door. Not to be arrogant, but have you looked at yourself? You’re a knockout, Bay. An eleven out of ten. And that’s without considering your intelligence, your big heart and your wicked sense of humor.”
Her words fill my heart and my throat burns as those tears cause my eyes to burn with the need to fall. “Funny you should say that, since we’re identical.” I tease her to deflect from my emotions.
“Duh,” she argues. “That’s why there was a disclaimer there, Bay. We might look identical when I get dolled up, but you don’t even need makeup to look stunning. There’s a reason why everyone has always said you were the pretty twin.”
She’s wrong. “No Lake. You’re the pretty one. And you put up with my crazy ass?—”
“What I’m trying to say,” she interrupts me. “Is that you’re beautiful. Cole loves you as a friend, but there’s no way he hasn’t noticed that you wouldn’t be out of place in a Hollywood blockbuster.”
“Coulda fooled me,” I can’t help the bitterness in my tone. “You should have seen the look in his eyes when Topher gave him that chip and challenged him to kiss me. I think he would have looked less disgusted if he had been dared to eat crickets or something weird like that.”
Lakyn isn’t convinced. “Maybe he felt put on the spot and he didn’t want to kiss you for the first time in front of half the school?”
“I don’t know, maybe.” I say, thinking about the way he was dancing with me at the last Gamma party. For a second I thought he was going to kiss me, before Topher barged in. “But he brought a date to that party. He always has a girl or two on his arm. So I don’t think he sees me that way.”
Didn’t I already say that my sister is stubborn?
“Yeah, but you had a boyfriend until five minutes ago, Bay. You haven’t seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is watching him.”
I wish I could believe her. “Right. That’s debatable. Anyway, maybe the fact that he doesn’t want more than a friendship is a blessing in disguise. If he did, I’d have to end things with Jagger and I’m not ready to do that. Unless obviously Jagger is done with me.”
Mischief dances in Lakyn’s blue eyes. “Aren’t Jagger and Cole really good friends?”
I don’t know why that matters. “Yeah. Aside from me, Jagger is Cole’s best friend. Why?”
My sister’s smile widens. “Maybe you could keep seeing them both. They’re teammates and can you think how it would be if they worked together to make you feel good?”
Heat rises to my face at the memory of Ryker’s apology and how hot it was to be sandwiched between him and Jagger plays in the back of my mind like an x-rated movie.
“Bay?” Lakyn’s eyes narrow with suspicion. “Is there something you aren’t telling me? Spill.”
It’s my turn to roll my eyes. “Go figure. That’s when your twin sixth sense decides to make an appearance, huh?”
“Maybe it’s a selective sixth sense, who knows?” she teases.
I come clean about what must have been the hottest hour of my life. As usual, I don’t spare any details. Lakyn and I have never had any secrets from each other.
“Holy shit,” her eyes are as wide as saucers. “Maybe it’s destiny. You could end up with three amazing guys, just like I have.”
I guess a girl can dream. “Or this whole thing will blow up in my face.” I say, thinking that Jagger and Cole started ignoring me right after Ryker’s apology. “Maybe Jagger is judging me because I let Ryker join us? And if he told Cole, maybe that’s why he won’t talk to me?”
Lakyn looks furious. “Seriously? You think they might be slut shaming you?”
“I don’t really think that,” I bite out.
Or at least, Jagger and Cole would be hypocrites if they did, since their hookups with multiple girls are legendary around campus.
I just don’t know what else to think and that would be an easier explanation to accept than the alternative. It would hurt way more if Cole found me repulsive and Jagger had simply gotten bored with me. Ryker is a completely different matter. I think he likes me, he did from the second we met at the airport, but for some reason he’s holding back.
“The thing is,” I finally say to Lakyn. “I have enough on my plate to agonize over men who run hot and cold for no reason or have put me forever in the friend zone. Anyway, tomorrow the Cove Knights have a home game. So Jagger shouldn’t ignore me if he wants to win.”
Lakyn looks shocked. “Are you still going to blow him even if he’s been ghosting you?”
I nod, my mind made up. “We have a deal, right?”
My sister shakes her head. “I’ll be looking forward to hearing how that goes. I’m going to be in Seattle with the guys this weekend and then in Vancouver. Do you want to set a time to call me?”
“No babe,” I sigh. “My schedule this week is full to the brim. I have a few very challenging classes, a pop quiz and I need to take a better look to those plans the Dean gave me if I have any chance in hell to figure out a course of action to keep the Zetas in Star Cove. I’ll see you next weekend?”
Lakyn smiles. “You bet your sweet little ass you will. You’re staying the night since the game is on a Saturday. The guys don’t play that night, so they’re all coming to watch their old team. I can’t wait to squeeze you, sis.”
I miss her so much that my heart physically hurts. “Good luck trying to get me to let you go once I get my arms around you, Lakey-Lake. I love you.”